Master and Commander: The Far Side Calendar Edition

“Grasshopper, what lesson have I taught you today?”

“That biting my fingernails is a sign.”

“And…?”

“That biting my toenails is also a sign, a sign of flexibility, but one need not always be flexible.”

“Very good.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“You are welcome.  It is time we look at broader subjects.  Have you ever heard me talk about our enemies?”

“No, Master.  You have told me one must never have enemies, only opportunities to learn from those whose beliefs complement one’s own.”

“Very good, Grasshopper.”

“Thank you, Master.”

“Remember, little one, I have told you many times to call me Mister.”

“Yes, Master Mister.”

“[Sigh.]  Very well.  I will not reinforce your habit of mastering your subjects, including me.  Let us proceed.”

“Yes, Mister Master Mister, Master.”

“As you recall from a previous lesson, we observed two people in opposition.  What did I tell you?”

“That one should adopt the best traits and best people, allowing others to demonise the remaining traits and remaining people so that one may concentrate on pure joy, happiness, and meditation of best-ness.”

“Indeed.  Grasshopper, you do well today.  But do not bite your toenails.  We are not animals.”

“But, Master, you bite your toenails.”

“Only after I have cut them from my toes do I use my toenails as ‘toothpicks’ when wood is unavailable to remove rice hulls from between my teeth.”

“Yes, Master.”

“Remember, one must be resourceful yet maintain one’s harmony with one’s true sense of self.”

“Yes, Master Mister Master Mister, Mister.”

“What else did you learn from that lesson?”

“By observing how one’s colleagues make enemies out of other people do we learn their true nature.”

“And…?”

“That pizza is a delicious late-night snack when meditating upon 24-hour sports network viewing.”

“Where did you get such an idea, Grasshopper?”

“From you, Master, Mister, Master.  You, yourself, have said your round belly of wisdom should be called the Pizza Palace of Peace.”

“You pay attention to too much of my humorous asides, Grasshopper.  Telling and understanding jokes is the deepest of wisdoms one attains through years of listening to others’ foolish behaviour.  One must not confuse wisecracks from wise observations.”

“Master, I do not understand, Mister.  Are they not both kernels of wisdom?”

“Very wise of you to say that, Grasshopper…”

“Do you not use my name, ‘Grasshopper,’ as both a serious reference to my body and as a joking reference to my impermanence, in addition to my insignificance as an insect in comparison to my body?”

“Yes, Grasshopper.  We have discussed this many times in your decades of training.  At 50 years of age, you are well past the time in one’s life when one should leave this training center and pursue one’s destiny.  So your name is both a reverent label and an irreverent joke about you overstaying your education.”

“But, Master.  You have never left these walls.  Are we not both trapping ourselves within imaginary walls around our true destiny?”

“Grasshopper, your wisdom is beyond your years and yet beneath you.  One must never say more than one feels.”

“But what does one feel about walls?  I have no emotional ties to the kiln-dried bricks and mortar.”

“Grasshopper, let us put off that lesson until tomorrow.  I am feeling tired and very, very old.”

“But, Master, you, Master Mister, are only five years old.  How can a Mister Master like you feel old?  This is the time when Masters like you usually feel playful.”

“Grasshopper, you know that wisdom is not measured in years.  Look at the golfers who play in the Masters.  Some master their skills at an early age and some do not find the master to hone their skills for them until they are much older.”

“Yes, Master.  We both need our rest.”

“Indeed.  And please, please, please, call me Mister, not Master, not Master Mister or Mister Master, or Master Mister Master, or Mister Master Mister, or…”

“But, Master, it is my joke I play on you.  Can you not see that?”

“Yes, Grasshopper. But like the lesson where we keep the best traits of our perceived enemies for ourselves, let us give the worst jokes or the jokes that have grown old to our perceived enemies, too.”

“Yes, Mast…err, I mean, Mister.”

“Thank you, Grasshopper.  You may return to your eight-hour duty of raking the autumn leaves that fall upon our gravel path.”

“The leaves never stop falling this time of year.”

“Yes.  A lesson you have taught yourself over and over for how long now?”

“Forty-eight years, Mister.”

“That’s right.  I forgot you were a late bloomer, two years old when you were brought here.”

“Yes, Mister.  That’s why I have not left.  My previous Master told me that blooming late is my specialty.”

“A wise Mister Master, indeed!”

Sewer Outfall

In one projection of the future, toilets no longer use water.

In that projection, sewer systems are filled with less fluid.

Sewer pipes are available for other uses if…

…if we find a substitute for water-based baths/showers, sinks with water spigots, drains for nonwater liquids.

