So, while we wait for SpaceX to get their ducks in a row…

or, at the very least, finally launch a rocket toward the ISS, here’s the eulogy I planned to read at my father’s memorial service today:

EULOGY FOR DAD by Rick Hill – 20th May 2012

Guten Tag!  My father taught me that a good speech should start with an anecdote or joke to set the tone.  Following in my father’s footsteps as an academician, I looked up the history of the eulogy to find something, a nugget of wisdom or bit of humour to share with you.  What I found is that the eulogy’s purpose has changed through the years, from a serious tribute in ancient times to a light-hearted roast of the recently deceased, especially after 9/11.  Instead of telling one of my jokes, I’ll let some of Dad’s words speak for him through emails he sent me over the years.  I knew him as Dad.  You may have known him as Richard or, more recently, e[…]@yahoo.com.  Here are some of the insightful quotes and personal stories he told me via computer.  He often forwarded jokes to me.  Mainly military-related but here’s one with a musical theme.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”

He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.” So the magistrate kept listening; “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

Dad had his opinions, expressing very strongly his support for national defense.  For instance, he sent me a political cartoon of a man and his son standing next to a military graveyard on Memorial Day, with a bubble of thoughts above the man’s head: “You military heroes gave us all your tomorrows so I could have mine.”

On that theme, many of you know Dad was sworn in to U.S. Army on October 26th, 1954.

He wrote me about “a 1955 USArmy ‘adventure’ of my own in West Germany. I had to guard a guy in civilian clothes who had entered our secure area on a motorcycle. My assignment? Escort him to the MPs by riding on the back of his motorcycle seat, he driving.   I was armed with an M-1.   He could have easily dislodged me and rode on. Thankfully he did not!”

Dad lived in Fountain City, Tennessee, in the north part of Knoxville.  When he was a child, trolley cars still traveled from the city into the suburbs.  As my father said, though,

“In my young years I was told that the horse owned by my Granddad, Frank Eldridge, had race horse blood (i.e., bloodline). He would not let another horse-drawn vehicle pass him. He would speed up on his own to prevent that. That must have been the ‘hot-rodding’ of the day. My grandmother, Mamaw, was known as a fast driver of the ‘horse and buggy’ and the Model T Ford that succeeded the horse, so fast driving must be in our blood as well!

Horse and Model T were gone before my birth. We walked!”  My father took me on fast rides in his Triumph TR-3 when I was five, often accompanied by friends my age crowded into the backseat.

 

Dad also taught me to fish when I was five.  35 years later, I taught him how to send email.  More importantly, I introduced him to Solitaire.  He liked Solitaire, keeping written records of high scores for the next 15 years.  There are still Post-It notes on his computer desk of his highest scores and the dates.  For instance, 10,641 points scored in 70 seconds on 3/1/2008.

Dad had many interests.  I emailed him, inquiring about his days at UT when he more than once was a broadcaster for the classical music station there.  He said, “I was a student member of the radio club associated with WUOT. George Bradfute, Phil’s brother, was a member of the WUOT engineer staff when he was an undergrad at UT circa 1948- . “

Boy Scouts — Dad helped me with my merit badges, wanting me to earn Eagle Scout, an honour he never received in youth; in so doing, he taught me respect for uniform and authority.  Well, not for every official organization, however; Dad briefly considered getting cremated only because he wanted me to mail his ashes to the IRS with a note that read “Now you have everything.”

We once took a father/son trip to Williamsburg, Jamestown, Norfolk and Cape Hatteras.  Dad wanted to spend time with me to review our country’s history while he shared childhood memories so he could tell me about his own father’s influence upon him, a man who proudly served in the US Navy for 29 years and was stationed at Norfolk in WWII.  I best remember a woodcarver’s shop near Cape Hatteras, where a third-generation bird carver was also a barber like his grandfather, whom we had met when I was a child.  The grandson admitted he was better at shaving heads than blocks of wood.

