Do you ever wonder what your doctor is not telling you?

We here at the Research Centre have the medical answers you seek.

Did you know that most people who are near-sighted can trace their eye problems to sleep posture?  How about far-sighted people or people with astigmatism?

Yes, that’s right!  Depending on how you sleep on your side, you place an undue amount of continuous pressure on your eyeballs, pressing your pillow or your hand into your orbs and causing permanent compression problems.

Surely, you’ve noticed how you wake up in the morning and one eyeball seems to have more difficulty seeing than the other?

Don’t let that stand in your way of a life of perfect eyesight.

The Research Centre has developed a special device that fits you and only you, gently cupping the area around your eyes and preventing foreign objects from pressing against them.

Send us the 3D image of your head captured by your gaming system like a Kinect or any 3D scanning device and we will convert that image into a perfect, personalised JKin3000 Eye Protection System just for you.

No worries about your bed partner accidentally using yours.

In fact, if you order now, we’ll build a second unit for your partner at 50% off the retail price.

But wait, that’s not all!!!

If you order in the next 2 microseconds, we’ll create a whole set of eye protection systems for your entire family (limited to two adults and two children, please, although four consenting adults may enjoy this offer for just 10% more).

No more bullies at school calling your children “four eyes”!

No more cleaning sweat off your glasses after a 10 kilometre run!

But don’t take our word for it.  Listen to the way our paid actors read compensated testimonials!

“I used to worry that I wasn’t getting second dates because of my glasses.  After six weeks of wearing the JKin3000, clearing up my eyesight, it’s not my glasses that turn off dates but the giant, hairy wart at the end of my nose.  Thank you, Research Centre, for ‘opening my eyes’ to the possibilities of plastic surgery!”

“The JKin3000 saved my life.  A tree limb fell through our roof and would have ended my marriage if it weren’t for glancing off my wife’s JKin3000 instead of puncturing her skull and piercing my shoulder, instead, rendering my arm useless.  Thank you, Research Centre, for putting me on permanent disability!”

“My kids used to give me a hard time about my contact lenses, calling me old-fashioned because I wouldn’t consider LASIK surgery.  Thanks to the JKin3000, the kids no longer make fun of my contact lenses.  Instead, they call me ‘Horse Blinders’ because of the photo of me sleeping in my JKin3000 they posted on the Internet.  Thank you, Research Centre, for giving my kids something to share about me on their facebook page!”

See how the actors’ professional acting classes make the testimonials seem much more exciting!  We thought so!

Don’t delay.  Your social calendar and your life itself may depend on us.

The JKin3000 Eye Protection System is available in any other colour or pattern you choose but the first one you think of or the favourite one you prefer.

And for you do-it-yourselfers, we offer the JKin3000 Eye Protection System templates for your 3D printers.  Buy our introductory kit and start your own JKin3000 franchise from home.

The Research Centre is not responsible for the misuse of this product, which may or may not help those with imperfect eyeball shapes.  The Research Centre makes no claims that this product is anything more than a decorative item you wear for private enjoyment in your bedroom or anywhere you feel confident enough to wear modified patent-expired horse blinders in public.  Requests for refunds will be forwarded to our answering machine which we haven’t checked in the four weeks we’ve been in business.