How many parsecs in par, Secretary Kerry?

The basement supercomputer has been acting up again.

Sadly, it woke me up from cryogenic sleep, where I had been snoozing for over 25,000 years, resting in SpaceShip Earth while creeping in spirals ever so slowly to my next stop on the way back home.

YAWN!  Where are we?

Hmm…this looks interesting.  But…what’s this?

Where are the cave people?

Where are the hunters and gatherers?

What language do they speak after we gave them a new vocabulary to go with the current (or previous, if you will) generation of central nervous system?

Looks like I’m going to adjust my future prediction algorithm slightly to accommodate the conditions that put me no longer in bottom of an anonymous hill and instead in the middle of…what do they call it?  A suburban neighbourhood?

Excuse me.  What is the name for this structure?  A semi-d?  Okay, thanks.

It’s interesting, comparing my expectations to their reality.

According to my algorithm, the newborns should have mastered their alphabets and numbering system in utero.

Instead, they’re still taking years to master the basics of innerspecies communications.

Let’s see…how is their interspecies communications?

Excuse me.  What is that tree saying?  ‘Go hug a root, you green environazi treehugger’?  No, it’s saying that it’s hungry.

Looks like another major tweak is in order.

Oh well, the supercomputer was right.  I did need to wake up just now, didn’t I?

A few twists of the dial, a few reconnections of grass and tree root networks and we’ll have Spaceship Earth back in tiptop shape before I return to the dream of dreams where I’m home, no longer managing a planet as my transportation device, quietly rubbing what you might possibly call elbows to reproduce our kind and wallowing in battery acid baths for exoskeleton rejuvenation.

Supercomputer, I’m ready if you are.  The cicadas are offering their wonderful soothing bedtime music.

Three….

Two…

One..

Zzzzzzzz.

The Map! The Map!

Guinevere wants me to write about her.

Other characters wait their turn.

Words fail me today, my fast-food-sized menu of a vocabulary and grammaticalarianiamistically-challenged phrases.

The hallowed echoes of a hollow hall, where eight enthusiastic faces sang dressed in black not madrigals, regaled us with their ringing voices last night.

The sanctuary of church has only one purpose for me — meditation upon the infinite.

How you anthropomorphise the infinite is your concern, not mine.

Rather, your concern interferes with my meditation.

A cathedral ceiling should reflect the echoes of pipe organs and windpipes.

Sermons are for those without a voice of their own.

Church was once the social sewing machine that stitched subcultures together at the family and community levels.

Now that recorded music and other aspects of church life are available on a pick-and-choose-at-your-convenience at your local convenience store where wafers (leavened and unblessed) meet your bodily needs, the reasons that some went to church are met away from the edifice.

My thoughts are my sanctuary, my heaven and hell.  An author is quoted as saying, “You don’t have a soul.  You are a soul. You have a body.,” allegedly C.S. Lewis the entertainer.

Last night, the Huntsville Collegium Musicum invited the community to hear early choral music in Covenant Presbyterian Church at 7:30 p.m., an invitation I found at 6:30 p.m. while looking online at al.com for events to attend and get me out of a house whose cathedral ceiling echoed with the sounds of recorded television shows.

Grumpily, my wife agreed to go with me, sans (le) dîner.

Happily, I drove her there.

The program consisted of religious and secular music.

There were no church social calendar announcements, no children’s Bible lesson, no Karaoke Jesus, no cappuccino and Christ, and no sermon.

It was heaven on Earth!

I closed my eyes and felt the soundwaves bounce against me (my wife saw colours and emotions dancing when her eyes were closed).

I opened my eyes and watched the physical manifestation of  joy on the singers’ faces flow through their bodies and out of their mouths which changed shape to shape musical notes and sung words.

This is the one and only purpose for a church.  All the rest — the Sunday school lessons, the social outreach, the weekend retreats — has no meaning to me.

