It’s Hip to be Square

I smell cat food on my fingers and popcorn on my breath.
I see squiggly lines in front of me and hear the heat pump hum.

How long does it take to recover from mourning the death of my father’s mind?

Minds do not exist, in the classic sense.

It’s a game of cat-and-mouse.

Dagger and cloak.

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer…

For whom the bell tolls.

My father served in the 4th Infantry, long before this 1970 report summarised lessons learned.

He is alive and yet not alive.

That is, he who was he is not he any longer.

Him who was is no more, but not nevermore.

‘Tis memories I relive in my current/future living.

There are memories to be made, observations to make, medical diagnoses to contemplate.

And/but yet.

Edgar Allan Poe went to West Point.  He died at 40 years of age.

Soon, I will be 50 years young, halfway to 100, where life starts all over again.

Like a paper folded in two.

Or a projectile at the top of its trajectory.

My father is one pathway of my life 27 years from now.

One way the past is the future all over again.

A paddled cruise down the Sipsey River, for instance — same places, new water, new trees, new wildlife.

Heard a barred owl in the woods behind the house this evening while Merlin (the cat) snoozed on my lap in the sunroom.

How many generations of owls and cats have passed in 50 years?

Or 77?

How many more in 100?

As Joggers Pass by the Cedar-Sided House in the Woods…

Working with my cadre of computer coders to gather data from (i.e., infiltrate) the apps most commonly downloaded by the hapless, in order to prepare a future of inexactitude.

The Chinese and [some] African national leaders say they are preparing a future that corrects the mistakes of Western foreign policies of the past.

Former enemies, the Brits and the Spaniards, approach a nearterm future of recessionary policy correction.

How long can we continue to suffer the pains of governments shrinking their influence upon the economy until the next breakthrough occurs?

Do we reword our headlines to say high unemployment rates are the goals we are achieving?

How do we prove to the restless youth that we’re encouraging them to think for themselves, outside the cereal box of toys and teeth-rotting sugary substances that drain their futures?

You are challenged to create the future in your own image.

You don’t have to depend on mass media portrayals of backyard BBQs, retirement accounts, jogging baby strollers and mobile phone technology implants because you need to communicate your thoughts before you think them.

Rushing into the future is no rush.  The highs get duller and duller.

Crime is a matter of perspective.

As joggers pass by the cedar-sided house in the woods, they burn energy, converting their sets of states of energy into portable heaters.

That’s the future you want to concentrate on.

The one that matters most.

After all, what distinguishes a natural-born member of our species from a cybernetic simulation?

Is it the jogger, the cedar siding, the house, or the woods?

A question posed 1000 years from now on a celestial body far from Earth.

That’s your future we derived from your app data.

Deal with it.

Happiness, Amalgamated

Soon enough, while Mr. Gibbs stomachs colorectal cancer, I return to the imaginary future.

All the time, my father spends his days and nights in unknown cognitive condition.

The EU squanders. Or flounders.

Useful youthful years are spent away from dedication to full employment by/for the global economy.

Whose vision is here for me?

I write here, right here, where goals and victories are created by us for us.

Subcategories of subcutaneous subcultural attributes gain strength in building buildings, gilded, geldings waiting by the bay.

This moment is my future. Was. Will be.

I compete with/against my former dreams.

Listening to the likes of Claire Lynch, Ben Bosco, April Taylor and the Lunabelles; pump/reed organs; piano; mobile phone ringtones in sync with automobile brakes and squeaking steering wheels.

Thanks to Robert, Tracy, Kelly, Jody, Eloise, Rick, and Wendy today at the VA. [Yes, it was windy today, too.]

I write as if the future already happened [it did].

That’s the way it was.

Doesn’t matter who, when or where.

The future has a way of controlling its destiny [in retrospect, of course].

A class of ’82 SCHS graduate behind the counter at DQ.

Leaving the farm at 18 only to return and buy the one next door.

Do you know who’s going to Germany?

Who’s been to Myrtle Beach?

Whose father owned a TR3 and then a Porsche?

Who knows the best SNFs in town?

Does anyone want my father for a guinea pig for ALS/dementia/depression brain enhancement research, getting his professorial input via scribbled one-word responses to start with?

