On the way through U.S. Independence Day celebrations, we look to the last Space Shuttle flight with fond memories and a solitary tear of joy.
Time to look at Libya and ponder naval possibilities repeated in the 1950s…
Tag Archives: space
Cyberwarfare 2.0
In more humour news, rolling blackouts swept across Chinese metropolises and countrysides today, local police and citizen guardians arresting or killing anyone making comments, affirmative or negatory, in regards to the rumours that China was under cybersiege. In related news, U.S. securities shot up in value, with the dollar reaching a new high against all major currencies. The Federal Reserve used the higher dollar to cancel debt owned by China, Japan and several other sovereign nations, allowing the U.S. to make immediate and drastic diplomatic relationship changes. India and Brazil once again found themselves caught in the cold grips of a virtual war of words in which they were sideline commentators unwilling to put their nuclear arsenals on full alert lest they interfere with upcoming cricket or futbol matches. The World Court declared China’s hoarding of special chemicals and minerals illegal, opening the U.N. debate on sanctioning and declaring 21st June 2011 the official start date of World Cyberwarfare 2.0 Day.
Scientists announced the recreation of a comedian, W.C. Fields, whose body had unknowingly been well-preserved through alcoholism and available for DNA analysis and reconstruction lo these many decades. Sales of pure grain alcohol skyrocketed, with buyers claiming they were preserving their bodies for future revivi..vivi…[hiccup!]
vivification, whatever that means.
After the recent devastating earthquakes rocked Haiti, U.S. researchers there found the secret formula for zombification. Today, U.S. drones dropped silent “bombs” of zombification fluid in several major cities, primarily near the fortresses, palaces, resorts, getaways and government buildings where prominent entertainers and military/political leaders work, reside or hide.
Therefore, any local/regional/global news you see or hear, where popular talking heads are babbling on about subjects of little to no interest to most of us, is probably under the direct mind control of the extraterrestrial aliens operating the U.S. government in bunkers deep beneath the U.S. Capitol and Supreme Court buildings and operating the world governments in shelters deep beneath the U.N. Building.
Contrary to popular rumours, the bombing of the World Trade Center was not a terrorist act but rather the continuing intergalactic battle for control of Earth. In the aftermath of the WTC/Pentagon attacks, aliens from Sector W2II3 of the Uncategorised Quadrant took over Earth because the aliens from Sector WVB1991 and their world-control equipment were effectively wiped out of commission.
Yes, the Soviets may have been part of Area 51 but Area 51 was always supposed to be a ruse devised by the Cold War leaders to divert the attention of humans not yet under zombie control or under the influence of expanding mass media hypnosis.
World governments have still not been able to locate the invisible alien control center in Afghanistan, despite millennia of deciphering hieroglyphic markings found in that part of Earth. Legend has it that the invisible alien control center will give not only eternal life but also the ability to move galaxies at will, making domination of this planet seem like a kindergarten sandbox fight.
That’s all the humourumour news not fit to print in grocery store rag mags or professional comedy websites.
Should Atheists Remove “God” From Their Internal Dictionary?
Here we sit, 1000 years from now, a slew of offworld colonies establishing their own subcultures.
Where is heaven, hell, or nirvana?
Belief systems of many sorts dominate the news – celebrity worship, pop culture worship – as they always have.
Between your time and now, global weather changes on Earth reconfigured political boundaries out of necessity.
Naysayers and doomsday futurists continue their struggle for the attention of the masses. Humour is lost in translation.
Computing systems tap our brains for networked problem-solving.
The legal definition of a body has cycled along with public opinion.
Brain-machine interfaces have allowed crime prevention authorities to stay even with or just one step behind inventive criminal organisations.
Our personalities now live forever through expansion of the range of stimuli sensors that define us, including social media bots that absorbed our ancestors’ online postings and begat virtual selves similar to but not exactly like ourselves.
