Small Town Sees The Light

Can your school system save money by deploying energy-efficient measures?

Sometimes, the little savings add up.

Now, about making the school children’s job futures more positive…hmmm…we’ll leave you with these data points for the day:

Well, it’s time for the Committee to get back to work because, with only 13970 days to go, we have a planet to maintain and a solar system to populate in no time flat!

Speaking of which, I heard the daffynition of a new word, “copulate,” which means to repopulate an area only with the children of police.

Hasta Mañana, you yellow bananas!

FBI, Scotland Yard show “feminine” side, ultrasensitive over hacked call

In case you missed it earlier this week, a hacker group that unimaginatively calls itself Anonymous claimed to have intercepted a private call between employees of the U.S. government nationalised socialistic security company commonly called the FBI and its sister organisation across the Big Pond, mistakenly called Scotland Yard.

Spokespeople for both organisations, on the right and on the left of the political spectrum, but most tending toward the middle, have cried over their prepared written statements about how they feel hurt and betrayed, ultrasensitive to the revelation that, despite what seems like an obvious discussion about tracking hackers of many ages and skill levels, they were, in fact, caught using simple school-age decoder-ring messages to cover up the rival groups talking about how much they’d bet on today’s NFL Super Bowl game to be played in Indianapolis, Indiana, Indian Territory, Native American Land, the United States of America squeezed between Indian Reservations.

The FBI and Scotland Yard refuse to disclose how much the participants in the phone call were punished for resorting to bad cryptography practice but most especially wasting valuable public resources to bet portions of their publicly-funded salaries on a rigged ballgame, its outcome already determined in a smoke-filled bar in the ‘burbs of Chicago last night, as most socialistic security company officials should know, having received training during the class “How to Recognise and Profit from Professional Sports Points Shaving and Win Ratio Fixing” in their third year of indoctrination school, given to encourage agents to supplement their income without succumbing to outright bribery.

Other news agencies have already posted the retranslated transcript so we won’t waste space here explaining the true meaning behind phrases like “Dunkin Donuts,” “jewel in England’s crown,”or “A smack from mum or dad might be behind it all.”  Besides, we’re a family-oriented publication!

Meanwhile, the hacker group formerly known as Anonymous is regrouping, embarrassed that their supposed great day in hacking was exposed as a slipup in the basics of Sky Kids 101.  Rumour has it that the group will rename itself Ignoramus or Hackedoff.

If you hadn’t see the preview yet…

Steve Harvey and Pat Sajak recently traded places as hosts of their respective TV game shows, “Family Feud” and “Wheel of Fortune.”

After decades, Pat could finally crack sexual innuendo jokes on taped TV episodes of “Family Feud,” relieving his years of tension that made him look like an empty suit “Wheel of Fortune.”

Steve, meanwhile, wondered why he didn’t have a slim co-host like Vanna White on his show, flipping the  survey answers and smiling sweetly.

Jennifer Hudson has denied her agent is in negotiations to send Hudson to join Harvey on “Family Feud.”

Sajak won’t deny he’s trying to spice up “Wheel of Fortune” to take him into his retirement years and save his sanity.  His liver adamantly objects.

A Movement, A Foot

The countdown clock waits for no one — 13,972 days to go.

The Committee has its hands full right now.

We move equipment and supply routes to accommodate a possible international action to destroy modern-day Iranian technology, specifically that associated with nuclear weaponry production but also any that does not impede oil exports.

Needless to say, India will not allow quick strike equipment on its soil during this preparation period, as dependent on Iranian oil as the Indian economy has become.

In response, the Committee has made it clear there will be no attempts made to evacuate expat Indians within Iran or any Iranian strongholds from now on.

The Committee weighs its options.

Should an overt military operation in Syria, to “help” the Syrians protect themselves from themselves, serve as a covert forward base of operations to use against Iran in the near future?

Will the unrest in Egypt interfere with forward military bases there?

Will the Israelis make a first strike without waiting for the Committee’s permission to proceed a few mere minutes before the rest of the military groups situated inside and outside of Iran?

