Do you agree SNL jokes are older than ever?

Many say that the American late-night TV satire called “Saturday Night Live” has a rather geriatric feeling to it.

Well, recent evidence points out why.

The lead writer, Seth Meyers, is actually an old Catskills “Borscht Belt” entertainer trying to pass himself off as a hipcat daddio of a comic, thanks to modern CGI effects:

An alien or just a regular NYC citizen with multiple personalities?

Apparently, as we age, we gain more digits in addition to lengthening noses and ears?

Or is Seth an alien unfamiliar with, but trying to understand, our culture?

More as it develops…

Parents Shocked By New Trend

In light of the fact that a social networking website pats itself on the back for having 1 billion fake friends (not to mention all the paid “like” button presses), this latest bit of news fell into the shadows.

Parents all over the world are shocked and upset that their children, whom they loved and cared for selflessly, are creating criminal “mug shot” photos of themselves for the social media profile pictures.

The children are also adding fake arrest records to go with the photos.

The photos are works of art, with makeup jobs created by amateur FX painters/sculptors who turn the children into bruised, scraped, bloody, drunk, high versions of their normally-behaved faces.

Pretty soon, the line between real criminals and fake criminals will be as blurry as the line between real friends and fake friends on your social network.

Feel free to add an authentic robo-like to that one!

Making the story fit the crime

Do you ever get bored, the same person, the same planet, day after day after day?

Do you feel the need to brag about yourself because no one else will?

As a meditative person, I spend most of my time staring at the back of my eyelids, followed closely by staring at the woods around my house.

With billions of people to imagine, both living and dead, I can creative a thought set that manipulates my next set of thoughts to imagine I create my own future, manipulating and being manipulated by the people around me in concentric circles of influence.

Ideas come and go.

Watch a remake of a twist on Oedipus Rex for the umpteen millionth time, this time in the guise of “Looper,” and I accept the fact that originality and newness is the illusion of forgetfulness and ignorance.

I am a tired old man, waiting to die, simple as that, have been since I was five and figured out that for the rest of my life I’d be surrounded by stupidity masquerading as wisdom.

I attempt to entertain myself by putting my nose into other people’s business and observe their shortsightedness, sometimes able to predict where they’ll stumble upon yet another remix that has been forgotten and will be forgotten again.

Sigh…forever remaking ourselves in our own funhouse mirror images…

Is there nothing more?

I’m just glad that this blog isn’t real, that it influences no one else’s thought patterns, just a remix of the news passing through my thought sets in order to shade my eyes from my reflection in the mirror that long ago became a magnifying glass reflecting nothing.

Forty-five years of invisibility…

I am tired of this game.

I want a new universe, a new set of rules, a new body, a new set of “thought patterns,” even if they’re aren’t thoughts at all and “I” is a fiction that no longer exists…

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville — mighty Casey has struck out.

WWIII: The End of the World As We Know It…in a Whimper

While we search for meaning in phrases like the “zombie apocalypse,” let’s not forget that the end of the world as we know it has already happened.

We live in a post-consumption apocalypse, where toys that do absolutely nothing useful are celebrated by celebrities who do absolutely nothing serious in return.

Where D.O.A. meets the French Lieutenant’s Woman at The Hours in a Glass-like film score

My wife wanted a chick flick in exchange for attending the UT Men’s Football game with me this past weekend so we sat in a theatre provided by Regal Entertainment and watched “The Words” this afternoon.

Again, I’m at the age where one storyline blends into another, one soundtrack sounds like a previous one and actors’ role are rehashed or recast in one big blur of motion after years of celluloid clicking by and, now, digital imagery indistinct from analogue dialogues.

Too much cellulose, perhaps?

Is DFW a person’s initials or an airport code?

I can’t remember, was it Franzen or Lehrer who was accused of plagiarism?  Or was it faking one’s death? Or joining college students by the millions in cheating on exams?  Or creating the unethical marketing campaign for the Nokia Lumia 920 that failed the newspaper test miserably?

