The title is the pronunciation of a dish at a Mexican restaurant — doesn’t look as appealing as Pollo Loco, does it? 🙂
Tag Archives: humour
Unexplainable Behaviours of My Neighbours
My fourth trip. I consider myself one of the lucky ones, able to travel from Earth to Mars and back as a pilot and host for lifelong experiences.
How many science fiction novels and short stories I read before I turned six and entered Genius School!
Here I am, in my prime at 21, ferrying my fourth group of travelers, some who’ll expand the major settlement, New Hope, some who’ll choose to open new outposts, and a few dignitaries who are making the trip simply as a goodwill gesture, reaching out a hand to show unity between our two biggest planetary settlements, Earth and Mars.
Doesn’t seem that long ago when one of the Martian exploratory teams discovered a large deposit of a rare radioactive material and declared it belonged to the people of Mars, not the financiers and governments of Earth.
The debates on Earth of sending a military enforcement team to quell the “upstarts” went on for a few years before it was decided to let Mars start its own independent governing body and fall on their faces from failure, hopefully.
Little did the Earthians expect to see independently-minded wealthy families send a mass exodus of their offspring to increase the population and supplies on Mars, staking claims in remote regions as longterm investments which have paid off for many of them.
Ferrying refined ore to Martian moons was the first step in establishing a reliable transportation hub where the ore was used as input for autonomous 3D printers that evaluated the input of humans and created the most efficient landing-and-launch system ever devised.
Ferrying people and ore is pretty much the same, the only difference simply the conversion of life support system equipment space to extra storage for ore/supply transport.
I look forward to a few months of R-n-R fun, setting up observation posts for a company on Earth that’s interested in selling holiday packages to Martian workers. The freedom to pick where I want to set up the posts will allow me to choose whomever I wish to accompany me on my forays across Martian plains, mountains and valleys.
Of course, there are the inevitable conflicts with globalised Martian corridors that are offlimits to settlement, cordoned off for uncommercialised access channels to outposts settled and claimed. I know I’ll run into illegal settlers who’ve squatted on the most picturesque settings which would serve as perfect observation posts.
I can usually bargain with these types, though, because they inevitably need one thing or another to keep their hidden settlement going, including extra hands and 3D printer parts (sometimes a combination of the two).
Eccentricity is the rule, rather than the exception here. Everyone is an expert and the greatest authority on the subject of some obscure facet of Mars.
Well, it’s time to get out of Martian orbit — our travelers have seen enough of the surface from up here, I surmise — and head toward a moon spaceport.
Which port shall I choose this trip? Ahh…a mental ping from a former observation post companion, waiting for me on Phobos.
Phobos, it is. “Fellow passengers, nothing to fear — we’re turning this boat toward Phobos. Hang on!”
Links o’ the Day
Saw the first one and it reminded me of a catalog I received in the mail from the second one:
If it weren’t for the battery life…
If it weren’t for the battery life I’d keep using the resistive screen of the 7-inch Sylvania Android 2.31 tablet, which meets my basic needs for checking email, listening to Internet radio, looking at some of my favourite websites (as well as a few random ones for edification) and maintaining a daily blog.
That sums up the life of one mortal human being tied to the electronic social network as defined/updated by us in this moment together.
I believe we have arrived back at a blog entry in which the storyline we’d left where the reluctant leader steps back into the picture and tells us how things are going on the Committee, don’t you?
Either that, or release random ASCII character sequences that represent the latest cracked password of a heavily-guarded secret location and let the world of script kiddies have fun for a day.
Sold by Jennifer Nye — independent consultant — the wax of a block of Amber Road ™ Scentsy wax melts in a bowl atop a Morocco warmer which sits in the place where a spider web/dropping covered book by Paul D. Ackerman used to collect dust.
As the room fills with the hints of smells of an exotic bazaar, let us step into the shoes of the reluctant leader and see what’s going on…
Hi there! Reluctant Leader here again! Just the other day I was nibbling samples at a shoppe called Nothing Bundt Cake, remembering the scene in some Greek-themed film where a character tries to pronounce the word “bundt.” In front of me, an eager man watched my every move.