Along the line of family history, I asked Dad if he knew the education level that his parents, grandparents and great-grandparents completed in primary or secondary school?

Dad was born Richard Horace Capps and later changed his name to Richard Lee Hill, aligned with the career Navy man, Lee Bruce Hill, who was more of a father to Dad than his birth father. Dad said his Mother, Thelma May Eldridge Capps Hill Hirth, received her BA from Carson-Newman College and became a teacher.  His birth father, James Horace Capps, got a HS degree as far as Dad knew. His maternal grandfather, Frank Lee Eldridge, completed 6th grade, and went on to work for the Southern Railway Company. His maternal grandmother, Lucy Margaret Pope Eldridge, born in 1887, completed high school plus business school, working as a stenographer.  He did not know the education that his paternal grandparents or great-grandparents on either side achieved, meaning they were probably laborers more than professionals like lawyers, doctors or business management.

 

Dad and I took several father/son trips to race events:

  • IndyCars in Long Beach and Charlotte; Vintage Cars in Mid-Ohio, including a stable of Triumph TR-3s like the one Dad owned.
  •  We saw several NASCAR races in Bristol such as Richard Petty’s last race in 1992.  Dad took me to Daytona when I was probably 2 or 3, too young to remember.
  • More recently, we watched races at local tracks such as Huntsville, with our last trip together to the Kingsport Speedway on Nov. 7, 2009.
  • Many people here can attest to Dad’s affinity for local tracks, from Myrtle Beach to south Florida.

He was known as “Cool Dad” to my high school classmates; he chaperoned bus trips, and is still famous for his callouts such as “What’s my favorite phrase?”  Answer: “Free beer”; and “What’s my favorite beer?”  Answer: “Coors.”  My friends also remember the portable computer Dad brought to high school classes in 1979 and 1980, a contraption with flashing lights, dials and digital displays that taught energy conservation, formally known as the “Personal Energy Cost and Conservation Simulator,” Dad functioning as an assistant professor/extension specialist for Va. Tech at the time.

Dad showed, rather than lectured me, how to be a gentleman and scholar — never put anyone down, because talents are not always visible and may only show themselves when we need them most, such as in an emergency situation.  He reminded me often that the Boy Scout motto, “Be prepared,” is true everywhere and all the time.  Respect a woman’s equal talents but still offer to open a door for women. Assist the elderly and those less fortunate.

He was a member of Delta Tau Delta fraternity and wanted me to be a legacy.  I pledged but didn’t join.  It was the same for Masons.  I joined DeMolay but was so involved in Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts, always in uniform and working to be a good Scout in Dad’s eyes, that I gave little time for other organizational duties.  Dad seemed to understand and concentrated his efforts on me accordingly.

I never knew what Dad really thought of me so I often sought his approval by emulating him, having taught a few classes at ITT Tech a couple of years ago to give back to the community what Dad had given me.  While I was at ITT Tech, I asked Dad about the types of classes he taught at ETSU over his 23 years there.  He gave me a few examples:

  • Technology and Society in 2008
  • Industrial Supervision in 2009
  • Student in University  from 2007 to 2010
  • Technical Communication in 2008 and again in 2010

Dad embraced new technology but wanted us to know he was a sixth-generation descendant of Col. John Sawyers, Revolutionary War hero of the Southern battlefields, who was born in 1745 and later resided in Sullivan County before moving to Emory Road north of Knoxville, after having lived on Long Island as a soldier and “Indian fighter.”

Which brings us to here, in this church.  According to the book, Family history of Col. John Sawyers and Simon Harris, and their descendants, written in 1913 by Dr. Madison Monroe Harris, a great grandson of Sawyers, “Our ancestors were Presbyterians, and they lived and acted out the principles and doctrines of the original Presbyterian Church.”

That says a lot right there.  But Dad would want me to point out an even more personal note.  The book also details, “In person, Colonel Sawyers was fully six feet in height, weighing in the neighborhood of two hundred pounds.  His complexion was fair, had bright red hair and possessed the traditional long red whiskers characteristic of the Sawyers family.  Withal, he was a commanding figure.”