[Except for the one small detail that my wife of 26+ years I met at summer camp (Holston Presbytery Camp in Banner Elk, NC) when we were 12 years old so, yeah, I owe a debt of gratitude to the whole social environment of religion (co-ed summer campers in the woods reading the Bible and sharing sleeping bags?  how disgraceful!) that put us two together (but don’t worry, Church Lady, we didn’t kiss until after my wife turned 19).]

After my wife and I ate at a VERY LOUD restaurant called Drake’s, which killed any reverent mood we were in but filled our bellies, we returned home, suffered through many a lame skit on SNL for a few good laughs and turned on the main computer in the living room to play early choral music and listen to the echoes bouncing off the cathedral ceiling.

Some of my neighbours still get up on Sunday mornings to gather socially at whatever version of church they prefer.

This here, in front of a computer screen, is my church, the litanies composed in my thoughts rolled out in the holy text of a limited vocabulary, my wife sleeping with our cats at the other end of our country cabin of a house in the woods, within miles of native American burial mounds and hallowed cemeteries.

To last night’s singers, I salute you.

You make the long, lonely, expensive trip to celestial bodies worth the effort.

Which reminds me, if killing eliminating others cleanses my soul, what am I going to do if I’m the only living soul on Mars whose zest for living — his savoirfaire, his je ne sais quoi, his fly in the coffee of his petit dejeuner — is so strong that snuffing out Earth-based lifeforms will be his only salvation?

Will you survive to read the next blog entry?

And if you do, will you serve as a humorous aside, hero amidst tragedy, lone wolf , space pioneer, Bright, ascetic, or salt of the earth?

Mystery to solve, solvents to mist

My grandfather was a man of more happiness than monetary wealth.

He reasoned, my father told me, that knowledge is the heated, padded seat in the outhouse of life — you can’t find the swallowed diamond until you sift through a lot of BS.

Granddaddy kept a lot of secrets along the way of gathering facts.

One day, while standing the backyard, looking at the canal but, in his thoughts, staring out at the sea, a fellow old seaman walked up to Granddaddy and told him a wild tale about a plot of land up in New Hampshire owned by a family named Winthrop something or other.

The land itself was not remarkable except for one small fact — every 100 years, a bright light appeared on the horizon, rose into the sky and shone down on a certain spot of the family plot.

My grandfather, ever the realist, asked why the seaman was sharing this information with a sailor and not someone more authoritative.

Well, this seaman, he was known in those parts for his notorious behaviour, having crossed paths with the law a few too many times, but he didn’t mind sharing this information with my grandfather, a nice man who had only beaten this fellow a few times in acey-deucey.

My grandfather asked what the man knew about the farm.

“It’s not exactly a farm.  Not anymore.  A few years ago, they converted it to a golf course.”

My grandfather had a soft place in his fact-filled thoughts for the irrational sport of golf.  “Okay, so tell me what you know about this light.  Anything you know for a fact?”

The man shared a document with my grandfather.

Yellowed and torn, the document described a treasure that was like no treasure that had been seen before — not only a map of the stars but instructions for how to travel through space from one planet to another.

My grandfather was a loving, trusting man but he had his skeptical side, too.

What proof did the man have that the document was authentic?

The man said that his grandfather had worked on the farm and found the document buried in the wall of an old, abandoned well, long since dug up and removed from history.  No one living knew about its existence.

The man said that the next 100-year visit was fast approaching.  All the man asked was that my grandfather visit the golf course, take pictures and share whatever information he gleaned.

Granddaddy was also a curious man, having learned that behind every legend or myth is a nugget of truth.

He had already accumulated enough material wealth to last the rest of his lifetime, but what about the lifetimes of his son and his grandchildren?

He accepted the document, bid the man goodbye and, when my grandmother returned from her garden club meeting, suggested they consider taking a vacation to New England in the next year.

My father had heard this story only a few times from my grandfather, assuming it was more parable or metaphorical tale than anything real.