You know the type, always gauging the customer’s desires, trying to meet the character’s needs, catering to the curmudgeon’s every whim, no matter how surly he may be while stroking his curly, unkempt beard.
That was me, the Reluctant Leader, in ordinary disguise, acting upon my urge to Manage By Walking Around.
You see, the Committee is back in crisis mode (is there ever a moment we’re not?).
As you’re fully aware, we coordinate the activities of people you would say are aligned with major political public business entities called nations.
It’s our policy to leave pretty much well alone the individual decisions of those who feel they have been destined to reach the highest offices of their politically-oriented business paths.
For instance, we could predict when the leaders have to use toilet facilities very easily but we’ve learned it’s best to let the leaders think they’ve decided on their own, unpredictably, when they feel the urge, regularly or irregularly (in fact, it was one of my predecessors who won a wager because he accurately predicted when and where George Bush deposited his meal in the lap of another dignitary).
Do you consider yourself one of those average citizens who is mentally engaged in silent conversations with or makes extemporaneous, expository speeches to the people around you about the goings-on of the elected or appointed officials in your geopolitical zone, and get emotionally involved in the actions of officials outside your geopolitical zone?
Chances are you will, if you don’t.
In addition to herding all seven billion of us toward establishing offworld colonies, I have the assigned goal of keeping you believing that world leaders are not actively talking to each other about the apparent rogue actions they take.
Some of you know better.
The Committee is composed of direct representatives of major trends in motion, including the most common sociopolitical movements about to change your life forever.
Because trends range in age from a few fleeting milliseconds to many centuries, the Committee membership varies accordingly.
Just the other day, I found an ancient-looking mummy propped up into a dark corner of the Committee Conference Center (sounds formal, but the room is really just an old cave in, at this time, an undisclosed location near some of you).
I started to ask if any of the Committee members knew where the mummy had come from when it spoke. Turns out the mummy is an old member of a line of Celtic leaders who’d hope to take over the world a dozen or so centuries ago, but when the vote came up, the mummy had fallen asleep and did not awaken until I started poking around in his pockets for spare change.
He gave me some wisdom that I’ll share with you as soon as I translate the curse words he had for me into something more family-friendly.
Always trust your Mummy to tell you the honest truth about yourself!
Anyway, it’s getting close to lunchtime and I’ve got a few errands to run. Afterward, I’ll sketch out the plots, subplots and false trails we’re planning to place in the popular news media to keep you clenching your teeth or nodding your head in your belief that subpopulations are out to get you or out to support you, depending on your mood we’ve set at the time.
It’s seems silly spending so much of my time making sure your idle moments are filled with what we want you to think, but if it gets us closer to permanent settlements on other celestial bodies, I’m game.
Does that mean I have to stop calling myself the Reluctant Leader? It’s not like I completely relish all the fine details of putting subcommittees in action to plant ideas in blogs, tweets and street protests which inspire editors and producers to send their reporters out to fill columns and video screens with the news we want you to use and spread…
But I’m just a character in a blog and that’s my only choice, isn’t it?
Can you find the correlation?
Four links, one theme — you can figure it out easily enough:
Global Branding Enigma of the Day
Currently residing about 80 miles from the Helen Keller Birthplace in Ivy Green, Alabama, I found this global branding of sunglasses using a blind person’s name an interesting enigma: how many people in China know who Helen Keller is?
Do you?
You should.
But is she more important a phenomenon than tardigrade egg survival in the rigours of space travel?
Time to read through my daily list of friends’ blog postings for other gems. Example:
Friday the thirteenthby effimai |
I’m planning to stay in the house today as I’m not saying I’m superstitious BUT I had enough bad luck last year without adding black-cat-walking-under-ladders-breaking-mirrors shit aswell.
I don’t want to believe in it, and on a normal day if I stubbed my toe while rushing round to get ready I would silently swear every swear word I knew and then get on with my day. But if it was Friday the thirteenth, earlier when I did just that, it was just so so typical and expected because it was this day that it happened.
I don’t really understand the whole superstition thing especially with salt. If you spill the salt you have to spill it more by throwing it over your shoulder. Therefore making a lot more mess. Also you’re not meant to put new shoes on a table. I often, very often buy new shoes but I don’t have a table so its all ok now. The black cat thing I don’t believe in, because if you’re driving a car at 70mph and a cat crosses the road, the cat will be dead. So it will be the cat’s bad luck.
