Lean

What is love?

Is it wanting to ask you how your mother is doing, how things are with you, how well, if ever, you’ll recover your Japanese language skills?

You are always you (the individual), and the universal you (the other/not-me) –the subject/object of poetic discourses.

You are the person on whom I lean when letting my guard down because we are dance partners occasionally, not often, but often enough to know what it’s like to be student and instructor at the same time.

Tonight I lean on you because I want to write about the future and you tend to be the portal on the future through which I see sets of states of energy trillions of state changes later.

You know what I mean by saying I’m bisexual, an orientation that is outside human understanding, an association with binary programming, a reference to a gender-neutral belief structure in a time where two such as us explore Mars as quasi-approximations of the human framework but designed for Martian life, no longer Earth-based humans.

I see that future as clear as if I’m alive in it now.

It is there whether I’m surrounded by strangers on a train or reclined in bed looking up at the popcorn ceiling.

It is there in the direction our species is going, what I observe in the daily reports from professional news organisations and social media.

I do not know what love is, having spent my childhood avoiding pain, my thought set ahead of my parents’ socially prescribed punishment methods for perceived misbehaviour but unable to reason with them until I was in my mid-teens.

Love for me is more about logic and reasoning, understanding as I do that love is showing my vulnerability here to you for all to see, how I do care about your family, your recovery status in relation to your father’s death and mother’s medical condition, are primary in my thoughts but not often expressed verbally or written down.

I don’t tell you that I miss you or that I love you because I assume you know.

You are sometimes like a male friend to me and sometimes like my sister.

I lean on you now and will lean on you the rest of the week to continue the Martian tales…

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