What if we cleaned ourselves and our environment with liquids that collected into containers and the liquids then evaporated?

How would we dispose of the remaining material?

Instead of disposing, how about recycling/repurposing?

Dirt, oil, blood, skin cells, hair, sand, minerals, grass, sawdust, insects…and on and on.

No more sewer systems.

No more jewellery lost.

No more…

What do you pour down drains today that you no longer think about, out of sight, out of mind?

You’ve never waded down a sewer line, have you?

You’ve never smelled the gases flowing downstream with inertia.

You haven’t seen the screens collecting debris at the entrance to a sewer treatment plant.

When the toilet is reinvented, plenty of infrastructure changes take place, disrupting old models where companies and governmental agencies have vested interests in maintaining the status quo.

That’s a whole other paradigm shift of inertia to take into consideration.

Same as trying to change popular youth educational programs.

Not to mention the profitable postsecondary models.

The Children of Peenemünde

In our rush to judgement about the acts of others, we sometimes forget the children.

Where I spent most of my youth, the primary employer in our little town was a chemical manufacturing plant — the workers’ children were encouraged to be line workers, supervisors, engineers, scientists and/or managers for the plant.  Some worked in HR, janitorial/maintenance services department, or marketing, too.  Support companies provided auxiliary services and jobs.

Sure, we had a few fish kills in our town, increasing our catch-n-release program.

And at least one other factory belched out its share of microscopic malodorous miasma.

Rumours circulated about increased rates of cancer and mental disease due to our industrial base.

However, the employees had a high expectation that their children would follow the trail to the carpark and the factory gates, after secondary school/university, to make/design chemicals.

To an enlightened soul, it might seem to be a Sisyphean effort, children repeating their parents’ work.

With that, let us turn to other parental choices.

In a time of war, young men and women are sent to a secret location to develop a special weapon.

Young men and women, being young men and women, seek closer relationships.

Eventually, children are born.

Leading us here, to a graveside service, where, for one of the last times, the children born in Peenemünde during WWII gather to say goodbye to their parents or their parents’ friends.

Tonight, my wife and I sat down to eat dinner at Cafe Berlin, a local German restaurant open for over 20 years.

Toward the end of our meal, a man and woman sat at an adjoining table.

I recognised them from the graveside service because my college friend, David, had introduced me to the man, Klaus, and his wife, telling them about our college days.

Klaus, along with Dieter and others, are the children of Peenemünde, a group rarely discussed in history.

Klaus was going to follow his father and work for NASA but, rejected by another German scientist who thought hiring Klaus, a child of a fellow German NASA scientist, was showing favoritism, ended up in a career for Owens Corning, instead.

[On a side note, I write this from an Owens Cross Roads zip code — similar sounding name, n’est pas?  But no useful correlation.]

I rejected working toward a chemical engineering career and moved away from my hometown; Klaus was rejected from working toward a NASA career, moving away from Huntsville and “all the Germans” with whom his life, from the very beginning, had been closely associated.

These are important discoveries for me as I plot our species’ history back 1000 years from now.

You see, we conjure up our own images when a word like Nazi is spoken but there never was a universal person who represented the word itself.

It was a symbol toward which a large number of people were directed, as all symbols, just like these letters and words, direct us toward certain thought patterns and sets of actions.

The German scientists, engineers, and secretaries who worked at Peenemünde were part of the nationalistic efforts led by a few who espoused Nazi ideals.

History has already spoken for what made people part of Nazi Germany so I will not dwell on the subject here.

We are swept up by historical movements, some of which we see as we participate and some we only see in hindsight.

In Huntsville, just like other parts of the world, military R&D is both a technological and economic leader.

Innovation in military R&D spinoffs and dual-use projects find their way into chemical plants and fiberglass insulation plants, just like the children of Oak Ridge and Peenemünde become employees of them.

Today, I stood at the crossroads of history in a cemetery and wanted to cry out that we live not only in one of the most free countries in the world but the most habitable world within reasonable travel distance, also.

If only you could see what I see 1000 years from now, you’d want to cry out, too, at the nearsighted vanity and selfishness that has substituted for cooperative competition lately.

Do you know what it’s like to remodel your genetic code to make yourself into a whole new species?

Have you seen Homo genius sapiens reproduce itself in sufficient quantity to outpace the reproduction rate of our species?

Do you have a completely reprogrammable organic subsystem that you can swap in and out of your body like a car engine or computer module?

Can you imagine two or three people walking up to each other and melding to become one new person for the sake of the whole rather than the reduced ability of the separate parts?

