After years of back-room wrangling, leaders of every major sport played on or near Earth announced a two-tier approach to their individual sports.

For instance, in the Olympics, athletes who use no enhancement drugs will compete in the same event with those who do.  Two separate award ceremonies will be held for every event, giving the best three who use use enhancement drugs, and the best three who don’t, Olympic medals.

Same for individual awards in cricket, football, baseball, hockey, basketball, cycling, swimming, running, motorsports, wrestling, etc.

That way, we keep a sense of honesty and integrity out of the picture, allowing “dopers” to show the latest advances in medical enhancement technology and non-dopers to show the latest advances in “natural” training methods.

As the saying goes, may the best team/player win!


A rare Cleveland Indians rookie card for Jawaharlal Nehru was recently reported at auction in Baseball Trading Card Weekly.

Those with interest in any ball sport will want to search their attics and basements to see if lightning strikes twice.

Nehru was quite the player from an early age, the blurry facsimile below shows:

Priceless doesn’t begin to describe the value of this card.

[images courtesy of India Journal, the Cleveland Indians and Major League Baseball]

Separating the amateurs from the pros from the cons

Well, back to the storyline that won’t go away quietly.

Turns out the Committee has issued its final opinion to settle the debate on what separates a professional athlete from an amateur athlete and either one from a convict.

Simple: the best body modification that money can buy.

Therefore, from this day forward, all professional sports association must allow players to use as many chemical concoctions and prosthetic additions as they and/or their sponsors can afford.

Amateur athletes must continue to refrain from enhancing their bodies in any way that requires more than basic nutrition to supplement a hard exercise regimen.

Of course, this puts pressure on the professional spectacle that used to be a competition between amateur athletes called the Olympics.

Because professional athletes can participate in the Olympics, all Olympic athletes may take whatever steps they, their family, their sponsors and/or their country deems necessary to win.

Or, as they like to say in scifi, may the best cyborg crush its opponent in glorious technicolour!

The starving barbarians at the gate will still be barred from entry until such time as they prove themselves civilised enough to behave like a normal doped-up athlete in the Olympic spotlight — sorry, no more grunting in front of a microphone and camera like a tennis player on the court — you must be able to speak in sentences longer than two words, even if your opponent is bleeding to death in the arena from your crushing blow to the head.

Great News for Marching Band NASCAR Fans

Ever wonder what goes on behind the scenes before you hear the performer(s) sing/play the pregame song before your favourite sports activity?

Well, here’s a bit of info for those who will watch an upcoming NASCAR-affiliated race [courtesy of a marching band parent]:

Dear Parent(s) and Students:

Late yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from the Denny Hamlin Foundation requesting the Lancer Band’s help. For those who do not know, Denny Hamlin is a Manchester graduate (Class of ’99) and currently the driver for the Fed Ex #11 Joe Gibbs Racing NASCAR Sprint Cup Team. Each year prior to the NASCAR race at Richmond International Raceway (RIR), Denny hosts a celebrity charity race to benefit the Denny Hamlin Foundation that donates money to Cystic Fibrosis and other children’s charities.

Denny has asked the Marching Lancers to perform the National Anthem at RIR prior to his race and the Late Model Stock Car race held on Thursday, April 26.

Each Marching Lancer- brass, woodwind, percussion, guard, and twirler- is invited to participate.

This is quite an honor and Denny really wants it to be a hometown-feel type of event hence him asking for his high school band.

Thank you all for your support and patience! The people at RIR, the Denny Hamlin Foundation, and NASCAR, are extremely excited about the Marching Lancers performing Thursday night. We are the only high school in the country that will perform the National Anthem at a major NASCAR race this season. We are extremely honored!

Here are some important details:

…we will travel via school bus to RIR.
We will perform the Anthem twice.
6:55PM- Perform Anthem for Late Model Stock Car Race
8:25PM- Perform Anthem for Denny Hamlin Short Track Show Down

After the second Anthem performance we will move in to the stands to watch Denny race. We are his special guests for the evening.

Students need to bring a jacket/sweatshirt. We will Not change out of our pants.

Students MUST BRING EAR PLUGS to be worn during the Anthem (to counteract sound delay of PA system) and for the race. It will be painful without hearing protection. Regular foam earplugs will work fine. Students will not be allowed to wear headphones during the Anthem but can do so during the race.

Bring the earplugs for tomorrow’s rehearsal, too, so you can get use to wearing them while we play.

Bring money for dinner at the concession stand.

Have black socks, white gloves , and marching shoes.