Analysing a thought pattern: “This is a great feeling.  I want more.  I want more.  I want more.  I can’t have more?  You mean I have to get it for myself, the self which has no inherent value? Then I’ll just sit here and virtually beat myself over the head, inducing thought-based sets of pain.”

Self examination is a curious tale.

Is it really situational depression?

Why feel the need to punish myself for pure, unadulterated pleasure, which can be as simple as eating a second cookie, when one was sufficient to fill my need?

What kind of self-control mechanism is that?

At what age did I start fully understanding the thoughts of adult-level aged people?

When did I learn to pretend to be a child with some adults and an adult-like person with other adults?

As an adult now, do I see the young people who are more grownup in thought than most adults around me?

Do philosophers understand particlewave theory/practice?

Do I?

Do you understand the path of least resistance that the intersection of electromagnetic oscillations and neurochemical firings represents?

Have you studied the detriments and benefits of crosstalk?

Have you ever built a lab that contained both shielded and unshielded cable to induce the scientists and lead engineers around you to explain their understanding of theories they themselves do not know they’re talking about?

Is it my destiny to be an average writer stuck in the body of a misunderstanding person?

Are questions the best I can come up with?

Do I truly believe I am just a repeating parrot?

Will something occur 14,290 days from now or have I deceived myself (or myself been deceived)?

Does it matter what these symbols – a, b, c, etc. – originally represented?

Which parts of the fables/myths that we call history are important, if any of them?

William Shatner turns 80 today – in the trailer for Transcendent Man, he said he wants to live as long as he can.

We are the product of our times.  Our bodies and thought sets are programmed for mortality.

We are incapable of seeing the big picture, innovatively turning omnipotence and omniscience into anthropomorphised characters.

Does it make sense to you that Ray Kurzweil would embrace the writings of Ted Kaczynski, just as I have embraced the thought sets of Jared Lee Loughner and Amy Bishop?

To understand what the moment will morph into, one must erase all thoughts of bias/prejudice and try to avoid the temptation to interpret the actions/motivations of others.

It is not easy, let me tell you.

I am opposed to killing, simply because I myself do not want to die.

But there is a difference between not wanting to die and wanting to live.

2011 is the year in which I want to know what the difference is.

I want to live while I wait to die.

What if I discover that the tenets of my moral/ethical training are in conflict with my desire to live?

How do I resolve the conflict?

If I have to choose between wanting to live and not wanting to die, which one will I pick?

The future does not exist so I already have within me an answer to that question, even if I can’t see it or don’t want to admit I know what it is.

I’m glad I’m here by myself because I certainly wouldn’t be having these virtual conversations with myself in public.  It’s almost too embarrassing to admit that I don’t know everything.

The journey of one person is the only journey I know how to take.

I repeat the patterns of those around me because I found it was a safe way to divert their attention so I can focus on the self-journey to which I alone belong.

Despite the fact that I don’t exist.

Giving a voice to the many layers of social interaction available to my thoughts and against which I physically encounter, knowing some of them represent age/maturity levels I encountered as a child and continue to encounter as an adult, is really all I am.

The superficiality attached to the intersection of electromagnetic oscillations and neurochemical firings within a bigger system of electromagnetic oscillations interacting with the particlewave universe we call our own.

If I ever tell myself more than that, I’m lying.

This is today’s mantra.  Rinse and repeat as necessary.

It all comes out in the wash cycle.

Or so they promise in logically misleading adverts.

I don’t want to pretend I know what I’m talking about.

This alternate universe of a blog is as close to reality as I’ll ever get.

Why is this blog’s last entry in October 2010?