Old race and class based arguments gave way to genetically-engineered beings adapted to specific environmental conditions, including aquatic humans and humans designed to live on nonEarth planetary bodies. General adaptability is considered technologically backward, regardless of one’s genetic heritage.
The top 0.0001% of the population has more wealth than the remaining 99.9999%.
However, unlike your time, wealth is now measured on a happiness scale rather than a monetary one – the obsessive collection of money and objects was outlawed a long time ago, with medical advances allowing doctors to remove hoarding behaviour before birth. In addition to genocide and geocide, suicide is a fully-recognised form of population control.
Sexual taboos no longer exist because of species-wide birth control mandates. The ratio of gender subtypes is carefully controlled.
Politicians still use smoke and mirrors to motivate crowds for the personal gain of politicians and their cronies.
The E-Book of Galactic Records includes a section of how long different genetically-engineered humans can survive in the vacuum of space, as well as the fastest speed at which a whole body survived unharmed in transit from one space station to another.
The first human composed of antiparticles conceives and gives birth to an antiparticle baby.
Dark matter and dark energy were just more layers of the intertwined multiuniverse system we continue to uncover and describe for the next generation of scientific explorers.
Destruction of a human body in the activity of sport is forbidden, creating underground bloodsport leagues, while the majority watch and play sports with virtual teams of players who appear to have social relationships with virtual actors in other areas of mass media.
Until genetic specialisation reached critical mass, removal of children from large public educational institutes was granted only as long as the children received a required daily exposure to mass media and passed a yearly sub/culture test.
Some genetically-engineered humans can no longer speak, see or hear like humans of your time, having no need for those communication methods in modern society. Brain wave pattern amplification and attenuation reduced the necessity for archaic sensors and instruments that tended to get in the way of efficient socialisation.
Thus, new symbologies replaced old vocabularies and created a separation between the species that performed plays, wrote books, played musical instruments and shouted verbal commands on ball fields and the new species genotypes that excel in skills unimagined in your time.
That’s all the news for today. Time for my half-sol of meditation.
Entschuldigen Sie, Bitte. There’s A Bitter Taste In My Mouth.
Pardon me while I dig a sprout from between my teeth. Sehr gut!
On condition of anonymity, after receiving a hefty bribe, a U.S. government official allegedly told me that the words “France” and anything French have been banned from the official AmED [American English Dictionary]. Further, the U.S. government has retracted its claim to have freed France the country near Spain from Germany during WWII and has ceded the country near Spain to Germany in exchange for Germany extending an unlimited use of the words “twitter” and “facebook” to German language speakers/writers.
Congrats to the Danes, who proved that the Viking spirit is still alive in the name of Tycho Brahe.
I’m a little behind on my big behind in thanking people who’ve interacted with me in business or purely social situations lately, including Dr. Tom, Cheryl, Sandy, Imaria, Kristine, Ray, Kisha, Billie, Dawn, Leonard, Johnnie, Marlin, Jason, Lativia and several who are working on nursing or business management college coursework.
Congrats to Chestney for being the first person on her mother’s side of the family to get her high school diploma – we’re proud of you, young lady.
Welcome to the new era of CV gaps – I miss the old days when employers such as myself readily accepted excuses for employment gaps like: “The period of unemployment from 1969 to 1991 on my resumé? I was following the Grateful Dead.” We had more varied workplaces which enhanced creativity rather than goosestepping employees afraid to take time off for miniretirements.
C’est la vista.
A little bird told me that a rocket team has already secretly launched a small vehicle toward the Moon which will deposit the first Earth-to-Moon food delivery package, possibly containing fresh bread and muffins from David and Cheryl Walker of Atlanta Bread Company. The first humans to retrieve the package will find a winning lottery ticket. Or something like that.
Time to apply a little elbow grease and get back to work.
= = =
I leave you with this spot of humour:
A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake.
The game warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing license please?”
“Naw, sir,” replied the redneck. “I don’t need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish.”
“Pet fish??”
“Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o’mine down to the lake and let ’em swim ’round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take ’em home.”
“What a line of bull….you’re under arrest.”
