Shadows at Noon

Of my species, of our particular combination of states of energy, I know plenty.

In fact, I am no longer “I” but the illusion is hard to shake.

I don’t have a problem blaming this one on my parents, who made me the centre of attention plus the fact I was their firstborn.

Of these thoughts, I have retread.

I have followed and I have led.

My vocabulary access system tends to find like-sounds to connect the end of sentences and lines.

And now my thoughts wander, like characters in the film “Slacker,” off to internal conversations about a word I can’t remember that’s like synonym or antonym but means “sounds exactly alike,” similar to alliterative but not the same.

The poseable wooden mannequin on my desk has its head turned, as if watching what I’m typing.

How can pieces of a tree connected by metal hinges have the ability to observe me?

This day, I meditate upon the future that looks back at us, will reveal, to our interpretations, its wonders, its glories, its shockers and its disappointments.

The future has no feelings, no personality, no hopes or dreams.  It is.

We are.

And we are not.

Shadows do not exist.

Instead, look at photons of the Sun encountering a temporary confluence of states of energy that prevent the photons reaching through or around.

When I have nothing to say, no reason to extend the circle of influence of these states of energy outward, I cease to exist and let myself blend in with the environment around me, nearly anonymous.

The way all of us are seen from the Moon.

The way all of us are seen a million years from now.

The way we are meant to be, temporary temporal illusions to the contrary.

“But couldn’t I be a fossil or mummy that is discovered in the far future one day?”  A fossil may be what some entity labels the outline of a few mineral deposits that appear to form a cohesive object of some kind but it won’t be you.

To have two thoughts such as “I exist” and “I don’t exist” are simply sets of symbols stored on a computer, itself a set of symbols which are meaningless to most of us.

A way to notch a virtual piece of wood, slap paint on a cave wall, or erect an edifice in which our sets of states of energy scramble in and out of everyday.

I am not-me.

I have no shadows.

I simply block the rays of the Sun from passing all the way through me.

Neither I nor the Sun know(s) the other exists.

My set of states of energy is attracted to bulkier sets of states of energy nearby.

We flow in and out of one another without noticing.

That’s all the past told us.

All that happens in the present.

All the future will reveal.

All a shadow at noon is doing.

the deeper I talked, the worse I got into it

Agirita splashed her feet in the warm waters of the fountain.

When the weather lady said it was supposed to reach 50 deg C, she was surprised.

She did not a cold front was moving through the area.

She tried drinking from the fountain but, as she suspected, it was ocean water pumped in, probably at night through a suspicious pipe she saw at the bottom.  Many of the villages in the city were sneaking ocean water rather than paying for city water to keep the City Manager’s mandate on tourist attraction in full force – “water fountains will operate from dawn to dusk, no expenses spared!.”

Drinking water was too expensive to buy at the market.

With no money, she had no option there.

So she tapped the squid on its “shoulders,” no longer pretending to be dead, and pointed toward her right shoulder.

The squid, or whatever it was, rolled toward her, stood up and set itself carefully into her arms.

It had told her everything but its name.

Where it came from, what is was doing here, why it was urging her to find water fountains.

Although she felt hungry and thirsty, the squid told her it was providing her nourishment as long it was getting fed.

She didn’t ask and it didn’t need to elaborate on what it was feeding.

She was not stupid, just preoccupied.

She had a reputation to keep and if word got out that she’d been responsible for the loss of a boat crew, she’d get no more jobs at the main fishing docks in town.

Others like her had the nearest docks to themselves, their reputations better or worse.

No longer concerned about selling the squid, she walked back out of town, into the suburbs, where the squid could feed unnoticed.

“Hey, señorita!”

Agirita turned to see a schoolmate driving his family’s new truck, covered with graphics and logos of the family business.

“Manuel! Com’ sta?”

“Muy bien.  ‘How you doin?'”

“Ahh…well…okay.”

“What is that?  Is it a rocket bike?”

