Fraulein (2006)

“Ever think you’re thirsty and you realise that what you’re feeling is longing?”

Ever been dying and know nothing else matters?

You could be a Presbyterian and not a Christian.

A piece of peanut butter taffy.

Or joke that Qaddafi and the Norwegian mass murderer are both big fans of Coco Chanel.

Stop being hard on myself and keep writing, making amateur movies, getting sunburned, bitten by mosquitoes/ticks and not feel bitter about what was, enjoying what is and let what might be, be.

Time for a nap.  There’s plenty of time for dying tomorrow.

Or the next day.

Or whenever the cells can no longer fight off high blood pressure and plaque.

Then play with Ubuntu.

And post another section of novel.

Life, what’s left of mine, at least, is good.

Are You With The Program: A Novel

What is the secret to life?  What if the people who lived next door to you or worked in the office next to you had the secret to life, tried to share it with you and you were laughing so hard you missed it?

Bruce Colline climbed the ladder of success, despite not knowing the secret to life. He didn’t need a set of secret codes or membership in a secret society. He never memorized special rites.  Yet he traveled the world and met interesting people.  He and his family enjoyed financial security. With his same lack of secrets and sense of humor, so can you.  

Follow Bruce as he's led behind the scenes to top secret hideaways in the United States and Ireland, hideaways where the movers and shakers of society hold special meetings to determine the fate of humankind. The people he meets mesmerize Bruce with their speeches. In the end, will he find falsehood or truth behind their masks and myths?  

Editorial Reviews

manuscript review by Publishers Weekly, an independent organization

“Exciting…middle manager’s life in the world of software engineering. Bruce Colline, the narrator, works for the software company Cumulo Seven. Its program, Qwerty-Queue, may or may not have something to do with influencing financial markets… [when] the plot develops a modicum of forward momentum, the author quickly dispatches Bruce to a conference call, a meeting or his email. By the end, [he] stumbles upon some … truths about corporate America.

Amazon Top Reviewer

Graceful and competent…  The idea seems to be a corporate satire involving an overlooked research and development organization specializing in … Software? Architecture? Are they competing against other organizations? Facing layoff or merger?


Amazon Member Reviews

 

Unsettling combination of James Joyce and Dilbert, February 1, 2008

By E.A. Lovitt, “TOP 100 REVIEWER” (Gladwin, MI USA)

This author may well be hailed as the James Joyce of the 21st Century. “Are You with the Program?” is a rather unsettling combination of “Ulysses” as narrated by Dilbert. The only difference between real life in a Silicon-world start-up and this excerpt is the giant spider that cocoons the narrator on his way to a meeting in a tree house.

All of this energy. All these words. Where do they lead? Well…I mightily enjoyed the doughnut fight, the flashback to the Argiope aurantia, and the description of the engineers as `zoo animals’ living in “metal cages covered in sheetrock.”

If this novel were animated, it would have drop-downs and pop-ups and Jedi knights with light swords dueling across the page.

Scott Adams and Robert Aspirin’s love child!, February 2, 2008

By R. Kyle, Winner – best reviews for excerpts by Breakthrough Novel Award semifinalists

 

So, this is the future of cubeville?

“The zoo animals – the engineers who Paul managed – lived in metal cages covered in sheetrock on a back hallway and took advantage of the wide berth given them to perform Rube Goldberg experiments.”

Silicone Valley Sweatshops are common. You live the job if you work for some Fortune 500 computer companies. That’s today’s reality–and the author’s awful posit is probably possible.

An alliterative opening offers an interesting interlude…the alliterative author provided plentiful pundits which generated gusty guffaws.
 

Funny? Ridiculous? A Fine Line, February 6, 2008

By A. Luciano, Winner – best reviews for excerpts by Breakthrough Novel Award semifinalists

I really enjoyed the tone of this story, with its dry humor established right from the start. The description of the items the Qwerty-Queue engineers have in their possessions, the places they obtained them, and the things they invented, was strange and hilarious.

The comparison of office workers who simply sit and do their jobs to sheep is amusing and a nice metaphor.

The story of Mike was incredibly creepy and well written. Despite the fact that it seemed to have nothing to do with the story’s progress so far, I was riveted.


