Tag Archives: health
A new form of tattoo?
More and more lately, I’ve seen people with naturally dark skin get tattoos in the form of skin bleaching, some getting fake tanlines and others covering themselves with various shades of geometric patterns.
I was so excited about the new trend I had it done to me.
One small problem — my skin is already bleached-looking.
I call it the most expensive invisible tattoo ever.
My friends call it the Emperour’s New Clothes syndrome.
When you’re a maverick like me, you do whatever it takes to get noticed, going invisible included.
If time does not exist, why do I write as if I pretend it does?
Jogging in my neighbourhood is an adventure encountering wild nocturnal animals.
Last night, an armadillo literally scurried under me, going perpendicular to my path as I was in mid-running stride, its claws clickety-clacking on the asphalt pavement — the scene triggers a funny phrase in my thoughts: macadam, I’m Mac, Adam, and I’m having a Big Mac attack.
Tonight it was a juvenile raccoon I scared up a tree.
I’ve almost run over a possum more than once.
Tonight, a young woman walking her dog in the darkness almost ran over me, the dog’s bark scaring me out of my shoes and sending me light on my feet at a fast jogging pace away from woman, leash and territorially protective canine companion.
“Territorially” is not the best adverb in that last sentence is it? I’ve gotten sloppy in my writing lately, haven’t I, giving too much weight to the thoughts behind the written words than to the grammatical deconstructionismalarianisms.
Interjecting an exclamation! Yes I am! Declarative statement! Maybe?
In any case, it’s nice to relax my thought patterns, if not my core (head, torso and arms) just yet.
In a few hours, it will be the day of the 27th wedding anniversary of me and my first wife.
Yes, that’s right, I’m not counting the girlfriends who’ve filled my dreams with fancy holidays on the Riviera (that’s the 1969 Buick Riviera rusting in the backyard — you knew that, though, didn’t you?).
Ahh…deja vu all over again, deja vu all over again…we’re sorry that we didn’t have time to include Matt Damon in this sketch. However, we have time to plug a few holes in the plots of films, including any good Bollywood movie that puts the beautiful love interest and well-timed dancing scenes ahead of a logical storyline.
A shoutout to Bill Neiland, president of Haul Couture; Rainy, Dream, Ferdie and kitchen at Thai Garden (Rainy, my dear, we’ve got to take you on a spontaneous weekend getaway with whomever you want to make the trip the most fun!); John Carroll’s new self checkout configuration at Walmart; Mapco; the Iafrate construction crew and their state trooper support; Peyton Powell and his new job at Volvo equipment rental; the Toyota repair shop, which is having fun quickly fixing all the small items that keep breaking on our 2013 Avalon; anyone I’ve met lately, such as Amber at Rebath, whom I haven’t named.
Even though two Thai teas usually keep me awake, tonight I’m tired enough to sleep, my conscious conscience cleared of old thoughts and ready to tackle a new project at the light of day tomorrow.
Mars needs my attention!
Working on posture
After watching the self-filmed video of myself Lindy hopping with my shadow at the dance studio this afternoon, I SEE what I look like – a slouch!
I know why Joe, Jenn and Abi have been telling me, “Stand up straight!”
Time for fixing my bent-over back.
I’m just glad I’ve 26 pounds since the first of the year. I want to get down to 215 pounds by the 21st of September. I’m at 218 now, well within range. Maybe I should make 200 a stretch goal and 205/210 intermediate targets?
Can this blog have any influence on reality? What if I said that I’m envious of men who have humbly joined in matrimony with their Church of God wives who dress modestly? Would I see more of them shopping at Walmart the next couple of days or, as I’ve commented before, writing about it draws my attention to subcultures that aren’t part of my daily life?
I’ve been told I’m a role model for others whether I want to be or not because I let my light shine, in good [mental/physical] weather or bad, in my words, images, videos and links to your wonderful lives/stories. The role I play in your lives is whatever you want it to be — I thank you for your consideration of any influence I may give you because the seven-plus billion people on this planet influence me in so many different directions I have no way to count.
The little boy and the postsecondary school party guy inside me can’t believe they co-exist in this middle-aged guy who’s miraculously still alive and discovering what life is all about in this vast universe.
For those reasons, I’m practicing how to stand up straight and overcome the pain in between my shoulder blades that runs up through my shoulders and neck.
For you and you alone (the cats don’t care), I’m willing to overcome slouching.
But would this be funnier on The Onion?
Scrum with rum on the run in the rain
Tonight I will sleep.
How much can two (or more) people synchronise their states of energy?
Bai floated across the room, feeling ill, tired from her travels across the planet’s surface, to-and-from the Orbiter Entertainment Conference Centre circling Mars.
An ancient, well-preserved copy of the Oxford Multilingual Dictionary suspended in a stationary position above Lee’s desk.
“Are you okay?”
Bai shrugged. “I didn’t sleep well last night, got maybe 2 marshours’ sleep, same the night before.”
“Do you want to practice our dance?”
Bai attempted a weak smile. “That’s why I’m here. Let’s do it.”