One of my friends when we were younger was walking to school with me and she avoided stepping on every crack in the pavement the whole mile walk. There was a couple of paving slabs that were so broken she had to jump over them. While jumping over them she fell and broke her ankle in two places. So obviously has the worst luck ever.
SO today I am going to avoid the outside world (And not JUST because i’m hungover, really hungover) but because bad things may happen. But the good luck charms are always worth looking for. Grab a four leaf clover, try and get a seven year warranty on a mirror and travel back in time to meet a chimney sweep.
iPad Motion Sickness Syndrome
I have friends who’ve achieved and accomplished their whole lives.
Here, on the 11th of April, while I look out the window at the jungle of a yard that keeps my house cool in the summer, my friends’ stories stand out in my thoughts.
Meanwhile, my sister and I (with help from my wife and mother) assemble a set of notes and medical reports to give to medical experts to help understand where we can go to get a firm (or as close to firm) diagnosis for my father’s medical predicament(s).
The tree leaves and limbs do what they do best when breezes pass over the undergrowth, grabbing my attention as joggers and walkers avoid speeding cars on the road ahead.
Disco light dances across the window screen and onto the end table holding up a power strip, grow lamp, computer monitor, scented oil lamp, 3Com modem cable, incense bowl, light timer and a book a friend gave me titled “It’s a Young World After All.”
I am open to hearing and reading about alternative views concerning the history of our species.
I am willing to accept my friends’ opinions about their achievements and accomplishments.
I do not fret about belief systems in the majority or the minority and how they may or may not sway the thought sets of people both young and old like the wind shapes the forest around me.
There aren’t as many seedpods on the redbud outside the window as there were last year.
There are thousands of people who buy handguns and rifles every year and will never use them, storing them for a collection or trading them for something that looks more useful than the ones they first bought.
It is part of our global cultural interaction that drives some to buy weapons for self-protection on an active, daily basis.
There are those who travel great distances to provide basic medical care and deliver simple foodstuff in order to raise the standard of living in regions of the world not well-connected to local/regional caring social networks.
And then there are the few who seek membership in the Galactic Exploration Society.
In this moment, when the actions of others — friends, family, acquaintances, and instantly formed/lost friendships — find spaces in my thoughts, I look around the room of my study/meditation zone and wonder how/if happiness is contagious.
Some days I pursue the wrong activities.
My father is a man of action more than contemplation.
I have always been more of a man of contemplation rather than action.
From my father’s U.S. Army days in Germany during the Cold War to his most recent days of teaching students at ETSU as an adjunct professor, he found happiness in social engagement.
I find happiness in analysing interesting data more than in stressing pre-arthritic joints while swinging a scythe.
Both of us are products of the influences of ancestors, peers, descendants, and commercial interests.
My father grew up to put country first.
I grew up to put planetary exploration first.
The influences upon him influenced me.
The same goes for the achievements and accomplishments of my friends.
The Sun heats the planet and air pressure changes create wind which passes through the forest, influencing my thoughts and the thoughts of people passing in front of my yard.
Staring at an iPad, my head bent down while my finger slides news articles across the screen, like the scenes around me flashing past when I’d hold on to the rails of a merry-go-round during recess in elementary school, causes motion sickness.
While telling the tale of our species from a long perspective, how do I incorporate the images above into one where we’re looking at our achievements and accomplishments that’ve put people on the Moon and cybernetic explorers on millennial-long journeys?
It’s not the brain of Stephen Hawking that I want to preserve — it’s his thought patterns that are interwoven with the society around him I want to perpetuate, ensuring that they continue to evolve unabated by the physical presence of a brain or a body bound to a wheelchair.
My father, however, is a different story. His physical AND mental presence are both key parts of what he means to me and my desire to push our species beyond primal tendencies to create dystopian nightmares where survivalist weapon hoarding is considered normal behaviour.
