Beginner Glassblower Glasses Classes

“It wasn’t always like this,” she told me.

You see, me Ma, she’s been around the block, as they say, being a marathon runner and all that.

We remember our ancestors who were awarded land by the Crown all those centuries ago.

And it weren’t too long ago, when me Ma’s Da’s Da, invited to supp with the Queen, said, “Why, I wouldn’t set foot in the same room with that German impostor!”

But seein’ as you don’t know what I’m talkin’ ’bout, y’ought to know more, right?

If it ain’t always been like this, when has it been?

Or will it?

Like last night, sittin’ in the dark, watchin’ them kids from Knoxville, Cookeville, Nashville and Texas swingin’ to the oldies, music spun up on hard disks by the DJ crew Winter Wonderland for the Huntsville Swing Dance Society…

I got to thinkin’…

Yeah, and that’s why I’m still here this morning, wonderin’ why it is that this is not what it’s always been like.

When did we teach kids to dance in low {earth} gravity conditions?

They weren’t born on your home planet.

The last direct descendant livin’ on Scottish soil had died, revertin’ our ol’ homeland back to the Crown (and yes, the Queen is still one of them German pretenders to the British throne but who’m I to care, bouncin’, as I am, out here in the hinterlands of our species’ solar system settlements?)…

Am I just a fractal projection of a 2D surface?

Or is that a holographic computation upon a 4D equestrian equation equal to none and summarisation of everything?

I think me oxygen level is out of balance with me nitrogen mix.

Besides, them dancers what celebrated the 13th birthday on Friday the 13th at KCDC, they’s got their time to shine in the sweaty spotlight.

Oh well, not like the dinner theatre in X27B is any more real than any other history, past or present tense, tension or predisposition.

But the sentiments are the same.

As me Da said to me Ma, “And it’ll never be like this again.”

Homeless shelters solve protein issue…

…feed pigeon and cat meat to residents, end animal overpopulation problem at same time, fix euthanasia moral crisis.

Note to lying, cheating scum (you know who you are) – rats are edible, too.

And that’s the news this week from our offworld colony, Nua Éire, where the whole lot is used to hardship and oppression, key ingredients for successful colonisation of harsh environments.

As one colonist noted, “We don’t need no princes, princesses or prima donnas ’round here.”

Feed me. See more.

And now, back to the story of your lives, where we explore the cosmos in search of a good place to park our flying metal boxes, build a few domiciles of native material and plant a garden for healthy living in a game called “Pick a Planet”…

Medical phrase of the day: myasthenia gravis.

Will catch up on the list of people/businesses to thank soon, I think.

In the event of human coursework

Well, I’ve waited a long time to reveal the latest development by our caged…cagey scientists in the bowels of the beast called our not so nutsy secret headquarters and here it is [drum egg rolls, please]…

After raiding the refuse bins of millions of wasteful homes, our scientists have assembled a supercomputer made of mobile phones and in the process have created the best simulation of a general brain of our species to date.

How is this possible, you ask?

Ahh…I love a good ounce of delayed gratification shaken with a dab of anticipation.

You see, one of our gang figured it like this.  To emulate the brain, you need brain waves.

Where do you get brain waves out of mobile phone circuit boards?

Well, I’ll tell you.

It’s them radios they all got inside.

And the ability to not only hook the boards into a giant, humongous, multiple parallel processor but also to sync them using instant messaging (IM, SMS, and OOA (other obscure acronyms)) sent across individual mobile phone processors via batch processing using distinct radio frequencies.

At least that’s what they told me to tell you.

I just want to know, how do I get the thing drunk enough to buy my Next Big Thing that’s as full of hot air as the last useless one I sold the previous supercomputer that thought it was so smart but couldn’t resist the easiest sales closing script known to just about everybody in the business?

That’s all for now, folks.  Gotta see if MORTIE has new information to pass you, you know, in case there’s a hot stock tip to pass your way or something like that.

Meanwhile, keep the home fires burning and the hacking hot.  We’ve got a planet to run!

Image

Parody, Comedy, Satire, Tragedy

After reading “Masters of Mystery: The Strange Friendship of Arthur Conan Doyle and Harry Houdini,” I happened upon this extraordinary site:

Parody, Comedy, Satire, or Tragedy? You Decide!

Congrats to Coleen Monroe and her adventure of speaking over other ether, i.e., the radio waves.

Honestly

While the LSU and Alabama [semipro] college football teams prepare to battle for a win in Snooze Fest 2.0 (aka the BCS National Football Championship (at least it’s not named a “World” title in usual American fashion)), rumour has it that the creators/financiers of the film “Drag0nheart” have settled for 50% of all earnings, both past and future, from the estate of J.K Rowling and the creators/financiers of the Harry Potter films and associated merchandising/memorabilia for obvious ripoffs of Dragonheart’s storyline and characters.

Iran denies it has the strength of China behind it in threatening to close down Hormuz and the U.S. denies that the people onboard the ship they rescued from pirates were high-ranked members of the Iranian government seeking to escape from a country getting choked on its own oil reserves and hoping to get their hands on offshore bank accounts.

Meanwhile, the people of Bolivia have expressed strong interest in swapping places with the people of Belize and the people of New Zealand have expressed an even stronger interest in not swapping places with the people of Australia.

Miners and other of the extracting persuasion are happy to give up their operations in the bitter cold of Antarctica in exchange for developing a pipeline of extraction in the area commonly known as the country of Afghanistan.

Kurds eating their curds and whey are on their way there, too, tired of dealing with the genocidal maniacs who claim allegiance to a political entity called Turkey (which, incidentally, is full of turkey and well-stuffed with good Armenian cooks…cooked stories about Armenian natural disappearances, that is).

And no, these two news items are not related, aren’t they?  [where’s a good triple-negative when you need one?]:

A nod to Ada Byron and the women of ENIAC, brainiacs who changed the world.

Pearly gate crashers

A group of cosmetologists and astrologers held a surprise birthday party for Dr. Stephen Hawking today.

At the end of the party, the group released an official statement:

“We predict that our esteemed colleague will need a haircut and manicure before the next full moon.”

When asked about any insight into scientific breakthroughs at the LHC or other research centres, the spokesperson for AACHU (Association of Astrologers and Cosmetologists for Human Understanding) sneezed and then said, “We have no idea what the Large Haircut Centre will design next but we’re told those born under the sign of Pisces should avoid dying their hair if swirled into a bouffant style and previously dyed pink, yellow or green.  Also, avoid new relationships until the next meteor shower.”