Dubitable Testimonials 

“Not one single mention of Greece.  That’s okay.  We read it anyway.” – The Classical Greek Speaker

“A book like this we’ve never seen.  Should quickly fill up truck stop shelves.” – Motion Trucking Industries 

“Every sports fan has a favorite book.  Make someone happy and give this book to a friend.” - Orange and White Press 

“To discover an intelligent discourse on the vagaries of cloaked societies, one must dig through stacks of books, blogs and other banality. Rare, indeed, does a single volume grab your attention with just a whisper. The need for weeks of media exposure to gloss over the tasteless trash that passes for most popular books today puts this reviewer on alert for that overlooked buried trove.  This book, with its rich, dark satire, will make you want to look back at all your friendships and wonder what you missed.” – The Sentient San Franciscan 

“I picked up this book at the recommendation of a friend. After reading Are You With the Program?, I’m not sure who my friends are anymore.” – J. Schlebotnitz, address withheld by request 

“While teaching psychic reading to my children, I’ve learned that some truths speak for themselves and some have to be experienced to be believed. The author of Are You With The Program? has chosen a path where truths can neither be seen nor experienced. I wonder if I should have chosen such a path many years before I started reading palms.” – Madame Reducio, Psychic to the Mob 

“We promised to review this book.  We just didn’t say when.” – Blue Highway Reader 

“Beware the person who takes shamanism lightly for he shall wander the earth aimlessly! If you want to know about shamanism, read my book first. You and your tax attorney can thank me later.” – Alger Trist, author of Shamanism and You, How to Turn Your Business Around using Spiritual Guides  


Are You With The Program? 

Richard Lee Hill, II  

                                 SEMIFINALIST,

  Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award


Publications by Richard Lee Hill, II:

Sticks to Lying, 2006

Helen of Kosciusko, 2006

Milk Chocolate, 2005

 

A Work In Progress: The Unabridged Works of Rick Hill, 2004

Including works from the previously published books,

Of Friends, Neighbors, Lovers and Miscellaneous Passers-by, 1992

and

A Quiet Repose, 1998

Works also published elsewhere (as Rick Hill):

And So It Came To Pass

Romance Writers Try Comedy

Arete – Literary Magazine, Univ. of Alab. In Huntsville (2001)

 

The Official Social Protest Songs

Striving for Efficiency

Gallery-Walters State Community College literary magazine (1985)

Published by

Tree Trunk Productions
261 Mohawk Road
Big Cove, Alabama USA 35763-9249

Cover design by Richard Lee Hill, II
Second Print Edition, April 2008 (e-Edition will be available at http://www.treetrunkproductions.org)

Copyright © 2007 Richard Lee Hill, II
All Rights Reserved.  Creative Commons License – Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported (see appendix)

= = = = =

 

All trademarks, registered trademarks and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.

For all work not originated by the author in this publication, contact the copyright owners about permission, fair use, etc.

Printed in the United States of America.

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the copyright owner and the above publisher of this book.

For Wikipedia and Wiktionary reference material only: permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify the Wikipedia references under the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any later version published by the Free Software Foundation; with no Invariant Sections, with no Front-Cover Texts, and with no Back-Cover Texts.  A copy of the license is included in the section entitled “GNU Free Documentation License”.

 
 
 


 

Creative Commons license

 

For all work originated by the author in this book, the following Creative Commons license applies:

Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported (see appendix)

You are free:

  • to Share — to copy, distribute and transmit the work
  • to Remix — to adapt the work

Under the following conditions:

  • Attribution. You must attribute the work in the manner specified by the author or licensor (but not in any way that suggests that they endorse you or your use of the work).
  • Noncommercial. You may not use this work for commercial purposes.
  • For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to others the license terms of this work. The best way to do this is with a link to this web page (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/3.0/, accessed 31 July 2007).
  • Any of the above conditions can be waived if you get permission from the copyright holder.
  • Nothing in this license impairs or restricts the author’s moral rights.

 

 

= = = = =

 

All trademarks, registered trademarks and copyrights are the property of their respective owners.  For all work not originated by the author in this publication, contact the copyright owners about permission, fair use, etc.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

I dedicate this to my parents,
who have shown me by example
that the Optimist Creed
is not just a nice set of words to read
but also a wonderful way to lead your life:

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

To give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

 
+ + +
 
With love to my wife for her patience
while I gave up the benefits and security of a 9-to-5 job to work on this book.
 
+ + +
 
Thanks to my previous employers whose workplaces inspired this story!



