Of all the things I’ve accomplished I’ve never overcome my shyness with people.

I don’t know how to ask someone I don’t know to go out for a bite to eat, let alone go somewhere alone together.

Forget about sexual contact.

I may always be a quiet, shy nerd in that regard.

It has been the one bright spot of my marriage, that my wife was willing to accept ten years of celibacy from me when I became a married monk, seeking meditative solitude.

Women from high school on literally threw themselves at me sexually and I was either clueless or didn’t know what to do.

Guess I’ll always be that way.

I have been told I’m good at giving orgasms to others so it doesn’t seem a problem with the act of love.

I just don’t understand how to ask for something that seems so selfish of me to inquire about.

It is why I give you these words, unable to verbalise my thoughts of sexual desire and take away from what has been an uncomplicated relationship up ’til now.
Admiring you from the distance of a text message or sharing a dance in a bar is all I know how to give you.

Will that ever change?

The ten-year in me doesn’t think so.

He’d rather die than kiss a woman, especially someone as strong, intelligent and beautiful as you.

This coming from a guy who has done things he never thought possible around the world with millions of dollars at his disposal.