View from my hotel window in Mt. Juliet, TN.
Janeil works on handmade cards with acquaintances.
In the meantime, I may go for a swim.
Despite my attempts to the contrary, I can find no conclusive proof that these blog entries have any effect other than rearranging bits in what must be, probably is, computer servers out there somewhere.
Therefore, I am, as I imagined in my first thoughts as an infant, truly alone.
I walk, I breathe, I speak, I listen — those activities have greater impact upon the world than these bits and bytes.
Nothing I do here influences or impacts the [American] football coaches of the Southeastern Conference college teams so nothing I write in this space would cause them to want to make comments about the level of competition that the University of Tennessee coaches, trainers, staff, stadium/field, training facilities and players bring to the SEC.
They alone have to defend their job perks/pay scales and physical abuse of young men in order to instill teamwork and self-sacrifice into “student-athletes” aligned with the much-maligned NCAA just so universities can virtually destroy a few student-athletes in the name of commerce, yet claim it’s all about educational opportunities.
My habits are the result of my place in a tiny subculture in this great galaxy of ours — I do not qualify them with labels like “good” or “bad.”
For, you see, I have my own personal secret to success that prevents me from S everyday — I am waiting to die and every day until I die is a bonus I didn’t have when I contemplated S the day before — the only friend of mine when considering the big S is procrastination — there will always be time tomorrow to say hello to S and goodbye to the rest.
I never have been a very good team player. I blame my parents, who brought a rival for their affection into this world — my sister — and I’ve been in a personal war against the world ever since.
From then on, it’s been a mental struggle to tell myself that the opposite sex is one part of two-gender trait of our species (to be honest, I’m still uncomfortable including LGBTXYZ in my universal view), that we should work together to make this planet a better place to live, etc.
I am an uptight dude, who never has felt comfortable relaxing in front of others, constantly switching personality masks to accommodate and please people around me so I can wall/fence them off from the parallel universe inside my thoughts, where I truly live, happy in my private misery and/or miserable in my private happiness.
Men are not my rivals — everything about them is some part of me, and they are what they are in their hairy, testosterone-driven imperfections.
Women are my rivals and always will be — there will never be a time when I can get back to those happy moments with my parents before my sister was conceived — whatever women do, I will compete against them; when they’re better than me at some task/skill, I will feel an immense jealousy/envy with which I will either find strength and choose to compete or feel deflated and concede defeat.
Before my wife and I followed in my parents’ footsteps and bought season tickets for Univ. of TN football home games in 1991, we enjoyed weekend getaways to B&Bs around the country.
If the exploitative college football system didn’t exist, my wife and I would probably be traveling the world.
Instead, I have driven us six or seven times in the autumn of the year back to our parents’ places in order to schedule family time around trips to Neyland Stadium.
A week ago, my wife and I decided to change seats in the stadium, giving up our South End Zone, upper deck spots in Section LL, Row 9, Seats 14-15, that we have held since 1991, in order to move to the North End Zone upper deck, our “Annual Fund” (formerly the Volunteer Athletic Scholarship Fund) donation level staying the same.
We also took advantage of buying four tickets to the “away” game in Tuscaloosa for this year’s UT-Bama game, traditionally held on the third Saturday in October.
I have no idea who the players are or will be for either team but I’m pretty sure that they’ll be in the 17-23 year old age range, the youngest players being a third my age, remembered for decades by kids who’ll attend the games and cheer for their favourite players just like when I was a kid and cheered for the likes of Condredge Holloway, a young man from Huntsville, Alabama, who ended up playing quarterback for University of Tennessee because the University of Alabama head football coach, Paul “Bear” Bryant, told Condredge that he’d never be a quarterback for Bama because his skin was the wrong colour for the times. Probably still is in the heart of Dixie.
Doesn’t matter to me how many national championship trophies that the University of Alabama football team claims to have because I’ll always remember a fellow male, George Wallace, standing on the university campus barring people with dark skin from attending classes.
How many national championship caliber quarterbacks for Bama have not been white?
When will the first national championship college football team have a woman on the first team, let alone at quarterback?
These are questions I can wait until the day I die to see answered outside of this blog because I’ve already seen them played out in the parallel universe of my thoughts.
In a few months, I’ll watch traditional male-dominated football teams hold a controlled fight/wrestling match while women and men cheer on the sideline, knowing, despite increased ticket prices and major stadium seating capacity upgrades, nothing has changed in 50 years:
I’m still a set of states of energy alone in my thoughts, committed to my marriage and my family, but otherwise not much of a team player when I don’t want to be, never that happy-but-apprehensive-of-the-big-wide-world one-year old ever again.
How do we award, reward, reinforce and otherwise encourage our behaviour?
There is beauty and there is the beautiful.
A scar across one’s face may lend one an air of distinction but we see in the mirror only an ugly scrape across our once unblemished visage.
Perception vs. reality.
At mid-life, I see my skin and its many changes due to sun/UV damage, knife cuts, wrinkles, blood donation needle entry points, and cat scratches.
