Thanks to: Chamick at Pizza Hut; Sarah at P.F. Chang’s; Donna at Pier One; Shally at Plum Tree; Jenn and Janet at Earth Fare; Food City; Coldstone Creamery; Parkway Place
What is religion?
Cultural anthropologists observe line of vehicles at petrol station, assume the vehicles are receiving tinctures of holy temple oil, declare petrol stations the ultimate church/temple/mosque/synagogue.
Pull up, receive instant blessing, and drive off — that’s the kind of drivebys we need these days!
The more change in your pocket, the more your pocket stays the same.
F3LKJ
F3LKJ reminded me in this morning’s status meeting that her team had already invented a an audiovisual sensor array that resembles rosacea and is easily installed on faces with no adverse effects.
Using skin pores as multipixel sites, capturing high-resolution images, combined with stereo sound and an experimental smell sensor, F3LKJ’s team invention can turn one of our field agents into a complete cybernetic wunderkind.
After our meeting, I met F3LKJ at our meditation centre.
Here is audio portion of our conversation.
[sound of lighting candle]
“Ummmm…”
“Excuse me.”
“Yes, F3LKJ?”
“Are you meditating?”
“No. Why?”
“You were saying, ‘Ommmm…'”
“No, I was talking out loud to myself and was temporarily at a loss for words.”
“I see. Well…”
“Ummmm…”
“If you need to finish the conversation with yourself, I can leave.”
“No, I was just clearing my throat.”
“Okay. Anyway…”
“Ummmm…”
“Look. I’ll be glad to come back!”
“No. Stay. I can talk to myself and listen to you at the same time.”
“Very well. See, there’s a problem with the sensor array. It’s…well…”
“Ummmm….”
“Would you stop that?!”
“Umm…what did you say?”
“That sound you make is annoying.”
“Sound? Sorry, I was deep in meditation for a moment there. I hear a whisper of sounds of your voice in my thoughts. A sensor array problem, you said?”
“Yes. And please stop meditating right now. Look, I’ll make it quick. The sensor array has, for lack of a better word, developed a synergy all its own, forming a symbiotic relationship with our test subjects, widening their consciousness, so to speak…”
“…As if they’re in a permanent meditative trance?”
“Precisely!”
“Good. It’s just as I thought. I had one of your techs embed one of the sensor arrays in me last night after you’d left the lab. I feel like I’m at one with the universe all the time now.”
[sound of dancing feet]
“But, sir, what if there are any negative side effects?”
“A leader must take calculated risks and, because your team performs flawlessly all the time, I felt it was a risk worth taking.”
[more dancing feet sounds]
“Sir, your dancing is distracting.”
“Dancing?”
“Yes. Or at least I assume your flailing around is what you’d call dancing. Why didn’t you inform me of your plans?”
“I didn’t want to bias the results with you spending extra care on my installation. By the way, did you know there’s an undercurrent of electricity that pulses through you when you’re trying to control your behaviour. Quite subtle!”
“Sir! You make me feel exposed!”
“F3LKJ, you are the first female on our team who I feel the least attracted to, despite your perfectly acceptable, socially well-defined, physical features.”
“Thank you, sir. My parents were sticklers for details and managed every step of my DNA sequencing, from gestation through my formative years, up until the moment I was handed over to the State for public indoctrination training.”
“A shame about that last part, isn’t it? What if you had been freed to develop away from conforming to the least common denominator amongst your peers?”
“No, sir. It was a freeing experience, letting me know that my specialness was highly unique. I rarely conformed to any normative baselines.”
“Very well. Any other concerns?”
“Yes, sir. I am worried about the Committee’s proclamation that one a day will be killed until this current crisis is solved. Aren’t we advancing away from death threats as a means of self-actualising the whole population?”
“Ummm…I feel myself a part of the universe, where words like violence are without meaning…we are just the intersection of sets of states of energy in motion…death is reformation…life is…ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…”
“Sir? Sir?”