Does the value of the Euro that favours countries like Germany have a detrimental effect on the rearguard/reserve troops hidden in eastern European countries?

Will Hollande take over and lead France to greatness, despite the Merkozy plan of European domination for years to come?

Can a silent movie move you to tears in this day and age of 3D glasses, Dolby 7.1 surround sound and Siri?

While the Committee takes a break to resolve a problem with the encrypted speakerphone system we use during extremely sensitive discussions, mainly because our brain wave readers/talkers are on the fritz, I’ll search (and research) our archives, hoping a bit of history might lead me to suggest, rather than demand, a few simple solutions.

More as it develops…

Fever, Either, Or, Favour

He looked at the thermometer sticking out of his mouth.  The digital display read 37.6 deg Celsius.

Low-grade, at least.

His ears throbbed.

Was this sufficient reason (or excuse) to visit the infirmary?

Two more weeks of training…he didn’t want a negative mark on his progress report.

A fellow trainee, Rogemme, walked up.

“So, you going for the ejection seat, are you?”

Lee shook his head.  “No, but my head feels like it’s floating on its own.”

“Everyone seems to have what you’ve got.  Think it’s what they say, a conspiracy to close down the training center?”

“You haven’t got it, have you?”

“Nope.”

“Then not everyone has it, have they?”

“Well, if it’s just me here, it wouldn’t be much of a graduating class now, would it?”

Rogemme laughed and walked away, shaking her head.

Lee stood up and felt his ears ringing like live electrical wires arcing or fluorescent lamp ballasts buzzing.

So everyone’s got this same thing…

He picked up his open copy of “Hidden Economic Subtrends Revealed by Supercomputer Algorithms” and read two pages.

He read them again.

He read them a third time but couldn’t seem to get the words, ideas or images invoked by the words to stick to his thoughts.

Was it the low-grade fever or something else that prevented his normal meditative state of learning to evade him?

He put the e-book down, leaving the book open for anyone else to read, including those in the class who hadn’t paid their dues and weren’t allowed to read other copies for free, a prime condition of Economic History Warehouse Keepers, Private Second Class, to maintain their rank.

He pressed a button on his earlobe that had been implanted to look like an earring but actually operated a wireless control system embedded alongside his left ear canal.

He rotated his finger around the edge of the button until he found the same place in the audible book where he had been reading “Hidden Economic Subtrends Revealed by Supercomputer Algorithms,” hoping that by listening to someone reading the book and explaining through a series of footnotes he’d paid extra to get, he’d penetrate the cushiony pillow exteriour that seemed to block his thoughts from learning class material in the moment solely by running his eyes over the written text.

As a sentient supercomputer algorithm taking the familiar form of a member of the species Homo sapiens, Lee had responsibilities, including this unknown infection, to add to his regular computational duties.

He’d excelled at hormone level modification, removing all unnecessary emotional outbursts usually associated someone of his rank.

At first, the lecturers reported his emotional control as an anomaly, sending him many times for medical examinations that found nothing more than the post-autism syndrome that previous generations of his type had helped “real” members of the species to apply gene therapy and foetal DNA reconfiguration to overcome the worst inarticulate aspects of autism.

Some classmates called him cold and calculating, both an insult and compliment at the same time.

He, however, ignored their taunts, his algorithmic tendencies giving him a larger view of life than the immediacy that sweaty bodies and physical alterations tended to drive mob mentality to its worst-case scenario outputs.

In his spare moments, he had studied the history of the “real” people, noting how they talked about subcultures and job classifications that seemed little different than the categories he and fellow algorithms had been assigned at initial creation.

Lee felt liquid on his upper lip and decided that watery mucus pouring out of his nose was an inconvenience but the overall conditions of the infection warranted a visit to the infirmary, after all.  He did not have access to online material that would have told him whether an elevated body temperature or range of temperatures would adversely affect other circuitry concealed on his body for experimental purposes only.

He knew he was really the same as the “real” people but he also knew he was a special prototype created from special molecular combinations meant to determine if DNA that had given rise to the biological diversity of Earth was only one of many possible atomic-level conditions for life.

