Green is the colour of the good ol’ days, not gold

Received via email from a friend in her 70s:

If you’re over 60, you’re gonna like this one . . .
And if you’re not, perhaps you should read it anyway –

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this ‘green thing’ back in my earlier days.”

The young clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

She was right — our generation didn’t have the ‘green thing’ in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over.  So they really were recycled.

But we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) were not defaced by our scribbling.  Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bag covers.

But too bad we didn’t do the “green thing” back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn’t have the “green thing” in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days.  Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she’s right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn’t have the “green thing” back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family’s $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the “green thing.” We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the “green thing” back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person…

We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to rile us…especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced
smartass who can’t make change without the cash register telling them how much.

YOU HAVE A SWELL DAY NOW!

An economy in transition

So, while I was contemplating the pleasures of making rat/raccoon/mice stew (we woodsmen eat whatever meat we trap), I got to thinking.

Now, I ain’t much of a thinker, to be honest.

I flunked out of 13th grade and had to start over at another one of them institutes of higher learning.

Not like I can’t solve world hunger if’n I put my mind to it, though.

Of course, I ain’t got no mind but I got a mind to tell you what I was thinking.

See here, it’s like this.

We got this global employment imbalance, that’s what I’m saying.

It don’t take no rocket scientist to see why.

Why, I ask, why?

Well, if them experts is right, we have just about as many female breadwinners as men.

And, on top of that, many of them is single mothers trying to feed their babies.

I’m all for women’s librarians, what they like to call themselves “Women’s Lib.”  We should’ve taught them lady friends how to read a long time ago.  The more they can read, the more they can follow instructions and become real good at their jobs — don’t matter to me none if they’s a baggin’ groceries or rocketin’ toward the Moon.

What I want to know, though, is if a family run by a woman is spending as much of her money in the consumer economy as a family run by a man.

That there might explain why we have such a global employment imbalance and might even explain the income inequality problems we’s a facing in these here troubled economic times.

I’m just an old country boy trying to survive.

I scrape ticks off my body every day.  I swat at mosquitoes without knowing they’re there.  I scratch at my poison ivy boils like clockwork.  Red ants think my ankles is a biting post.

I shake my fist at varmints eating my figs and mulberries.  They done broke my persimmon tree in half.

I ain’t much but I’m something.

My house is so chewed-up and broken down, you can’t tell it from the rusted truck and old jalopy with flat tires hiding in the weeds.

You women-folk has got to do your part, if’n you’s gonna claim you’re just as good as us men were when we ruled the roost and had the economy running full steam under the moonshine still — you better get them rich folks and their corporationalisms to open their rainy-day piggy banks and help you out of this pickle.

Otherwise, there’s a world of hurting about to hit us, if the creek don’t rise and the tornadoes don’t blow over the outhouse ’cause them foxes has done got into the henhouse and fertilized some eggs.

All clear

The gastroenterologist, Dr. Billings, said this morning that except for one persistent polyp he couldn’t remove, detailed below, I’m free of colonoscopies for the next three years:

http://www.divethoughts.com/thoughts/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/alien_john_hurt1.jpg

(Video: http://www.ugo.com/therush/nastiest-kills-john-hurt-alien)

Thanks to Wanda in scheduling as well as the other happy, smiling/happy nurses/assistants at the Center for Colon and Digestive Disease.

Thanks to Penny, Ferdy, and David at Thai Garden.

Music du jour, however timeless

The Patriot Game never ends…

Lyrics to The Patriot Game :

(Billy Behen)

Come all you young rebels and list while we sing for the love of one’s country is a terrible thing.
It banishes fear with the speed of a flame and it makes us all part of the patriot game.

My name is O’Hannon and I’ve just gone sixteen. My home is in Monaghan where I was weaned.
I’ve learned all my life cruel England’s to blame and so I’m a part of the patriot game.

It’s barely two years since they wandered away and it was with the local battalion of the bold IRA
For they’d read of our heroes and they wanted the same to play their own part in the patriot game.