How will we deal with autism/dementia in solar system colonies not equipped for nonessential task assignments?

How far do I stretch my thought set to truly take in all seven billion of us, completely attached to the global economic employment model or not?

Every one of us is a data point in the scheme of turning carbon-based lifeform equivalents back out into the galaxy.

Your future has been plotted and trended.

Time to tell you what you’ll be thinking/doing next.

The reluctant leaders plods on in his clodhoppers…

Two thoughts for your daily thoughtfulness

In an all-luring story that has rocked the boat of the sports fishing  industry, federal investigators, after years of infiltrating the deepest pockets of the business, were caught in a dragnet of controversy.

After spending millions of pounds/yuan/dollars in coordinating with international police authorities, our national team of crack crimestoppers, unwilling to let any criminal activity go unpunished, no matter how insignificant its effect on our general economy, finally revealed the information that freedom fighters have been requesting for decades.

Apparently, sponsors of major fishing tournament winners have long been paying locals to catch, raise and fatten prize fish, then releasing them just in time into secret spots that sponsors then suggested to their celebrity sports fishermen to call their own, thus ensuring their sponsorship money was not wasted and their winners won.

The shock that has rippled through the stream of the sport has turned many of the most diehard fans into temporary doubters, wondering if all that talk about the best bait and the most expensive, yet successful, fishing gear — including boats, sonar equipment, beer kegs and excuses to get away from family in order to catch edible foodstuff — has been in vain.

County, state and federal subcommittees have been called into emergency session to question fish and wildlife employees about fishery and hatchery practices.  Have they been reporting dead fish that were actually sold to locals?  Are they eating fish they killed and claimed as losses?  Are the stuffed and mounted fish on their trophy walls victims of “spoilage” reports filed in dusty government storage boxes?  How far up the government ladder does this go?  Did this cause the housing crisis in some obscure way that gets financial investment companies off the hook?

= = = = =

Quote for the day:

I hate to break it to you, but your $2,000 designer dog is a mutt.  Puppy stores and breeders have created these cute names like Morkipoos and Puggles, and now people are paying $2,000 for a dog they couldn’t give away at the pound ten years ago.  Whoever started the trend is a marketing genius.” — Dennis Leon, DVM (courtesy of Readers Digest, May 2012 issue)

= = = = =

Bonus puzzle of the day: I have a fellow secondary school alumnus who is a local state representative.  I have a fellow secondary schoolmate, an employee of a local newspaper, who endorsed a rival candidate running against the state representative.  One, should that affect my mental thought set about the two of them as friends/classmates?  Two, should newspaper (or any mass media) employees publicly endorse political candidates and if so, should they have to make it clear they speak for themselves and not the mass media company that employs them?

If it weren’t for the battery life…

If it weren’t for the battery life I’d keep using the resistive screen of the 7-inch Sylvania Android 2.31 tablet, which meets my basic needs for checking email, listening to Internet radio, looking at some of my favourite websites (as well as a few random ones for edification) and maintaining a daily blog.

That sums up the life of one mortal human being tied to the electronic social network as defined/updated by us in this moment together.

I believe we have arrived back at a blog entry in which the storyline we’d left where the reluctant leader steps back into the picture and tells us how things are going on the Committee, don’t you?

Either that, or release random ASCII character sequences that represent the latest cracked password of a heavily-guarded secret location and let the world of script kiddies have fun for a day.

Sold by Jennifer Nye — independent consultant — the wax of a block of Amber Road ™ Scentsy wax melts in a bowl atop a Morocco warmer which sits in the place where a spider web/dropping covered book by Paul D. Ackerman used to collect dust.

As the room fills with the hints of smells of an exotic bazaar, let us step into the shoes of the reluctant leader and see what’s going on…

Hi there!  Reluctant Leader here again!  Just the other day I was nibbling samples at a shoppe called Nothing Bundt Cake, remembering the scene in some Greek-themed film where a character tries to pronounce the word “bundt.”  In front of me, an eager man watched my every move.