It’s also more than that but I’ve allowed myself to become a mortal human, subject to daily interruptions of bigger dreams, distracted from the plan set in motion by a group of people I’ve spun into a literary device called the Committee to capture the attention of those prone to primal thought patterns so that we can achieve a goal 13,904 days from now with all 7+ billion of us fully involved as sets of states of energy in the visible part of the universe with which we’re most familiar.
Are hopes and dreams intimately tied to happiness?
Perhaps.
How much does the passing of a single redbud leaf in front of the window have to do with dust devils on Mars?
Do you understand the immense distance between our planet and any celestial body with potential compatible communicable sets of states of energy that would interest us more than as laboratory experiments?
A lesson I learned one summer during sales training week for Southwestern Book Company decades ago still applies today:
The story concerns twin boys of five or six. Worried that the boys had developed extreme personalities — one was a total pessimist, the other a total optimist — their parents took them to a psychiatrist.
First the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with brand-new toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. “What’s the matter?” the psychiatrist asked, baffled. “Don’t you want to play with any of the toys?” “Yes,” the little boy bawled, “but if I did I’d only break them.”
Next the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist emitted just the yelp of delight the psychiatrist had been hoping to hear from his brother, the pessimist. Then he clambered to the top of the pile, dropped to his knees, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. “What do you think you’re doing?” the psychiatrist asked, just as baffled by the optimist as he had been by the pessimist. “With all this manure,” the little boy replied, beaming, “there must be a pony in here somewhere!”
That, my friends, is why we get up in the morning, making miracles every day. No matter how much we may be distracted by the mundane, or even happy being perfectly anonymous, there’s always a chance that pony will appear out of nowhere and change our perspective.
In fact, I guarantee it will.
Look at me. I never thought a tablet PC could cause motion sickness until today, which has completely changed my desire to write the Next Great App.
Where is Watson?
Instead of coding my new app, I’m sitting here, pondering the itches at my elbows that hint at a poison ivy infection picked up from hacking away the brush in the front yard ditches.
Brush? A generic term, standing in for periwinkle (both Vinca major and its variegated leaf variety), privet, sweetgum, hickory, cedar, sumac, poison ivy, Virginia creeper, forsythia, deciduous ivy, and an unknown set of grasses that manage to push up into the sunlight.
Hackers aren’t just mainly guys who try to script their way into computer systems.
Speaking of which, where is that omniscient Watson computer system that can look at a person’s EMR set and determine one’s major illnesses? Do I have to keep depending on the limited brainwave combinations of people to assess my father’s health?
Hey, I’m all about socialising in the moment, getting to know people and their motivations, giving back to them whatever makes them feel happy/wanted/needed/fulfilled.
However, I want most of all to put our social network to use for the sake of my father and his nuclear family right now.
Otherwise, I’ll open up the case that cradles the crystal ball and share with you the next few decades and centuries of technological advances that will make a subset of our global population very successful, including the means of complete ownership of political officeholders, with no cares about hiding how our population really works in every so-called enlightened age.
Do you know how many people’s backs, both local and foreign, you’re living on to create the time you call leisure and the objects you call luxury?
Do you know how many people, both local and foreign, are living off of you to support the time they call leisure and the objects they call luxury?
I’ll save those questions for a scenario in a future chapter of the story of our lives together.
Time to return to writing my app. After all, so far I haven’t found a way to get apps to write themselves by reading my thoughts and figuring out exactly what I want and how to implement it on incompatible technology platforms, just like I haven’t found an automatic way to get doctors to act as one “the buck stops here” stop to solve my father’s medical problems.
I’ll catch up on thanking others soon.
Cheap purchase of the day: keyboard/cover for iPad2
A Plate of Leftover Food is My Canvas
As as experiment, make a series of appointments with medical professionals, describing a part of your condition and medical history at every appointment.
Then, observe the effect your partial medical history oratory has on the attempt of a medical diagnosis.
Keep in your thoughts the fact that your complete medical record set is available to each professional in turn.
Of course, specialists will tend to focus on your malady in reference to their specialty.
Can you see a pattern emerge?
Will you receive a “true” diagnosis based on the state-of-the-art in medical practice today?
Let’s say, for a hypothetical example, that you have a throat-clearing problem which recently developed into the lack of ability to find common words in your vocabulary and then devolved into the inability to speak or swallow, which may or may not have anything to do with the “thrush” or tongue infection you can display easily.
