Hairy chests vs. hairy backs

On a bookshelf nearby rests sewn and cut pages that display ink patterns claiming to be the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe.

Poe was a newspaper man

Rarely do I find myself rewriting the start of a blog entry.  I usually spent a few minutes earlier in the day planting an idea over which I mull my thoughts and my daily experiences, blending them into words of wisdom upon which I will mull the following day, so forth and so on into oblivion or history, whichever comes first and lasts.

But I have dwelled in the ravenous words of Poe many times before.

‘Tis not a dwelling one desires to live long periods of time.

Instead, I pick up an oar, or our hour of rowing begins, pushing off from some misty, distant shore in the dim light of dawn, the black-and-white of night warming into purples, pinks and oranges as the sun shows its furnace face, ablaze like no love adorning the parlours of two smitten teens entwined in eternity’s dance of forlorn-no-more promises.

Tick-tock.  Tick-tock.

For whom do these words flow from tapping fingers attached to sets of states of energy coordinated such that a universe reinvents itself at imperceptible fractal levels testing the grand universal theory of everything?

I know not.

Yet, I know.

Further and farther I row.

Rows upon rows of farm fields rumble past, a’thither, whither, whether, hence.

No matter.

The rhythm of repeated words flutters in the wind, chasing swallows so swift in pursuit of insects suspended in suspenseful air.

Thick as flies.

Dense as milk.

Tense with high tension wires vibrating vigorously, immobile yet alive with electricity.

Words that tell, not show, show, not tell.  Some or both, neither, very well.

Small dams pool water in shallow lakes, pushing potential energy back toward boats and lonely rowers.

Oars dig deep, the holes in water kinetically kicking back, equal but opposite reactions on rowers’ limbs, skin erupting rows of glistening sweat beads, sheeting, laminar flows across foreheads, necks, arms, chests and backs.

Skiffs in competition toward the dam lock.

First in, first out.  FIFO.

Fee fi fo fum, I smell the musk of a sweaty man.

Paddles of wood slapping the water, the long handles banging against iron rings, grunts in the air sending out snorts of foggy breath.

Boats jumping, waves spreading, oarmen chasing oarmen, dreams of winning nothing more than pride and a job well done.

A quarter, then a half and finally a full boat-length ahead.

Closer to the lock, closer to victory, closer to bragging rights.

Tip follows tail, boat ends touching between oar strokes.

Closer, then farther apart.

Almost there.

A few more arm thrusts.

A last great flurry of boats scurrying into the lock like water bugs in a fight for a minnow.

Only one exits victorious.

Two fists pounding a bare hairy chest as winner.  Palms pounding bare hairy backs in congratulations all ’round.

Only one winner but all celebrate.

The first boat through the lock carrying the corpses of the Black Plague to the sea means less bodies to bury in the village, and a couple of days’ rest for the rower.

The remaining oarmen pay their respects, bearing their loads behind, beside and in front of the winner who slows in a show of pride, his arm muscles hot and seizing up, his legs cramping, his head on fire, his lungs heaving.

He may have won but his work is not done.  He will save his two days’ rest for a girl back home.

He takes a deep breath, picks up his oars and rows to the front again.

First through the lock and first to the sea!

Cats and rats

Living amongst nature has its…well, its costly moments.

When our cats were younger and more agile, they would leap from the carpeted floor to the carpeted cat tree to a tower speaker to the stereo equipment cabinet and on top of our 55-inch Toshiba projection TV monstrosity of a box.

As cats are wont to do, especially in the most inconvenient places, they would vomit while on top of the TV.

Cleaning the front of the TV is easy.

However, when the cats hurled their abuse behind the TV, it was a…less than…than getting an act of Congress passed to clean up the resulting mayhem.

I would wipe up the drying detritus but had at one lazy moment or two, not wiped the dangling wires clean.

Enter the dragon.

Or, rather, Rattus roofus, with teeth like dragons, and an appetite to match.

I did mention that rats had chewed their way into our cabin in the woods, right?  Our respite of domestic bliss?

Well, if not, your reading previous posts will not matter because the matter at hand is what’s the matter.

