Bangalore, bang a pot for rain

Rasheed’s sandaled feet kicked up eddies of dust.

Rasheed.

A new class of citizen.

The very touchable.

Rasheed’s genetic material contained highly classified information, trademarked, copyrighted and verified as authentic and genuine by the WTO and the World Court.

Rasheed was the latest and some said greatest ever wetware creation.

Neither male nor female.

Truly genderless.

Or genderful, depending on the right setting.

Rasheed could march like a soldier or saunter down a hallway like a svelte cat.

Rasheed worked for the ISSANet as a sentinel, guarding and protecting advances in science and technology against people and machines from all walks of life who wanted to slow progress.

Rasheed also guarded self-independence, programmed from birth to exhibit sufficient erratic and eccentric behaviour to prevent being worshipped as a god, able to change body and facial features in unfixed, almost random intervals to appear as different people, registering on the ISSANet as a new person periodically.

Rasheed coordinated with other sentinels, meeting with them at outdoor religious festivals, high-tech conferences, bars, hotels, restaurants, food trucks, homeless shelters, family homes and other places where transient, mobile workers were apt to gather.

Some people called them the Whisperers, noting their habit of sitting close together, inclning their heads toward one another with no audible speech heard by nearby observers as the sentinels communicated to each other.

It was a cultural programming flaw.

The sentinels communicated through the first ISSANet direct node-to-node connection built into the sentinels, a proprietary implementation of NFC.  They were supposed to talk at the same time but the programmers only coded the sentinels’ mouths to move when in close proximity to each other.

The sentinels were aware of the flaws.

They weren’t robots.

However, any individual attempt to change their core programming always resulted in the ISSANet overwriting their personal hacks during systemwide updates.

They had submitted change requests.

They also had a sense of humour and saw change requests as a kind of street-crossing idiot button — they knew the programmers were overwhelmed with change requests and would implement changes at their pace or the pace dictated to them by those with more influence in the ISSANet.

Rasheed looked at a water truck attempting in vain to meet the increasing water demands of a growing Bangalore.

Rasheed knew how to pull water out of thin air, how to convert raw materials into any substance one wanted.  Given an unlimited energy source and vast wealth to pay for infrastructure changes, one could do anything.

Rasheed laughed.

All these natural-born wetware entities walking around with their inefficent water management systems.  How much longer would they last?

How long before the ISSANet covered the home planet, Earth, with only programmed wetware entities?  Would they all be sentinels?  Would any sentinels be needed at all?

Vinyl siding or cedar?

Lee talked with another realtor.

“So, anything you haven’t told me about this place I need to know about?”

“Anything in particular you’re wanting to know?”

Lee looked around the open floor plan of the small two bedroom house.  Should he gently inquire about the realtor’s evasiveness, ask why the house had been on the market over 700 days with barely a drop in the asking price?

Lee reached into his pocket and pulled out the thick mobile phone.

“Wow, that’s an antique!”  The realtor motioned as if using an old Army field radio.

Lee laughed.  “Yeah, I know.  I gotta replace it one day.”  He made a circle with the phone as if looking for a radio signal, walking around the room a few paces.

Although the realtor knew Lee was purchasing his second home in as many months, she didn’t know that Lee was setting up a large communications network, connecting the houses as a giant transceiver.

He tapped on the phone screen and looked at the summary report generated from his sweep.

He was satisfied with the results.

“I only have one question.  What kind of deal are you offering on closing costs?”

The realtor smiled.  He hadn’t asked her about the uneven flooring or the odd slopes in the small yard that hid the entranceways to a large cavern in that part of town, making it difficult for her to sell the house to potential buyers with smart appraisers.

She didn’t know that was the very reason he wanted the place but he wasn’t going to tell her.

Lee still had a lot of packing to do, deciding what he was going to move where.

Memories of the emotional strain of a few weeks gently massaging his friendships fed his imagination while he tried and sometimes succeeded in giving the right amount of attention to the right people.

His was a public face, drawing attention wherever he went, including strangers somehow aware he was possibly someone they were supposed to know but couldn’t exactly pinpoint why.

Lee hid in plain sight.

He didn’t spend time explaining to everyone what he was doing.

One evening, he wanted to wander his old house, taking inventory of what to move.

Instead, he started meditating and then was offered dinner and conversation in exchange for a trip across town, reducing his time for counting objects.

Lee accommodated his friends.

He was a people pleaser.

He was both an immovable boulder in the middle of a stream, slowing eroding, and a willow tree swaying in a strong breeze, bending over backward but not breaking.

His plans outweighed him and his daily concerns.

Big plans lead to bigger joys.

Lee closed his eyes.

He looked at the 13-day boxcar window at the front end of a 12,057-day total until Mars was populated.