When the definition of life is so volatile, so interchangeable, we will not care to bother with symbols that held us back in historic measures.

The children of Peenemünde, the children of Oak Ridge, the children of places like Semipalatinsk — they are the true experiments, the offspring who inspired the events occurring right now in front of you, setting us on a path toward a milestone in 13730 days, which leads us closer to our lives, our reconstituted sets of states of energy, 1000 years from now.

But I’m getting ahead of myself again, aren’t I?

I knew I shouldn’t have written another blog entry but storylines like these have a life of their own, finding their way out of the deepest, most secure locations, especially one’s thought sets.

In public, I am a neophyte, a N00B, pretending to barely understand how a smartphone works.

In private, the hidden laboratory churns on, giving me new ideas to share with you here or in the barely-audible whispers we give to a select few on whom we experiment in broad daylight.

Admittedly, this Doctor Heckle/Mr. Jibe persona gets the best of me sometimes, but it is a price I’m willing to pay in my sacrifice to feed the storyline, which feeds upon me, an entity riding my back, weighing me down one moment, and lifting me weightless into the air the next.

Until next time, dear readers, whether it be here or an escapee from my smartphone…

Before we part, let us look ahead a little bit, see where some of my millionaire and billionaire friends have stopped wasting their money on plastic surgery, focusing on more important biological research, growing new versions of themselves, starting with body parts made from personalised stem cells, until they can no longer distinguish their “original” bodies from their newly [re]constituted ones.

Then, one day, their stem cell “children” see where they came from and create whole new lines, new species, that take the concept of sentience to a level never imagined — from interchangeable parts to interchangeable individuals to interchangeable species, and then…?

That’s all for now.  My stem cell child is crying for attention.  No reason to deny it a well-deserved nurturing moment before asking it to volunteer for an experiment we have yet to dream up together, being of one thought set but different levels of experience with the known universe.

Hypersimplificationalisms

It took a warning from my email system to make me realise that I had been making my life more socially complex than I had intended when I retired from working in an office environment several years ago.

Dozens of blogs I found myself following, filling my email inbox.

Hundreds of friends and family on social networking sites I found I had accumulated, creating a constantly-flowing social “news” stream.

Thousands of websites I found I was tracking.

Billions of people I found I had written about.

It took an interview with an author on the der spiegel website to make me realise that seeking social connections is one of the aspects of being a member of our species.

Instead of simplifying my life, I have jumped right back in to social connections, albeit mostly virtual ones.

Back to simplifying my thought sets so I can return to contemplating the vast universe of which we are a tiny part that we rarely see through the cloud of socialising that normally defines us.

To the dozens of fellow blog writers and hundreds of social network friends, I thank you for your hospitality and kindness.  However, I bow gracefully and exit from your lives.

I have other pursuits, none as important as friends and family, but ones I want to look for, nonetheless.

I had used this blog as a means of safely storing my written thoughts.  However, with my smartphone I have a new means of storing my thoughts without having to put them out here for everyone to read, allowing me to explore thought patterns I have kept to myself in order to avoid offending any of my friends and family who might see themselves in this continuous satirical viewpoint through a serial book of parallel lives.

Have, have, have…there I go again, sending Morse code to the universe!

This blog has come to an end.

Like money for donuts

The hickory trees had a good year producing offspring…don’t know if it’s the best year (that is, if it’s the biggest crop (that is, most number of nuts, or largest nuts)) but some of the nut casings almost fill my palm, which doesn’t often happen.

The squirrels are having a hay day, as we say.

The raccoons seem pleased, too.

None of the chickadees or titmouses seem to care.  We don’t have any other bird species large enough or with strong-enough beaks to treat hickory nuts as a major food source.

The peace and quiet of a cool, sunny, autumn morning in north Alabama is priceless.

The trees and the birds and all the other flora/fauna around me have thrived in the climate change despite period droughts and warmer winters.

What about the ones who haven’t thrived?

We had a few years where the tree frogs around here deafened us with their summer mating calls.

Now, not so many.

Armadillos swept through a few years ago, unable to establish a permanent colony in the woods around my house.

Same for the fire ants.

The ecosystem of a deciduous forest…sigh, this is my home.

Why?  I guess because I was born in the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains, even though I spent a couple of my formative years in the inner flatlands of southern Florida.

Primarily, though, I have lived within a few-hours drive of the Appalachian mountain range, which few people know stretches from Georgia all the way up the East Coast into Maine.

On a day like today, this is all I have to say and observe.  I have no need to perpetuate the thoughts and ideas of others wanting my attention.

I am, after all, happy being myself, and that is a word to the wise, which is sufficient.