The squid, while passing by a newsstand, saw a picture of a jet-powered bike and changed its shape, in so doing turning from a bright, metallic red, to chrome-coloured skin.

“Sort of…I found it on the side of the road and I’m trying to get it to a friend’s house out of town.”

“Let me give you a ride.  It’s the least I can do for you helping my cousin fill the security position on his fishing boat.”

“Muchas gracias.  I believe I can walk.”

“No, no, I insist.  My mother AND father would scold me severely if I didn’t offer a ride to an old friend of the family.”

She hesitated.  She really liked Manuel.  But she could feel that the squid was getting hungry again.  Besides, if Manuel was gone, no one could connect her to the boat.

“Okay.”

“I’ll help you with the…”

“No, that’s okay.  I can handle it myself.  You stay inside.”  She thought to herself, knowing the squid was listening, “Please wait until we are out of town to eat.”

Manuel opened the small window behind the driver’s seat and talked about his family business — buying fresh fish and turning them into coated, frozen sticks to sell to the English colony in the suburbs.

“You know, they say that most of the lowlands of Great Britain and Ireland are completely flooded now.”

Agirita nodded her head.  She did not feel like talking.  She said a silent prayer for Manuel, his wife and children.  She did not believe they deserved such a tragic end to Manuel’s life.

The squid was silent on the matter.

Little did she know the squid was weighing which one to eat, the one who had gotten the squid so far on foot without complaining until recently or the new one with the motorised transportation device.  The donkey cart had been okay but the donkey was too tempting to eat when the fish were all gone.

If the “squid” could figure out how to operate the vehicle itself…

The case of the cuckoo in the couscous cause

There are two kinds of people: those who want an explanation…

Sensory overload is not the issue — stimuli stimulate us constantly.

The issue centers on filtering.

You don’t appreciate your humble beginnings until you’ve had a perspective that tells you who, what, or where you might have been.

Normality is a numbing sensation that blocks the extremes.

For instance, the feel of the plastic keys under my fingers is normal.  I do not know what I miss, such as carving letters in the rough bark of a tree, hammering titles into hard blocks of granite, or writing my name with quill on smooth vellum.

Thus my position — the sum total of my experiences that place this set of states of energy in this spot, spinning around a planet’s core and rotating around the local star — is normal.

I do not know what it’s like to drift far from the pull of gravity.

I pop the joints in my backbone, expecting vertebrae and cartilage to respond as they always have before, relieving the pain of misalignment from working in the overgrown front yard.

Now there’s a hackathon worth sweating over!  But it can wait (as it always does).

While my wife was out of town on travel, I stepped into the woods behind our house, making sure no one in the neighbourhood was casually looking (those who were spying I left to their imaginations and binoculars), grabbed the lip of what, to the casual onlooker would be a large, extremely heavy, impossible to lift boulder, and lifted.

Counterweight hinges are a godsend, let me tell you.

Hidden in the caves that snake through the hills of north Alabama are designated passageways.

Down here, time is measured in…well, we don’t measure time, we measure stalagmites and stalactites.

Our library is composed of crystal formations and cave crickets.

Human construction overhead destroys old libraries, wiping prehistory of our planet from the slate of time and replacing it with notes from the Anthropocene.

The universe is like that, energy moving in bunches, crowding in and taking over a virtual spot held for billions of years by grouped energy states that transform or move on.

[Actually, spots — three-dimensional fixed positions — do not exist but we’ll save that subject for another adventure.]

Moving as regular as clockwork.

Normal.

A few days ago I sat in the library and observed guano.  Honestly, I’d much rather watch an iguana or an igloo but I needed to complete research I’d assigned myself when I was the Reluctant Leader of the Committee planning for his retirement.

There was a bat that ate a bug (or was it an insect?  I dunno.), a bug that once lived in a rug, all snug (of course), with a slug.  Ugh!

I wanted to know if the bug (or insect) had nibbled on the edge of a bog.  A big bog.  Smaller than a bag.  But I’m not one to beg.

So I sat and watched.

Waited until dusk.

