Tag Archives: humour

A Bumper Crop of Birds Next Year

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The start of a warm day.  Retelling thoughts to myself of previous moments.

Noting the difference between a public persona and the private self, no matter how in/famous one may be (or imagine one is).

Allowing that some will control their selves with drugs – the so-called modern life – crafting states of energy like a microscopic logic board designer or chainsaw-wielding ice carver.

Some subcultures maintaining a separation of gender roles.

Others going with the flow, allowing people to assume they know best what they want to learn/do best.

Is monogamy innate or learned?

And if innate, is it gender-specific?

And if gender-specific, how does one gender teach the other the perceived importance of monogamy?

As our population continues to crowd in, how many other innate behaviours become commonplace in place of the formerly common behaviour of lifetime monogamy?

How do we signal zygotes to become antisocial and will RNA independence later wreak more havoc in one’s genetic tendencies?

Does the sound of a lawnmower influence the mating behaviour of cicadas?

What about an old B-17 flying overhead?

Will cosmic rays change space travelers into a distinct sub/super species due to changes in our copassengers: bacteria in our guts and pores?

The following was going to be part of this blog entry but I’ve decided to challenge myself to stop blogging about politics as a unique category of our human behaviour…

[Someone told me that if my culture eliminated Glenn Beck it would also eliminate the usefulness of a person named Jon Stewart because of the duality present in our cultural subconsciousness.

What if I don’t believe in duality?

Could Tina Fey then complete against Sarah Palin for mass media supremacy and have more real nonviolent power than anyone in the U.S. government?]

Seven billion people, no matter how unimportant or unempowered they may feel, lead this planet but rarely do we act like wise leaders.

We play at competing against each other while ignoring our effects on the states of energy around us that aren’t our species.

Is this a 100% redeemable quality?

Can I lose myself in the fun of the moment and yet be aware of my effect on the environment and the future?

On the dance floor last night, looking into the beautiful eyes of a stranger, having a brief conversation, and then changing dance partners, I felt the concept of opportunity costs and sunk costs as it pertained to social relationships rather than business management.

Soon, I will celebrate 25 years of marriage, my first and only marriage.  According to statistics, less than 50% of my local culture has households with two people being married as the single head of household.

How those statistics account for widows/widowers, young people buying a first house or renting a first flat before finding a marriage partner, or others who believe in marriage but are unmarried at the time of the statistics-taking, I don’t know.

The statistics do not imply, and we cannot infer from the statistics, that monogamy is no longer a preferred innate trait of our species.

Marriage and monogamy are not synonymous.  Neither is marriage and compatibility or monogamy and harmony.

For the most part, our species reproduces by sexual intercourse between the male and the female and subsequent fertilisation of egg by sperm.

We can prevent the fertilisation through contraception and we can fertilise eggs without sexual intercourse.

If contraception and artificial insemination were universally available for subcultures that accept these modern conveniences (and gently encouraged for subcultures that don’t), would we in those subcultures naturally breed monogamy out of our genetic trait set?

If we removed headlines that say overpopulation is an inevitable fatal train wreck for our species and started noting that we had solved the problem of overpopulation and are now managing resources for our population, would our bodies’ reproduction systems adjust accordingly and stop producing antisocial types?

In other words, when we see natural changes of other species in population sizes that peak and shrink, can we honestly tell ourselves we’re just as susceptible to these changes, including nonmonogamous relationships?

My thoughts are clouded by a stressful family situation right now so I can’t be sure if I’m looking at today’s blog as if I’m staring at us outside our species and/or applying [non]relativistic moral/ethical constraints on my suppositions.

We talk about the birth and death of civilisations and cultures as if we’re not the same as any other social species on this planet.

Take away the labels “civilisation” and “culture” and look at simple population growth statistics.

Certainly, as a population grows, the social interconnections grow and thus the population’s interface with the surrounding environment grows more complicated.

The birds in these woods are fattening up on cicadas this year.  Next year, assuming no major environmental disasters in the next nine months, we should have a bumper crop of birds born of this year’s wellfed avian breeders.

Eliminating all our innerspecies squawking and carrying on, I observe our change in population growth.

In previous overpopulation studies I’ve read, not knowing the mindset or intent of the researchers or the sponsors/producers of the studies, a species that contains a supermajority of paired-off male/female breeders will start producing offspring that do not exhibit male/female breeding preferences.

Of course, we say we’re the only species that can objectively observe the behaviour of other species (we are not the only organisms that can control the behaviour of other organisms), which makes us believe we may be similar to other species but we have a great advantage over them because we don’t have to just react to environmental changes.

In fact, we can create our own environmental success or destruction stories!