By training him and his pals in a sequestered training class, the lecturers and those for whom they honed the classmates’ algorithm/subroutine repetitive output would assure themselves that graduating members awarded Economic History Warehouse Keepers, Private Second Class, would never want to leave their assignments for fear that unseen authorities would confuse the graduates with “real” people whose outputs were normally predictable but more often given to mob mentality than they.

As Lee absorbed the book’s spoken words which told him why living algorithms like him were destined for a higher purpose because their output revealed hidden meaning, he walked toward the infirmary, wiping his nose on his sleeve which shimmered slightly because the nasal liquid provided a short circuit across the fibers of his shirt, itself a living subroutine that resembled clothing.

The shirt sent a message on to the infirmary that it would need to be changed — its memory transferred to Lee’s next new shirt, then erased — and laundered as soon as possible to prevent staining, after the infectious organisms had been removed and sent for analysis.

In a fog, or a bog, or a field full of wheat

From childhood onward, fog has fascinated me — particles of mist, tiny watery spheres suspended in air, flowing like a river around trees, rocks, hills, mountains, valleys, skyscrapers, roads and lampposts.

Clouds draped across the landscape like sheets of cotton fiber.

The Hound of the Baskervilles howling at midnight.

A detective in 1940s attire — fedora, trenchcoat and full-brogue, wingtip shoes.

A climber on a cliff watching the fog pour down.

A beachcomber watching the fog roll in.

A stranded sailing ship adrift at sea.

Fascination experienced alone has its moment.  But shared is better.

Perhaps here, in this fog, with my friend walking beside me, talking about what we talk about when alone together, best sates the wanton need to be the social creatures we are.

“A storm approaches, my dear.”

She called me dear.  She, the woman of my dreams, or perhaps a woman of whom dreams are made when life is the dream one imagines when the dream wanders away, as dreams often do, on tangents associated with the day’s unfinished business, sorting itself out through REM sleep, rewriting synaptic paths, creating new mazes to meander when one’s thoughts have no goal or purpose in mind.

“Yes, darling, it does.”

Lightning lit the fog like a lighthouse beam passing over two lovers lost on a trek from nowhere to nowhere else.

Or, in this case, us.

“Have you ever been to the GHCC center?”

“The geek center?”

“You know, the Global Hydrology and Climate Center.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“I haven’t, either.”

“But a friend of mine has worked there.”

“Uh-huh.  Do you think they’re tracking this storm?”

“Could be.”

“Will there be storms where we’re going?”

“Most likely not.”

“Not even solar storms?”

“Good question.”

We walked on in silence.  She slid her hand in mine and swung it up and down to a tune she hummed quietly.

I stopped, causing her to spin in her step.  I hooked an arm around her and, without saying a word, we intuitively jumped into a Lindy Hop dance routine we had secretly practiced for several weeks.

Out of breath, we looked together up at an opening in the fog, a night sky revealing the Pleiades, better known as the Seven Sisters: Sterope, Merope, Electra, Maia, Taygeta, Celaeno, and Alcyone.

“Which one are you?”

“Which one do you want me to be?”

“Hmm…mortal or immortal…”

“Love, my dear, is immortal, is it not?”

Lightning flashed again, thunder rumbling through our bodies.

“The storm draws nearer.”

“Yes, darling.  Which sister are you?”

“Well, I am certainly not your sister.”

“There is little doubt in that, although the DNA we carry varies by so very little I would venture a guess an extraterrestrial intelligence trying to separate us by biological means only would simply quantify us according to body type…gender, primarily.”

“‘Simple enough, Holmes.'”

“‘Elementary, Watson.'”

She gave me a shove and then threw an arm over my shoulder.  “Suppose we should find shelter?”

“Here?  In this open field of winter wheat?”

“Is that where we are?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?  Weren’t we on a concrete path?”

“And didn’t you want to step off the path into the grass a while back?”

“Yes but…”

“Have you never been here in the daytime?”

“No.”

“The park follows the edge of a working farm.  Some years they’ve grown soybean.  Other years they’ve let native flowers fill the fields, attracting thousands of flutterbyes, bees, moths and other flying insects in late summer.  This year, it’s winter wheat.”