Some of you might remember I used to have bright red hair.  More importantly, I’m glad to know people can look at me and immediately recognize my father’s commanding figure in my features.

His love for and friendship with my mother brought us here together to celebrate the life of a great man.  May we carry on his legacy, each in our own special way.

As Dad would say, Vielen Dank und Auf wiedersehen.  Thank you and goodbye.

He was ready to go…

I have temporarily exhausted the wellspring of words with which to cover this page prophetically and comically.

This morning, my father breathed his last, sparing us the tougher decisions down the road when his health would decline further while we maintained a level of medically-supported comfort.

The ventilator was removed a few days ago.

Yesterday, we agreed to remove the IV fluids.

Today, we planned to keep him on a PEG tube to provide nutrition daily and antibiotics/pain meds as needed.

He died in relative comfort.

Now, no wrinkles furrow his brow.

Meanwhile, we mourn a great man — Richard Hill.

Mon Père.

Mein Vater.  Vati.

My one and only father.

May he rest in peace.

May we find solace and grieve in good time.

There’s still another parent with whom we remember the good times and continue to make fond new memories.

A GREAT BIG THANK YOU to the staff at the Mountain Home VA Medical Center, who shared their love, education, patience and kindness with abundance.  I (and my father) tip our hats to you — you don’t know how honoured we are to have had you with us at the end.

A Touch of Class

In this rift, this gap, this space between decision tree branches, when one (me) finds the time to contemplate the past and its affected future (the effect may affect or feign affection), the meditative moment blinds.

Is blinded.

Opens the drapes and pulls the blinds.

‘Tis what is.

Here.

Now.

My father’s breaths approaching their last.

At some point.

Sunrises and sunsets counted in ones.

One day at a time.

One hour.

One minute.

One second.

More thanks to make but they’ll have to wait.

I have my goodbyes to take.

An evening to meditate.

Mein Vater zu danken und zu verabschieden, um die unbekannten Welten können wir Ruhe und Gelassenheit …

…if only he could have the strength to correct my grammar one more time!

Once Upon a Time in a Warehouse…

Ever watched a fire scatter homeless people?

Are there days of the week that homeless people make more money telling their stories and asking people to help them out?

What about the 24-hour period that some call Sunday?

The dilemma of managing a storyline 1000 years into your future is remembering the ambiance, the daily tricks of the trade, the parts of your society not bothered with car bombs, assassinations, sky drone monitoring or global warming.

Your planet seems so small in retrospect.

However, telling you about interplanetary transportation issues or galactic survey crews is like telling the founders of Angkor Wat about the printing press or steam-powered locomotives — you’d understand the concept of progress but not necessarily the technological details.

So it is with a random warehouse fire like this:

Typically, you’d get reports that galactic travel machines were burned to hide the evidence of a time twist, or that mobsters were settling a old score.

No doubt, you’ll hear that homeless military veterans were lighting up a big handrolled tobacco cigar and set trash on fire by accident.

Eyewitness reports will appear that show homeless people WERE in larger numbers in the Tri-Cities on the day of the fire.

However, there’s more to the story than meets the eye.

Look carefully:

Can you tell the difference between that photo and the following two:

No?

Let’s try it again.  Look at this photo and see if you can solve the mystery:

You may have to perform an analysis of the chlorophyll concentration, as well as figure out why a mother would pull her two small children out of a safe vehicle to walk toward a raging fire.

Getting warmer?

I thought so.  In 1000 years, we’ll use the space where the warehouse burned for a massive experiment of species overpopulation in absence of balancing predators.

We’ll demonstrate that the excess capacity of enclosed environments — office space, hotel rooms, concert halls, church school rooms, restaurants and public/private classrooms — was put to use toward housing the homeless and turning them into productive members of the Earth-based space travel preparation programs.

I need all seven billion of us to accomplish upcoming goals.