Table of Contents

The Clubhouse.

The Test Lab.

The Program Management Office.

The Committee.

EPILOGUE.

APPENDIX – Attribution-NonCommercial 3.0 Unported.

Until the new blog is ready to go…

Every night I give myself dreams with which to entertain the neural pathways of my brain.

Some mornings, or interrupted moments at night, the dreams doubly entertain me.

And, for many like myself, the dreams become reality.

In other words, I’m happily mad.

My ability to control the environment around me cannot be real.

So, I resort to feeding off my dreams.

With so many people creating physical versions of their crazy dreams, from Disney World to the Third Reich, why do I feel guilty pursuing mine?

Guilt or low self-esteem?

How does a chameleon personality live, or even survive, within self-perpetuated dreams?

Upon what do I feed?

Should I tell you my nightmares?

Every one of them?

Or the insanity that is me, hidden inside this normal-looking body?

I saw the first part of a movie about Gilda Radner and heard her say that when she was a kid, she dreamed of going on stage.

My primal self asks, “Is that a viable dream?  We have to feed and clothe ourselves.  What does standing on a stage acting out silly skits got to do with the reality of basic survival?”

In other words, I felt envious of Gilda’s realisation of her childhood dream.

Me, I just wanted to think and write for as far back as I can remember.

I’ve acted out silly skits on stage, including one that I co-wrote back in junior high school.

I was president of the high school drama club for two years, performing in several stage productions.

I worked the cash register at a fastfood joint.  I cooked the food, making personal decisions about the quality of the food I was passing to the customer.

I’ve given speeches, spoken about business proposals, held conference calls, managed my own employees and coordinated international product development/production.

Forty-four years after the first time I remember thinking for myself (as opposed to simply recording what was going on around me), I am here thinking and writing for myself again.

How much do I value this freedom?

Would I join others who oppose restrictions on my and their similar freedoms?

My parents always thought I’d be a peace marcher if I was born ten years earlier; yet, despite many opportunities, I’ve never created an anti[pick your favourite cause] sign and picketed anything.

Other people’s causes are not my style, although, as a chameleon personality, I have found myself repeating others’ words and phrases in mock protest.

I guess that’s what it is, isn’t it?  I mock myself and others because none of it seems real.

This is all just one big dream to me, from first conscious beginning to last conscious breath.

Otherwise, none of it matters.

Except one desire…

I crave variety in small doses.

Despite my ability to manipulate the environment around me, I don’t need to feed that ability to make me who I am or will be.

Ruling the universe, or just local parts of it, seems absurd.

I am the result of my environment.

An environment full of people climbing over each other to get what they want, to be heard over the din of noises of this planet, this solar system, in order to validate their existence in some way.

For some reason, I can’t take any of it seriously.

My self, especially.

I’m sure there is a “why?” and an appropriate answer for why, but it doesn’t really matter.

I just want to daydream, and if my daydreams cross your paths, then my chameleon personality will reflect you back to yourself and I’ll go on, seeking the variety in my daydreams.

I am the greatest person alive in my daydreams so why should I seek validation of my greatness from you?

I am also the worst person alive, the smartest, the dumbest, the cleverest, the clueless, the thinnest, the fattest, the oldest, the youngest, etc.

A universe of seven billion personalities exists in this body/brain combo.

That’s a large reason why I’m closing this blog down.

Just because I can latch my chameleon personality onto the whole species and reflect what’s going to happen next doesn’t mean I enjoy it.

It’s just what I do to seek a quick burst of variety in my imaginary dream world.

Like a bad drug habit.

Addicted to predicting social/planetary change.

And in the process, accidentally causing the change to happen.

I don’t want to cause change.

I want to keep dreaming my crazy dreams, where violence and peace live next door to each other, taking turns wiping each other out and regenerating like a cat with infinite lives.

Or a tapeworm.

Tragedy and Comedy knocking each other off the stage.

You can see where this is going.

Your reality IS my dream world.

Crazy, huh?

There’s no escaping dreams or reality.

It’s all the same.

Insanity is sanity, or the other way around.

One can be an Eagle Boy Scout and a scoundrel at the same time.

One can see suburban life as paradise or suburgatory.