One spark away from a burned-down domicile’s what I’m talking about.

We have had no cable service in our living room for several days (about four or five).  I had worked with our cable service provider to no avail and will seek reimbursement for the inconvenience once we tally the days without cable service should service ever get restored.

In the meantime, I traced the physical cables behind the stereo equipment cabinet and found a chewed coax cable that was connected to the TV’s TV Out port but nothing else (the cable from wall to converter box and from converter box to TV was fine).

Not only that but the power cable to the TV was nearly chewed in two.  Amazingly enough, a single strand of copper was all that kept power going to the TV and the darn thing still worked!

Of the dozen or so cables, only three were chewed (the third: a wire to the left rear speaker of our 5.1 surround sound system was chewed in half).

Examining the chewed places, they seemed to correspond to where the cats’ spewed displeasure had dropped and dried.

Cats and rats and emesis…mmm!  Sure as you’re born.  Oh yeah, don’t you forget the unicorn.

Cables repaired.  Waiting on our cable TV provider to activate our new box.

Meanwhile, Roku entertains via Pandora.

The mysterious case of the missing math coprocessor

Living in a vacuum is a a curious phenomenon.

Words and phrases, a common means of communication between beings, feels foreign, disjointed, like stepping off a moving sidewalk with every step.

Yet, one cannot help oneself.

One must live, take nourishment from one’s surroundings.

One participates in odd rituals.  The neighbour down the street feeds the wild raccoons, mice, rats, rabbits, birds and insects.  One finds oneself killing them as they pass across one’s patch of planetary surface.

Not all of them.  The birds get by unscathed.  So do many of the insects.

But the mice, rats, and raccoons are fair game, their meat a little gamey.

One must live, collecting labour/investment credits for participation in the local barter system knows as the economy.

Thus, one decides to create a Kickstarter account, selling genuine Alabama-based wildlife meat as a means to stop burning down Brazilian rain forests for cow meat, adding certificates of authenticity “Killed in Alabama” with each sale, throwing in extras at higher donation points — a photo book documenting places where the wildlife called home before meeting an untimely end; a sticker stating “Rats taste better from Alabama” or “Mice — eat a heart of Dixie to save the rain forest”; and an ultimate offer for a free tour of local wildlife hangouts, trails and traps, with tips on catching critters and a chance to appear in the straight-to-YouTube series, “If it ain’t meat from Bama, it ain’t worth eatin’.”

One chooses one’s life path without using a compass, moral or magnetic.

Can one vacuum in a vacuum?

The deciduous forest is buzzing and chirping today

A yellow jacket, a sweat bee and a fly are chasing each other in the slit of sunlight that passes over the rubbish bin this late Friday morning.

Getting permission to import them to Mars was no easy task.

I could not import dragonflies.

Vibratoids, the equivalent of speakers or earphones embedded in my body, give me the sensation that I’m in a deciduous forest as I walk through the greenhouse that serves as our meeting room, food growth chamber and place for general meditation.

The vibratoids make me think that insects are buzzing in treetops and birds are chirping as they fly from limb to limb looking for food.  The sound of wind through tree limbs and the small blasts of air on my arms, neck and face add to the immersion algorithm’s programmed goal of acclimating me to Mars with occasional reminders of what Earth must feel like, what we jokingly call the decompression chamber effect.

But I have work to do.  I cannot dwell too long on the memories of a planet I get to visit less and less often as the Martian colonies mature, requiring my attention, not to mention my declining health — I don’t know if I can endure many more trips.

I remember my last night on Earth.

But before I do, I’ll tell you a joke repeated to me by a fellow traveler to Mars, a tourist named Adyer Xedif.  A juvenile joke but one I’ve heard more than once from first-time visitors —  Q: If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, where are politicians from? A: Uranus.

I hear the rapid flutter of the wings of a hummingbird pass before my eyes but I see only the bird’s green body and white-tipped tail in my imagination.  Oh, how the immersion algorithm can be so cruel without knowing it!