Dad told me that in every life we’ll encounter people who belief wholeheartedly in family lore.  We are not to disapprove or discourage these people from holding their stories on the highest pole, flying them as flags of faith and family honour.

Dad said that Granddaddy promised the story would have a happy ending but he wouldn’t tell my father what was discovered one night in New Hampshire, only that a few photographs he took barely document the event which cemented my grandfather’s belief in one fellow sailor’s tall tale.

Dad didn’t have an ending to share with me.

However, he did said that Granddaddy hinted the answer would be found on his property in south Florida.

Lo and behold, I think I have the first evidence of that fateful, faith-filled evening.

I present to you, dear reader, the images to which my grandfather eluded:

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I have more to go through to determine if the map and other information are in the chest and I’m just not seeing it.

How much pain are you willing to take to achieve your goal?

Looking at a map of planet Earth, Guinevere traced the ribbons, ellipses and circles of fresh water with her eyes.

Old riverbeds showed up unexpectedly.

Towns followed geographic terrain more often than not.

Military bases popped up in urban and sparse landscapes.

A single drop of water contained more living beings than could be counted in a single second.

Why does water cover the surface of the planet?

Why do we breathe air (low-humidity gas) instead of water?

Why is Russia such a large country and Africa a such a large continent of small countries?

So much water on one planet and practically none on another…sigh…

The blue orb of Earth shows little evidence of our species’ impact from the viewpoint of Mars.

Why did it take so long for us to get here, settling down to the business of putting Earth behind us and the galaxy ahead of us?

Just because of water?  That’s all?  That’s all there is to life?

Why is Greenland covered with so much frozen water?

Why is Mars not?

When did we learn to adapt dehydrated versions of ourselves to the Martian environment?

Doesn’t seem that long ago…

There once was a guy named Bill…

Usually, I find myself at company-sponsored leisure activities trying to figure out what I’m doing at company-sponsored leisure activities and why I’m thinking about why I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing at company-sponsored leisure activities, giving my thoughts an exercise in wondering, thinking and trying, but not always in that order.

Today, while just on the verge of creating an internal structure in the shape of mantra made of the above thoughts, up walked beside me a man named Bill.

I don’t know Bill well.  I know of him by reputation and through appearances at his company-sponsored leisure activities, he being a co-founder of the company that sponsored today’s leisure activities.

Bill is an honest man whom I trust implicitly and explicitly, without question.

As a member of the board of directors of his company, Bill is used to being in the public eye.

His health is as important to the company as it is to his family and him.

I looked at Bill’s face this morning, noticing that there seemed to be more blood flowing through his system — his face was redder than it was at the Christmas party but something else about his face concerned me.

His complexion was not as healthy-looking as it had been several weeks back at an American Heart Association walk sponsored in part by his company.

Turns out that Bill had subsequently suffered a viral infection and spent several days in the hospital to get his temperature back near normal after he had worked with a pile of mulch in his yard.

I could write several blog posts about the value of mulch.  In fact, my wife and I used to volunteer at the Huntsville Botanical Garden on Saturday mornings to collect monetary donations in exchange for loads of mulch dumped in the back of truck beds and small trailers, the mulch mainly composed of decomposed leaves and twigs scooped up alongside roadways after having been raked to the curb by homeowners in autumn.

Mulch and humus (not hummus (or humour (or vapors (or femurs)))) are valuable components of one’s garden.

One may wish to set up a mulch or compost pile that includes not only leaves and twigs but also kitchen scraps and other organic material.

Bill was not overly concerned about mulch’s benefits.

No, he had apparently picked up a virus that had hitched a ride in a pile of mulch and was wreaking (and reeking) havoc on his body.

Keep in mind that Bill had quadruple-bypass surgery not that long ago.  Within four days of the surgery, he could walk several miles so he’s not all that out of shape.

Bill looked me in the eye.

There was something more he wanted to share with me.

Bill pulled out his mobile phone and showed pictures of his new acquisition, a 1959 Corvette.