As they stepped through the first 40 marsecs of their routine repeatedly, they stopped occasionally for a break.
Bai stopped and looked Lee in the eyes. “Look at this.”
In his thoughts, Lee watched a conversation between Bai and a man whose identity was left blank.
The man walked up to Bai in the conference centre bar. “I know everything about you.”
“You do.”
“Yeah. You got that tattoo within the last few weeks, didn’t you?”
“Nope. Had it for over two years.”
“No you didn’t. I said I know you. You just got it.”
“Sorry, but you’re wrong.”
“I missed you. Where have you been the last two weeks?”
“I was out of town.”
“What were you doing?”
“I was working.”
“What kind of work do you do?”
“I thought you knew everything about me.”
[The sound of crickets chirping had been inserted from Bai’s longterm memory.]
Bai stopped showing her memory to Lee. “What do you think of that?”
“That guy…he…”
“He’s the chief of police, that’s who he is. Thinks his orbiter privileges give him some sort of special abilities.”
“Did you give him that look of yours?”
Bai made a face that said ‘Are you talking to me?’
Lee smiled. He responded to everyone differently, some making him laugh uncontrollably. Bai gave him a warm feeling inside just by being herself, cracking her jokes that were so funny to Lee he was embarrassed to let himself let his boyish guffaw snort out loud. “Did that turn him off?”
“I wish. He even said he had a special friendship with my boyfriend, said that my boyfriend, being military, was going to leave me. I told his he was wrong. My boyfriend is French — French boyfriends have to go on to the next woman — it’s in their DNA.”
Bai sat down, exhausted. She took a few sips of energy water and a few drops of baby food formula. “This is the best stuff, no matter what they say.”
Lee nodded.
After their dance showcase practice, they worked on a few moves from a historic dance form called Lindy Hop.
Bai described the best she could how the dance moves should appear in engineering terms, which Lee quickly absorbed.
They cut their practice short because Bai was feeling too weak to go on.
Later that day, Guin met Lee for more dance practice. They reviewed their previous dance lesson stored on the ISSA Net, seeing where they needed improvement and went from there.
Lee’s empathetic neuron net was extra sensitive to people who triggered his proximity sensor array, most notably Bai and Guin in the last few days. His brain circuitry surged with pulsating neurochemical signals, flooding his thoughts with old, broken memories, incomplete images and uncategorised emotions, all at the same time.
After the lesson review, Lee allowed his thoughts to relax, leaving unanswered questions from earlier in the week to fade into the background.
However, as they warmed up, Guin sensed Lee’s tense shoulders and arms. She told him to relax, let their arms connected to their hands form a smiley face.
Lee’s conscious thoughts understood the word “relax” but after a terrible car smashup on Earth when he was a teenager, Lee had forgotten how to translate the word into action for the nerves, muscles, ligaments and tendons of his left arm and shoulder.
He did not have the knowledge to ask Guin what “relax” meant. He wanted to learn but his thoughts were still disconnected from the past few days of rewiring habitual pathways.
Guin kept working on the dance steps with Lee, slowly working with him to forget what he was doing, no longer thinking but dancing the steps, closing the gap between them and fading Lee’s personal space into nothingness.
Lee could have let the ISSA Net get rid of the annoying brain-muscle connection problems but he was “old skoowuhl” as Shadowgrass called him and liked the challenge of the personal struggle of his current self forming around and against the previous versions of himself left in deadends and byways of his central nervous system.
They knocked out the steps.
Next on Lee’s list was working through the unexplored feelings he had for Guin and Bai, decades old, just as Bai could recall an old man named Marcus she remembered training when the man was a teenager.
There was so much more to learn about them and their shared connections.
But what’s a lifetime for if one can’t return to Earth in one’s thoughts and go wakeboarding every now and then?
Guin and Lee checked in on Shadowgrass to see how his homework was coming along. Shadowgrass was studying the history of the extinct social system called politics, trying to understand the need for hierarchical bureaucratic layers of society once called government. “Dad, did we really used to waste so much energy on superfluous levels of managing our species’ resource needs?”
“Yes, son, we did. That’s why Earth’s climate changed so drastically over a short period of time. Mismanaged priorities.”
“I’m glad we’re not like that.”
Me, too, son. Me, too.”
Guin turned to go. “Sorry, guys, but I’ve got a rover’s load of work to do at the lab. Lee, please practice the apache move we went over. I want you to have it down to a science when I get back next sol.”
“Sure thing. Don’t work too hard.”
“‘Work’? You mean, don’t have too much fun!”
The three of them laughed at Lee’s slip. ‘Work’ had almost completely left the common language of Mars, replaced by Martian society’s ability to shift colonisation needs according to the abilities and desires of the nonrobotic inhabitants such as humans.
As Lee rolled into bed alone, he found himself crying, a memory of his father passing through his thoughts. He still loved his father after all these years, having forgiven his father for unknowingly mistreating his son in his attempt to raise his son the best way he knew how in the moment and based on his personality shaped by his own father’s mistreatment of him.