The redneck said, “It’s the truth, Mr. Gov’ment Man. I’ll show ya! We do this all the time!!”
“WE do, now, do WE?” smirked the warden. “PROVE it!”
The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, “Well?”
“Well, WHUT?” said the redneck.
The warden asked, “When are you going to call them back?”
“Call who back?”
“The FISH,” replied the warden!
“Whut fish?” asked the redneck.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
We may not be as smart as some city slickers, but we ain’t as dumb as some government employees. You can say what you want about the South, but we never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.
First Impressions Have a Second Chance
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade and watch the night sky.
More Gratitude
A nod of thanks to many in the past week or so, including the marketing/sales managers of the following assisted living facilities:
- Tammie Robinson-Lindsey, Gardens of Huntsville, 10310 Bailey Cove Road, Huntsville, AL 35803, 256.880.1515
- Michelle Anderson, Country Cottage, 4200 Chris Drive, Huntsville, AL 35802,256.880.1101
- Kerri Grimes, HarborChase, 4801 Whitesport Circle, Huntsville, AL 35801, 256.650-1155
- Dana, Clare Bridge at Hampton Cove, 6379 Hwy 431 S, Hampton Cove, AL 35763, 256.564.8383
- M.M. Tweedy, Regency Retirement Village, 2004 Max Luther, Huntsville, AL 35810, 256.852.0033
- Susie and Tara, Brookdale Place, 2815 Carl T Jones Drive Southeast, Huntsville, AL 35802, 256.881.6111
- Michelle Bolling, Emeritus at Kingsport, 2424 N John B Dennis Hwy, Kingsport, TN 37660, 423.288.8600
- Barry Simmons, Wellington Place of Colonial Heights, 400 Professional Park Dr, Kingsport, TN 37663, 423.239.0022
- Sherry King, Remington House, 640 Rock Springs Rd, Kingsport, TN 37664, 423.239.8803
- Sandra Brown, Asbury Place – Steadman Hill Campus, 1300 Bloomington Pike, Kingsport, TN 37660, 423.245.1067
Time to start looking up at the early morning sky for the last view of the Space Shuttle Endeavour and the ISS reflecting light in the same part of the sky.
And then continue to write the next happy, fun chapters of the history of our species in this part of the galaxy.
Is today real? If so, then why am I not?
Today, I think I should find a subject or industry, surround myself with the “facts” about it (i.e., hypnotise myself into believing the universe revolves around it), and share with you its future.
But I can’t or won’t.
Some soft, fuzzy substance blocks my path, instead.
I assume it’s my pillow.
Naptime!
Carry on the conversation without me while I dream about the future of your life which you will read about in tomorrow’s news, as usual.
Perhaps it’s time to show all the jokes we played making Kurzweil believe he had predicted the future.
Hypnotising futurists is one of the best games the Committee likes to play.
Repetition is repetition. Plane and cymbal.
Time for thoughts unencumbered by current stimuli.
The center of the Milky Way is a bar? Moloko, please, comrade, with a splash of vodka! These astronomer “bottle cap” analogies are hard to swallow…zzzzz…
Maximum Displacement Pressure, Captain
In shocking news, a band of Somali pirates, secretly trained at a high-tech development center, intercepted and hijacked the Space Shuttle Endeavour.
Richard Branson and the producers of the new Pirates franchise flick deny they funded this illegal venture.
Rumours that the Somalis were trained by former Blackwater mercenaries in the UAE are unverified at this time.
Now, back to “Bring Nature Indoors!,” Chef DuJour’s infomercial about using Placenta Helper with cicada grub shells and lightly battered and winged cicada bodies to delight a family of four at dinner tonight.
Wait! More breaking news!