What’s the difference between a person wearing a hidden earpiece and receiving instructions/corrections for/to what that person said and a person wearing an augmented reality/enhanced memory unit?

Will we know when our leaders are not quite human?

When will the first Paralympian or injured soldier have a brain prosthesis and carry enough name recognition to become a publicly-elected leader?

“Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce to you your one and only multiheaded committee-within-a-world-leader, Steve Austin IV!!!!” [Cue sound effects from The Six Million Dollar Man]

But first, a recap of the film, Chariots of the Gods…sorry, I mean, Chariots of Fire.

Now, back to your constantly-interrupted search on the Internet for that elusive thought in the back of your thoughts that you thought you’d remember if you just…

Two data points

Would you believe that Vladimir Putin is a big fan of the actor, Jeff Daniels?

Yes, it is true.  Putin admits privately that his latest stunt, flying with cranes, was inspired by a film starring Jeff Daniels, Fly Away Home.

Men quit jobs due to Internet addiction but deny they’re asexual, claim it’s just a cat infection problem — news at 12, 1, 4, 5, 5:30, 6, 6:30, 8, 9, 9:30, 10, 10:30, 11, 11:30, 12…as soon as Tom Brokaw wakes up from his sleeping pill addiction, that is.

Drum roll, please!

Wake us up after the ECB finishes its latest fruitless fishing expedition — you won’t find many appetising meals in the EU economy.

Two books for the day

More to add to the reading backlog list:

As they say, it’s better to play dumb and be dumb than to play dead and be dead…

Not all my heroes were cowboys…

A few weeks ago, while driving back from north Virginia, where my niece, Maggie, officially graduated from secondary school, I took my mother to dinner at the Martha Washington Inn in Abingdon.

We stopped in the quiet town to reminisce about my father’s days there as an extension agent and assistant professor for Virginia Tech.

His office was located at the Inn.

A block or so down the street is Barter Theatre, a venue for the performing arts.

I can remember more than one but less than a dozen times I took a date to see a play or musical at Barter Theatre, driving up from northeast Tennessee to show my female companions a bit of culture common to most cultures (but rarely, agar plate cultures).

As president of the Drama Club in our secondary school (for two years!), I felt it was my duty to support the arts.

The Barter Theatre presented mainly light entertainment such as, if my memory serves me well in this moment, I Do! I Do!, a musical that features the song, “My Cup Runneth Over.”

Right now, I cannot remember the names of the performers.

However, we were taught that more than one famous performer cut their teeth on the stage of Barter Theatre:

Patricia Neal, Ned Beatty and to tie this blog entry to a recent death, Ernest Borgnine.

The world is small.

On television, I watched Ernest Borgnine and his crazy cast of characters turn the U.S. Navy into a farcical front for jokes about bureaucratic nonsense, humour during wartime and the general state of the American sitcom exhibited in “McHale’s Navy.”

We all start somewhere.

If an ugly mug like Borgnine’s can become a nationally-recognized figure, anyone can.

We celebrate beauty in women with “Miss [name your region]” contests all the time.

How often could a woman proudly say she made the Ten Ugliest Faces of Hollywood list?

Borgnine did, along with Karl Malden and many others.

When they did, it made me smile and think, “Well, if they don’t care about their looks, why should I?”

You don’t have to be a cowboy or handsome to be successful.

Persistence is the key.

That, and an outstanding personality.

I have both.

That’s why I’m here, remembering my mother, my father, Barter Theatre and the actor who went from Abingdon to Hollywood decades ago, Ernest Borgnine, who became one of my heroes, both local and national, along the way.

My father was my first hero and will be my last.  Borgnine was one of many important ones in-between.

May we laugh with our last breath or die trying!

Mayberry RFD, the next generation

So, word on the street in Hollywood is a remake of the Andy Griffith Show, with Opie returning to his hometown, OR…

A live version of the Archie comic series, because…

we’ve already re/made these:

So many more to read at my leisure before digging gold in Canada.

Did somebody mention the Gold Diggers?