Tomorrow, a tale on Mars, illustrated

While our Creative Arts department puts away its propaganda material, preparing for morning sketches, let us look at sports that don’t often see the limelight.

And here’s the image du jour…

Well, before I post it, a little background.  You see, after talking with Jenn tonight, we’ve decided to change our outfits for the showcase dance.  I said I was going as a punk rock Big Bird, meaning she could go as her favorite character, Oscar the Grouch:

Big Bird and Oscar 001

But then…well, the craziness kicked in.  She’s going to dare me to dress as a sexy Big Bird, I know it, so I better dare her to dress as a sexy Oscar the Grouch first!  We’ll see who wins the “best costume” contest — me as a drag queen Big Bird or her as a hot Oscar!

Big Bird and Oscar 002

Life is short — wear fur and big feet, eat dessert later!

Summertime

Summer soon ends.

On stage the musicians focus on sheet music, their faces shiny, spotlights highlighting bluesy dancers on the parquet floor out front.

Who performs for an audience member like me?

The white-haired congo drum player, East Coast Swingers  or seated listeners tapping their toes?

Dry tree leaves line quiet country lanes — signs of a wet summer, early autumn or cold winter?

A chorus line forms as “Pennies From Heaven” plays, locals getting ready for a music video starring them in a Charleston combo with the Funky Pirate Jazz Band.

Happiness and confidence raises the crowd’s conversation volume.

Not being an official HSDS (Huntsville Swing Dance Society) event, available (known) dance partners are limited so male leads make bold moves to teach simple moves to new “students,” their one day being potential patrons of period party music, too.

At the 9 p.m. break, the musicians socialise, a dancer named Andrew dances with his shadow and this writer sits here in dispassionate, detached journalist diarist mode.

We are here to benefit a charitable cause that I seem to recall has to do with pets companions, millions of animal surrogates for human friends/family.

Is it odd to type on this device, sitting alone in an ivory crowd, writing about pet projects while my wife is home alone with our cats?

Perhaps because I spent the morning, afternoon and evening in events associated with college football?

From one style of big band music (University of Tennessee Pride of the Southland marching band in formation) to another (Moon Dust jazz band on stage) in one day toward the end of summer.

As summer weather patterns linger but daylight hours shorten, these questions lead to autumnal thoughts, sepia toned, muted intonations, frozen Volga River patterns carrying couples across the old cotton mill wood planks.

Sacrifices

My wife and I sat down and looked at our finances this afternoon.  I have done what I’ve always wanted to do — I put the desire for dancing above my need for hearing aids — I’d rather be deaf and move my body to the sound of music than be a cyborg with enhanced auditory functionality.

Again, the happiness of overcoming physical fears is almost impossible to describe, like I changed bodies last week and am a new man.

Time for this new old man to get off of his cloud and sleep!

Interconnectedness

Thanks to Josh, Kristi and other happy employees at Cracker Barrel; Tom and staff at Colonial Heights Presbyterian Church; Jason and Lee Whitson; the massive support network it takes to put on an FBS-level college football game — police, ticket takers, announcers, ushers, janitorial staff, airports, coastal waterway security, T-shirt vendors, massage therapists, food preparers, IT personnel, late-night fast food drive-thru workers…

Scrum with rum on the run in the rain

Tonight I will sleep.

How much can two (or more) people synchronise their states of energy?

Bai floated across the room, feeling ill, tired from her travels across the planet’s surface, to-and-from the Orbiter Entertainment Conference Centre circling Mars.

An ancient, well-preserved copy of the Oxford Multilingual Dictionary suspended in a stationary position above Lee’s desk.

“Are you okay?”

Bai shrugged.  “I didn’t sleep well last night, got maybe 2 marshours’ sleep, same the night before.”

“Do you want to practice our dance?”

Bai attempted a weak smile.  “That’s why I’m here.  Let’s do it.”

As they stepped through the first 40 marsecs of their routine repeatedly, they stopped occasionally for a break.

Bai stopped and looked Lee in the eyes.  “Look at this.”

In his thoughts, Lee watched a conversation between Bai and a man whose identity was left blank.

The man walked up to Bai in the conference centre bar.  “I know everything about you.”

“You do.”

“Yeah.  You got that tattoo within the last few weeks, didn’t you?”

“Nope.  Had it for over two years.”

“No you didn’t.  I said I know you.  You just got it.”

“Sorry, but you’re wrong.”

“I missed you.  Where have you been the last two weeks?”

“I was out of town.”

“What were you doing?”

“I was working.”

“What kind of work do you do?”

“I thought you knew everything about me.”

[The sound of crickets chirping had been inserted from Bai’s longterm memory.]

Bai stopped showing her memory to Lee.  “What do you think of that?”

“That guy…he…”

“He’s the chief of police, that’s who he is.  Thinks his orbiter privileges give him some sort of special abilities.”

“Did you give him that look of yours?”

Bai made a face that said ‘Are you talking to me?’

Lee smiled.  He responded to everyone differently, some making him laugh uncontrollably.  Bai gave him a warm feeling inside just by being herself, cracking her jokes that were so funny to Lee he was embarrassed to let himself let his boyish guffaw snort out loud.  “Did that turn him off?”

“I wish.  He even said he had a special friendship with my boyfriend, said that my boyfriend, being military, was going to leave me.  I told his he was wrong.  My boyfriend is French — French boyfriends have to go on to the next woman — it’s in their DNA.”

Bai sat down, exhausted.  She took a few sips of energy water and a few drops of baby food formula.  “This is the best stuff, no matter what they say.”

Lee nodded.

After their dance showcase practice, they worked on a few moves from a historic dance form called Lindy Hop.

Bai described the best she could how the dance moves should appear in engineering terms, which Lee quickly absorbed.