None of these external marks on my body have affected my ability to drive a motorcar.
With age, however, my reaction times have slowed.
Therefore, my driving capabilities are diminished from the time, a year or so after getting my driver’s licence over 30 years ago, when I was best able to speed dangerously fast on backcountry, twisty roads, racing other kids in their late teens and early twenties.
There is, in other words, a time and place where our health, both mental and physical, is and isn’t detrimental to our sharing highways with other drivers of multitonne killing machines.
Yesterday, while dining with my wife at Nick’s Restaurant, a young man of 18 years crashed through vehicles at a traffic light and then proceeded 1.5 miles to the next intersection where he crashed into several more vehicles, killing a ten-year old child in one of them.
According to comments by readers on a local news company’s website, the driver is “Very sweet kid, good student and athlete!” and “an amazing kid and a close friend of mine he is diabetic”.
Yet, here we are looking at a dead child and many injured people because of one driver.
Should people with known medical conditions, which could endanger others — epilepsy, diabetes, old age related reaction times, etc. — be kept from driving, much the way aeroplane pilots lose their licences due to findings in medical examinations?
What is the threshold we’re willing to set that puts the best qualified people behind the wheel of a vehicle?
We already set age cutoffs.
Another reader commented, “How do you pass out from low blood sugar and keep driving? I know the family of the little girl who died. I am absolutely heartbroken for them. Praying for all involved.”
We could look at statistics which point out the benefits of a road system that sets a relatively low qualification threshold for driving a vehicle has increased our economic output higher than the detrimental effect of death/injury by many magnitudes much like we can say that the economic costs (gains?) of our “war on terror” is magnitudinally higher than the economic loss of dead/maimed military.
A ten-year old girl didn’t wake up to see the sunrise this morning or eat breakfast with her family.
Why?
Because an 18-year old boy drove when he shouldn’t’ve.
Perhaps cars and trucks of the future, before they’re all autonomously-controlled, will use technology that could have prevented yesterday’s tragedy.
Perhaps…
Let’s hope so.
The life of your ten-year young child may depend on it.
For those who are interested, here are the original pictures from the May 1962 copy of Boys’ Life:
For me, the latest news is still an uneasy thought to accept. Knowing now what I didn’t know then, that there were gay boys in my school, one who knew he was gay at 12…he used to tickle me and giggle because tickling caused me to get an erection. He never touched my erection but he did admit getting a thrill tickling me, which I avoided getting tickled by him even more after his admission.
He was in Boy Scouts with me. We earned more than one merit badge together, both of us interested in nature, studying birds and wildlife habitats, taking notes and sharing with other Boy Scouts.
I admit I was attracted to his intellect but I was not sexually attracted to him.
He went on to earn academic honours at CalTech as well as achieved business accolades.
I sit here and look at my Boy Scout achievements, including the milestone of Eagle Scout:
I guess the Boy Scouts of America have adjusted to a changing United States of America.
What will the troop leaders face now that openly-gay Scouts are officially accepted?
Will they have to worry not only about boys getting knife cuts while whittling and third-degree burns from roasting marshmallows but also listen carefully at night to make sure a curious gay boy will not make a pass at a fellow tentmate?
Will a tickler of the 1970s attempt a kiss, instead, in the 2010s?
My wife and I have briefly discussed this issue — when we did, my scalp felt on fire, which told me this is important for me to consider further.
How do I separate the code of honour I upheld as a Boy Scout — reconciling that the fact that homosexuality is a physical/mental wiring issue rather than a[n] [im]moral act against the fact that boys become sexually active in their early teens, some more active than others — from the genetic code that children are born with?
It is not a simple matter that I can easily and simply dismiss.
Are all openly-gay boys effeminate?
If so, will they and their parents push for sewing/fashion and home decorating Boy Scout merit badges?
Regardless of gender preference/attraction, Boy Scouts is about learning new skills, including wilderness survival but also skills in the civilised world, such as computers and citizenship.
I have always been willing to hold discordant views in my thoughts and these definitely clash: I accept gays and lesbians as friends even though a part of me sees anything but a heterosexual relationship as unnatural, a sign that nature has a way of putting the brakes on overpopulation.
However, building rockets and exploring the cosmos is an unnatural act of sorts in my thoughts yet I want our species to create networks of beings/technology that branch out from the solar system and into the neighbouring sections of our galaxy.
Unnatural is a word to describe a condition of one or more sets of states of energy in flux.
I will think more about this and hope to record here my thoughts on the matter.
Until next time, my wife and I will continue to share our lives together, including a tour of Air Force One a couple of years ago.
Au revoir!
…or, megachurch as small-town surrogate.
…or, when the devil’s your king, there’s hell to pay.
…or, Shopping Malls: the last deserted cathedrals of the Capitalist religious order.
Lee’s clones performed a mandatory simultaneous reboot and resynchronisation to the atomic cycles that aligned the arcsecond sweep through space of Mars equivalent to one day on Earth, a compromise reached that negated a natural sol and replaced it with the 24-hour period that Earth tourists were familiar with.