Instantly envious, despite initially thinking it was a Thunderbird, I leaned closer toward him.  What was so special about this car to Bill that he wanted to show the pictures to a complete stranger?

Bill said he had always wanted a Corvette.

Of course, our material dreams are often displaced by other priorities.

As Bill pointed out, the year after the last of his kids finished college, he put a swimming in his yard, along with deck.  He invited the kids over and asked them what they saw.  They saw a pool.  He corrected them — this was what their annual college tuition had been costing him and now he was spending it on something he and his now fully empty-nested wife wanted.

Of course, it was an investment the kids could enjoy, too.

Of course, of course.

But Bill still desired the Corvette.

Before he went in for the bypass surgery, Bill told his wife, “When I get out of this surgery, I’m going to buy myself a Corvette,” in part to give himself something positive to look forward to after such an ordeal, not really meaning it as much.

Well, his wife held him to his word, making sure he had recovered enough from the surgery to remind him of his promise to himself.

Bill found the Corvette online, located physically not far away in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.

The car is not perfect, has been repainted and needs TLC — the soft top seal should be replaced, for instance.

At a distance, however, it looks brand-new.

Bill has a way to go to achieve the level of post-surgery health that will ensure he lives many years longer.

Unfortunately, the viral infection and hospital stay delayed his planned physical rehabilitation.

Bill’s honesty with others reaches his inner self, where he knows that he has neglected his bodily needs in order to sacrifice himself for the greater good, for the bigger community outside his immediate family and inner circle of influence.

For Bill, now is his time, time to devote to his wife and himself, to spend some selfish moments reaping the rewards of years of success and hard work.

Our lives are shorter than we think they will be.

Bill, you deserve these moments of happiness, of less stress, of giving your trust to the employees who continue the legacy you started.

Your Corvette and your Austin Healey 3000 kit with 350CI Chevy engine are ready for your full attention and fun-filled driving adventures.

Enjoy the open road, see the sites, revisit old hangouts and come back with tall tales about your new friends.

We’ll be here, waiting with virtual pen and ink in hand.

To your health, whatever you choose to do about it!

When you want to love a sport but it wants you to hate it, be a good sport and say goodbye!

Growing up, I was taught to be a motorsports fan and NASCAR was the motorsports of choice in my family.

My father took me, as a child, to “minor league” NASCAR races at the local track on Friday.

My grandfather turned the TV to national NASCAR races on Sunday after church.

As an adult, I attended open-wheeled racing events with Dad but NASCAR was still a common topic between us.

However, somewhere along the way, the people who run the show at NASCAR have turned me into a NASCAR hater.  I really dislike watching the event on TV and have grown tired of the noise at a live race.

I used to enjoy rooting and rallying enthusiasm for my favorite drivers but then, somewhere along the way, the fans started yelling at each other and booing their least favorite drivers.

It was enough to turn me off from the whole show.

Then the NASCAR organizers decided to up the hate even more, pretending the races were some kind of real sport and technological regulatory nightmare in return.

So, I stopped watching.

I was glad that Richard Petty, Alan Kulwicki and Jeff Gordon were my favorite drivers.

Now, it doesn’t matter.

The headlines that pop up showing yet another female driver being a “maverick” on the racetrack or the attempt to create another non-stock-car variant of racecar turn me further from even thinking about paying attention to the driver standings or watching the races.

But they do get me to comment about my lost childhood and the joy of cheering for both local and national drivers.

C’est la vie, NASCAR.  Adios. You oversold the concept of bland racecars and pretty-boy/girl drivers — the empty seats show that those of us with limited incomes have more interesting things to do with our time and money than support your infighting and pretense with setting your rules and then proving your worth by punishing innovation within your ranks.

Richard Petty was right.  The stock car died a long time ago and would eventually take NASCAR down with it.

I laugh in your face and spit on your so-called sport. Ptooie!

More about Dava Newman’s BioSuit

History is historic.