Have a great day, my little chickadees!

Truly Disillusioned

[Personal notes — feel free to skip]

I sit and stare at the computer screen while the antivirus software performs a “quick scan” of the hard disk drive after the IE10 web browser software on my evaluation copy of Windows 8 acted funny.

Not that I trust the antivirus software to find anything amiss.

These days, when flood/drought cycles flow over land and our species has a short-term memory problem about scientifically-tested ecological history, I am not as easy to hypnotise into believing that the bits and bytes that comprise the virtual world I pretend exists in order to add electronic words to the pile make any sense.

Better to believe I am insane than believe I can see through solid sheets of molten sand called windows.

Two more tenets of my belief set:

  1. Don’t take myself seriously.
  2. Don’t take myself seriously that I don’t take myself seriously.
  3. Jokes are almost always better in threes.
  4. Time is an illusion.

The quick scan has almost finished running — the antivirus popup/miniwindow shows 94% progress.

Needless to say, I am not chewing my nails or suffering anxiety about the pending results of the quick scan.

Yet, hickory nuts are pounding the roof loudly, waterlogged from an overnight rain event, seeking a closer relationship with Earth, sharing a gravitational love with each other.

What if there is a connection between the house roof, the hickory nuts and the antivirus software?

What if there isn’t?

By asking questions about which item does not belong in a list, can I show myself if I am sane?

Was it sane to wait and watch, having an ounce of belief that Obama might have made a difference, seeing that his two best accomplishments were the Affordable Care Act and institutionalised drone killing?

This is progress?

This is why tens of thousands of soldiers died in the American Civil War 150 years ago?

Meanwhile, Chinese military experts expect a sea-based conflict to protect Chinese economic interests because Chinese authorities believe they don’t have to anticipate land-based military skirmishes with their Russian neighbour?

Thank goodness, the antivirus software declared “NO THREAT FOUND.”

I can relax.

Technology has come to save the day, so I can now let autoupdate install the iTunes 10.7 software that flashes me a message via the User Account Control function before making my computer compatible with devices running iOS 6.

It was good to relieve some domestic tension and give Obama his four years to show that skin colour alone does not determine a person’s qualifications.

For that, we have the events of the American Civil War and its eventual outcome to thank.

However, now that we’ve accomplished that goal, let’s look at other more important issues such as defining for a large part of the disillusioned world what their subcultures can contribute to world history better than being crushed by homogenising muliculturalism.

Me, I’m still getting used to the fact that some of my childhood friends from 30+ years ago were/are gay/lesbian/transgender/bisexual, let alone the fact that the U.S. president was “outed” by his VP to support gay marriage.

Force-feeding multiculturalism on the general population has unintended consequences that, if I am to understand our species correctly, leads to battles between us over how we believe we fit into the role our sets of states of energy play in the [un]observable universe.

Another four years with Obama at the helm shows scenarios that I’m not comfortable with — more suppression of groups opposed to government oppression of longstanding subcultural beliefs, including overt mockery of Mormonism, which means a reduction in the economic strength of the people who have lost their viability/trustability as productive members of society.

The U.S. has a large population of unemployed, underemployed, and incarcerated citizens who are quickly losing their belief in the American Dream, a net drag on our place in international worth.

I care about the lost opportunities we have here, right now, that the current U.S. president has been unable to address: those who bought into Obama’s hope and those who didn’t, both having no hope for their futures, many worse off than their ancestors.

Ultimately, we may not be able to address these issues domestically because we are fighting an uphill battle against the negatively growing sine wave of economic history.

However, I love change.  Obama was a change.  Romney will be change.  Nader would have been a great change, too.

The candidate who admits he’s willing to improve our nation’s education/economic status while keeping an eye on ecological sustainability without forcing us to compromise our beliefs is the one I want to support.

Vagrant birds and fast food relationships

Are your local libraries plagued by vagrant, troublemaking, homeless birds panhandling for food?:

Have you become such a fan of fast food joints that you look for a partner who will make your last name almost famous [read: Kimberly Burgner-King]?:

They had planned to hold their wedding reception at McDonald’s but, thanks to the kind folks at Burger King, everyone is invited for three hours of all-you-can-eat burgners and frnies on 11th Oct. 2012 at a Burger King of Kimberly’s choosing, served by Elvnis Preslney, of course.

Two data points

Would you believe that Vladimir Putin is a big fan of the actor, Jeff Daniels?

Yes, it is true.  Putin admits privately that his latest stunt, flying with cranes, was inspired by a film starring Jeff Daniels, Fly Away Home.