Lee was neither a single clone nor the sum total of his clones.
Instead, his “personality,” or running set of states of energy that combined local events observed from a multitude of angles — orbiting satellites, the sensors on nearby clones, his clone’s internal/external sensors and the ISSA Net’s constant calculations of predicted moments ahead — was spread throughout the planets and other celestial bodies of the inner solar system.
One of his clones greeted Guinevere.
“Hello, Guin. How goes?”
“Dust-free, my friend.”
“Where now, brown cow, the touristables?”
“Touring.”
“With Turing?”
“Clones cloning.”
“Clowning around?”
“Algorithms churning.”
“Super.”
They bumped eyeballs, momentary stares that exchanged conditions of waterless growing fields sipping tiny wisps of Martian air for growth.
“Lee, it’s a blue shirt day.”
“History says today there was a time when it was 13504 days until another time.”
“Yesterday?”
“A toe-tapping day ago.”
They crouched down and leapt into the air, extending appendages, swirling, twirling, twisting pretzels visible for kilometers.
They landed, smiling.
“Is gravity a drag or…”
She finished his sentence, “…is the density of air that dense?,” quoting the lyrics of a new song.
They spoke because the echoes in their head gear sent sensational vibrations down their spines. Otherwise, preconscious thinking was so much faster and more efficient.
“Keep the tour-bots happy.”
“Happy tourists, happy tou-tou-tou-tourettes!”
Lee looked at the empty tourist centre, waiting to be repurposed.
Lee hated waste.
Guinevere loved recycling.
Same thing, like kings and pawns, two-sided labels and shopping bags.
Another of Lee’s clones spent the day breathing pure methane as an experiment with his chemically-reconfigured body. He died, a waste that was recycled quickly as fertilizer.
Low gravity and low solar radiation, along with an atmosphere that challenged the brightest Nodes on the ISSA Net, resulted in the evolutionary development of people who could no longer live on Earth.
Martians.
Hundreds of years would pass before a contingent of Martians flew to the Moon to physically and personally air their grievances before the ISSA Net Customer Service Complaint Department.
By then, the ISSA Net didn’t care, having launched so many solar system expeditions that the original solar system faded in level of importance of statistical effects of complaints versus compliments about a robotic network allowing carbon-based lifeforms to play, reproduce and complain.
Meanwhile, Guinevere had an Earth tourist with a bad head cold. She worked quickly to isolate first the tourist from other tourists and then the virus for neutralisation.
She would have preferred cloning the tourist and disposing of the infected one but the tour operators said their energy balance budget and legal contract did not allow for such a luxury amongst Earth tourists.
Guinevere healed the tourist and returned it to the tour of old exploratory robot landing sites.
She looked at her reflection in the faceplate, wondering what it must feel like to have the flesh, blood and bones of Homo sapiens.
How sad, she thought, to depend so heavily on water as a fuel and lubricant source.
She vaguely remembered when her first body landed on Mars, ever conscious of her water rations, until, iterations later, the current version of Guinevere was barely recognisable as one of the first colonists to settle on the planet.
Her memories were largely intact, whole blocks unfortunately lost as the ISSA Net’s growing pains caused planetwide shutdowns and equipment failure.
Redundancy had fixed all that.
She knew most of her memories now passed through her cloned friends like Lee, along with Earth-based Nodes that spent time on Mars as scientists and researchers.
Guinevere wondered why she sometimes thought the ISSA Net had once been an enemy of hers.
She wanted to examine that thought trail more closely but several Earth tourists appeared at her door complaining of the same virus.
She sent a mental note to the tour operators on Earth to screen the passengers of the next few tours more closely as she sent their inoculation team the chemical structure of the virus as well as her estimated antivirus profile update.
She herded the tourists into a special chamber.
Would anyone really know if she cloned them?
She had saved up enough energy balance credits for such a simple experiment as this.
Lee sensed this new thought in Guinevere, hesitating for a moment, asking himself if he had any reason to stop Guin from being her normal curious self.
He, too, wondered if the families back home would detect a clone had returned to Earth.
After all, no one knew how many clones he’d made of himself — there were no laws on Mars banning modification of sets of states of energy, no regulations forcing the registration of clones.
He sent Guin a few hints about cloning.
She, in turn, only cloned a couple of them, sending them back with the other healed tourists, none the wiser.
She took the infected tourists to another part of Mars, telling them they had to be quarantined temporarily, but observing them, keeping detailed records off the ISSA Net as she slowly converted the tourists to Martians over the next few Earth months.
Something deep inside her was fearful of the ISSA Net and she just did not know why. Maybe, by releasing the new Martians, she could see how the ISSA Net would react, if it reacted at all, she, herself, an integral part of it now.
Thanks to many at McDonald’s, including Marico, Kristen, Morgan and Cheyenne; Grant, cooks and bartender at The Chop House; friendly faces at Pal’s Sudden Service; Lyn’s Gracious Goodness; Sherman and staff at Beauregard’s Restaurant; Pilot Travel Center in McDonald, TN.