“You come here often, then?”

“At least once a year.  During the workweek, it’s a great place to ride my bike or practice for the annual marathon.”

“Once a year?”

I smiled at her playful sarcasm.  “That’s all the training I need to run a marathon.”

“Su-u-u-re.”

“Well, that combined with all our dancing, of course.”

She threw her other arm over my back and rested her chin on my shoulder.  “We never practice slow dancing.  You ever notice that?”

I swayed a little.  “What’s there to practice?”

She lifted her head and swayed with me to an imaginary waltz.  “When was the last time you trimmed your ear hair?”

“What?”

“Your ear hair.”

She had mumbled into my shoulder.  “Oh, that.  I thought you said something else.”

She leaned back and looked me in the eye, her dominant right eye looking into my dominant left eye.  “And what did I say?”

“I’m not sure.  It sounded like ‘rimmed your air air,’ which made no sense.”

“Uh-huh.”

The lightning flashed again, much brighter, making her eyes shine, as if my face was a beacon reflected in her face.

“How far is it back to the carpark?”

“I dunno.  Fifteen or twenty minutes, if we run.”

“What if we laid down on the wheat?”

“Well, we could do that but it’ll still get pretty muddy.”

“At least we’ll have less chance of getting struck by lightning.”

Lightning struck a nearby hill, causing me to jump.  “Okay, you win.  Let’s lay down here…right now.”

I pushed two rows of wheat toward each other, forming a thin but dirt-free mat on which we sat down and then pressed our backs.

The top of the anvil-shaped thunderstorm blocked the Pleiades.

“You never told me which sister you wanted me to be.”

“You have to answer another question first.  Would you want to be the mother of my child?”

“Rather presumptuous question, isn’t it?”

“Not really.”

“I suppose not.  But, if I bear us a child, that will change my place in the Queue, would it not?”

“We could petition to be the first to carry a child off the planet.”

“That’s definitely more than presumptuous.  More like foolish, I think.”

“Wishful thinking, actually.”

“Indeed.”

“Well…?”

A pregnant pause filled the air, rimmed my air air, as it were.

She placed a hand on my chest.  “And I must answer the first question before you’ll tell me which sister you want me to be?”

“Unless you tell me which sister you want to be, first.”

A few heavy drops of rain landed around.  Lightning flashed past us in a space beyond our field of view, with the thunder seeming to emanate from a spot directly above us.

“You know, dear, we could die out here, making this whole conversation a moot point.”

Through the thin sheets of fog, thick sheets of rain filled the world around us.  The wheat beneath us grew wet and soaked the only dry area left, the small of our backs.

We had turned our heads toward each other to prevent the streams of falling water from filling our mouths and beating our faces.

However, my left ear soon became numb from the cold rain pooling in the canal, my eardrum throbbing with the amplified sound of tinnitus.

We lay like that during the fifteen or twenty minutes that the storm took to pass over us, time we could have spent running back to the carpark.

As the last low scuds of cloud wisps flew past, the starlit sky reappeared.

“Can I bear you an imaginary child?”

“If you wish.  I’m not asking to be a father, just asking if you’re willing to be the mother of my…our child.”

“In that case, yes.  I would bear you a child if…”

“Thank you.”

“If…this was a rhetorical question I had to answer in order to address the second question.”

“Or the first.”

“No, you said I had to answer the second one first so it makes the first question the second one.”

“If you say so.”

“If I say so?  You know, it’s not an easy question to answer.  There are loads of issues involved with calculating the odds that our future, the one we’ve planned these long months…”

“Long months?  They feel like they’ve flown by to me.”

“Well, they would.  It’s easier for a guy, even in these so-called modern times.  Anyway, as I was saying, to even think, for a moment, that I could take time away from our hard work to not only conceive and carry a foetus for eight or nine months…”

“Or ten.”

“Certainly not!  Nine’s enough, as it is.”

“I could find nine months for us in the schedule, easily.  Ten, not much harder.”