If marriage, as a cultural example of monogamous behaviour, is no longer necessary for species survival in our current global civilisation’s modern condition, is it just a temporary reaction to our population growth or a permanent change in our genetic makeup?

Concluding this train of thought, if a sudden environmental megadisaster reduced our population dramatically, how would we view marriage and/or monogamy?

And finally, as a test of my mental state, has this blog entry indicated a family crisis fogged my usual rational yet humourous reasoning?

How much civilised society does a school bus require?

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Distractions, distractions.

Cicadas bring external noise to my head in the form of sound waves and cicadian thought patterns.

General news mixes and matches information of interest to our species.

And everyday, billions of us work toward sending a few of us out of Earth’s gravitational influence.

I’ve seen a few deformed cicadas in the yard.

In the neighbourhood, the cicada chirp sounds have different pitches, less white/pink noise and more of a wooden thumping sound.

Echoes? The reverberation against houses and wooden fences?

While finalising future housing arrangements for my mother in-law – an agonising, emotional decisionmaking process – I survey the large holes chewed through the eaves of our house.

Strategic diplomacy in funding despots loses favour.

How does that apply to letting mammals live and mate in the attic and crawl space?

Or using my mother in-law’s life savings for her to enjoy a pampered few years of “cruise ship” living in a retirement community, now that all the kids are happily employed in good-paying jobs and have plenty of their own earnings saved up for retirement?

How much is a community willing to spend on a school bus to transport their children to a youth educational factory for the community’s future benefit?

Today, I am a tired old man. My ability, the “power,” to see the future (statistical analysis, scanning news headlines, making the future through private/public longterm policy decisions, etc.) is difficult for me while resolving a quiet family crisis.

Undocking Attitude

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There…is…a…slow…Internet…connection…today.

While listening to a press conference on NASA TV and estimating how much of the engineering analysis is boiled down for lay reporters, I wonder how soon one of the talking heads (the one in the center) will have a heart attack, his earlobes clearly pinched on the bottom.

My hat’s off to all the personnel involved in the development, politicking, deployment and management of the US Space Shuttle and ISS program from the 1960s to today and beyond.

Meanwhile, I’m amazed at the advancement of medical and astronomical knowledge.

Time to meditate.

Moving to the Center

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According to dB Meter Pro, the cicada loudness/song cycle rises and falls from 89 to 99 dBA, specifically on 19th May 2011 at 14:40, with approx. ambient temperature of 82 deg F (28 deg C), the iPad reported while being held in the driveway of my wooded lot.

Austria extended a welcome to its prodigal son, Arnold Schwarzenegger, today, sources within the government shared anonymously – descendants of former leaders of the Austro-Hungarian Empire are excited about the news.

The British and Japanese monarchies are expected to give formal recognition to Emperor Arnold I any moment now.

However, contrary to previous reports, the Danish director, Lars von Trier, a man without a film industry to support him, was not welcome to Austria but was being considered as spokesperson for the international Far-Rightists organisation represented by many French, German, Scandinavian and American fascist citizens in hiding.

In addition, the Far-Rightists announced their support of Obama’s decision to restrict Israel’s imperialist land grabs, urging Americans to proclaim the U.S. president an emperor, falling short of supporting Iran’s decision to issue Obama dual citizenship and the Iranian presidency, a step closer to creating the North American/European/Middle East Empire that will absorb Central America and battle the IndoChinese/South American Empire in the First War for Peace and Prosperity, WPPI, with the largest battles in the seas around and on the various landforms and large desert battlefields of Africa and Australia.

We cannot verify that American stealth aircraft are patrolling the skies over Chinese cities, looking for people to kidnap and places to attack while being unknowingly controlled by kids playing videogames in American, European and Japanese homes.

Is it just me or do birds seem disoriented by the cicada mating song sung in unison by multitudes?

In wargame scenario news, it is alleged that Chinese troops are training to kill American troops in videogame simulations.  Longterm strategists have plotted futures that question the economic/environmental value of such a scenario.

As usual, the super rich are getting super richer.  And that’s just in news from thousands of years ago.

Wealth is not the same as intelligence.

Hoarding is not the same as wise investment.

Preserving the past can be the same as securing the future.

Profiteering or orienteering – which would you rather teach Boy Scouts?

Tell me how we’re going to get our species and/or some form of life off this planet – everything else is a waste of my limited time and a source of satire.

Speaking of which, I better go to Walmart and buy my post-apocalypse supplies for life after the events on 21st May 2011.

Good day.

Pizzicato Pluckiness

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One good thing about being anonymous…

Feeling out the crowd movements with no desire for fame or fortune.

Only one person to keep fed and mentally occupied.

Do the cats know which way the path of sunlight travels across the chair in the sunroom?

Living in the moment.