This Ireland of ours has for long been half-free. Six counties are under John Bull’s tyranny.
So, we gave up our boyhood to drill and to train and play our own part in the patriot game.

And now as I lie here, my body all holes, I think of those traitors who bargained in souls.
I wish that my rifle had given the same to those Quislings who sold out the patriot game.

Thirteen, four, eighty-seven

“Heaven’s Gate!”

“What?”

“Look, honey. It’s them, circling that asteroid!  They made it after all!”

“What on Earth are you talking about?”

“Nothing.  Nothing. On. Earth.”

“Sometimes even YOUR strangeness amazes me.”

= = = = =

“How can you keep a hermit in suspense?”

“How?”

“Give him sixty dollars and promise you’ll stop by four days later, after church on Sunday, to buy two vehicles from him…but don’t show up.”

= = = = =

Conceived by them and being near them for 50 years, I amazingly have only a few samples of my parents’ voices.

= = = = =

If I perform manual, physical activities such as cutting back the vinca vine that constitutes our front lawn, washing/cleaning the 1962 Dodge Lancer and 1992 Chevy S10 4×2 pickup, repairing the door to the crawlspace to eliminate entry points for critters, and cleaning flower beds along the front sidewalk, I reduce the energy readily available for mental calculations.

= = = = =

Who owns the businesses around me?

= = = = =

What pebbles and crumbs am I scattering here in preparation for future blog entries?

= = = = =

Are any parts of a money-based/barter economy evil to atheists?  How do people with a system of faith-based beliefs respond to inequity?  If condemning those who treat us unfairly/dishonestly to eternal damnation/hell is not enough while we’re alive here together on this planet, how do we create a distribution network that’s less unfair/dishonest?

How do those who hold true belief in a no-holds-barred competition for resources compete against and cooperate with those who hold true belief in sharing everything as if we’re one big family/community of quasi-equals?

= = = = =

I dropped my habit of checking a social media site at the same time its employees admitted that the site uses various methods to censor free speech.

If everyone shares the public square and no one owns it, is free speech protected when the square is surrounded by adverts and CCTV?

What of one’s views and perceptions that are shaped before one enters the public square?

= = = = =

When is an uprising the twist of a pressure relief valve and when is an uprising the start of large-scale social change?

= = = = =

Can technological change travel backwards in imaginary time?  What is the new formula for entropy/complexity intersections?

= = = =

There is a chilling sensation in the back of my thoughts, as if I’ve remembered and forgotten something I wanted to say to you tonight.

Too many interruptions lately, distracting my thoughts.  I want to be alone but I am a social creature, a people pleaser, who doesn’t like being alone for very long.

Time to relax and fall back into my dreams, let the -ology of choice find me when I least require its presence.

= = =

The carrier of a million-year message can afford to be patient.

==

Repetition.  Repetition.

Repetition.

.

First of all, congrats to the Spelling Bee winner, Arvind Mahankali. However…

First of all, congrats to the Spelling Bee winner, Arvind Mahankali.  However, ESPN followed a long Western tradition of exploiting underage brown-skinned people by showing the Spelling Bee on TV but not compensating the participants at the usual actor’s/professional athlete’s pay scale.

Way to go, ESPN!  You rock…not.

Coyness Interruptus

There’s nothing like being in a sexy mood, alone at home with my wife on a Saturday morning, when two ladies carrying Watchtower Bible tracts ring the front doorbell and want to talk about why there’s no world peace.

Talk about a mood buster!

Hey, ladies, in a town supported in large part by the U.S. military, world peace is not a primary goal — please change your door-to-door script.

Can you divorce your clone?

SNAP!

The rat trap clamped its plastic claws shut in the crawlspace of Lee’s home.

Back on Earth, Lee returned to his favourite hideout, away from curious onlookers, far from paparazzi and their pesky drones — his home, his cabin in the woods.

Half-asleep, he looked up at the stars, but it was not the white, sparkling dots that woke him from a late evening nap.

A tiny black shape, outlined by stars, galaxies and planets, grew bigger, as if…

As if a spider was dropping from the ceiling.