Living longer didn’t make old memories go away, just more memories to choose from, the earliest ones gaining or fading in strength as memories accumulated and cross-referenced themselves.
His mother didn’t raise a fool, just watched him often make a fool of himself as he grew up.
The first day of the rest of my life
Today is a good day.
I flushed 27 years of accumulated bad thoughts out of me.
I have started anew!
The thought that keeps coming back to me when I’m away from the blog
I keep having this thought but forget to write about it:
My wife sees me in terms of having a job so that we can have health insurance and a financially-secure retirement.
Therefore, I have long assumed, reinforced by society at large, that is how everyone else must perceive me. After all, my father often said that he was proud of my accomplishments, having gone farther than he had in business but at the same time disappointed I hadn’t gone farther in educational degrees than he had (and not having joined the Masonic organisation), confusing me that his love of me seemed dependent on external achievements.
What if, instead, people perceive me the same way I perceive myself, as a person who modestly recreates his thoughts/observations in stories, comics, cartoon videos, satirical blog entries and such?
What if they actually like me for who I am, regardless of financial/business/educational accolades?
Why do I have to perpetuate self-hatred to feel that I have inadequately met the perceived needs of my wife and father?
Does it take leaving my wife behind in order for me to reach self-actualisation, putting aside the perceived requirements of my subculture of monogamous marriage for life?
I’m not the only one who has asked himself/herself that question.
The answers, though somewhat common, are never the same.
Now, maybe I can relax my thoughts and focus on creating a way to give away my creations in exchange for investment/labour credits from others.
Never giving up hope
In this moment, I recall the story of the children in an orphanage of wartorn Yugoslavia, before war broke up provinces into countries.
One boy had lived in a crib for the first few years of his life and no one taught him a language.
He had his own logical babble that included a few words he had picked up from overworked caregivers.
He had a broken arm, they said, because he beat on the crib walls to get any kind of attention he could, unceasingly, never giving up hope that someone would pay attention to him, having broken his arm before and seeing it gave him temporary attention.
They also said he was unadoptable because he was so far along in his formative years he was unlikely to appear and act normal enough to appeal to a young couple looking to raise a child of their own.
By now, that child is an adult, if he is still alive.
Does he still have hope?
What does he do?
Did he ever learn a useful communication system such as a formal, common language with which he can express himself to others?
If not, what goes through his thoughts?
What is his physical/emotional support system?
Does he understand the concept of having a reason to live?
Keep anyone, any living thing, in a cage long enough and normality is such a skewed condition compared to the rest of the world that making comparisons is unuseful.
How am I like that boy? What walls hold me in but also provide a protection against my own naive actions in the bigger world? What do I perceive as normal that is far from normal to most of the rest of our species or to large subcultures or even to the local, smaller subcultures around me?
Morning meditation time is over. It’s after 8 a.m. Time to work on my business plan, such that it is.
Death would be too kind OR: opposite pep talks work, too, when you work through the emotions of the moment.
The silence of purgatory suffices ce soir. Being tonight what amounts to the feeling of only the empty shell of an action that one imagines is the definition of a gentleman leaves me sans espoir, the brass ring lost in my desire to be kind to a childhood friend and confidante who also happens to be my wife who is supportive of traditional heterosexual monogamy only. To that suffocating circumstance I knowingly submitted myself, death is the only exit? Tell me it is not so! Yet, I spent precious funds on a portrait of said lady to give her for our 27th wedding anniversary on Friday, in remembrance of good moments I’ve recently remembered were sugar-coated over time.
I once promised myself to keep escapades to a minimum in our town, should opportunities present themselves, even in imaginary/magical terms on the dance floor, an extension of self-love.
I have fallen out of love with myself and thus the dance, nothing inside me to offer a dance partner because the boy who just followed his wife to have some casual fun on the dance floor died Monday night, unable to convince himself he’ll ever give his wife a partner (or partners) with whom she can enjoy the same extramarital flirtatious fun he enjoys. Burdened by kindness toward his wife who tends to sit lonely at the dance club, no one asking her to dance, he can no longer find the energy to share himself with others in a dance. The magic vanished.
If I can’t feed the wild man from Borneo inside me, then why bother caring about my life, let alone the species?
Let others stick to whatever works. I already accepted my unhappiness being locked in the institute of marriage a long time ago, fulfilling my gentlemanly duties.
Is there anything else left for me? Maybe. They tell me people talk, some who even read this blog, which I write as if it is a hidden diary, not tied to real life except accidentally/coincidentally, my literal literary escape mechanism. If nothing else, there may be a life story of theirs I can write about and take my thoughts off of my hopelessness.
Let the silence begin — I never was good at the subtle/obvious signals of the dating game which some have mistaken as true love for my wife but actually is my fallback “safety from personal harm” mode — I can return to my contemplative misery that is my long wait to die, childless and lonely, returning to the states of energy to their lower inertial conditions.
Either that or say, “Damn it! Long live the dance! This merry-go-round carousel makes revolutions. Screw the negative emotions and try for the brass ring again!”
Yeah, that’s the ticket. Thanks for the contrarian’s pep talk, Rick. 🙂
