I ask myself…

…as I look forward to a week of personal technology-based project developments and dance practice, I ask myself, “If my happiness is dependent on my financial relationships with other people, what happens when my financial well runs dry?”

Translation: how many friends have I bought with money?  I can’t think of a single person who has called me up just to get together for pure fun.  Am I deluding myself into missing those who HAVE tried to contact me?  Yes, now that I think about it, there are a few friends, maybe one or two, who have called me once in the past year to get together for lunch.

I asked for the life of a hermit who has assertiveness problems in the presence of other people, afraid to ask people for help because I’ll then feel obligated to help them in their time of need when I’m not that helpful of a person, and I got it!

Guess that’s why I see nursing homes and assisted living facilities as fraudulent places to steal your money, huh?

Looking at my personality traits in the funhouse mirror is enlightening, downright depressing today…all because I didn’t have the nerve to ask a stranger to dance last night!

Time to stop beating myself up and, if I can, motivate my wife to eat lunch with me so we can practice dancing this afternoon.

Belief systems and families

The last time the remainder of my “nuclear” family got together, my sister gladly rejected the belief systems of her/our parents, making my mother sad and me angry at my sister for emotionally upsetting our mother.

The question I have to answer for myself — do I ever want to speak to my sister again?

Do I want to keep away from her (and her away from our mother) because she resoundingly rejected our parents who sacrificed their time and love for us?

My wife’s mother died more than a year ago, changing my perspective of family.

My father died this year, changing my mindset about life in general.

My wife and I have no children, only nieces and nephews who will be responsible for our care, should we live into our senior citizen years.

They say that blood is thicker than water but now that my mother in-law and father are gone, I can consider thoughts that I buried deep inside me a long time ago.

My sister was my rival from the moment she was born.

She clung to me wherever I went for many years so, as a result of my jealousy, I did everything I could to get her in trouble with our parents instead of me (and it worked most of the time).

I could not get rid of her until I started school.

Even then, we saw each other every day after school and usually on the weekends so, of course, I did everything I could to get her in trouble instead of me (and it worked most of the time).

For decades now, our belief systems have drifted further and further apart, reminding me of my early childhood experience where my sister was a rival for our parents’ love.

Now that my sister has demonstrated she is not interested in perpetuating our parents’ teachings, should I just tell her goodbye and let her drift off and away from our family’s core beliefs?

Every generation decides what the previous generation’s contribution to society was worth.

My sister and I hold different opinions on this matter.

I have many thoughts to consider before making a major decision about my relationship with my sister while my mother is still alive, especially with the holidays coming up.

More as it develops…