…all gravity-free dancing will be performed by professional acrobats only.
Until then, enjoy the show:
Tag Archives: satire
Swelled Response
A debt of gratitude to all those who participated in the tiger kidnappings this past week. We have raised billions, yes, BILLIONS, in our effort to retake the reins of control for ourselves and take them away from the overprivileged, hyperactive elites.
However, one small note…
We have a surplus of tigers.
I didn’t know there were so many different kinds of tigers, either.
Therefore, please cut down the actual tiger kidnappings.
[note to self: gotta remember some people will take you literally no matter how explicit your implicit instructions may be]
Now, back to the book currently in progress.
Goin’ ‘Round In Circles
As the last U.S. Space Shuttle mission EVA winds down, former astronauts and cosmonauts are clamoring to release the first “kiss and tell,” behind-the-scenes autobiography of what really took place during the 30-year span of Space Shuttle missions.
Meanwhile, I rarely lose bets and ever more rarely admit it.
Today is an exception.
A journalist friend of mine bet he could prove how banal most people’s lives are by finding an obscure murder trial where the defendant was obviously not guilty and turn the trial into a circus, causing thousands, if not millions, of people to expend emotional energy over the results of the trial.
I told him that people had important lives and would not let themselves be so easily manipulated.
I’m sorry to report I lost.
Now, back to writing the book of the Book of the Future.
We interrupt this book to bring you the following…
In shocking news today, the U.S. president reached a compromise with Congress, agreeing to a 100% tax on all speaking fees, book royalties and presidential reelection campaign funds in order to pull his country from the edge of the economic abyss.
Murdoch’s empire claims to have Blackberry audio in which the treasury secretary says that he’s willing to sell Alaska to Russia and give up market domination rights of the Philippines and Japan in exchange for China buying all U.S. treasuries from now on, thus turning the U.S. into a regional power and a foreign freetrade zone for the Communist country.
Members of Congress will meet the compromise and allow reporters to follow them on “vacations” with donors and lobbyists, submitting all travel-related expenses and graft as 100% taxable, subtracted, of course, from their Congressional compensation packages.
This, the budget office assures us, is sufficient to put the U.S. treasury back on the plus side.
In case you missed it…
For those who missed it, here’s a recap of the last U.S. Space Shuttle blastoff and docking to the ISS with some bonus shots recapping the 30-year span of space shuttle missions:
Cap Indicates Colour: Chapter MMXVIII
In an unauthorised biography sold via instant thought download form in 2015, Timothy Geithner admitted he was a stool pigeon for the Chinese government.
Although old news, it matched with the data discovered after the U.S. and EU governments simultaneously changed their independence days to 1st May in the 2011/2012 fiscal year.
Khrushchev, long ago smiling in his grave over previous news (Huntsville companies helping Army get Afghan pilots flying new Russian helicopters), was quoted by the witch doctor during a séance, “Look who’s crushed now.” [“Смотрите, кто похоронен теперь, товарищи!”]
Further, Geithner expressed his confusion over why the new IMF chief changed its organisation’s name to P&C in 2012. In later chapter notes, the biography revealed that Christine Lagarde chose P&C because it was her secret favourite hybrid corn variety, Peaches and Cream.
Speaking of P&C, after the IMF declared it was assuming or taking over all debts, public and private, in order to cement its position as de facto world government/lending institution, especially after the U.S. government could not stop increasing the debt limit and showed in all future plots that it was going to collapse, following in the footsteps of the EU, sending more people to invest in the new IMF global “currency” while dumping the dollar, euro, and renminbi because of their ties to unstable governments, Lagarde made P&C the official moniker for her revitalised bureaucracy.
Lagarde regards Earth as her “motherland, may it reign the solar system forever!” [“Patrie, la Terre Mère puisse régner le système solaire pour toujours!”]
It was during the last U.S. Space Shuttle flight to the ISS in 2011 that hints of these changes were taking place, first when the U.S. and Russian crews went off to drink celebratory vodka after Atlantis docked, leaving the Japanese crew member to clean up after them.
Satoshi Furukawa photographs last sober ISS crew member
From then on, international relationships changed shape dramatically, leading up to the climax of the New Revolution.
Archaeologists are still trying to decipher the meaning behind the guy who wore a vest and two jackets in Mission Control (see photo below).