At the same time, your garden variety of medical experts has prescribed a handful of medication to consume on a daily basis, some of the medicines requiring close monitoring (every two to three days) but your doctors only see you every two to three weeks. In addition, some of the medicines have been shown to have moderate side effects or known contraindications for not prescribing together in the first place.
On top of all that, one or two members of your family have experienced episodes of severe depression but up into your late 70s, you have not (yet).
You end up not being able to eat for several days after weeks of eating very little, losing a lot of weight and getting admitted to a hospital emergency room due to malnutrition and dehydration.
After a few days, a PEG tube is put in your stomach and passed through your abdomen wall for nourishment.
Therefore, a few of the medical professionals think you may have had:
- a stroke,
- myasthenia gravis,
- fungal infection,
- negative drug interaction response,
- ALS bulbar option, sudden onset,
- geriatric depression,
- dementia,
- some mix of all of the above, and/or
- to be determined.
I know there’s a comedy skit just waiting…no, begging to be written about the above situation but I can’t imagine it because my face is up against the bark of a tree and I can’t see the surrounding forest shading me from the bright light shining on the world’s greatest medical calamity sketch.
I can use testing to eliminate the first two options above. For some reason, the third option isn’t going away. The remaining options are testable to some extent. The fifth is a death sentence no doctor wants to give.
I can solve the perceived problem of world hunger (provide a Green Revolution to many parts of the world and accept that no distribution system will prevent the death of millions in some parts of the world due to political instability and wealth inequality).
I can send Earth-based lifeforms to other celestial bodies.
Yet, here in the landmark year of 2012, I can’t get a panel of medical professionals to agree to a diagnosis for my father’s current, finite set of bodily conditions.
If I hear yet another specialist say, “Well, I can’t determine your father’s condition because it requires a different specialist,” I think I’ll toss the whole medical profession into the category of high-falutin’ quackery and call it a day.
Reminds me of the recurring thought of mine that our transportation devices long ago reached their point of maximum usefulness and have succumbed to the concept of feature creep that dooms every product to creative oblivion.
The guru in me told me a story (the previous phrase is a literary device so just go with it)…
Long ago, your ancestors looked at the raging storms, the swelling seas, the spewing volcanoes and said, “This is how the gods communicate with us. We must figure out a way to respond.”
Not so long ago, your ancestors figured out how to send message via smoke signals and said, “The gods created us. Thus, by learning to communicate via smoke signals to each other, it must be the same way that we can communicate with the gods.”
Recently, your ancestors developed “invisible” radio signal communication technology and said, “Gods are inventions of ours. They were alien to our less sophisticated level of understanding the universe. Theoretically, aliens exist, maybe in godlike status to our modern-day level of understanding; if they exist nearby, they must have evolved to our point of advanced civilisation at one time in their evolution; therefore, let’s use radio signals to send messages to aliens and listen for them on our radiowave receivers, hoping that our civilisations are in similar stages of evolution.”
Today, your contemporaries not only use radiowave transceivers but also lasers to communicate across the solar system and say, repeating your ancestors’ way of thinking, “If our galaxy is teeming with advanced technological life, it has lasers crisscrossing it—tens of thousands, millions of them—and we should be able to pick up some spillover. Also, some aliens are going to try to communicate with us. Maybe they are literally pointing their lasers at us and we just aren’t looking.”
That just as easily explains the way medical science looks to me at a 1000-year perspective from now. We have not mastered the connections between subatomic, atomic, molecular and life science systems, still basing our theories on unproved/misguided theories of the past.
Time to crawl back into my cave and contemplate the formation of limestone deposits, watching the life of our planet change one…slow…drop…at…a…time.
13,906 days to go…sigh…
Finger tapping goodness
Candle light mysteries feed eye-starved sensibilities.
I began that line while contemplating the input methods of the three previous generation tablet form factor electronic interface devices that’ve sat beneath my fumbling fingers — Amazon Kindle 2, Sylvania SYTAB7MX 7-inch Android mini-tablet, and Apple iPad 2.
Question: which is more productive than the other and ultimately more productive than pen and paper pad for me being me?