Every milestone is critical and even the tiniest talent, from designing hospital gowns for the prevention of the spread of Klebsiella pneumoniae, to losing $2 Billion, to begging for money on the street, is important.

We’ll keep you posted.

Thanks to Doug/Deanna at Walmart; Donna, Martha, Ronnie, Debbie and more at MHVAMC; Cootie Brown’s; Oh Henry’s; Pal’s; Col. Hts. Pres. Ch. participants; Valero; Mapco; Demetrice at Cupboard BP; Pete at the Chophouse; Home Depot; Rogersville Produce Market; to be continued…

Take it from a motorcycle driver

Have you driven down the road and noticed a change in the style of guardrail protecting you from leaving the roadway in case you lose control of your vehicle?

Let’s put the Law of Unintended Consequences to use today.

Take the cable barrier, for instance:

Let’s say you lose control of your vehicle and cause either yourself as a motorcycle driver or another person steering their iron horse to veer off the road and smash into a cables strung out to protect you.

In secondary school, a classmate was decapitated when he lost control of his motorcycle and his helmet was caught on the rim of a steel beam guardrail.

These days, if fate puts you in the hands of a cable guardrail, you may not lose your head but get limbs mangled and sliced off.

The choice is yours.

Hey, be careful out there!

I am going to walk outside and enjoy the sweet serenade of the Brood I cicada cycle, their flight paths less likely to put them in harm’s way of cable guardrails.  Maybe a few car grilles, instead.

Will catch up on thank-yous later this weekend.

A Voice in Anger

Or, how the goons of Rocket City (the Huntsville Utilities tree trimming crew) ruined my wife’s day and thus mine.

It has been a long year.

First, my wife’s mother fell ill back last March/April and died in November.

Then, immediately following, my father’s health declined rapidly.

Sure, it’s the cycle of life and all that, but it’s also emotionally/physically draining.

Then, to make matters worse, a crape myrtle I have protected year after year from the butchery of power line tree trimmers was nearly slaughtered by the uncaring, untrained hands of those less-educated brutes who attacked my wife’s favourite blooming bush at the end of the driveway this morning.

From a 20-foot tall beauty to a 3-foot stump in a matter of minutes.

All while my mother, sister, niece and I fret over the care my father receives with the caring, trained hands of the medical staff at the local VA hospital.

In addition, an heirloom Rose of Sharon was damaged, along with two smaller crape myrtle bushes.

This, my friends, in the town that helped put men on the Moon!

So, let us serve as a warning to those wanting to move to Huntsville, Alabama, USA.

Yes, it is in the state where George Wallace stood on the steps of the University of Alabama, barring African-Americans from crossing the threshold of higher education.

Butchers still live in this area of the world.

They hide behind chainsaws and cherry pickers, taking out the frustrations of their home lives on the helpless hybrid plants growing beneath the hazardous, humming harbingers of electrical shocks and high monthly utility bills.

They exist to make your life miserable.

They succeeded today.

Where’s a city forester to provide an educated point of view about how to carefully trim trees and bushes for the health of citizens?

Today, I am very unhappy…modern civilisation has let me down.

But then again, based on recent reports of 8th graders, science is not their best subject, which leads directly (through misunderstanding a tree’s anatomy and human psychology) to why government tree trimmers have a lack of understanding the need to aesthetically please the people who pay their salaries.

Maybe I ought to lobby to fire a few tree trimmers or heavily reduce their income to balance the local government budget?

Or at least educate today’s kids to become better qualified tree trimmers in the future.

Even after writing this blog entry, I still don’t feel better.

There’s a stump in the yard where a majestic myrtle once stood and there’s not a single thing I do about it from here, except shoot pictures and ask questions later about Huntsville Utilities departmental budgets and personnel files (nothing like an inside job to build a paper trail and get revenge the cold, hard way — expense report abuse and timecard fraud are common offenses, for starters — local government officials failing the newspaper test right before fall elections).