If I have to seek a thought that tells me, “Well, now, suburban life is just fine.  Have you ever seen the shanty towns of Mexico City or Rio?  Or the hundreds of thousands of starving children in Africa, India or China?  Doesn’t the thought of those places make you feel so much more secure and happy with your easy, suburban life?,” then I have coated over the shack of my thoughts with overpriced, opulent wallpaper.

And yet, here I am.

Sitting in middle of suburbia, relatively crime-free (except the aforesaid scoundrels like my former youthful self wandering the neighbourhoods as preteens looking for mischief because our parents could only afford to pay for a few after-school indoctrination/training lessons, giving us freedom to explore the woods, honing our new scouting skills, or break into abandoned homes, repeating what we’d seen on television and in films, playing spies and stealing little items for our “secret agent” clubhouse).

What is this chameleon going to blend into next?

Good question.

In the meantime, I’m going to serialise some of the books I’ve written where I realised my crazy dreams on paper.  (Well, not paper, actually.  I guess I could say I realised my dreams on screen.)

Dreams that took into account some of the stories you’ve told me (remember, I’m a chameleon, or leech, as the viewpoint may be), reportedly about your real life, no matter how imaginary it, too, might be.

Enjoy the show!

[This note was written in LibreOffice 3.3.2 Writer under Ubuntu 11.04 on a SanDisk 4 GB SDHC card connected to a Transcend SD card reader attached to a Compaq Presario C501NR Notebook PC]

“Hope you still remember me…”: Chapter of Joy

What a small world it is.  I received an email from a friend (and former work colleague), Ganesh, who announced:

This is Ganesh. I used to work at the Redmond office but was originally from Mobile, AL. We used to have “fun” conversations about BAMA vs Tenn. Anyways, you have sent me a gift package when you found out I got married [2006? 2007?] and in that package, you included a pair of baby socks….well, after many years, the baby finally arrived to fill those socks J Thanks again for the gift, my wife and I had kept them in the case for a long time and are just overjoyed that we get to use them now!!!

Her name is Adahlia Grace.

Adahlia (muh baby) means God is my refuge.

Now, I’m a great enthusiast for the University of Tennessee but after UT comes SEC schools in general (as far as sports fanhood goes).  So, as you can see in the photo, I was willing to help a fellow SEC school fan support his school.

UT fan says “job well done!” Now, don’t forget to root for the Vols when you get older. 😉

Observation

In this experiment of a blog, I’ve noticed that the more I talk about hate and murder, the higher the high site hit count.

That says too much to me about today’s blog readers.

Thus, this blog is being shut down.

On a side note, the Committee reported significant progress.

As you know, members of the Committee own, operate or have bribed the designers and builders of all nuclear weaponry on and around this planet.

Today, they announced they have nearly full control of the global arsenal.

Now, they need not worry about any stray comments from politicians.

Good day!

Schulz/Thiel/Bezos vs. Buffett: Chapter’s A Study In Scarlet

Was it Truman who said, “Drop the bombs, kill millions if we have to, and let God sort out the dead”?

By living in this country, I, as a citizen, support capital punishment, illegal use of drugs, killing other motorists through driving while texting/talking, political fraud, college football fraud, and other actions that my fellow citizens, either in elected/appointed political positions or not, condone by living here together.

Time to take a break and stop talking about any of this, especially our incoherent/inconsistent politicians – let them eat cake, with a file in the middle, from a prison cell, for all I care -they’re legalised crooks.

I’m bored sitting here with the chattering class.

I used to think it beat being dead.

Now I’m not so sure.

Time to curl up with a book and imagine life not in this moment.

A little bit closer to my natural death one day.

Where’s a good nuclear winter, Sagan, when one wants to start this experiment all over again?

Can YOU trust who’s carrying the football for this country?

Irreplaceable: Chapter sings the immortality blues

Can’t get enough of not getting enough of you all over the Internet?

Only in Kentucky would a horse collar make sense on a human.

Bush, Obama, Karl Marx, Adam Smith, and Ben Bernanke walked into a bar…and got drunk on their excessive successes.  Sorry, this isn’t a joke.

Food and water.  You decide when enough is enough.

Without living survivors of horror, we’ll repeat it.  I’ll repeat, I guarantee we’ll repeat the horrors of war.

Kick ’em out by not feeding their political habits.

Will they eat their words or have to eat their words to survive?

Ethics – it does a body good?

From tiny cubes do giant technology company entrepreneurs grow.

Is Chromium OS an element or elemental…or just plain mental?