Reading books like “Thomas Jefferson’s Scrapbooks,” “Righting the Mother Tongue,” and “When the Mississippi Ran Backwards: Empire, Intrigue, Murder, and the New Madrid Earthquakes,” found at Shaver’s Books in the Railroad Station Antiques and Interiors Store.

Wondering about the effect of Oprah’s announcement of seeking the 2012 VP nod from Obama.  How long can she keep the OWN channel running?

Birds and insects cycle through life under the trees.

EPISODE.

IN THE COLUMBIAD.

[Joel Barlow]

STORY. — Miss McCrea was betrothed to an English Officer, and was on her way, escorted by her lover to be married, when they were overtaken by a part of Savages attached to Burgoyn’s army — Two chiefs dispute for the lady and are proceeding to blows, when an old chief in order to prevent disputes, kills her — The Officer who had been driven off, returns with assistance and finds the lady dead.

Her eyes, that stream’d and fill’d again with tears
Like gushing founts, which many a riv’let pour
And yet are full; she throws on either chief
Alternate, suppliant, while her sad laments
Plaintive and loud the sorrowing Champaigne fill.
Beauty so sad, so woeful, but enflam’d
The savage chieftains to possess her, more —
They interchange fierce glances, which denote
Bloody intentions, fix’d and deadly hate;
Thus, when desire enflames the horrid rage
Of two fierce lions on the burning tops
Of Atlas; or parch’d banks of Senegal;
They pace the Female round, growing in wrath;
A short and sullen roar; their jaws distent
By rage, their horrid teeth and tongues display’d;
Their tawny flanks lash’d by their sounding tails;
Their mains on end, the earth with fury paw’d,
Are dreadful preludes to their lordly strife.
At once the Indians loose their weeping prey:
Their angry eyeballs glare and in their hands
Two missile Tomahawks shone; then had been sought
A combat, which if action bodily,
If physical exertion ought to gain
Warlike repute; had rais’d the victor’s name
High as Achilles, or the fabled strength
of Hercules: the fame of which had liv’d
Long as tradition oral, and perhaps,
Search’d from oblivion by the genial care
Of polish’d climes, whose records more exact
Written exist; had down the stream of time
Sail’d proud, immortal in the sacred arks
Of history and of song; had not the chiefs,
The Elders interpos’d, but chiefest, ONE —
Deep skill’d in savage politics, named OMAI:
He fearing that the interests of the tribe
Would suffer by this contest of the chiefs,
Snatches a Tomahawk and with savage zeal,
Seizes the lovely, trembling, guiltless cause
Of this disunion: and inhuman strikes
The iron deep, into her panting breast.
Her beauteous limbs relax’d, she falls alone
Like [t]o a Roe, whose comely side the spear
Of hunter pierces: Wonder seiz’d the tribe,
The rival chiefs resign their rage to weep.
And even the prudent ruffian felt his soul
Assail’d by pity. On her ivory breast,
The gash appears, as if a stream of blood
Had thaw’d a wound upon the virgin snow.

..<..<..<+>..>..>..

Extract from the “Mirror for Magistrates”

Wrote about two hundred years ago [sic]

What doth avail to have a princely place,
A name of honour, and a high degree;
To come by kindred of a noble race,
Except we princely, worthy, noble be!
The fruit declares the goodness of the tree.
Do brag no more of birth, or lineage then;
For virtue, grace and manners make the man.

..<..<..<+>..>..>..

ON A LONG NOSE

[Anonymous]

Heavens! what a nose! Forbear to look,
Whene’r you drink, in fount or brook;
For, as the fair Narcissus died
When hanging o’er a fountain’s side,
You too the limpid water quaffing;
May die, my worthy sir, with laughing.

..<..<..<+>..>..>..

Euphemisms and innuendos. Good topics for poetic, rhythmic musings.  I watch mothers send their sons and daughters off to war, many a parent hoping children returning home heroes and warriors.

I have nothing against the old ways of warrioring.  Too bad we have to keep thinking it’s our own species against which we ply our metal to prove our mettle.

In a thousand years hence, when we’ve conquered foes more deadly – cancer, viruses, drivers of large metal boxes – will we still sling our children’s bodies against one another to feed our innate bloodlust?

We’ll debate the entropy of language, no matter which most popular rules of tongue twisting we’ll use for common speech.

Does it matter to me where the future lies or where people lie about the future?

I know not.  Meditation is not far removed from happy, relaxing, lazy sleep.

Dreams of a cicada-filled forest call my name.

Minipearls of wisdom

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How-dee!

I was a tellin’ a friend about how my feller Hezzie is so thoughtful and so generous. “Why he gave me a mink outfit the other day,” I told her. She said, “What was it? A mink cape and a muff?” I told her, “No. It was two traps and a gun.”