We are a small set of colonies here, able to manage ourselves without the need for the professional political class of workers so, needless to say, we get a lot of jokes about politicians when tourists and new settlers begin to realise they won’t have politicos to blame for inefficiencies and errors that occur because, as we know, we want a perfect world and we train for a perfect world but we don’t live on a perfect world.

Our customer complaint system is a throwback to the time when “free market capitalism” was the rule of the day, including some societies on Earth.

We call it the customer complaint system for tourists and visitors although we know it locally as the PS or ProbSolv department.

Solving problems.  Rewriting algorithms, correcting databases and reconfiguring hardware.

As quantum computing devices that closely resemble the humans we used to be, we are able to adapt and adjust to changes on a colonywide scale much more rapidly than the old mass media socioeconomic shifts that often took generations, or Earth-based decades, to accomplish — within milliseconds, software updates will rewire our central nervous networks to accept the change from decentralised ant colony system to an interconnected but independent system of birds flocking during migration as programmers test the currently-accepted best practices method for colony survival.

But I digress.

The last night on Earth…sigh…

The cheerful look on Guin’s face after her trumpet performance with the Comet Plasma band playing big band tunes of the 1940s, her purple-and-black eye shadow, her…eyeglasses?

Why, in this day and age of implanted autocorrecting lenses did Guin wear eyeglasses?

Hmm…good question.

Anyway, Guin reminded me again she needs a new dance partner.

While watching the couples competing on the dance floor, I thought about what Guin and I have been through, our first trip to Mars, her decision to stay when I left, her decision to return to Earth for one more grand tour, talked into playing her trumpet again, with me now back on Mars and her still on Earth.

Why do I sense a vulture flying overhead?  How can a bird at an altitude hundreds of feet above me affect the vibratoids and air blowers such that I feel rather than see such a creature?  Is it because I know a vulture rides thermals and the wind effect around me is that of a thermal rising above and passing through the imaginary forest?

My, my, my imagination is overactive today.  Next thing I know I’ll hear an aeroplane fly by.  Ah, there it is.

Good for the immersion algorithm to know what my life was once like, in my previous body, back home.

I don’t miss mowing lawns or the smell of cut grass but I do miss the old solid-metal and solid-rubber tyred hand-pushed mower that sat in my garage.

There was a time, in a previous life, in my previous body, when I had a wife I wanted to learn to dance in order to improve her health.  I also wanted her to become proficient at dancing so that she and I were comfortable switching dance partners at big social dance events, because I wanted to overcome the habit of walking off to dance with other partners, leaving my wife alone at parties without dance partners to share momentary joy with.  That’s who I was — a seeker of increasing levels of joy when the occasion presented itself.

You know, one thing this immersion algorithm can’t simulate is the appearance of a column of gnats rising and falling in a dance all their own.

I smell rather than see a citronella candle burning nearby, simulating the feel-good effort to keep mosquitoes away from humans.

I barely recall the sound of slamming car doors and squealing brakes when my neighbours on Earth would return to their domiciles.  I know there was a time when the smell of burning cow and pig flesh was an indication that my neighbours were enjoying themselves in their backyards.

Now, I’m just as happy with the smell of recharging batteries or Martian “snake oil” treatments.

That last night on Earth, I stood next to one of the winners of the dance contest.  She wore the traditional outfit we still call “Rosie the Riveter.”  On her face she wore light peach coloured makeup that we of Mars no longer see as fashionable, able to change our face colour through skin tone circuitry like chameleons blending in or clashing with our environments as we see fit.

Will Guin return to Mars?  Will I dance with her again?  Will she and I ever be dance partners?

Although I have been outfitted with the latest in future forecasting capabilities, some futures I can only calculate, not predict with accuracy due to the influence of emotion-based algorithms I insist on keeping intact.

Do I miss Guin?  Sure I do, even if my work here at the colonies “needs” me and would miss me more if I left Mars for Earth.

Well, the chirps of cardinals and the warning hisses of a squirrel are like an alarm clock, telling me it’s time to leave the greenhouse and go back to the lab where I hope our latest in the new line of beings created from our imaginations will come to life, making our colonies more productive, more happy and prosperous in the longterm.

Talk to you kids of the past and the future again soon!