You know the type, always gauging the customer’s desires, trying to meet the character’s needs, catering to the curmudgeon’s every whim, no matter how surly he may be while stroking his curly, unkempt beard.

That was me, the Reluctant Leader, in ordinary disguise, acting upon my urge to Manage By Walking Around.

You see, the Committee is back in crisis mode (is there ever a moment we’re not?).

As you’re fully aware, we coordinate the activities of people you would say are aligned with major political public business entities called nations.

It’s our policy to leave pretty much well alone the individual decisions of those who feel they have been destined to reach the highest offices of their politically-oriented business paths.

For instance, we could predict when the leaders have to use toilet facilities very easily but we’ve learned it’s best to let the leaders think they’ve decided on their own, unpredictably, when they feel the urge, regularly or irregularly (in fact, it was one of my predecessors who won a wager because he accurately predicted when and where George Bush deposited his meal in the lap of another dignitary).

Do you consider yourself one of those average citizens who is mentally engaged in silent conversations with or makes extemporaneous, expository speeches to the people around you about the goings-on of the elected or appointed officials in your geopolitical zone, and get emotionally involved in the actions of officials outside your geopolitical zone?

Chances are you will, if you don’t.

In addition to herding all seven billion of us toward establishing offworld colonies, I have the assigned goal of keeping you believing that world leaders are not actively talking to each other about the apparent rogue actions they take.

Some of you know better.

The Committee is composed of direct representatives of major trends in motion, including the most common sociopolitical movements about to change your life forever.

Because trends range in age from a few fleeting milliseconds to many centuries, the Committee membership varies accordingly.

Just the other day, I found an ancient-looking mummy propped up into a dark corner of the Committee Conference Center (sounds formal, but the room is really just an old cave in, at this time, an undisclosed location near some of you).

I started to ask if any of the Committee members knew where the mummy had come from when it spoke.  Turns out the mummy is an old member of a line of Celtic leaders who’d hope to take over the world a dozen or so centuries ago, but when the vote came up, the mummy had fallen asleep and did not awaken until I started poking around in his pockets for spare change.

He gave me some wisdom that I’ll share with you as soon as I translate the curse words he had for me into something more family-friendly.

Always trust your Mummy to tell you the honest truth about yourself!

Anyway, it’s getting close to lunchtime and I’ve got a few errands to run.  Afterward, I’ll sketch out the plots, subplots and false trails we’re planning to place in the popular news media to keep you clenching your teeth or nodding your head in your belief that subpopulations are out to get you or out to support you, depending on your mood we’ve set at the time.

It’s seems silly spending so much of my time making sure your idle moments are filled with what we want you to think, but if it gets us closer to permanent settlements on other celestial bodies, I’m game.

Does that mean I have to stop calling myself the Reluctant Leader?  It’s not like I completely relish all the fine details of putting subcommittees in action to plant ideas in blogs, tweets and street protests which inspire editors and producers to send their reporters out to fill columns and video screens with the news we want you to use and spread…

But I’m just a character in a blog and that’s my only choice, isn’t it?

iPad Motion Sickness Syndrome

I have friends who’ve achieved and accomplished their whole lives.

Here, on the 11th of April, while I look out the window at the jungle of a yard that keeps my house cool in the summer, my friends’ stories stand out in my thoughts.

Meanwhile, my sister and I (with help from my wife and mother) assemble a set of notes and medical reports to give to medical experts to help understand where we can go to get a firm (or as close to firm) diagnosis for my father’s medical predicament(s).

The tree leaves and limbs do what they do best when breezes pass over the undergrowth, grabbing my attention as joggers and walkers avoid speeding cars on the road ahead.

Disco light dances across the window screen and onto the end table holding up a power strip, grow lamp, computer monitor, scented oil lamp, 3Com modem cable, incense bowl, light timer and a book a friend gave me titled “It’s a Young World After All.”

I am open to hearing and reading about alternative views concerning the history of our species.

I am willing to accept my friends’ opinions about their achievements and accomplishments.

I do not fret about belief systems in the majority or the minority and how they may or may not sway the thought sets of people both young and old like the wind shapes the forest around me.

There aren’t as many seedpods on the redbud outside the window as there were last year.