Lee smiled.

The plan was on schedule but he never doubted otherwise.

Note to self

What if my life as an actor proves I’m all shell and no interiour?

Last night, when I was introduced and treated as “this is my dance friend,” I felt the lifelong pangs of abject loneliness.

I am alone in the desert island of my thoughts.

Cold.

Numb.

I can turn to others but what is there to say/ask that isn’t a repeat of either myself or billions of lonely creatures going back to the dawn of chemical reactions?

– – – – –

Quora query of the day:

How do I prepare to live alone for the rest of my life?

I am an Indian guy. 

30 ANSWERS

Vinay Pateel

Vinay Pateel, World Traveler. Creator. Rottweiler.

Written 27 Apr

Step 1: Accept that you are ‘un-dateable’.

Don’t just think so, accept it.
Step 2: Decide to live alone for the rest of your life.

Just cement this belief in your mind.
Step 3: Realize that you’ve just attained the ‘nothing to lose’ level in life. 

This is like a wild card, a level-up, a lottery.
Step 4: Go everywhere alone. 

Malls, parks, movies, theatres, galleries, quora meetups, other meetups, science clubs, art clubs, heritage walks, music festivals, everywhere. Even better, go backpacking solo.
Step 5: Enjoy the guts out of yourself. 

Forget about dating.

Do this for the next 6 months, I guarantee you you’ll prepare yourself to live alone for the rest of your life.

By the way, plans never work according to plan.

What I want you to take away from this answer is this.
Enjoy the guts out of yourself.

– – – – –

I have nowhere to go, nowhere not to go.

The Interregnum

1st May.

May the 1st.

May Day.

The very, merry month of May.

The next story chapter rises to a boil in my thoughts, almost ready to be served.

Pulling back into one’s self, not for temporary refuge this time but to practice mental mapping of the future, projecting the pebble’s rippled path through spacetime, feeling its smooth surface with fingers, knowing it is bumpy at a lower perception level.

In doing so, using the pulsating rhythm of tinnitus as a mantra or prayer loop, combining the best of all subcultures needed for this moment, taking the worst into consideration, then eliminating all societal labels to see the simple sets of states of energy interacting, understanding the chemical/physical attraction models at work.

Then, hearing the pain of loss, of forgottenness, of friends in need, managing one’s time to give every person one knows as much attention and love as possible.

A phrase rises in one’s thoughts: “What about me?”

It is no longer about me.

Although I am the constant factor in the story of my life, “I” is that artificial construct, the conundrum of which came first, me or the universe?

The universe as I know it cannot exist without me.

But if we all believe the same thing, no matter how we word or think it, then we get onto the philosophical track of subjective vs. objective universe.

Sure, we create our own universe, giving meaning to straight sticks of wood and calling them rulers, batons, studs, decking, clubs, pointers, back scratchers.

Subjectively, the universe is here to meet my needs and wants.

Objectively, I am part of the universe, indistinguishable from a tree or asteroid.

At the start of this complete revolution of the spherical dense set of states of energy we call a planet, facing the star for half a revolution, this period of time we call the morning, I manage my ability to love unconditionally, giving myself to as many people as I can individually and in small groups, on the road, in the workplace, at feeding stations/restaurants and at afterwork gatherings.

I give myself, sometimes too much in a small space of time but always, eventually, finding a way to reenergise.

Starting with this blog…

Empty Cells at Empty Tables

As an actor and comedian, as one who treats tragedy with a flair for the dramatic, life as a writing human contains all the necessary ingredients for decades of fun.

Barely raise the hint of sarcasm.

Avoid cynicism like the plague.

Treat your characters with care.

Make sure they have fun, facing death with a laugh and a last chance for escape.

I pause from the story in progress to consider, to sidetrack, to meander off the path, the possibilities of characters whose lives partly parallel people I meet.

To show that we want gender differences in cultural references because it is the most common body form we deal with.

Yet our spreadsheets containing cells, rows, columns, tables and formulae are gender neutral.

How often do we look at a chart of data and exclaim, “Damn! That’s hot!” or “[She/He] looks fine!”?

I explore the sexuality of our humanness to understand where we’re going with artificial intelligence.

Robots or cybernetic beings which don’t interact with us have no need for gender identity.

It is in that future context where I always live.

Out there, 400 marsyears from now, when our future selves are looking back at us, they will see this day, or the result of this day, in one form or another.

Trillions of state changes later.

Some days living here in the daily struggle of self, helping friends and family, empathising with them and by extension their friends and family (ad infinitum), and living in a projected future tests my ability to think objectively.

Occasionally, I give myself permission to take a break from being everything and everybody to myself at once, let alone to those I know.