We may be on the verge of populating space habitats, making a lot of us very busy, but there’s still time to play games with people’s lives who cross my path and upset my wife in the process…

Near Earth Orbit

Trying to be sarcastic about sarcoidosis or small cell cancer doesn’t go over well with family facing my father’s deteriorating health condition.

Instead, I follow the advice, relayed, of looking up terminology and longterm acute care services through popular search engine technology.

My mother’s health, viewed closely by my sister, is at stake.

Sigh…

One whole thousand years from now, the details of this day are lost to modern memory, despite mass media portrayal of ubiquitous surveillance fighting against sousveillance.

I wonder how many people are unaware of factual existence not supported by fantasies, dreams, delusions and skewed beliefs.

Can we see without labeling?

Can we live in the moment without overlaying illusions?

How do we remove the “we” to be the [super]sets of states of energy that constantly interact?

And, in so doing, how do I help [to] direct medically-trained professionals toward resolving rather than speculating about [the root cause(s) of] the set of issues dogging my father on a daily basis?

All in an effort to clear my thoughts to focus on life decades and centuries from now through data-driven projections of fluctuating trends recorded in a blog/storyline?

First Rule of STEM School: Never, ever, extract or extend the results of conjecture and/or analysis toward infinity.  Safely assume trends are at cross-purposes and will either reach equilibrium or pull one another apart.  Or both.  Or neither.  All at the same time.

The “House” Effect: Or, how the CSI effects affected aftereffects

While the Subcommittee on the Organisation of Offworld Committee-Forming Avoidance convenes its annual bimonthly meeting to finalise plans for colonisation anarchy policies and procedures, the monetary policy to end the dependence on Fiat and Dodge taxes is in its final stages of incompletion.

That’s the message I’m supposed to send today.

Sitting here in my virtual cyberself, a suit of robotic clothing that simulates my former self (the original set of states of energy long since spoiled after exceeding its expiration date), the residents of the local council estates gives me a round of applause and then a standing ovation for handing them the best performance of the “House” effect.

You know the drill, of course.

Whether one should credit the writers or acting ensemble, with special emphasis on the influence of Hugh “Huge Ego” Laurie, or thank the producers/directors, is a matter of debate long since exhausted.

A mix of dyspepsia and dystopia, cooked to a boil, cooled with a few frozen pieces of Holmesian analysis and served next to a side dish of considerably half-baked humour.  At room “temeprature.”

Garnish with kale, not iceberg lettuce, for the aftereffect is enlightening nutritious, not Titanic, in nature.  Or, at least, shocking in worst case presentational sentimental presentments.

Thanks to the behind-the-scenes folks at the PatriotStore, PatriotCafe, and construction workers wearing creatively stickered helmets at MHVAMC; Nina, Sharon and Geno; Brynn; Dr. Coffey; Danielle; Randy at German Motors; Olympus Exera equipment; evidence-based medicine; and more later…

Congrats to Chestney on the birth of her child, Shannon Elizabeth, 8 lb 7 oz, 21-in long.

Should wimpy authors of useless data analysis be banned?

Have you ever wondered why bookstores and bestseller lists are filled with books that have no useful purpose?

You know the ones I’m talking about, authors of books like “Gladwell’s The Tipping Point: How Little Things Make a Big Difference, Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, and Outliers: The Story of Success“; or books by authors similar to Bissinger’s “Friday Night Lights, A Prayer for the City, Three Nights in August, and Shooting Stars written with LeBron James.”

Do we really need another reminder that book writers have nothing better to do than waste our time trying to block our way to the Sports section of the bookstore?

“Sheriff’s department”

This is Blog Loudmouth reporting to you live from the metropolis of Toney, Alabama.

We had planned to interview a few phone callers about their habits of randomly dialing people they’ve googled through people finder software but decided to question their neighbours, instead.

We keep records of people’s habits in order to know which subcultures to zap, pressing a reset button that resyncs their thought patterns according to our general plan.

It has to start somewhere, including tony towns like Toney.

We’ll keep you posted.

We have rocket ship software assurance plans to complete, first…