There are thousands of people who buy handguns and rifles every year and will never use them, storing them for a collection or trading them for something that looks more useful than the ones they first bought.

It is part of our global cultural interaction that drives some to buy weapons for self-protection on an active, daily basis.

There are those who travel great distances to provide basic medical care and deliver simple foodstuff in order to raise the standard of living in regions of the world not well-connected to local/regional caring social networks.

And then there are the few who seek membership in the Galactic Exploration Society.

In this moment, when the actions of others — friends, family, acquaintances, and instantly formed/lost friendships — find spaces in my thoughts, I look around the room of my study/meditation zone and wonder how/if happiness is contagious.

Some days I pursue the wrong activities.

My father is a man of action more than contemplation.

I have always been more of a man of contemplation rather than action.

From my father’s U.S. Army days in Germany during the Cold War to his most recent days of teaching students at ETSU as an adjunct professor, he found happiness in social engagement.

I find happiness in analysing interesting data more than in stressing pre-arthritic joints while swinging a scythe.

Both of us are products of the influences of ancestors, peers, descendants, and commercial interests.

My father grew up to put country first.

I grew up to put planetary exploration first.

The influences upon him influenced me.

The same goes for the achievements and accomplishments of my friends.

The Sun heats the planet and air pressure changes create wind which passes through the forest, influencing my thoughts and the thoughts of people passing in front of my yard.

Staring at an iPad, my head bent down while my finger slides news articles across the screen, like the scenes around me flashing past when I’d hold on to the rails of a merry-go-round during recess in elementary school, causes motion sickness.

While telling the tale of our species from a long perspective, how do I incorporate the images above into one where we’re looking at our achievements and accomplishments that’ve put people on the Moon and cybernetic explorers on millennial-long journeys?

It’s not the brain of Stephen Hawking that I want to preserve — it’s his thought patterns that are interwoven with the society around him I want to perpetuate, ensuring that they continue to evolve unabated by the physical presence of a brain or a body bound to a wheelchair.

My father, however, is a different story.  His physical AND mental presence are both key parts of what he means to me and my desire to push our species beyond primal tendencies to create dystopian nightmares where survivalist weapon hoarding is considered normal behaviour.

It’s also more than that but I’ve allowed myself to become a mortal human, subject to daily interruptions of bigger dreams, distracted from the plan set in motion by a group of people I’ve spun into a literary device called the Committee to capture the attention of those prone to primal thought patterns so that we can achieve a goal 13,904 days from now with all 7+ billion of us fully involved as sets of states of energy in the visible part of the universe with which we’re most familiar.

Are hopes and dreams intimately tied to happiness?

Perhaps.

How much does the passing of a single redbud leaf in front of the window have to do with dust devils on Mars?

Do you understand the immense distance between our planet and any celestial body with potential compatible communicable sets of states of energy that would interest us more than as laboratory experiments?

A lesson I learned one summer during sales training week for Southwestern Book Company decades ago still applies today:

The story concerns twin boys of five or six. Worried that the boys had developed extreme personalities — one was a total pessimist, the other a total optimist — their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with brand-new toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. “What’s the matter?” the psychiatrist asked, baffled. “Don’t you want to play with any of the toys?” “Yes,” the little boy bawled, “but if I did I’d only break them.”

Next the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist emitted just the yelp of delight the psychiatrist had been hoping to hear from his brother, the pessimist. Then he clambered to the top of the pile, dropped to his knees, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. “What do you think you’re doing?” the psychiatrist asked, just as baffled by the optimist as he had been by the pessimist. “With all this manure,” the little boy replied, beaming, “there must be a pony in here somewhere!”

That, my friends, is why we get up in the morning, making miracles every day.  No matter how much we may be distracted by the mundane, or even happy being perfectly anonymous, there’s always a chance that pony will appear out of nowhere and change our perspective.

In fact, I guarantee it will.

Look at me.  I never thought a tablet PC could cause motion sickness until today, which has completely changed my desire to write the Next Great App.

The Truth About Handles

Across the street, an azalea bush blooms, the sign that this blog is soon coming to its inevitable end.

Before I go, I will share with you the truth about handles.