[Sounds of dancing. Sounds of candles kicked over. Sounds of fabric catching on fire. Sounds of running.]
= = = = =
NOTE: The new firesafe Meditation Centre is under construction. Please use the library annex for meditation purposes until further notice. Also, wax candles have been banned from the library but you may bring an electronic LED flicker candle to simulate meditation focus points, if you like.
Put to the test…
Using the warrantless wiretapping law against the ones who passed it, the Lawmakers Watch Institute now tracks not only the location of lawmakers but also audio and video of their locations, including conversations, body language and secret discussions with lobbyists (both friends and family) through their, their assistants’ and nearby mobile phones, using cloud technology that can piece together fragmented scenes/sounds such as wall/window vibrations; electronic interference with the IT wired networks running beneath floors and in walls/ceilings; shiny surface reflections such as oily skin, eyeballs/glasses, mirrored and metal jewelery; and interbody waveform exchanges invisible to the naked eye, creating a virtual 3D space-and-time tracking system of nearly the whole subset of the global population using or in close proximity to mobile phones, webcams, closed-circuit video, interactive TV and the Internet of Things in general.
In other words, for you lonely people out there, rest assured that you are not alone — your mobile technology is watching your back.
In tech news…
Fewteurismo Motors unveiled its latest model at today’s press conference.
Combining face-recognition tech, black box works and GPS, the car can be stopped and /or remotely operated by police if felons, drunks or others wanted by the authorities need to be apprehended immediately.
A demo showed a person with an outstanding warrant getting in the rear passenger seat, the doors automatically locking and the vehicke autonomously driving to the nearest police station.
Ruralites Prepare for WAR!!!
The Ruralite leaders studied the heuristic history of historical historic histrionic history.
They knew the best way to win a war was to recruit the Berserk Berserkers.
How do you contact the BBs without drawing attention?
You attend their rallies where they congregate secretly in public and shoot BBs.
For years, the BBs had used the cover of Quentin Tarantino films as a meeting place.
Recently, the film “Inglourious Basterds” had been used by a subsect of the BBs for remembering the glory days of the Nazi regime, where BB BBSes filled with comments about how the NewNeoNazis, the NNNs, could overcome the mistakes that the Third Reich’s SS made in showing weakness for wine, women and wasteful public patriotic gatherings that distracted from the true goal of worldwide manufacturing/retail shopping slave creation.
Lately, the film “Django Unchained” was being used by a subset of a subsect of a subculture of the BBs remembering the glory days of slavery, where colour was an easier tracking tool than clothing, fingerprints, eyescans, DNA and online social media profile for separating the 99% slaves from the 1% masters.
The Ruralite leaders convened in a virtual meeting, every leader sitting down at a coffee shop with a special video chatting app that made it appear the leaders were talking to their children in a first-person shooter game when, in fact, they were chatting with each other’s old visages.
“We raised the ruckus and forced the populace to use their own resources against themselves — buying weaponry freely available on the open market with their food stamp cards and other government entitlement money — rather than raiding the arsenals of their repressive government.”
“Hallelujah! Convincing us to read ‘The Art of War’ paid off!”
“What’s next?”
“Using their fear of food supply line cutoff against themselves?”
“Absolutely.”
“Any other suggestions?”
“Well, we installed remote control devices in a bunch of the government’s military vehicles. Is now the time to roll tanks through downtown streets and crash military aircraft into government buildings again to build rumours that the populace is under attack by the government and government employees are the first wave of people fighting back?”
“Good idea. It might just turn the populace against its own. What was that old saying that’s out of favour…’God shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’?”
“Yes, it’s time to invoke God’s wrath. Let us steal yet another motto…”
Lifting a cup of pure coffee to the webcam in unison, a quiet chorus cried out:
“Business! Science! Competition!”
Rebel Alliance
Spielberg admits he’s a big fan of the Confederate States of America — modeled Star Wars on struggle of CSA against tyranny of USA — wishes there were two countries instead of one.