It was.

Lee ran through the mental map of his head, the unexplained red bumps and festering sores of the past two days quickly coming into focus.

* * * * *

Guin straightened her posture, reaching for the perfect core dance position.

Her dance instructor, a teacher of teachers, Plantainyifan, made Guin adjust her position by sucking in her stomach a quarter-inch more, turning and tilting her head an eighth of an inch back and to the right.

“There!  Now hold your position for five minutes! When I return, I want to see you have not moved.  If so, then we will start this all over again until you get it right!”

Guin sighed by letting a single cubic centimeter of air puff out of her nose.

* * * * *

Rolenmec completed repairs on the replicator.

Meant to simulate the physical quirks and habits of Earth-based humans, the electromechanical products of the replicator, known in the trade as “Daft Drafts,” acted on behalf of their original counterparts, carrying out tasks and taking adventures that the Earth-based humans desired but did not want to increase biochemical damage from space travel and extended living periods on Mars’ surface.

* * * * *

Lee watched as the spider dropped to a futon armrest.

The spider’s eyes reflected the flame of a coffee-scented candle Lee had lit for smells he could not get on Mars.

An object like a ninth leg stuck out from the spider’s body.

Lee realised the spider was not natural-born.  The ninth “leg” was an antenna.  This was a land-based drone, designed to use web-like strands to move between distant objects, avoiding even the tiniest whirring sound of a flying drone.

Lee ran a systems check of his body, a habit he had dropped two days ago for no explainable reason after returning to his home planet.  Sure enough, he detected foreign objects in his skin and blood, objects which had attached themselves to many internal body parts.

He kept a few strips of artificial skin in case of emergency cuts.  Reaching into his pants pocket, he applied a strip of skin to his forehead and pulled the bedcover over his head, exposing only a small area in the center of the artificial skin.

Thirty seconds later, Lee felt the spider insert its “jaws” into his artificial skin.  Lee closed the bedcover around the spider and flicked it into a beer bottle on the end table beside him, pressing a coaster over the beer bottle opening as he carried it to his closet laboratory.

* * * * *

Guin felt sore but relieved after the six-hour dance training session.

Having cracked her ribs too many times to remember, often in line with the 11 times she’d had a head concussion, dancing either made her rib cage hurt or feel better.

Today, she felt better, thanks in large part to her friend, fellow dance instructor, and personal masseuse, Bai.

Bai had been working with Guin for a few years, showing her the way African dance movement flowed right into the Western dance techniques Guin had learned as a child.

Guin grew up on a farm, playing with cows and breaking in horses, in addition to her boxing matches, offroad races and skydiving shows that kept her upper body in shape and her reflexes heightened for quick, athletic weekend ballet performances.

She married her sweetheart soon after high school, presumably “until death do us part,” but, six years later, Guin found herself in a lawyer’s office, revising a divorce agreement over custody of a dog.

Not just any dog.

Not natural-born, anyway.

Her dog and the dog’s sister were identical clones.

Although she had cloned the dog herself while at a veterinarian’s office — the vet a friend of Guin’s father, both of whom had taken Klingon language classes together and spoke the language fluently, a passion not passed on to Guin — Guin’s soon-to-be ex-husband had grown fond of the dog and wanted to take custody even though the dog had been cloned a year before he and Guin were married.

* * * * *

Lee placed the artificial skin patch under a microscope and zoomed in on the area where the spider had inserted a few foreign objects.

Lee spoke out loud.  “Self replicators?”

He watched as the objects reproduced themselves, splitting apart like single-cell organisms, but instead of identical copies, the next “generation” seemed to be specialized for attachment to specific chemical signatures.

That at least explained why the objects in his body seemed to congregate at certain points and in only a few organs.

* * * * *

Rolenmec scanned the latest batch of Earthian profiles, amazed at how commonplace most of the tasks and adventures that were requested by timid Earth-based humans afraid to take the long trip here.

