Any Wonder, One Hit, Two Hits, Three Hits, Four

I was told yesterday that the Rutles are getting back together and recording a new studio album.  Rumour has it that they plan to name their album “Minus One for Tea – Before It Becomes Minus Two,” releasing it in either audiocassette or 8-track tape format exclusively.  One band member allegedly insists that publishing the album in parlour pump organ sheet music is the only route to eternal infamy, but not necessarily success.

Also, protesters have assembled their own list of the Seven Wonders of the World:

  • The world’s largest potato chip
  • The world’s largest open pit mine
  • The world’s smallest inbred dog
  • The world’s most inept government because it actually operates at a profit
  • The world’s least useful technological achievement that still made its inventor a gazillionaire
  • The world’s longest running protest movement that doesn’t achieve anything worthwhile, nor plans to
  • The world’s most creative business card that still did not generate any new leads
  • The world’s first bullet point listing the eighth wonder of the world which does not exist because eight is seven plus one and, as you know, one is is the loneliest number…

When my three parents had three parents who came from three parents who…

Today I celebrate the birthday of a person dear to me so my observations of your world from 1000 years later will wait until tomorrow.

Therefore, here are your two data points and that’s it:

You get your bonus, too!;

Best comment of the day, in response to this post:

  • HandandShrimp25 January 2012 8:40PM

    Mildly surprised that “Do you want Scotland to be an independent country?” was chosen over Labour’s preferred “Do you want to recklessly break the Union and give everyone leprosy?”

And people wonder why Kingsport is…

…the butt of jokes told about the Tri-Cities.

Pardon me while write a little joke of an angry rant about a place that I hope time will forget.

I grew up near a town that belched stench, polluted rivers and ruined fishing waters.

Sure, some of my schoolmates live there with their children.

My parents live not far away (take that back – they were recently annexed into the dirty industrial town).

However, little has changed in the fiefdom.

Kingsport still stinks.

The Model City has no respect for rural landowners.

Like no many other towns in which I’ve lived in or near.

Who’s there to protect those who prefer the rural life from the flood of city/suburban dwellers with no respect for pastoral peace and quiet?

As always, I wish the fleas of a thousand camels to infect anyone associated with the government of Kingsport, especially those who impose their expansionist beliefs upon decent farmers and their families not wishing for industrial estates, interstate highway fast-food stops or other such “civilised” dis/interruptions.

May Kingsport remain the forgotten stepchild of upper east Tennessee.

May tornadoes and floods destroy the town.

May misery and disease beset the people who live there.

May Eastman Chemical Company find some other worthless place to park its enterprising headquarters.

May any chain/franchise that opens a business in Kingsport suffer bankruptcy and scandal.

May crime and drug abuse attract the children of Kingsport.

May God forsake anyone who dares step foot onto Kingsport city limits.

And if that’s not enough, may door-to-door salespeople sweep through houses and apartment buildings 24 hours a day, nonstop for years, until whole neighbourhoods are abandoned and house prices collapse precipitously because the residents have all entered the funny farm, their backs laden with magazine subscriptions to help young salesmen and saleswomen live their dream of traveling overseas.

There, I feel better.

I guess you can guess that I’ll never move back to Kingsport or anywhere near where its malodorous/cancerous fumes can reach.

Pic of the day

Across the street from me, workers walk the roof beams of a new house under construction.  If I hold my fingers up and sight a worker between them, the worker is about ant-sized from here.

The house wasn’t there a week ago — the walls and roof are going up quicker than seeds in the former farm field took root.

Years have passed since the last time I heard an AgCat swoop in and out, spraying the fields full of soybean, corn or cotton.

Instead, row after row after row of suburban tracts spread east of here.

When, 1000 years from now, while we’re sitting here discussing this blog entry, will we understand the concept of suburban living?

Will we perceive a period of growth of our species when two-dimensional plans for living space were a common norm?

When did it become an uncommon norm?

Tiny bricks-and-sticks castles members of our species once called home.

I stapled sheets of galvanised metal mesh over holes under the eaves of our house to limit attic access by raccoons.

Although I didn’t mind watching the raccoons come and go, my wife couldn’t sleep at night when the baby raccoons bounced and chased each other above the roof over our bed.