They cut their practice short because Bai was feeling too weak to go on.

Later that day, Guin met Lee for more dance practice.  They reviewed their previous dance lesson stored on the ISSA Net, seeing where they needed improvement and went from there.

Lee’s empathetic neuron net was extra sensitive to people who triggered his proximity sensor array, most notably Bai and Guin in the last few days.  His brain circuitry surged with pulsating neurochemical signals, flooding his thoughts with old, broken memories, incomplete images and uncategorised emotions, all at the same time.

After the lesson review, Lee allowed his thoughts to relax, leaving unanswered questions from earlier in the week to fade into the background.

However, as they warmed up, Guin sensed Lee’s tense shoulders and arms.  She told him to relax, let their arms connected to their hands form a smiley face.

Lee’s conscious thoughts understood the word “relax” but after a terrible car smashup on Earth when he was a teenager, Lee had forgotten how to translate the word into action for the nerves, muscles, ligaments and tendons of his left arm and shoulder.

He did not have the knowledge to ask Guin what “relax” meant.  He wanted to learn but his thoughts were still disconnected from the past few days of rewiring habitual pathways.

Guin kept working on the dance steps with Lee, slowly working with him to forget what he was doing, no longer thinking but dancing the steps, closing the gap between them and fading Lee’s personal space into nothingness.

Lee could have let the ISSA Net get rid of the annoying brain-muscle connection problems but he was “old skoowuhl” as Shadowgrass called him and liked the challenge of the personal struggle of his current self forming around and against the previous versions of himself left in deadends and byways of his central nervous system.

They knocked out the steps.

Next on Lee’s list was working through the unexplored feelings he had for Guin and Bai, decades old, just as Bai could recall an old man named Marcus she remembered training when the man was a teenager.

There was so much more to learn about them and their shared connections.

But what’s a lifetime for if one can’t return to Earth in one’s thoughts and go wakeboarding every now and then?

Guin and Lee checked in on Shadowgrass to see how his homework was coming along.  Shadowgrass was studying the history of the extinct social system called politics, trying to understand the need for hierarchical bureaucratic layers of society once called government.  “Dad, did we really used to waste so much energy on superfluous levels of managing our species’ resource needs?”

“Yes, son, we did.  That’s why Earth’s climate changed so drastically over a short period of time.  Mismanaged priorities.”

“I’m glad we’re not like that.”

Me, too, son.  Me, too.”

Guin turned to go.  “Sorry, guys, but I’ve got a rover’s load of work to do at the lab.  Lee, please practice the apache move we went over.  I want you to have it down to a science when I get back next sol.”

“Sure thing.  Don’t work too hard.”

“‘Work’?  You mean, don’t have too much fun!”

The three of them laughed at Lee’s slip.  ‘Work’ had almost completely left the common language of Mars, replaced by Martian society’s ability to shift colonisation needs according to the abilities and desires of the nonrobotic inhabitants such as humans.

As Lee rolled into bed alone, he found himself crying, a memory of his father passing through his thoughts.  He still loved his father after all these years, having forgiven his father for unknowingly mistreating his son in his attempt to raise his son the best way he knew how in the moment and based on his personality shaped by his own father’s mistreatment of him.

Living longer didn’t make old memories go away, just more memories to choose from, the earliest ones gaining or fading in strength as memories accumulated and cross-referenced themselves.

His mother didn’t raise a fool, just watched him often make a fool of himself as he grew up.

Death would be too kind OR: opposite pep talks work, too, when you work through the emotions of the moment.

The silence of purgatory suffices ce soir.  Being tonight what amounts to the feeling of only the empty shell of an action that one imagines is the definition of a gentleman leaves me sans espoir, the brass ring lost in my desire to be kind to a childhood friend and confidante who also happens to be my wife who is supportive of traditional heterosexual monogamy only.  To that suffocating circumstance I knowingly submitted myself, death is the only exit?  Tell me it is not so!  Yet, I spent precious funds on a portrait of said lady to give her for our 27th wedding anniversary on Friday, in remembrance of good moments I’ve recently remembered were sugar-coated over time.

I once promised myself to keep escapades to a minimum in our town, should opportunities present themselves, even in imaginary/magical terms on the dance floor, an extension of self-love.

I have fallen out of love with myself and thus the dance, nothing inside me to offer a dance partner because the boy who just followed his wife to have some casual fun on the dance floor died Monday night, unable to convince himself he’ll ever give his wife a partner (or partners) with whom she can enjoy the same extramarital flirtatious fun he enjoys.  Burdened by kindness toward his wife who tends to sit lonely at the dance club, no one asking her to dance, he can no longer find the energy to share himself with others in a dance.  The magic vanished.

If I can’t feed the wild man from Borneo inside me, then why bother caring about my life, let alone the species?

Let others stick to whatever works.  I already accepted my unhappiness being locked in the institute of marriage a long time ago, fulfilling my gentlemanly duties.

Is there anything else left for me?  Maybe. They tell me people talk, some who even read this blog, which I write as if it is a hidden diary, not tied to real life except accidentally/coincidentally, my literal literary escape mechanism.  If nothing else, there may be a life story of theirs I can write about and take my thoughts off of my hopelessness.

Let the silence begin — I never was good at the subtle/obvious signals of the dating game which some have mistaken as true love for my wife but actually is my fallback “safety from personal harm” mode — I can return to my contemplative misery that is my long wait to die, childless and lonely, returning to the states of energy to their lower inertial conditions.

Either that or say, “Damn it!  Long live the dance!  This merry-go-round carousel makes revolutions.  Screw the negative emotions and try for the brass ring again!”

Yeah, that’s the ticket.  Thanks for the contrarian’s pep talk, Rick.  🙂

watterson_advice_large