In the event of human coursework

Well, I’ve waited a long time to reveal the latest development by our caged…cagey scientists in the bowels of the beast called our not so nutsy secret headquarters and here it is [drum egg rolls, please]…

After raiding the refuse bins of millions of wasteful homes, our scientists have assembled a supercomputer made of mobile phones and in the process have created the best simulation of a general brain of our species to date.

How is this possible, you ask?

Ahh…I love a good ounce of delayed gratification shaken with a dab of anticipation.

You see, one of our gang figured it like this.  To emulate the brain, you need brain waves.

Where do you get brain waves out of mobile phone circuit boards?

Well, I’ll tell you.

It’s them radios they all got inside.

And the ability to not only hook the boards into a giant, humongous, multiple parallel processor but also to sync them using instant messaging (IM, SMS, and OOA (other obscure acronyms)) sent across individual mobile phone processors via batch processing using distinct radio frequencies.

At least that’s what they told me to tell you.

I just want to know, how do I get the thing drunk enough to buy my Next Big Thing that’s as full of hot air as the last useless one I sold the previous supercomputer that thought it was so smart but couldn’t resist the easiest sales closing script known to just about everybody in the business?

That’s all for now, folks.  Gotta see if MORTIE has new information to pass you, you know, in case there’s a hot stock tip to pass your way or something like that.

Meanwhile, keep the home fires burning and the hacking hot.  We’ve got a planet to run!