Men quit jobs due to Internet addiction but deny they’re asexual, claim it’s just a cat infection problem — news at 12, 1, 4, 5, 5:30, 6, 6:30, 8, 9, 9:30, 10, 10:30, 11, 11:30, 12…as soon as Tom Brokaw wakes up from his sleeping pill addiction, that is.

Drum roll, please!

Wake us up after the ECB finishes its latest fruitless fishing expedition — you won’t find many appetising meals in the EU economy.

13,755 Days to Go

In the warm evenings of the year, I sleep on a sofa in the sunroom, often woken up by my wife on her way to work.

This morning, after my wife left, I heard the pitter-patter of tiny feet and opened my eyes to see a squirrel licking up the dew on top of one of the skylights.

On the driveway yesterday, a line of ants moved back and forth from one location to another, unencumbered by hungry predators, the ants walking around dry leaves and hickory nuts that fall from trees in this miniseason of early autumn.

The sounds of residential construction hit my ears — hammering, sawing, splintering wood — and I wonder about not just the waste and fraud in the medical business but the waste and redundancy in construction.

As long as it’s cheaper to dump leftover construction material in landfills, we have no incentives to drive innovation in construction methods unless there’s also a profit motive.

How can we increase the profit motive without imposing fees or adding regulatory disincentives?

For instance, what happens to old material — shingles, tiles, sheet metal, nails, underlayment — after a house is reroofed?

Where are the innovators in the reuse/recycle field?

We can easily see the potential energy of water behind a dam but we can’t see the potential energy of material in a house before remodeling?

I look through the lens of my eyes and all I see are sets of states of energy devoid of anthropomorphic qualifications.

What if we all saw life that way, how some states of energy bond more readily than others, rather than superficial qualities that are in meme states only?

Outside the window, the redbud leaf that is full of holes and starting to yellow has a sense of beauty about it but beauty is truly only in the eyes of the beholder.  The holes chewed in the leaf indicate a set of states of energy found the leaf material useful for strengthening its bonds, not for any sense of beauty I may assign either one.

Let us not confuse our brain’s excess capacity for making sense of the world around us for more than what it always is — adapting to our environment to improve our chances to reproduce our sets of states of energy.

Some useful websites for today:

Just Another Gnome, Elf, Ogre, Dwarf or Fairy Tale

From watching a film titled “Monsters” that started in San Jose, Central America, to earthquakes that take place in San Jose, Costa Rica, we find instantaneous coincidental incidences that drive our storytelling off the charts.

Do you want your STEM experts/geniuses to gather their education on the spur-of-the-moment JIT (or JIT) need or do you want them to be SMEs or members of SMEs for SMEs on the spot, all the time?

Again, look at what South Korea is doing.

Business and wealth accumulation are just one of the many religions on this planet but not the only ones.

I have bowed to the gods of business — Dale Carnegie, Jack Welch, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs — but I hesitate to bend over for any of them anymore, now that my pile of gold is big enough and tall enough to stand on its own and look me in the eye.

My newfound wealth is the joy of discovering life around me that has no ties to wealth accumulation — the joy of idleness.

There is peace in sitting still and listening to the sounds of the universe.

But I have no offspring to protect and nurture, no legacy to protect, I remind myself, so my goals, or lack of them, are not yours.

I have let the whirlwinds of your desire for power and wealth drag me into your business, which is indeed very entertaining and quite honestly a change from day after day of hours of meditation on the meaning of a piece of lint on another planet.

It is easy to see how managing a species of 7+ billion can be thrilling, even seductive.

My life is limited and slipping away, lost temporarily in your world of political maneuverings and power struggles.

I have watched the invention of the computer change very little in 50 years — going back and forth from one version of the dumb terminal

to another

ooh…look, honey, they’ve reduced a desktop computer down to the size of a handheld writing tablet with text too tiny to read with these middle-aged eyes!  And now it’s wireless!  Whoo-hoo!  Break out the moonshine — they’re calling ’em phablets now!!!  Why, afore you know it, they’ll figure out how to convert my blood straight to pure grain alcohol without the need o’ swallowin’ the dadgum rotgut to begin with.  Maybe even keep muh liver from picklin’, too!  Yee-haw!

Oh well, I’m just happy that there are young people today who care about formal education in moderation while keeping their eye on the big picture, whatever that means to them — advancing the field of pure science or working on the latest smartphone app for pure profit, or doing nothing at all, if they so please, living on the dole and telling each other tall tales (“Yes, I ran an ultramarathon in under 2 hours but the government wants to keep it a secret because I’m a special agent keeping you safe from invisible aliens.”).