Exactly how cold is it in Mission Control?
Which Committee Do You Want To Work For?
Commercial break from writing a book:
Off With ‘is ‘ead!
In mob news today, the English-speaking world tracked, followed, stalked and captured the head of a large media empire.
The media empire provided 24/7 news coverage of the downfall of their emperour.
At last report, the mob was deciding whether to spread the parts of the head to the ends of the earth, or…
…put the whole head on display and increase tourism to only one spot on the planet.
Meanwhile, the World Court declared that email/text messaging is a public utility and thus subject to no rights of privacy, opening the door for a complete transparent exposure of all transactions – business, personal or political – to every citizen of Earth.
Thanks to Kamil at DQ in Guntersville, Houlihan’s in ATL airport, Shatandra at ATL news stand, Kathy at Alabama welcome center, Lacey at VF Outlet in Boaz, Outlaw Steakhouse, and Charles at McDonald’s in Douglasville, GA.
I’m taking a break from blogging to concentrate on writing a book the rest of this summer in the Northern Hemisphere.
Y’all have a good one, y’hear?
Sports Accounting
There was a time, a long, long time ago…
Well, now that 10,000 is only 6 away…
Two kids outrushing my father for a Braves T-shirt, forever famous in a facebook photo.
A long list of thanks: Janet, Cindy, Sherri, Phil, Steve, Barry, Ashleigh, Taylor, Justin, Gordon, Elaine, Amy, Mason, Anne,, Bruce, Chestney&friend, Nicholas, Maggie, Anna, Brian, Abby, Braves management/players/fans/security/food/support staff, Tipsy Pig BBQ, Toledo Ticket Co., AmeriPark.
Swim meets at Georgia Tech, as seen on live Internet feeds.
Chocolate donuts from Publix.
Old Fulton County stadium wall.
Streets after streets of fracnchises streaking by, competing for disposable income.
0% chance of rain at 9 p.m.? I wanna be a TV weather forecaster.
Why do we say that time has a length?
GWTW @ 75.
Trivia games in-game.
During a heat wave.
Watermelon, salty pretzel, hot dog, ice cream, potato chips and Coke. Souvenir cup and baseball cap.
Individual demographic profile.
Local on the 8s.
Peace and quiet.
Truth and beauty.
Player of the game.
Fireworks.
Teffeteller vs. Jackson on Family Feud. Parcheesi and Oleo.
Anonymity.
Blurring of media.
Surgery, not snake bite.
Drawing circuits on flexible paper with a pen plotter using conductive ink. 3D plotting turning circuitry into artwork.
As you know, I come from an impoverished family
Hey – still alive. As far as joy juice (“general anesthesia”) goes – one moment I was looking around the operating room and an hour later, but felt like a second later, I woke up feel nauseated. The only aftereffect has been my ability to keep a thought process going even though my body starts snoring off to sleep.
Here’s a link to procedures, including surgery, for removal of a ganglion cyst in the wrist area, similar to mine (although mine was arthroscopically excised).
WARNING: actual surgery images in video:
However, for me, Dr. Maddox I have to thank, seeing as he took care of other problems in my wrist area that I can’t detail here.
Suffice it to say that I owe a debt of gratitude to The Orthopaedic Center, Dr. Maddox and all the staff there.
= = =
On to a continuing subject: the difficult year of 2011, where I have to keep looking for the ultimate set of emperour’s new clothes to fashion for you.
= = =
A successful banker, back on his college campus for a class reunion, visited his old economics prof, and picked up the current semester’s final exam. “Holy smoke,” he exclaimed, “these are precisely the questions you asked our class fifteen years ago. If you always ask the same questions, don’t you know the students will get wise, and pass them on from class to class?”
“Sure,” answered the prof blandly, “but in economics, you see, we’re constantly changing the answers.”
= = =
Anyone read John Hyde Preston’s A Short History of the American Revolution that maintained the school stories of the Boston Tea Party were not what you think? Even bunk?
= = =
Enough burning through a book of BC’s stuff.
= = =
The truth is where you want to find it. Observe the sleeveless magician – anything up his skin? In my working experiment, the U.S. defaults and starts an economic war not seen since you know when. Are you profiteers interested in this or shall we chicken out for the umpteenth time and play reelection politics one more time?
treetrunkdings 