Tag Archives: humour
Confidence booster of the day
The other 99 percent
You are 1% you and 99% something else, so to speak, by genetic classification system — take a look!
What is artful thinking?
Today, I held in my hand all of my life’s savings in one check (well, most of it, anyway) — millions and millions (of pennies, at least).
I walked into an office building and handed the check to a woman I’ve seen maybe five times in my life for a total of 10 or 15 minutes.
She kindly made a photocopy of the check and wrote my phone number down.
I turned and walked out of the office building.
What that an act of artful thinking?
Guess it’s time to start thinking ahead now that I’m fully into the second year of the second 50 years of my life, virtually penniless.
My second childhood is in full bloom.
Waaaah! Smack me, Abi, I’m being a bad boy! 😉
Time to memorise some dance moves — my inexperienced description of them below —
lead’s point-of-view (thanks to Matt Auclair for putting them together with Abi):
- Horse-and-cart whip
- Left-side pass to stop her in basket position
- Walk behind, pass her right side, stop in front, turned to the side
- Left-side pass with right hand, inside turn, then he goes under
- Her walk around him, underarm turn
- Quarter turn to his left
- Sweetheart with his left hand, underarm turn to her right
- Right-side pass, whip with over/underarm turn
- Behind-the-back pass with double outside turn, change hands
- Right-side pass with basic salsa move, end with her turning complete circle on left foot, right leg extended, ending in split
- Overarm turn, start walking on left leg, she taking two steps and turning, he taking two steps with her and two more
- Sugar with two-hands, swaying toward/away from each other
- “Pretzel” — turn her, then him, turn her out with right hand
- Right-hand pass behind back, turn back around her left
- Left-hand pass with turn into sweetheart
- Walk forward in sweetheart hold
Urban vs. rural?
Yesterday, my wife and I passed a Catholic school/church where people here in north Alabama were standing on a sidewalk holding up handmade signs protesting abortion — the majority of the people in the crowd looked Hispanic and were conservatively-dressed.
In the national news lately, there has been an analysis of political wrangling over the recent “shutdown” of the U.S. government.
And in one news outlet, the comparison was made to show that the breakdown of support for the shutdown is partially aligned with the states that seceded during the U.S. Civil War.
I wonder if it’s more of an urban vs. rural thought set/mentality — the city slicker versus the independent cowboy, an extension of the Wild West/eminent domain/manifest destiny zeitgeist.
In other words, pick your poison pen letter and write for a target audience.
From my perspective, the conservatives in north Alabama are not all white or associated with support for keeping the blacks/browns/underemployed/uninsured economically suppressed.
It seems to be a longer-term objective to change the beliefs of the latest generation of new Americans toward a United States that is more competitive globally.
Whether that strategy works will play out over the next decade.
Time to click my stopwatch and see.
In military news…
For those of you who need that extra boost during your night patrols, we can supply you with large bottles of fermented liquid labeled “Wound Care.”
Should you require sterilisation, the liquid will clean an open wound.
Just don’t light a match because it’s PGA, and I’m not talking about the Professional Golf Association, either! [HICCUP!]
Also available in your grocer’s freezer.
Kickstarter Update #5
Well, it has been an interesting time here at Project Xceed Xpectations.
As you may remember, or not, when last we updated you about our ongoing effort to kickstart a Kickstarter campaign, we had high hopes of showing you the latest robot-in-a-notebook prototype sketches.
Unfortunately, an argument broke out between the Creative Arts Department and the Impractical Science Department over ideas detailed by the unprofitable Engineering Design Centre.
When you manage a bunch of independent sorts who generate their own income and have no golden handcuffs, cooperation is a funny business.
But why bore you with personnel problems?
The facts are these — we were going to show you how our paper robots were going to be powered by one of three methods: a) tether, b) coin batter(y/ies), and/or c) solar cell.
Then, our buyers down in the Manufacturing Department ran into a small problem of paying our suppliers for the power parts we needed.
Never fear! Our military veterans on staff came to the rescue. Turns out they had friends who had connections with unnamed sources in an unmentionable country who could get us an unlimited supply of nuclear-powered energy cells if we’d just give them 51% ownership of the project.
Therefore, we’re in negotiations at this point and cannot with confidence show you our engineering drawings without knowing for sure whether we need to add a radiation shield to protect your loved ones from “batteries” with a half-life longer than your estimated full lives which would be quickly shortened based on the hazmat/MSDS sheets written in Russian Chinese Izbekistanese a nonstandard international language.
Retro lyrics for today…let’s go crazy!
Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today
To get through this thing called life
Electric word life it means forever and that’s a mighty long time
But I’m here to tell you there’s something else
The afterworld, a world of never ending happiness
You can always see the sun, day or night
So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills
You know the one Dr. Everything’ll Be Alright
Instead of asking him how much of your time is left?
Ask him how much of your mind, baby
‘Cause in this life things are much harder than in the afterworld
This life you’re on your own
And if the elevator tries to bring you down
Go crazy punch a higher floor
If you don’t like the world you’re living in
Take a look around you at least you got friends
Come on lady for friendly word
She picked up the phone, dropped it on the floor
Ahh, ahh is all I heard
Are we gonna let the elevator
Bring us down, oh, no let’s go
Let’s go crazy, let’s get nuts
Look for the purple banana
‘Til they put us in the truck, let’s go
All excited but we don’t know why
Maybe it’s ’cause we’re all gonna die
And when we do, what’s it all for
Better live now before the grim reaper
Come knocking on your door
Are we gonna let the elevator
Bring us down, oh, no let’s go
Let’s go crazy, let’s get nuts
Look for the purple banana
‘Til they put us in the truck, let’s go
Come on baby let’s get nuts
Yeah, crazy
Let’s go crazy
Are we gonna let the elevator bring us down
Oh, no let’s go, go crazy
I said let’s go, go crazy
Let’s go, let’s go, go, let’s go
Dr. Everything’ll Be Alright
Make everything go wrong
Pills and thrills and daffodils will kill
Hang tough children
He’s comin’
He’s comin’
Comin’
Take me away
Songwriters
NELSON, PRINCE ROGERS
Read more: Prince – Lets Go Crazy Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Dinosaurs or predators?
What the…?
Zombie robots r us…nomnomnom!!!!!
treetrunkdings 