More of the exclusive interview where he reveals whom he modeled Darth Vader on…at 11!
Plus, will he tell us about the new secret alliance of lone wolves set to attack, now that they’ve been fully and legally armed, if any middle class citizens less than millionaires are taxed in the next few days?
Weitere Bücher, die mein Vater gehörte
Going through the small library of my father reminds me he was not always rough and gruff but had a sense of humour and a soft side that he shared with friends and family:
Ashleigh’s mashups
Dec. 25, 2012 Dear Friends,As my Christmas present to you, here are 77 of my thoughts and ideas from the past several months. They may not all be good, but I do claim that they’re all original – at least not consciously copied from anywhere else. Please don’t try to read and absorb them all at once. With judicious savoring, they should last you into the new year. I will of course, be interested in your comments. Tell me the five you like best, and I’ll let you know how the “votes” come out.——————————————————————————————————————————————- 1. Nothing is more guttural than a motorcycle. 2. Port and pork – wine and swine. 3. I’m leaving it entirely up to me. 4. I’m here now – the rest of my life will have to take care of itself. 5. Humanity has its own constitution – it’s called the Code of Civilized Conduct. 6. Do you prefer his fingerprints to mine? 7. Once it was “Look me in the eye.” Now it’s “Look this robot in the eye.” 8. Who invented poverty? 9. If God had listened to me, none of this would have happened. 10. The first step towards understanding anything is to classify it. 11. Shouldn’t surgeons be required to sign and date their work in some machine-readable form? 12. Something not yet perfected: kissing by telephone. 13. Not even the worst masochist really wants to experience grief. 14. The Basic Rule of Opportunity is “Seize It!” – but the next rule is “Be Careful!”. 15. Who gets the parking-place nearest to your heart? 16. I want you to be the first to know that I have already told everybody else. 17. What sane person doesn’t sometimes think about the futility of life? 18. Making decisions isn’t so hard. What’s hard is living with the results. 19. There may come a time when the most heroic thing you can do is go on living. 20. Trouble begins when certain kinds of mistakes which are normally the exception become the rule. 21. Reality always wins in the end, but some of my dreams put up a very good fight. 22. Successful suicide is a once in a lifetime experience. 23. Saints Bartholemew and Valentine share the fame of massacres committed on their days. 24. It’s not always easy to get my own permission before taking a serious risk. 25. On the world’s wonderful pathway, I have somehow fallen between the cracks. 26. My room needs me. 27. Plumbers’ theme song: “I’m always chasing drain flows.” 28. When only nothing will do, one is one too many. 29. Does anything make sense? If so, you probably haven’t thought about it long enough. 30. If you always expect reality, you’ll never be disappointed. 31. I try to take one thing at a time. Life is one thing. 32. If you have to wonder whether you’re having a good time, you’re probably not. 33. The best experiments are performed with no expectations. 34. Mental and physical defects can keep you out of military service – but not moral defects. 35. You can’t forget the sun once you’ve seen it. 36. Epitaph: “I’M TAKING IT EASY TODAY.” 37. There’s not enough space for all of us beneath my burden. 38. What are the side effects of not taking anything? 39. NO ANXIETY PERMITTED ON THESE PREMISES. 40. Challenge 1: Find the smallest thing there can possibly be. Challenge 2: Cut it in half. 41. Idea for a book: “STOP! – A HISTORY OF BRAKES.” 42. Does any country sell advertising on its postage stamps? 43. Yes, I know, that was then and this is now – but tell me, what happened to then? 44. What we need is a drug to cure addiction. 45. I prayed to God, but he said I was not his client. 46. Who’s there – friend or government agent? 47. The verdict: guilty of irrecoverable loss. The sentence: death by sadness. 48. Yes, I want a better tomorrow – but I want it today. 49. In the long run, what difference does anything make? 50. In measuring time, why do we have “seconds,” but no “firsts”? 51. My bandaged dreams. 