To put it in perspective, the goal is to combine a viable space suit and prosthetics to reduce the need for a fully biological human to participate in space exploration missions.

Thus, the bombs at the end of the Boston Marathon are part of the greater mission.

Putting the blame on some person or persons is a secondary function required to give Earthlings a feeling of justice served.

Anything else — fertilizer factory fires, earthquakes, etc — is a diversion to feed the various subpopulations their needs and wants — emotional attachment, hero worship, and so on.

Surrounding the barn with farmhands after the horses have escaped…

The problem, Guinevere found, was deciding whether she was in a game or whether she was the game.

That’s the problem.

But then what about her status as a muse?

Hadn’t she posed for a set of photographs?

Those are the questions.

Who was the artist who would make her as permanent a fixture in history as any muse before?

What is art?

Are the men who bombed a marketplace considered artists?

What about the huge explosion in West, Texas?  Is that art?

Were the designers of the atomic bomb that flattened Hiroshima artists?

Is surburban sprawl art?

A mud puddle covered with a sheen of oil has artistic lines, does it not, even if the oil will kill the bird soaked to death in oil’s gooey grip.

Dava Newman BioSuit

Guinevere looked up at the Martian sky once more.

She checked her internal calendar, verifying that the 4th of May was not that far off.

Then what?

Why did she keep comparing her days on Mars to an Earth-based calendar?

Hadn’t she left all that behind?

Decades ago, by Earth standards.

Guinevere kicked one boot against another and leapt into the air, arching over the outpost, heading out to a hillside, a secluded place of meditation, a luxury that she shared with a few, a xeriscaped garden of peace and quiet, away from the hustle and bustle of the colony.

What does it take to be a muse these days?

Moving the plot to the next scene

The question for anyone who has achieved the primary objective is…

  • Go down in a blaze of glory?
  • Eat a bullet in private?

And then…?

Well, life goes on.

The Antares rocket team members want to complete their mission.

Planet searchers want to focus on life elsewhere.

Habitat builders want to use local material to establish colonies on distant shores.

These are the times that try our belief sets.

Stay focused.

Genre

My wife and I watched “The Departed” a few nights ago.  We had planned to watch it the evening before the Boston Marathon but opted for finishing a film already showing on the tellie, Torn Curtain.

Why “The Departed”?

Well, it’s that plate-of-shrimp type thing.

You know what I mean — you want a straight good guy/bad guy movie, go to the theatre and watch “Olympus Has Fallen,” only to have your interest piqued in another movie because of previews discussing the career of Mark Wahlberg.

Even though Leo D and Matt D are not your favourite actors, you agree to watch a film about crime, cops, corruption and punishment in the south Boston area.

Then, as luck would have it (I can’t say that the phrase “better bad luck than no luck at all” applies to the local crime scene on the streets of Boston right now), your interest is raised higher due to the conflux of life imitating art, art imitating life, life imitating life and art imitating immigration control acts with as much likelihood of passing as gun control acts in the Senate but maybe as much as the CISPA cybersecurity bill in the House of Representatives.

While the world watches video clips of potential suspects of the Boston Massacre Part Deux, we have little in the way of interest in the U.S. of the faces on bombing perpetrators in Iraq or Afghanistan.

Such is the power of the Western mass media owners, advertisers and viewers who want to prove their peaceful way of life is best.

Now, tell me again, which companies, according to Forbes, are the tops in the world right now? Chinese banks, ICBC and China Construction Bank.

I won’t wax the philosophical surfboard and ride waves of meditation upon the rise and fall of company values and families based on shaky loans and house-of-cards economics.

Instead, I take off my hat and bow my head, in respect, to the recently departed.

For them, there is no future on celestial bodies.

For them, our celestial body futures are dedicated.

For them and the billions before them.

There is no imitation for life, no substitute, no art form that replaces our loved ones.

But art and imitations can teach a lesson.

Are you listening?  Paying attention? Can you afford the cost?