Moustache power

One of my nieces, Maggie, works volunteers for her university’s entertainment board.

Not too long ago, an actor from a popular American television show called “Parks and Recreation,” Nick Offerman, performed a comedy act at Maggie’s school.

Nick wanted a student to make fun of, someone easily embarrassed/intimidated.

Maggie’s fellow students volunteered her.

So, during Nick’s act, he asked for a student to step on stage.

“I’m looking for someone on Row 1…” Maggie thought it was neat he picked a row on which many of her entertainment board members sat.

“Seat A!”  Maggie screamed “No!” in her thoughts.  “Not me!  Not in front of 4000 people, especially students I know!  I’ll die!”

Her face as red as Santa’s cheeks after a few hundred million swigs of eggnog, Maggie reluctantly walked on stage, stumbling up the steps.

Nick motioned her to stand in front of him.

He stared at her with his humorously fierce look.

He held the mike in her face and asked her name.


“Well, Maggie, do you go to Appalachian?”


“Uh-huh.  I see.  I want you to stay in school and do good.”

With that, he pushed her off the stage.

For weeks afterward, students came up to her and asked if she was the famous student who had been grilled by Nick Offerman.  She was shocked people recognised her.

However, that’s not all the story.

It’s her job to make sure the entertainer’s green room is set up before the show and then cleaned up after the show is over.

Maggie went to the green room to throw away food and trash.

She heard a sound and turned to see Nick walking back in.

“Oh, I get it.  You think you can just do anything now, huh?  Stalking me, are you?  Rummaging through my stuff and looking for something to steal?”

Maggie stammered.  “No, no!  I’m just throwing away old food.  Really!”

Nick nodded.  “Sure, sure.  Here, take these.”  He reached into the fridge and handed Maggie four Diet Coke cans.  “Just so you know, I stuck this one up my butt so it’s got my DNA if you want to clone me.”

Maggie, her face again red as a rabid beet, looked shocked even if it was Nick’s sense of humour.  He then signed her ticket and gave her an autographed picture.

Later, she was walking down the hall and heard someone whisper loudly, “Maggie…Maggie.”

She turned to see it was Nick. 

He smiled.  “You still following me around, are you?  Seriously, be good.  Seeya!”

Having never seen the TV show, I’m only familiar with the actor via osmosis, knowing him marginally as the Moustache Man.  However, Maggie, more in the demographic for the target audience, knows a lot about him.  In my day, Timothy Leary and G. Gordon Liddy were gods of the university entertainment circuit just as the likes of Andy Griffith and Bob Newhart were the entertainers in my parents’ school days.

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