In a rush to create a new Irish saint ahead of the nonCatholic British queen’s visit to the Emerald Isle, the Pope accidentally beatified Osama bin Laden, the Papacy assuming the international terrorist was a martyr named O’say Ma Been Laudin, a young boy known for praisin’ and carryin’ on 24 hours a day about the miracles of the modern Celtic Tiger economy until an angry mob of unemployed Irish workers tossed the lad in front of the Irish PM’s motorcade in protest over proposed austerity measures. “Keep the pubs open!” they were heard shouting as garda led them away in paddywagons.
Iran denounced the Roman Catholic leader immediately and then recanted, saying the Pope, a fellow Muslim, is allowed to give thanks and the blessing of a martyr who nipped at the heels of Satan, destroying his twin dens of sin in Manhattan until the Devil finally ate bin Laden like a lowly prisoner, thanks be to Allah.
In unrelated news, seventy virgins were rescued from the Hotel Sofitel in New York. Authorities would not confirm if it had to do with the IMF chief’s recent alleged conversion to a new Catholic-Islamic hybrid faith based on the Kama Sutra and the Song of Solomon.
Wrldwid txt litrcy rt rizs -n3wz @11.
More Headlines
“Band Manager for The New Pornographers Admits Bribing US SEAL Team with Bin Laden Porn Stash”
“Obama Spied Secretly Negotiating 2012 VP Deal with Palin in Exchange for Alaska Oil Deal”
“Brazilian Scientist Creates Anaerobic Carbon-Capturing Artifical Photosyntheis ‘Tree’; Brazilian Officials Rejoice, Pave Over Amazon Rainforest for Massive Supercity”
“Saudi Government Converts Peninsula Into Giant Solar FauxPalm-Lined Beach, Using Faux-Grass Solar Panel Suburban Lawns to Fuel Modern Civilisation, Becoming First Nonoil-Dependent Nation”
“Technical College Opens New Landscape Engineering Department, Sponsored by the Intel-Huawei-Sony Corporation”
“Colbert Declares Himself Emperour, Forms New Global Government In Exile, Devoted to Dry, Acerbic Humour for the Ham-On-Wry Masses”
“Hillary Clinton Defeats Colbert in Thumb Wrestling Match, Reveals Billary Husband/Wife Coemperourship Rocketing to Mars Headquarters Soon”
“Union for the Preservation of Unions Dissolves all Worker Unions into Website for Chronic Employee Complaints titled ‘That’s Why They Call It A Job'”
“British Monarchy Funds New Comedy Troupe Shoppe for Exclusive Rights to Officially Make Funne of Thugs with Crowns”
“India Caught Drilling Gargantuan Water Tap into Himalayan Glacier Network, Consents to Relocate Bangladesh to Hidden Indian Gov’t Officials’ Private Holiday ‘Shangri-La’ Resort”
“George W. Bush Contracts Reagan-Thatcher Disease, Can’t Remember Details of US Presidency”
“China Finishes Plans of Tibetan Amusement Park, ‘Retrains’ Monks for Park Guide/Mascot Duty”
“Guinness Book of Records Annoints Panama Canal as World’s Largest Water Slide”
“Food is Shown to be Both Fatally Cancerous and Good for You at the Same Time – Anorexic and Obesity Support Groups Cry ‘Foul Fowl, Fools! Dig in, if you Dare!'”