52. I can make everything go my way, but only by going everything’s way. 53. What makes reality hard to accept is that it keeps changing just when I’m ready to accept it. 54. Attempting to clear up after a hoarder is an exercise in domestic archaeology. 55. ATHEIST ZONE: NO PRAYING. 56. You can’t change who you are, but you can change how you feel about who you are. 57. One advantage of a long life is that you can make more and more comparisons. 58. What is this a time to do that I am not already doing? 59. Everything’s OK for the moment. And the moment is really all there is – until the next moment. 60. It’s not easy to find people happier than I am, but I’m sure they must exist. 61. Somehow I’ve been given a free life membership in a very exclusive club called Humanity. 62. When can we ever say “Now is the time for hysteria?” 63. People who are willing to risk their lives will always be needed by people who aren’t. 64. It can be very lonely and uncomfortable to be the only one who’s right. 65. Fingernails are often useful – but what good are TOENAILS? 66. Enjoyment is spreadable. You can enjoy remembering the past, anticipating the future, and being in the present. 67. Whatever would I do with all the time I’d save by not thinking about you? 68. Nowadays many people live much longer than they should. 69. Nothing is really inevitable until after it has happened. 70. Everything can be explained – but then comes the problem of explaining the explanation. 71. Two kinds of tables kids don’t like: multiplication tables, and vege-tables. 72. Why aren’t my two files called “EVERYBODY” and “EVERYTHING” enough to keep my life in order? 73. I distinctly remember doing something, but I can’t remember what it was that I did. 74. Don’t ask me to explain anything until I am a little more out of my mind. 75. Being alive is a life-threatening condition.76. The radio: BOX POPULI. 77. If you don’t like the story of your life, it may not be too late to change the ending. ———————————————————————————————————————————————-And here’s one that doesn’t really belong on the list, because it’s too ephemeral, but I can’t resist sharing it with you:** Were Thelma and Louise wearing seat-belts when they drove off the Physical Cliff? **All the best,Ashleigh Brilliant
How is the future futuristically nostalgic?
The provisional Ruralite government in exile announced today that, in order to overcome the weak ineffectiveness of the Urbanski government in power, which is reluctant to enforce laws on the books that would strengthen its world standing, all Ruralities are authorised to match the brutality of Mexican drug cartels, using the following methods and logic, as necessary, to get their point across that theirs is the government of your future:
1. Headless bodies of lawbreakers may be dumped on the side of the road.
2. Illegal immigrants and other heathens/pagans are lawbreakers.
3. Atheists are brainwashed zombies and considered lawbreakers, per recent disclosure by the Doonesbury comic strip creator: http://assets.amuniversal.com/92c335402c5a01300755001dd8b71c47
4. Any person or persons professing nonRuralite beliefs is/are lawbreakers(s(s(es)]}).
5. Lawmakers are lawbreakers by definition.
6. These rules break the law and may be dumped by the side of the road or nailed to signposts/trees as examples to others.
7. Murderers are God’s way of turning the innocent into saints and are equally revered by angels in the afterlife — their lawbreaking incarceration/ostracising treatment has been declared unlawful and those who have not welcomed murderers, no matter any combo of government assassins, anarchists, psychopaths and/or drunk/distracted drivers, into their subcultures are lawbreakers.
8. Restaurants that serve meals which are too big to be consumed healthily by patrons on a 2-to-3 meal or 5 minimeal per-day regular caloric diet plan are lawbreakers unless they designate on menus or placards that portion sizes are allocated on the assumption that leftovers/doggie bags are mandatory.
9. The number nine is a lawbreaker and banned from further use.
10. Without the number nine, ten becomes nine and is also banned.
11. All numbers after eight, eliminated one-by-one as a substitute for the number nine, have been banned as lawbreakers.
8(d). Manufacturer’s suggested retail price is a sign of heavenly profitseeking here on Earth and lawful.
treetrunkdings 