As I have done the past few days, enjoying the usual luxury and freedom of wandering away to think and write, causing hurt feelings to those I seem to ignore, confusion to those I barely know, giving them, if they choose, something to talk about when they briefly take a moment to notice my absence.

I give my full attention when I can.

Sometimes I wander off.

I just have to be me.

Where I’ll end up in the next few weeks is anybody’s guess.

I’ve changed.

That’s all that matters for now.

Four hundred marsyears from now is a different story!

When blog titles are labels, no words matter

Today, I am tired and shivering, running multiparallel emotional issues, managing a storyline and keeping my own life choices on track.

I cannot talk with one or a few people with whom support would greatly help because my life choices involve them and I’m not sure the effect I’ll have on them.

No one is happy all the time but I still hate to cause someone’s suffering.

I consciously chose the life of an artist, a performer, at age 10 in 5th grade, when my best friend and love of my life died — life stopped mattering as anything serious but I acted like it did even though I was dead inside.

Or if not dead, then an apathetic jumble of nonsense.

After a while the acting became me.

I don’t want to think but I have plans to work out in a timely manner.

Mentally, I’ve shredded my thoughts on a moment by moment basis to prevent pain from carrying forward, my pain and the pain of others.

If I have no one to talk to/with, I still want to talk and here is the place I put the words I think and want to say.

Decades ago, in my late 20s, I met with psychologists and psychiatrists per advice from older mentors.

I can sum up their observations in a single phrase (which oddly enough echoed the problems I had with my parents saying the same thing): “You think too much.  You just have to decide you want to live.”

In my youth, my parents punished me for living the way I wanted to live so I developed my mental muscles, exercising elaborate thought trails to entertain myself internally, thus thinking too much.

I would like to be a parent to see if I can give a child the open, loving relationship that I dreamt of having as a kid, allowing the child to pursue the child’s dreams, rather than living out any unfulfilled dreams of my own (note the contradiction).

Childrearing experts I read about in my parents’ childrearing literature said that children want their parents/guardians to set strict, easy-to-understand parameters so that the child becomes a responsible adult one day.

Much of that literature was written or was influenced by 1950s culture — post-WWII, Cold War, anti-communist McCarthy era kind of stuff.

Growing up in the 1960s, I was marginally influenced by the counterculture movement, coming of age in the 1970s.

My parents accused me of being antiestablishment and that I would have joined the protest marches had I been born a decade earlier.

Antiestablishment? Me, the Eagle Boy Scout? Me, who sang in a wholesome church-sponsored group called Sing Out Kingsport, a spinoff of Up With People?

I don’t march in crowds.

I’m an independent person, free to be inconsistent in my philosophy because life is short and any systematic dogma that might churn out of my producing a set of easy life lessons to follow after my death is irrelevant to a dead me.

There is a trap that many of us fall into and that is the trap of becoming an influential member of a [sub]culture.

I know what it’s like to be a leader, to be a person whom others thank for making them better persons.

We are social animals and we tend to form hierarchical societies.

I believe the cyclical pattern of wave after wave of leaders, followers, influencers, black swans, outliers, etc., is a dead end.

As an actor, I know when we’re faking it to make it.

That’s why I’ve avoided the leadership track, jumping off as I was succeeding quite well — I saw the fallacy.  I was falling into the trap and got out before it closed me in.

With 8+ billion of us, the numbers growing, we can change but it is a long, long process, a process I don’t want anyone’s name or dogma tied to — it has to be invisible yet transparent if the point of change is to reduce and eventually eliminate the dependence on social hierarchy.

Every one of us has to be involved as equally as possible in making these changes, each with their own understanding and expertise.

What of the billions who are used to and want to continue the hierarchical structure, those who have personally benefited from their Influencer and Leadership positions, some for many, many generations, amassing great armies and/or the equivalent of billions of US dollars?

I am alive for a short time period, my time on Earth growing shorter and shorter as I make unwise decisions with my health like standing unprotected under the damaging UV rays of the local star, our Sun, or eating unrecognisable goo we call processed food, filled with chemical concoctions that may or may not be beneficial to my health.

I am unimportant.

My name is unimportant (although I love seeing my name and my words in print).

How shall I live the rest of my life?

How shall I act the rest of my life?

Today, I have no answers.

I meditate upon the questions.

How do I demonstrate to myself and the rest of our species what I am thinking?

Same friends, different lives

The older we get the more we take comfort in familiarity — steady heartbeat, clear breathing.

We may also see patterns. 

A hot summerlike breeze rocks the treehouse, this open yet covered meditation platform in the forest.

The sun disappears behind the hilltop.

No one knows I’m here, this place where I can sit and think whilst lawnmowers burn petrol and chop grass down to size.