No place to busk.

Or bask.

So I waited.

One by one and then a few dozen at once, the bats flew out of the cave, leaving their droppings for my scientific analysis.

Luckily, the bog’s bugs (or insects) have a signature chemical composition that, in the right light, not a bright light (or a Lite Brite), gives away their place in the food chain.

I was looking for the missing link (but not the Missing Link (or Richard Linklater (but maybe later Art Linklater)) that would guide me to a gas that permeates the bog sublayer accidentally stepped on by a boy carrying a buoy (not David Bowie (or a Bowie knife)).

Patience is a virtue.  She’s also a patient at the Virtuous Mother Virgin Ob-Gyn Clinic sponsored by Clinique.

So after I waited, I waded through the guano, holding up the right light until I saw the bog gas’ signature signature.

The puzzle was completed, the last piece put into place.

I had solved the riddle of the case of the cuckoo in the couscous cause.

There are two kinds of people.  Which one are you?

The benefits of a faceless society

Their lives are busy.

Too busy at times.

Between managing the “Chips-n-More Shoppe,” volunteering for two charities and attending their friends’ parties, the couple next door whom you saw move in but’ve never met seem, are rarely home.

So, when they are home, they relax, forgetting about impulse purchases from the Internet.

Packages bake in the Sun, propped up against the front door for days, until one of them opens the front door to make sure the security system is active.

They have no idea when packages are delivered or by whom.

They typically drive home late at night, tired, weary, exhausted, on autopilot as they pull into the driveway, their thumbs pressed against the fingerprint reader on the garage door opener built into the dashboard without realising what they’re doing, gliding out of their matching sport sedans and into the house mere minutes before they fall asleep in bed.

Sunday morning, he wakes up early, debating whether to risk his gimpy leg, ligament damage from last year’s touch football game still bothering him, to jog around the neighbourhood and see if there are any neighbours out and about at 5 o’clock.

Instead, he stops at the end of the driveway, dumbfounded, speechless.

How could he have missed this?

The Mailbox – Chapter Four

When an order is placed on the Internet, a signal is sent, blasting in all directions, bouncing off walls, passing over houses, through billboards, under railways and out into the stratosphere.

Signals are received loud and clear.

Alone atop an abandoned castle, a gargoyle, once feared for its ice-cold, unending stare, savours a memory triggered by an unseen signal.

A storm sends swirls of dust around the parapet on which the gargoyle contemplates the emptiness of time, a single dream on its lips.

To live again!

To lead an army into victory!

To eat the vanquished and innocent victims of the spoils of war in broad daylight, without shame.

Eternity of waiting after rising from ancient, carved rock, forged in the depths of an infernal volcano that seethed and foamed with molten lava made from minerals of the birth of time, has come to an end.

The haunted nightmare of a stonemason will own the skies!

Do you Roku?

While the tech world buzzes about the latest mass media consumption device, I play with a refurbished unit called the “Roku XD 2050X 1080p Streaming Player, 802.11n/g, Ethernet Port, Enhanced Remote with Instant Replay.”

Purchased one at Woot.

Well, I actually made the classic “duh” error when I ordered the box.

I pressed the Big Button (if you’ve wooted, you know) and got an HTTP 404 error that the page I sought no longer exists.

So I pressed the refresh button…

Four times!

Tried to cancel but the Wootiers behind the virtual wall told me, “Sorry!  Our robots are scurrying through the warehouse, happily scooping up four Woot boxes just for you.”

Anyway, the one box that I wanted, I opened.

Within minutes, I was watching a free Amazon On Demand movie on the ol’ 1999 55-inch standard definition projection TV in the comfort of my overcrowded living room.

Letterbox version of a popcorn flick, “Mission Impossible 3: We Suckered You Into Watching This Fluff a THIRD Time!”

Easy as making a pie.

No, easy as pulling a frozen pie out of the freezer, sticking it in the countertop convection oven and cooking it unevenly, burning one side and leaving the other side nice and cold.