Silence fills the space where the raccoons once played.

I’m sure the broad-headed skinks and bats will return to the attic and chimney, much quieter occupants that my wife will not know about — out of sight (and sound), out of mind, as they say.

When did people think grassy spaces were the preferred method of landscaping around one’s domicile that was most acceptable?

Sitting here on a celestial body devoid of ants, spiders, moles, trees, snakes, algae, fungus, ferns and mold, I wish I could explain why my ancestors let their yards grow wild.

You don’t appreciate what you had until it’s gone.

Sure, some of my workmates have found ways to play games once popular on Earth — golf, tennis, futball and such — but the dust they kick up tells the story, doesn’t it?  Nothing living that disturbs which we destroy to accommodate our leisure gamespace.

That’s the thing about living here.  No competitition against other species to keep us busy.  No insect/rodent exterminators, no crop insecticides, no preservatives or other means of fighting back nature’s way of seeking equilibrium, inertial or otherwise.

We’re not completely sterile, of course.

We’re so integrated with each other, though, that we detect the start of pathological infectious disease infestation in one of us so quickly that we can redirect resources, both internal and external, with the tiniest of thoughts, repairing and adding telomeres as long as we want to stay alive.

At 503 years of age, I’m older than most here on this colony but still younger than some lifeforms on Earth, both mobile and stationary.

Am I wiser?  I don’t think so.  Ubiquity of information makes all of us as wise as another.

Well, it’s time I revert back to your chronological space and share my mortal self with you, observing your ignorance and suppressing a smile at how antiquated everything you do seems to me and others 1000 years in the future.

Don’t think of this as time travel.  Think of it as me immersing myself in your historical records, becoming one of you virtually while parallel thought processes of mine live in my time, too, “earning” my place in our mesh-network society.

Don’t we all feel this way?

“偶然重拾荒蕪已久的稿紙,那未了的書寫工程,其實暗藏勃勃生機。既面對現實,也面對歷史,可以另闢一個戰場。庸俗的政治權力,並不能遮蔽真實的歷史。坐在城市邊緣,又坐在鳳凰樹的葉影下,春天的陽光再次照射在空白的稿紙。站在一片廢墟,帶著清理戰場的心情,又回到沒有輸贏的文學閱讀。早年的許諾,並不能藉由政治形式來實現。迂迴走過旋轉的道路,最後還是回到原點。政治往往是一種減法,排除所有意識形態的異端,也建造一座封閉的城堡。文學是一種加法,以開放的態度容許異質的藝術想像。權力是一座迷宮,文學是一個出口;政治史是興亡史,文學史是傳承史。”

文/陳芳明

Ponderables of the day

1. A reader responds to the article, “The blue-state trap,” with a strong personal opinion:

  • Amity, Monday, January 23, 2012 at 8:0011 pm

Articles like this annoy me. The United States has been profoundly divided politically for nearly a quarter of a millennium. We have never not been violently at odds. I mean, red states and blue states used to go to war with each other. Elected representatives fought each other physically in the halls of Congress. [note: pre-U.S. neighbours fought and killed each other during the American Revolutionary War]

Spare us the weepy sad sorrow for the bygone days of halcyon bipartisanship. When were these days of golden unity? They never existed.

And as for the idea of a “missing center,” I can explain the apparent conundrum very easily. The urban centers of America are the center. Some go center-left, most swing center-right. The reason why you all can’t find the common ground that doesn’t consist of going further right is that from here, from where you all are, there is nowhere left to go but further and further right.

The Democratic Party is by any sane application of the terminology a center-right party. The Republican Party is far right — more or less fascist in practice, if not in principle.

The actual American left, such as it is, consists mostly of a small number of miscellaneous Occupy protesters, shivering in the cold.

Oh, and also, spare us the horseshit about homogeneity in liberal enclaves. There are few American cities with more fractured politics than San Francisco.

2. An ode to the Gulag Archipelago – Love, American-style.

3. Aurora forecast.

4. A nod to the new director of UAF’s Geophysical Institute, Robert “Bob” McCoy.  Tell us more about the importance of thermokarst lakes, why dontcha?

5. A nod to Christian Schrader, a geologist from NASA Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, who helps find meteorites in the Antarctic.