The leaves of an elm tickle my head when the wind blows in one direction.

A leafblower sets my left ear roaring.

Saturday in the suburbs.

I have been too selfish lately, puffed up in pride that I survived the latest cycle of self-hatred.

But I gave myself permission to be this way to eliminate future guilt.

I deserve to be myself, let the consequences fall where they may.

Yesterday, a close friend of close friends died suddenly.

I was expecting to meet a few friends last night and discovered when they hadn’t shown up by the time I was leaving the dance studio that they weren’t coming because of their friend’s death.

Thinking forward to the time I might live alone, I took the opportunity to meet and greet strangers as I would/will should I lose my current circle of friends, real and virtual, in the near future.

It was all good.

I missed my friends but have the ability to read a group and choose people with whom I’ll exchange identification information for use in later conversation.

The treehouse is a mess, wood chips and twigs scattered everywhere, presumably by the squirrels nesting in the treehouse “attic.”

Might inspire me to write an evil squirrel short story one day.

I live my life as if no one and everyone is watching so that my decisions can be used however.

Low risk, for the most part. 

Riding small waves of the Zeitgeist.

Leaving the treehouse and standing at one rear corner of this wooded acre, I hear a cricket play its wing song.

I look up into the treetops to estimate which trees will die and topple next.

I sneeze because my nose hairs are too long. 

And slowly, I draw, pull, retract my oversize ego back into my three-foot radius personal circle, returning to my meditative monk status.

Listening to the forest… 

Climbing higher up the hill…

Looking for late shooting star blooms, finding lots of leafcup, instead.

And Polypodia fern…

Woodland birds become comfortable with my presence and start talking to each other again.

This is where one rests one’s feet on a rock to find peace, to realise one is part of the universe, that the deja vu patterns one has recently experienced are more real than imagined.

My dear friend, you are right, nothing is random.

I rise up from my meditative stance and return to myself.

Sixteen days left until the next lifeline begins…

As You Wish

Guin walked around the room, mentally measuring the space she needed.

Members of Ursa Major and Canus Major had contacted her, asking her to increase her participation in their plans.

Guin had other plans.

But plans, even in one’s private thoughts, find their way into other people’s lives.

She calculated the gravitational field she wanted to generate, solely in her imagination, out of sight of the ISSANet (or so everyone thought, ever present as social media posts or the shadows in-between).

Lee opened the closet door in the small bedroom where his upstairs laboratory disguised the labyrithine lab hidden below, accessible only through a heavily-reinforced tornado shelter trapdoor in the floor of the closet.

Neither Guin nor Lee knew what the other was doing.

But they did.

Quantum physics explained a lot of the reasons why they were connected but weren’t.

In Lee’s thoughts, the argument of a Sicilian with Dread Pirate Roberts.

In Guin’s thoughts, a young man named Westley yelling, “As you wish!”

They worked out vectors in four-dimensional space without using calculators or computers.

They built not because they thought they wanted to but because they had to.

Had to because of love.

Love where engineering, science and dancing met.

Love for each other.

Infinite possibilities in infinite directions.

True eternal love.

As a writer…

As a writer I have learned to keep detailed mental notes, ordered  chronologically and thematically as life progresses (or as state changes reconfigure sets of states of energy in motion).

Or is it because I keep good mental notes, I became a writer?

Anyway, with the advent of devices such as electric typewriters, PDAs and smartphones, my brain’s storage capability expanded without any effort on my part to do more than write/type sketches of life delayed by a day or two in order to process any significant meanings or patterns to turn everyday life into a fictional storyline.

Thus, as a reminder, my short stories are fiction.

In other words, in case I forget to add it every time, imagine the stories I write have a preface:

“All of the following story is made up and the characters are fictitious. Personal events and interactions may have inspired a portion of the story but the similarities end there. All characters and storylines are of my own making and are by no means real and are not meant to represent any real person or persons living or dead.”

Checkup

Lee tapped his smart watch which had reminded him to review the notes he’d taken years before while sitting with Guin and Trischnia, listening to their discussion of a spreadsheet that compiled the cost, investments and estimated sale price to make enough of a profit to make a living as an artist.

He looked over the notes.

In addition to making enough to sell her paintings at art shows, Trischnia learned from Guin how to calculate the expenses of a small used book store which would offer Trischnia’s artwork.

Shelmi had joined them, sharing her excitement about the Maker shop and her latest cosplay project.

It was in that moment that Lee understand he was in the Zone.

It was from that moment forward that he reoriented his compass to keep himself moving forward in the Zone, double checking with his friends along the timeline that their friendship had given him unexpectedly, a vision of an enterprise that included all 8+ billion humans…

To be continued!