A man went to the dotor for a checkup. After the examination, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with you. All you need is a little sun and air.” The patient answered, “Gee Doctor, I just got married. We can’t affor a son and heir yet.”

Somebody once asked me if they heard right that I was gonna be a cover girl. I told them, “Yes, I am.” I got the idea right after I heard a feller say, “If I had a face like Minnie Pearl, I’d cover it!”

Brother, he tried to console me. He said, “Minnie, don’t you worry. Don’t worry at all. You know there’s other things that attract men, like charm, or poise, or brains.” I told Brother, “I ain’t never yet caught a feller whistlin’ at a girl’s brains!”

Brother said, ” I’m not tryin’ to say nothin’ mean about your figure. You oughta trat your figure like it was in a battle!” I said to him, “Treat my figure like it was in a battle?” And he said, “Yeah. You oughta regroup and bring up reinforcements!”

A fellow was telling his friend about his wife. “She’s an angel!” His friend replied, “You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.”

That’s all the news from Grinder’s Switch, courtesy of a book by Kevin Kenworthy.

Jacob West/Wiest of Yeast

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“I’m 5 ft, 3 and a half.”

“I’m taller than my dad.”

“That’s huge!”

“That’s average for a girl.”

“What took you so long?”

“I only come here about once a month.”

“I can’t believe I came all the way up here!”

“She’s always putting on a lot of makeup.”

“Listen to me…I’m a turkey.”

“That’s totally you.”

“I love you!”

“Bye!”

Jessica smiled, looking past the group of teenagers while she walked to the food manufacturing line and boxed a dozen hot, fresh, sugar-coated, fried Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Meanwhile, around the corner at the Roller Time skating rink, after singing the Star Spangled Banner, couples learned to dance under the glow of coloured light bulbs that hung from the ceiling in the formation of a multi-armed galaxy.

Traditions flow through the Rocket City like dark matter.

Pam’s birthday is 2nd June, for those who want to help her celebrate.

Kim was probably wrapping up her server duties at Po’ Boy.

Life moves on…

Who stands to lose when you use your debit card?

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Ever made up a good conspiracy story to pretend life is more complicated than it really is?

In that case, let’s pretend that credit card companies would stand to gain more money than a few “skimmers” making short change on some debit cards at Michael’s stores.

Could you then stretch your imagination to think that credit card companies would have paid someone to slip a few skimmers into a store and promote headlines that scream, “DEBIT CARDS ARE BAD FOR YOU, JUST LIKE FLORESCENT BULBS IN OFFICES AND RUSTY NAILS SUPERGLUED TO THE INSIDE OF SHOES TOSSED ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!”

Republicans quit U.S. 2012 presidential race and Schwarzenegger reveals “maid to order” baby all because it’s an international conspiracy that placed a sexually-attacked woman in the IMF chief’s hotel room!

U.S. intentionally withdraws support funds for Pakistan because China has secretly agreed to pickup Pak’s bills!

Queen Elizabeth abandons the royal throne after seeing what a lovely wee place Ireland is and decides to make Limerick her permanent home, apologising for 800 years of oppression while taking up residence in the ol’ king’s castle!

YAWN!  Wake me up when the whole population has outgrown ignorant attitudes and operates on facts, not supposition.

It’s one thing to have a healthy dose of doubt in one’s noggin and quite another to believe everything you hear and make up more when it’s not believable enough because the facts are too simple to accept.

Can You Smell The Future?

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Sheer curtains.  Shearing scissors.  Sheer numbers.

The number of Chinese on the Internet exceeded the total populations of the U.S., Australia and New Zealand.

Next, it will exceed the population of the US and EU combined.

Then, it will exceed the the population of the US, EU and Russia combined.

What about India, Africa, the Middle East and Central/South America?

Shearing sheep for clothing.

Should there be an international curriculum for all students who will join the electronically-connected social life?

A global code of online ethics?

A course in detecting false logic, Internet scams and the natural growth/death cycle of emailed/texted/tweeted urban legends and fear mongering?

Sure, an educated populace sees through the thinly-veiled subcultural policies of selfish, hoarding rulers, but the educated populace can also better live and prepare itself for a continually successful future.

What if all videogames had to show some social value other than teaching kids how to build hand-eye coordination through basic reading skills, social values including: 1) the ability to drain testosterone in virtual wargames rather in bullying, 2) a sense of meaning for lonely, awkwardly social lives, 3) measurable tension relievers and 4) separating great civilisation builders from the lucky mediocre ones?

Money makes the world go around but let’s be wise and put our profitmaking talents to longterm use rather than shorttermshortsightedness.  Our grandchildren might remember to thank us one day.