As a comedian, I’ve got to find something funny about the inconvenience of convenience foods.

Besides, writing satyrical skits gets old.  And the burlesque dancers even more plastic-looking than Cher singing at a NASCAR race full of robot drivers and their plastic, Valley of the Dolls, Stepford wives!

Enough already.

Let me save the insults for the young kids.

Time to get serious, if not a few Syrians.  Assyrians, you’re time has come and gone.  I’ve got my safari gear on and ready to hunt cougars.

Experience counts where experience counts but who’s counting?

I know there’s somebody important in this time period who died I’m supposed to add to the list of celebrity eulogies but I’ve forgotten.

Thanks to Kristyna, Connie, Muriel and others.

Respect the Sanctity of the Cones

There is a phrase, common to officers of the law patrolling Colorado streets at night, that defies description here in the Martian colonies.

“Respect the sanctity of the cones.”

You see, back in 2012, the President of the United States, seeking reelection, decided to interfere with the operation of police and firefighters to offer his condolences in the midst of a state emergency.

Ask yourself if you would rather have a firefighter working hard to save YOUR house rather than standing for a photo op with the Prez.

Or a police officer holding back traffic for a firetruck heading into your neighbourhood rather than an entourage of national security folks establishing a clear perimeter of security for the Prez.

You see, I’m reading historical blog entries like these:

I support any person who wins the majority of electoral college votes for U.S. President.

But I can also call into question his motives when he puts his reelection campaign ahead of a real emergency.

You ask me, this stinks.  Mr. Obama, you are making yourself an annoyance in this case.

It is poor decisions like these that make me question your honest attempt to be a leader rather than a vote chaser.

Remember, I am one of the Undecided.

Unfortunately, I live in the state of Alabama, which is all but guaranteed to support your opponent to take office in 2013.

But those of us in swing states, we look to our President for a true vision, not just another politician gladhanding the homeless and asking to remember you come November when you blocked the way for those who are really sacrificing themselves.

You see, I thought I lived in a great country where protection of the people was not just something that happens “over there” in Vietnam, Grenada, Iraq or Afghanistan.

I expect protection of my people here and now.

But go ahead, bring the posse down to the Centennial State and see exactly who remembers you for what you did to those people whose homes were destroyed because one too many police and firefighters were diverted from their primary duties to shake your hand on primetime TV.

Hey, I’m just a regular citizen, occasionally remembering to donate plasma to the Red Cross and give clothing to Goodwill.

I’m no saint.

But I am a voter.

And there are a lot of people like me not expressing their opinion in the ocean of voices floating in the blogosphere.

We read the history of your times in the early decades of the 21st century and wondered when we were supposed to see the Rebirth of the Enlightenment cause it ain’t happened yet!

Getting old, can’t remember how to insert a table…

Have you ever forgotten the simplest capabilities such as inserting a table into a blog entry or how to create a macro in a spreadsheet?

Boy, am I getting older, not so much more forgetful, just more stuff to push to the front of my thoughts, letting the less-used thoughts sit in unused neuronal pathways.

That’s why I’m listening to the Cikada String Quartet on earphones while I write this.  Nothing like a little Kaija Saariaho, John Cage and Bruno Maderna to rearrange my thought patterns and make new connections to old habits.

I digress.

I came here to catalog a thought that bugged me while traveling a long distance between two cities.

What is the value of keeping my old car — with no monthly payments and little in the way of major repair costs — in relation to fuel efficiency of more modern vehicles?  Is there a significant difference such that I should spend time hunting investment-quality instruments to “play”?

For instance, my car gets 25 MPG (U.S. Miles Per U.S. Gallon) in the city and 30 MPG on the highway.

Traveling 25,000 miles a year back-and-forth to the city, I burn about 1000 U.S. gallons.

If I had a vehicle that got 40 MPG, I’d burn about 625 gallons.

A difference of 375 gallons, about 1 gallon per day.

What is my monthly cost savings using average cost per gallon for those 375 fossil fuel units?