Stop Print Shop Lexicographers Delete Punctuation From All Languages Stop Use Stop Instead Stop Stop Please Stop Stop Stop
“World Court Rules Trees are International Treasure, Allowed to Fall and Rot in Place; Roads Become Obstacle Courses; Cotton Prices Soar on Toilet/Facial Tissue Industry Conversion News, Surpassing Oil and Gold; Lumberjacks Protest, Invent Miniature Cotton Plant Chainsaw”
“Pope Blesses Islam as Catholic Sect, Sees Protestants and Jews as Wandering Catholic Children, Hints Buddhists and Hindus are Probably Catholic, too; Vatican City PayPal Donations Clog Internet More Effectively than Spam, Offline Bible Reading Explodes in Proportion”
“Research Shows Headlines are Subliminal Messages from Aliens, Nostradamus Predicted”
“Supermarket Rag Mags Receive Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Insightful/Entertaining News, ‘Legitimate’ Journalism Finally Dies A Merciful Death”
“The Committee Makes Satire the One True Religion, Outlaws Seriousness; Punishments will Include Reading Bad Jokes in Front of Drunk, Tomato-Wielding Comedy Circuit Crowds Night-after-Night, No Rewrites Allowed”
“SETI Discovers Radiowave Radiation Attack from Extraterrestrial War Accidentally Created Life on Earth, Intercepted Galactic ‘Wikileaks’ Communications Details”
“Life Started A Moment Ago, Ends In The Next Moment, Guru Proves with Lack of Evidence”
“Germany Will Only Approve Doctoral Theses with the Best Use of Plagiarism From Now On, the Government Precisely Copying GrecoRoman Law, Itself A Copy, for this Proclamation”
Thus endeth today’s satirically sacred meditative lesson. Bless you, Satire. Thanks for your confession – five hearty laughs and ten raucous guffaws every day until your next confession.
If vegetables had eyes…
Chocolate-covered cicadas – not bad – a delicacy I’d enjoy, say, once every thirteen to seventeen years.
Looking through my 2011 spring-summer catalog of aee (association of energy engineers (R)) energy books, I wonder – should I get the handbook of web based energy information and control systems or the guide to microturbines?
Considering the recent adverse weather conditions, how about “DISASTER & RECOVERY PLANNING: A GUIDE FOR FACILITY MANAGERS”?
Does Johnson & Johnson use Johnson Controls and did anyone there read a report by Masters & Johnson while attending the Masters?
I’m told some numerologists have used an unreliable text written and rewritten by politically-motivated power brokers to predict an end to the world as we know it on 21st May of this year.
My species…what would I do without it?
But seriously, what could I do without having to take our species into account? How much farther could I stretch the finite resources of this tiny orb to extend my dominance of the solar system and eventually an arm of the galaxy?
The Committee is still here in the background, reminding me that I may want to forget about them but they haven’t forgotten about me.
My network keeps plotting futures against which they compare the Book of the Future and the crystal ball. A few other tricks up my mojo bag of a sleeve protect the real purpose of the predictions we openly share with you.
Sunshine laws and transparency are not normal business practices. Steve Jobs is not Obama. Political entities – municipalities, states/provinces and countries – do not operate in a noncompetitive vacuum.
I don’t believe in Destiny as some forecast from the past.
Instead, adaptation to the everchanging moment brings about the best chance for successfully reaching the next moment and the next.
The collection of sensations that we call wisdom in middle age causes me to imagine patterns that permeate the chaotically intertwined fabric of our social lives.
That’s why separating the individual from the individual’s factually verifiable goals is a hard, carved in planetary systems, requirement of membership in the group that controls the group that controls the Committee’s advisors to the MORTIE network.
And why separating the species from our planet’s goal to perpetuate its forms of planetary existence by the fractal spinoff of a galaxy called life looks like a Destiny rather than a Consequence of Good Fortune.
We will spread life, as this planet knows it, onto other satellites of the Sun, feeling proud of our technical achievements and intellectual independence from what we see as the basic hand-to-mouth, eat-and-be-eaten cycle of nature, only half-aware, if that, we fulfill the imaginary destiny of nature’s (or the universe’s) larger cycle.
Trees, roads, earthquakes, farms, factories, glaciers, volcanoes – all the familiar labels we choose to compartmentalise the local states of energy of the universe as we know it, including ourselves – have led to this moment, when we realise we are, despite character flaws and perceived environmental missteps/corrections, right on a true and straight course, preserving life in our vainglourious attempt to advance and spread our species.
In the long run, because I have no children, I care not whether our species or some other travels to another star system. Only your descendants will know for sure.
The Book of the Future says much about the subject.
We can discuss it another day, when many a child with a learner’s permit drives the family vehicle to raise funds through magic of the adult breadwinner’s traveling sales closing methods.
Let’s dance!
treetrunkdings 