Why did no one want to conquer the planet or make Mars a jumping off place for points unknown, one’s replicated body nearly indestructible, able to travel light-years with little maintenance required?

One profile caught Rolenmec’s eyes.

To protect Rolenmec from knowing whether a replicated body he met on Mars was one he had replicated himself, the names of the Earth-based humans was not part of their profiles.

Surely, though, Rolenmec would know this “person” when he met it.

It was no person at all.  The profile requested that the body shape be that of a spider, a spider that was to return to Earth with a batch of life science experiments.

The spider’s sole function was to “bite” people, insert a few microorganisms that contained code which caused their reproductive offspring to spread through their host and turn into a large broadcast antenna, sending signals from a source not mentioned in the Earth-based human’s profile.

“Now that’s what I call a real dream!”

Rolenmec activated the profile and started the replicator.

* * * * *

Guin noticed her dog had been acting strange lately.  She compared her dog to the dog’s sister and noted an infection had caused the dog’s joints to swell.

She took the dog to the vet because Guin did not recognize the genetic code of the infection.

The vet, too, was perplexed.

* * * * *

Lee felt a strange sensation.

It was as if he had suddenly received all the memories Guin had lost after a bad wreck in a Mars dune buggy race a few years ago.

Arguments, pain, years of childhood dance lessons, horseback rides on Earth, schoolwork, love, migraine headaches…

His thoughts were overwhelmed by new thoughts not his own.

He walked into his office and sat down as the central nervous system mapping station.

* * * * *

Rolenmec felt dizzy.

He put his left hand to the wall and slid to the floor, stopping himself with his right hand, which looked red and puffy.

He ought to remember what he was just doing but he couldn’t.

The…the replicator?  Was it still on?

A spider flung itself out of the replicator and landed on the wall above Rolenmec, followed by another.

Rolenmec’s head swam.  Were the spiders heading for the lab hallway?  How many were there?

* * * * *

Guin’s dog playfully bit the vet on the wrist, jumped up and down, its tail wagging, and bit Guin’s little finger.

The vet shrugged her shoulders as if to say the dog was just overexcited.  “I’ve taken a blood sample and will let the ISSA Net analyse it overnight.  You should have the results before you wake up tomorrow.”

Guin and the vet absentmindedly wiped drops of blood from their new wounds.

Guin took the dog for a walk and then returned to her flat in the main Mars compound.

* * * * *

Lee sent a mental image directly to Guin’s thoughts across the ISSA Net emergency message channel, reserved for important interplanetary communications.

“What was the last memory you remember before the wreck?  What is the first memory you remember making after the wreck?  Must know immediately but I think I can give you the answer already.  Don’t open your regular message inbox until after you’ve responded to this one.  See if I’m right.”

Lee returned to the futon and fell into a deep dream state.  He wouldn’t wake up for the next four days.

* * * * *

As soon as Guin saw Lee’s message in her thoughts, she recorded a response and sent it back.  She waited a few hours for Lee to answer but received nothing, not even the normal acknowledgement.

Feeling tired, Guin lay down with her two dogs and took a nap.  She wouldn’t wake up for the next 3.893 Martian sols.

* * * * *

Acting like an automaton, Rolenmec stood up, walked down the hallway and opened a door into the life science lab.  Several spiders followed him.

A few did not.

Instead, they headed toward the sleeping habitation rooms that specifically contained personal pets.

* * * * *

Lee woke up, having forgotten all the items on his daily to-do list.

Guin’s memories flowed through him as if they were his now.  He could not tell the difference nor was self-aware enough to know that he couldn’t tell the difference.

* * * * *

Guin woke up, her first thought that she needed to take her dog with her to work.

* * * * *

The veterinarian tried to reach Guin for four sols.  Meanwhile, she noted that the microorganisms the ISSA Net had isolated from the dog’s blood were remarkably able to modify their genetic code much faster than could be explained by natural evolution.

The vet sent a request on the vet hotline for crowdthink.

While waiting for a reply, the vet went from cage to cage biting the pets in her animal hospital, unaware she was doing so.