Did I watch a baseball game, softball game, basketball game, hockey game, golf game, tennis game, poker game, car race qualification or horse race today?

No, I stepped into a large room with a curved wall to watch a film about people pretending to live out the realities behind the characters of an amusement park ride.

Were these professional actors good at what they did?

I would venture they are better than average.

The movie itself was geared toward the 3D IMAX experience, I felt, giving a depth that a regular 2D experience would make flat.

A franchise from a franchise machine.

Otherwise, the story would make no sense.

Will people start building IMAX-type home theatres so they can enjoy these experiences with projectors built for the purpose?

“Honey, I’m converting the garage to a planetarium/IMAX theatre.  I hope you don’t mind parking your car in the street.”

“Sure, dear, because I’ve contracted HGTV to record my converting your putting greens in the backyard to a re-creation of the gardens at Versaille.”

Let’s see…thanks to Lindsey, Robert, and Lindsay Blaire at RAVE; Stephanie at Beauregard’s; the 18-year old for graduating high school and getting a basketball scholarship at Belmont, working toward a degree in exercise science/physical therapy; Juliet and the owner of Carson’s Grille; so many more I’ve forgotten while managing an imminent family decision.

Speaking of which, time for some more jokes from the Grand Lady of Grinder’s Switch, or some she might’ve overheard:

There were two old men sitting on the front porch of their nursing home, rocking in their chairs and watching people pass by.  Then one of the men said, “You know, I think I’ve got to get up.  My hind end is falling asleep!”  The other said, “I believe you.  I think I just heard it snoring!”

* * *

A man and his wife were on vacation in the husband’s hometown.  They hadn’t been back there for forty years.  They enjoyed the trip so much that they went back the next year.  They went to the same parks, cafes, and motel where they visited the year before.  The wife even went back to the same beauty shop.  While the wife was there, the owner asked the lady if she was from their town.  Then the owner added, “I don’t know you, but you look familiar.  Have you ever been here before?”

The woman replied, “Yes I have, but it’s been a year ago this month since you’ve done my hair.”  Another lady in the shop, in a sweet, small, elderly voice, piped up and said, “Well I’ll be, Honey!  It sure did keep good!”

* * *

A self-educated old farmer who had never owned a fancy car was looking at a brand new Cadillac.  The salesman said, “This particular model will cost you $75,000.”  So the farmer reached into his pocket and counted out $75,000.  When the salesman saw this he said, “Well, if you’re paying cash, I can give you a discount.”  Not knowing what the salesman meant, the farmer asked for a minute and went next door to the beauty shop.  Inside, her asked the beautiful girl who worked there, “Do you know what the word discount means?”  She explained, “It means to take something off.”  So he asked her, “Well, how much would you take off if I gave you $75,000?”  She answered, “Would you mind if I kept my earrings on?”

* * *

An older lady went on a routine visit to the new young doctor in town.  After he checked her over he embarrassingly asked, “Because of your age I have to know if you have S.E.X.”  She said, “Wait just a minute and I’ll see.”  So she opened the door to the waiting room and yelled out to her husband, “Honey, the doctor wants to know if we have S.E.X.”  He replied, “No!  All we have is Blue Cross and Blue Shield.”

* * *

The Waltons or the Jeffersons, Sanford and Son or Chico and the Man, Are You Being Served or Fawlty Towers, You Can’t Do That on Television or The Brady Bunch, jokes like these vibrated over the airwaves to people’s homes when I was a kid.

In the current multichannel world of the Family Guy and Adult Swim, such jokes are tame, viewable on TV Land or your favourite Internet rebroadcast service.

But I don’t mind.

Just as I have friends from my boyhood school days who have same-sex relationships or seeking transgender changes, I have male friends who open doors for my women friends, say “Thank you” and “Yes, ma’am,” and read their religious texts with daily devotion.

Some are a mix of the above.

Such is the normal flow of civilisational growth.

And why I live with seven billion people, hoping I never ignore one group for the personal benefit of another.

How are we going to move with that flow and respect the rights of those who wish to preserve the beliefs and practices of decades or hundreds of years ago?

Just because you don’t condone someone’s behaviour in your subculture doesn’t mean you have to block that person from finding a place to fit in a subculture somewhere else.

Although the United States is more of a government-dependent population than we may like to think, where government employees and government contractors enjoy greater benefits than the average U.S. citizens who pay the taxes to support the government [I ought to know], wanting me to joke we’re similar to a socialist/communist country, “Animal Farm” style, like the USSR or Cuba of old, thus swapping places with former enemies…

Never mind, I promised myself not to talk about government or, by implication, politics.

Political entities are just another business, where executives and the legal staff are selected by eligible customers.  You voting customers out there can decide what you want to do about your local political entity, or not – the repercussions are yours to enjoy/suffer – just like any shareholder.

Anyway, time to quiet down for the evening, prepare questions before a visit to yet another assisted living facility and finalise the spreadsheet from which my wife will use her wise financial judgement to select a place for her 93-year young mother to reside a while, if not for the rest of her life.

And then get back to composing my usual satirical riffs, from whence I derive my greatest joy, all while ruling the universe through a network of associates and computer programmers you see everyday but never notice!

Ahahahahaha…a pirate’s life for me, indeed!