If you are familiar with literary devices, all the better.

I had a handle as a kid.

Well, now that I think about the subject, I had many handles — a handle on my lunchbox, a handle on my money box, a handle on my boom box — but boxes are more than handles and handles are more than accessories for boxes.

The lawnmowers I pushed across tiny fields of grass that neighbours called lawns and I called my independently owned taxfree business as a minor had handles.

I followed my father’s hobby of using a CB (citizens band) radio and created the handle (not a nom de plume, closer to a nom de guerre) of Tree Trunk.  My father was [Tennessee] Ridge Runner.

You can see the similarly between father’s handle and his son’s so I needn’t wax poetic on alliterative comparisons, need I?

But some of you know all this[,] already[,] so why’m I repeating myself?

‘Tis the curse of the tall tale teller but not Guillaume Tell, Pen and Teller nor the bank teller who robs the till creatively.

Creativity is the key word, here, though.

The story of the Committee resides in the truth about handles.

Can you imagine swirls of sets of states of energy spinning into tighter and tighter circles simply as a cosmic artistic display?

Can you imagine “life” as a seed planted to create a planetary absurdist art exhibit (or absurdest, depending on your point of view)?

From what I gather, my job here is done.  I have observed and reported.  I have served as the reluctant leader.  I have carried on the duties of the invisible museum curator.

That’s it.  That’s the truth about handles.

The rest is your participation in life as art for imaginary viewers “out there” or whatever literary device you call your own — personal or shared.

This blog is now closed.  I am returning to writing tall tales in the comfort of my thoughts, which may or may not find a space on paper, a computer hard drive in my study or somewhere in the stacks of racks we currently label the “cloud.”

Euphemisms — what would we do without the creative reuse and recycle of words?

Some call this time in one’s life retirement.  I call it returning to the earlier time in my life when I wasn’t forced by my subculture to squeeze my thought patterns out into homework assignments and job duties.  Somewhere around the age of five, give or take a year.  😉

You can handle the truth in your own imaginative way, too.

Every story has a conclusion written into the subplots that naturally end while more subplots pick up the pace, leading to the next story written by the same and/or other authors (or Authors, if you believe).

THE END

P.S. Have fun!

A reader asks…

A reader asked, when calculating departure and arrival times between two undisclosed locations in Iran and India, why are the time zones only a half-hour apart?

Good question.

Here are some answers for your reading enjoyment (truth/fact verification is up to the reader):

  1. Only the Swiss can make perfect timekeepers so the rest of the world’s clocks have drifted with time.
  2. The Iranian nuclear research programme has been going on longer than we thought and messed up many atomic clocks in the Middle East.  Same for India and its clock-based relationship to Pakistan, Nepal and the rest of the world.
  3. The Einsteinian gravitational wave spacetime field bending theory never really caught on in certain parts of the globe and thus seems to have a weaker effect there.
  4. There are many nations that opt to follow a different time zone than is common elsewhere. Some locations opt to observe times that are less than a full hour off of neighbouring time zones — Nepal for example is a quarter hour off India, which is a half hour off the normal pattern. Nepal does not recognise summer time and never alters the clock during the year. The abnormal time zone settings are not limited to Asia — the State of South Australia, for example, opts to use a half-hour time zone rather than a full hour. [Read more: Why is India, Nepal, Iran, and Kabul thirty minutes off of the rest of the world’s time? Ex. It’s 7:18 pm in Houston Texas, 1:18 am tomorrow in London, 7:18 am tomorrow in Bangkok, 10:18 am tomorrow in Sydney, and 4:48 am in Kabul. 4:48. Why 30 min diff? | Answerbag http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/909906#ixzz1oTCYg64d]
  5. The Chavez Rule: It’s my country and I’ll do what I want to distinguish my people’s proper sense of time from yours.
  6. Forget about me.  Ask you average basement geographer.
If that doesn’t answer your question, nothing will because, quite honestly, time is irrelevant in this day and age of GPS where we can precisely tell you what time it should be in relation to your geographical location and the position of Sun/Moon/stars.  Hey, you astrologers, step away from this blog entry very slowly, hands in the air — you’re not needed here to answer this question.