“Well, sure, if it’s just looking at a work breakdown schedule and deciding whether a task is a task or a bottleneck or a deadline that can be slipped without noticing…but we’re talking about a living being here, one that requires more than just nine months on a schedule.”

“I love the way you say ‘shed-yule.'”

“Oh, dear, as far up the career ladder as you and I are, sometimes you can come up with the silliest childlike observations.”

“Still, it’s neat the way you say that word.”

“You’re trying to change the subject, aren’t you?”

A cool breeze followed the storm like a stray dog looking for a meal.  I shivered.  “I suppose so, yes.  I’m getting rather cold, here on this wet, muddy wheat.”

“I thought you were used to cold conditions.  Hadn’t we practiced traveling in cold space conditions enough to immunise you against the need for warmth?”

“Of course.  But we hadn’t practiced it in wet clothes and on damp ground.”

“Good point, dear.”

I turned, folded my knees under me and jumped up, reaching out a hand.

She grabbed my hand and lifted herself up.

“So, where were we?”

“Either getting back to the carpark, deciding whether to have a kid and impact our plans, or merely saying which of the Seven Sisters you’d like to be, hypothetically speaking.”

She shrugged her shoulders and inclined her head toward the carpark.

Between the shine of the stars, the Milky Way brilliantly alive, and the occasional flashes of lightning growing more distant, we sloshed our way back to the strip of grass and onto the concrete path.

Because it was dark and no one could see us, we both took off our clothes and rung out the excess water.

“You know, up there one day, as we’re looking down at this part of the planet, we’ll remember this moment.”

I nodded.

“Dear, will we call this a romantic moment?”

I reached out my hand, grabbing hers, and spun her around.  She circled on her toes like a fairy with wings, a nymph fallen from heaven for one brief dance in the night, a symbol or sign portending good fortune, I thought.

“Romance barely describes what I see right now, but it will suffice.”

“I, then, am Maia, mother of Hermes, messenger of the gods, protector of literature, sports, commerce and intrigue.  Your favourite subjects.”

“Hermes is our son?”

“Yes.”

“Then we are safely ensconced in the history already written about us.”

“But we already know that.  The records, the computations, the calculations, the error reports and the sample sizes, they all point to our predetermined past AND future.”

I kissed her hand and bowed.  She curtsied, let go of my hand, and began to dress.

Another line of fog spread from the river.

I picked up my clothes.  “Race you to the carpark!”

Labour Credits

According to my current bathroom reading material, “The Intellectual Devotional: American History,” when Cornelius Vanderbilt died in 1877, his estate, worth >$100 million, exceeded the holdings of the United States Treasury at the time.

Therefore, income inequality in the U.S. has cycled more than once through significant highs and lows.

If, as economic historian (or political scientist, if you will) Francis Fukuyama states in this interview,  the German economic model benefits the whole society, what, if any, are the negative aspects that prevent Americans from adopting the same or similar model?

Higher taxes?

Tariffs?

And if Greece is just a system of closed corporations, are any of them too big to fail?  If not, why not let them implode and give the dregs/leftovers/wreckage to the lowest bidders at that point?

A nod to many soon, including Juliette Binoche in “Certified Copy” and “Jet Lag” — may she inspire Julie Delpy to reprise her character Celine in the Before Sunrise/Sunset series.  Danielle at Mori Luggage reminds me of her so perhaps we can make a local production that imagines the ending to the trilogy…

Last, but not least, am I the only one who can’t look at the New England Patriots without trying to figure out how they cheated their way into the Super Bowl this time?  No matter how much the players will claim it is their hard work and talent that got the team there, something tells me that Belichick has another lying/cheating scandal waiting to be revealed by an investigative reporter someday soon.  Why the NFL did not boot him tells me a lot about the league and its owners.  Take that as a challenge to win, NY Giants!

Syria is Russia’s last hope that the Islamic movement infecting the Middle East does not spread.  Do EU countries care?  What about China or the U.S.?  Is Sharia a threat or a welcome change?  Do Buddhists or Hindus care?

Time for me to meditate on dinner and dancing the Charleston.  G’night!