“I’m not a virgin”

“I’m not a virgin,” said a friend at a party tonight.

“No. No, she isn’t,” smirked a former lover of hers to me as an aside.

Married nearly 31 years, I am like a virgin, still the same guy who in high school a girl I was once alone with and made no sexual advances toeard said to a male friend that thought I was in love with her, that I was clueless sexually.

And still am.

A friend told me that if I believe in open marriage I should be more assertive and take more chances with women other than my wife.

Hell, I don’t know how to act when I’m alone with my wife!

I know how to act sexy, dance sexy, hold a woman sensually but I don’t know how to kiss or make love.

Seriously.

It’s one of the major issues I’ve had, intimacy.

It’s why I wish I was dead rather than risk being alone with a woman and it become apparently obvious I’m all but a virgin.

It’s the secret I share with you here, the generic, invisible, nonexistent reader rather than share it with friends who might laugh at me or worse, try to break through the barrier that separates me from the universe.

Tonight, I am dead.

Alone.

From birth to date, clueless.

Childless.

Nothing left to achieve.

Nothing left to hope for.

No one who understands.

I give up.

I have no one to talk with.

Never have.

I am the Great Pretender!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s