Tag Archives: humour

Woken from a nap

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[Personal note]

In yet another conflux of intersecting events, the last Harry Potter movie and the next Winnie the Pooh movie were released on the same weekend my oldest nephew married while the last operational U.S. space shuttle orbited Earth.

In the latest issue of “American Currents,” the article titled ‘Fixing the Broken Triangle: Working to Build Bridges Between Aquarium Hobbyists, Fisheries Biologists, and Academics’ caught my eye’s attention.

Snagged it, really.

My cousin loaned me “Matterhorn,” a novel about the Vietnam War from an American’s perspective.

Set a couple of photo albums to ‘Everyone’ access on facebook and my wife found herself tagged in photos displayed in search results after Googling herself.

Watched NASA TV for a while on the last full day of the STS-135 mission.

Pondered the future of crayons in a world of electronic colouring books. Are the days of rough paper drawing surfaces behind us?

What of the future away from nanotechnology?

Is there still money to be made producing/selling buggy whips?

How often do intended consequences occur?

Rumour has it that the Mumbai bombings were retaliation for India contracting with China to check smartphones for hidden code.

The diversionary game of headline rumourmonging is a special hobby of mine, fiction writing for the pleasure of predicting pedestrian futures.

Perception is the deception of reality and vice versa.

Plumbing the depths of universal mysteries keeps me from staring at my mortality.

Personal relationships get in the way of testing hypotheses and reporting new scientific discoveries.

Would you rather be the best parent in your subculture or figure out a way to convert raw resources on the Moon into a 3D printer/teleportation device that transports space habitats and people from Earth in order to build a lunar Mars-to-Earth spaceport relay station?

I gave up my Earth citizenship and joined the Solar System Org just so I could be the first to issue Milky Way currency, universally accepted everywhere and not subject to the politics of Earth-based coinage.

Swelled Response

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A debt of gratitude to all those who participated in the tiger kidnappings this past week.  We have raised billions, yes, BILLIONS, in our effort to retake the reins of control for ourselves and take them away from the overprivileged, hyperactive elites.

However, one small note…

We have a surplus of tigers.

I didn’t know there were so many different kinds of tigers, either.

Therefore, please cut down the actual tiger kidnappings.

[note to self: gotta remember some people will take you literally no matter how explicit your implicit instructions may be]

Now, back to the book currently in progress.

Goin’ ‘Round In Circles

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As the last U.S. Space Shuttle mission EVA winds down, former astronauts and cosmonauts are clamoring to release the first “kiss and tell,” behind-the-scenes autobiography of what really took place during the 30-year span of Space Shuttle missions.

Meanwhile, I rarely lose bets and ever more rarely admit it.

Today is an exception.

A journalist friend of mine bet he could prove how banal most people’s lives are by finding an obscure murder trial where the defendant was obviously not guilty and turn the trial into a circus, causing thousands, if not millions, of people to expend emotional energy over the results of the trial.

I told him that people had important lives and would not let themselves be so easily manipulated.

I’m sorry to report I lost.

Now, back to writing the book of the Book of the Future.

We interrupt this book to bring you the following…

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In shocking news today, the U.S. president reached a compromise with Congress, agreeing to a 100% tax on all speaking fees, book royalties and presidential reelection campaign funds in order to pull his country from the edge of the economic abyss.

Murdoch’s empire claims to have Blackberry audio in which the treasury secretary says that he’s willing to sell Alaska to Russia and give up market domination rights of the Philippines and Japan in exchange for China buying all U.S. treasuries from now on, thus turning the U.S. into a regional power and a foreign freetrade zone for the Communist country.

Members of Congress will meet the compromise and allow reporters to follow them on “vacations” with donors and lobbyists, submitting all travel-related expenses and graft as 100% taxable, subtracted, of course, from their Congressional compensation packages.

This, the budget office assures us, is sufficient to put the U.S. treasury back on the plus side.

Cap Indicates Colour: Chapter MMXVIII

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In an unauthorised biography sold via instant thought download form in 2015, Timothy Geithner admitted he was a stool pigeon for the Chinese government.

Although old news, it matched with the data discovered after the U.S. and EU governments simultaneously changed their independence days to 1st May in the 2011/2012 fiscal year.

Khrushchev, long ago smiling in his grave over previous news (Huntsville companies helping Army get Afghan pilots flying new Russian helicopters), was quoted by the witch doctor during a séance, “Look who’s crushed now.” [“Смотрите, кто похоронен теперь, товарищи!”]

Further, Geithner expressed his confusion over why the new IMF chief changed its organisation’s name to P&C in 2012.  In later chapter notes, the biography revealed that Christine Lagarde chose P&C because it was her secret favourite hybrid corn variety, Peaches and Cream.

Speaking of P&C, after the IMF declared it was assuming or taking over all debts, public and private, in order to cement its position as de facto world government/lending institution, especially after the U.S. government could not stop increasing the debt limit and showed in all future plots that it was going to collapse, following in the footsteps of the EU, sending more people to invest in the new IMF global “currency” while dumping the dollar, euro, and renminbi because of their ties to unstable governments, Lagarde made P&C the official moniker for her revitalised bureaucracy.

Lagarde regards Earth as her “motherland, may it reign the solar system forever!” [“Patrie, la Terre Mère puisse régner le système solaire pour toujours!”]

It was during the last U.S. Space Shuttle flight to the ISS in 2011 that hints of these changes were taking place, first when the U.S. and Russian crews went off to drink celebratory vodka after Atlantis docked, leaving the Japanese crew member to clean up after them.

Satoshi Furukawa photographs last sober ISS crew member

From then on, international relationships changed shape dramatically, leading up to the climax of the New Revolution.

Archaeologists are still trying to decipher the meaning behind the guy who wore a vest and two jackets in Mission Control (see photo below).

Exactly how cold is it in Mission Control?