375 gallons x [$/gallon] /12 = cost savings per month

$/gallon ….. cost savings per month
3 ….. $93.75
4 ….. $125
5 ….. $156.25
8 ….. $250
10 ….. $312.50

Therefore, by not purchasing a new vehicle with more efficient fuel usage, I spend about an extra $100 per month (ignoring new vehicle monthly payments vs. old vehicle average monthly maintenance, insurance, licence fees, etc., which would make the difference negligible (in fact, the costs would be significantly more in the other direction [it saves me money to keep the old car])).

Conclusion: I have no one to impress (no need for the latest gadgets, shiniest rims, sleekest lines, Internet access while driving, surround sound system or safety features), so the old bulldog, the baby BMW 325i, sits at the top of the driveway, ready to burn 25-30 miles per gallon at my request, saving me money in comparison to purchasing a new vehicle, costing me money in comparison to walking or riding a bicycle (since public transportation is nonexistent in my neighbourhood).  Now I can throw away that scrap of paper on which I scribbled the calculations!

A-shopping we will go!

The wind howled outside the window, a long wailing.

Some called it the Scream of the Banshee.

When you heard her voice…

Well, it’s best we not talk about it, eh?

Inside, a young couple were going about their business, one looking at websites, the other slaying monsters on the big screen tellie, videogame controller slashing the air.

They only had five business days to replace the curbside mailbox or the Homeowners Association was going to mark them with their first demerit.

Demerits meant fewer privileges — blackout dates for prime golf tee times and tennis lessons — a punishment no neighbour dared mention when arriving at the clubhouse hours after others had already hit the course or taken a shower following a morning of backhands and double sets.

She read the suburban covenant again.  No mention of what the curbside mailbox should look like.

Only “height from ground to mailbox opening” and “distance from the curb to mailbox post.”

She surfed the Web for a while, checking her social media status, making sure she was getting plenty of views of her recent tea party in the backyard and her husband’s “BBQ with the Boys” night.

As co-owners of a fish-and-chips franchise, their status amongst their peers was more important than anything, they supposed.

After a couple of hours reading friends’ daily updates and digesting the news, she returned to the task at hand, randomly selecting, from the list the search engine had given her, a website selling mailboxes…

The Mailbox – Chapter Three

Another secret revealed

In the arena where this blog-in-reality meets reality-outside-of-this-blog, we watch the words reveal the past and the future through your present reading.

Turn on the Suite No. 2 for Orchestra, Op. 64, from Romeo and Juliet, by Sergey Prokofiev.

Or the Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D Major by J.S. Bach.

Then, sit back and watch this video…

Before you see the video, I’ll ask you a question.

What is your password, any password?

You see, Rick left the room a few minutes ago and I noticed a Bible askew on the bookshelf nearest the computer terminal.

I thought for a few seconds what he would be doing and then it hit me.

An old world globe on top of the bookshelf fell on my head!

After I replaced the globe, I thought about why the Bible would have moved on its own.

Then I logged onto this network; that is, Itried to log on.

Then it hit me.

The cat perched on the headrest of the chair gave me a whack across the forehead, begging for food.

After I fed the cat, I figured out why Rick had moved the Bible.

He had created a new password for the network.

And what’s one of the best known phrases, or verses, in the Bible?

I typed J3164GSLTW and logged back in.

C’mon, Rick?  John 3:16?  That’s the most difficult password you could come up with, “For God so loved the world…”?

Dude, you’ve got to make it harder than that.  I guess “Jesus wept” was too short, wasn’t it?  I’m sure Genesis 1:1 would have been too easy for me to figure out, wouldn’t it?  I suppose I could have tried the 10 Commandments next.

Oh well, now that I’m back, I wanted to share with you the infographic that summarises the secret code that unlocks the world of Rick’s writing (and thus, mine, the plagiaristic copycat that I am).

Short, but sweet, the secret of storytelling.  Rinse and repeat.

Suite No. 2 for Orchestra, Op. 64 Ter from Romeo and Juliet