Meanwhile, back in the subsubsubbasement…

When we last looked at our protagonist (or, depending on your view, the antagonist), he was busy digging under his house.

Lee thanked the HVAC technician for inspecting the ductwork.

“And you say everything is in good working condition?”

“Yes sir. We replaced the torn ducts and repaired the few holes we found. We suggest you get the plastic on the ground redone. Also, the insulation in crawlspaces is no longer recommended.”

Lee nodded. “Anything else?”

The technician shook his head.

Lee wrote a check for services rendered and watched the technician back out of the driveway.

He smiled.

Three HVAC technicians had surveyed and worked in the crawlspace. Two crawlspace reparation salesmen had carefully measured and photographed the crawlspace for potential work.

None of them, not a single one, had seen the entrance to the cave network that coursed under Lee’s house and stored the parts, shelving and equipment for the new supercomputer.

Lee put on his gloves and unlocked the crawlspace door.

Once inside, he donned his welder’s goggles and “moon suit.”

A few adjustments, a couple of dial twists and Lee continued vaporizing the Alabama clay from around the cave entrance, making room for a rack of prewired mobile phone-based servers that would be the core brain of the supercomputer.

Although the vaporizer was noiseless, the occasional flash of light illuminated and disturbed the wildlife in the cavelike jungle of the crawlspace.

Camel crickets leapt from the walls to piles of pink insulation. Spiders, their shadows bigger than crows, spun long silk tendrils, hoping for a single cricket to feed an egg case bulging with new babies.

And, crouched in the crook of a leg of ductwork, a hybrid mouse, a long-lost experiment from the previous supercomputer, observed and counted, calculating the next flash of light, guesstimating the distance to the next hiding place, wanting to escape and breed, recreating the network of beings that were able to beat any silicon-based computing system at future forecasting, farming ants as combination algorithms/data points.

Bouncing babies – updated, new and improved!

O, many stories to tell…babies born on sidewalks, in the maternity waiting room, on elevators, at the full moon, during bad weather when barometric pressure is low.

Waiting on our niece to deliver us a new family member.

Thx to everyone at Women & Children’s Pavilion of Huntsville Hospital, including Helen who loves any dessert with pineapple, Kathleen from New Jersey who loves the South, Rosalind and Christy; family and friends who have stopped by and prayed.

More as we labour in love.

Genisha, too.

Is your childhood functionally extinct?

We can think of our sets of states of energy as a microclimate/microenvironment (i.e., the microbiome).

As we age, our symbiotic microorganisms are more or less compatible with our current bodily conditions.

Thus, we may create a situation where we make some species functionally extinct within us.

How many diseases or syndromes are such situations?

If it tastes good…

As an industry consultant, I’ve seen just about every combination of cross-product marketing there is.

Until now!

A popular soft drink manufacturer, in order to increase its market share because of recent losses to niche products, asked me to look for inspiration that its vast advertising/marketing executives had not found.

So, in order to figure out just what makes a soft drink a soft drink, I bought 7 days of time to have a small, local, corner convenience store to myself for a week.

The first day we removed the labels from every product in the store.  Customers were left to decide what they wanted simply by looking at the foodstuff inside the container.

Most customers were perplexed.  They wanted to know if the shape of the bottle or bag indicated the product they were used to.

Using a hidden earbud system, I told the employees behind the counter to say yes.

The second day, we applied the labels of popular colognes and perfumes to the drink and food containers.

For instance:

  • The two most popular soft drink competitors we labeled Chanel and Dior.
  • The three most popular beer competitors we labeled Old Spice, Grey Flannel and English Leather.
  • The five most popular chip/cookie competitors we labeled Drakkar Noir, Stetson, Wild Musk, White Diamonds and Viva La Juicy.

The customers from the day before were a little confused but went ahead and bought the bottle shapes or bag sizes with which they were familiar.

New customers again were perplexed.  Some of them wanted to know if the shape of the bottle or bag indicated the product they were used to.

Again, using a hidden earbud system, I told the employees behind the counter to say yes.

That left a large group of customers who couldn’t remember the shapes or sizes of the products they thought they liked.

Their formerly favourite labeled can of energy drink looked like the can of beer labeled Brut and their formerly favourite labeled bag of cookies looked like the bag of cheese crisps labeled Nautica.

I told the employees behind the counter to assure the customers that their satisfaction was 100% guaranteed — if they didn’t like their mysteriously-labeled product, they could return it for a full refund.

Without prompting the employees to encourage the idea or coaxing the customers to think otherwise, within a couple of days, customers both old and new came into the store to get their more exciting product, which seemed more flavourful and nutritious despite the only change being a new label.

Our lip gloss section we left alone since it already contained liquids and waxes with names like Dunkin Donuts and Dr. Pepper.

Of course, in our small three-shelf section of fragrances, we applied labels like Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Budweiser, Coors, Doritos, Golden Flake, Twix and other foodstuff products.

Those few customers who bought their fragrances at our convenience store were surprised at how their usual cologne or perfume had a new aroma, a certain je ne sais quos that enhanced their dating prospects for the night.

By the end of the week, we had increased sales for the convenience store owner due mostly to the curiosity factor.

The following week, the proper labeled bottles and bags were returned to their respectful locations, disappointing a whole new customer base that complained the old labeled products just didn’t taste as delicious as the products with the switched labels from the week before.

I completed the research project report and gave a short presentation to the popular soft drink manufacturer.

Thus, I imagine, you will soon see new adverts promoting the carbonated beverages and processed foods you like, combining them with fragrance manufacturers to show how your whole lifestyle will change when you drink Dior’s favourite wine cooler or Fanta’s favourite cologne.

Rocky, with a chance of statues

From our esteemed colleague of a correspondent in Santa Barbara, Ashleigh Brilliant:

July 13, 2013

Dear Friends,
It doesn’t happen often that something pleasantly new appears in my life, which has actually been there all the time. The stone bench shown below is here in Santa Barbara, facing a busy intersection at the corner of Mission and Garden Streets, not far from where I live. I don’t know how old it is, or anything of its history. (Santa Barbara is full of interesting old stone-work, including a surprising number of curb-side hitching-posts, many with their metal rings still attached, though they’ve been unused by horses, or by anyone else, for many years.)

What I do know is that, until recently, and all the time I have been living here, this charming and convenient structure was practically unusable, and virtually invisible, because it had become overgrown with thick shrubbery emanating from the garden behind it.

Not long ago, however, that property changed hands, and in the selling process some heavy pruning, trimming, and clearing was done — with the result that the Old Stone Bench, perhaps for the first time in living memory, became clearly revealed and accessible, as you see it now. I don’t know how many people in town have even noticed this change. But to me it’s a very dramatic and welcome one, because the bench happens to be directly on my walking route between home and office (a distance of almost exactly a mile) and a very good place to rest, especially when I am struggling home on foot with a load of groceries.

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And now that I can sit there, I have been noticing that this bench provides views in several directions, not only of palm-lined streets, and distant mountains, but also of two remarkable works of art, standing outside houses on different corners of that same intersection.

Across one street from the bench is this locally-famous statue of a large dog, about which many stories are told (most of them probably untrue.)

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And on the diagonally opposite corner to the dog is this boulder decorated by our eminent Santa Barbara mosaicist, Dan Chrynko, whose colorful and highly imaginative works can be seen all over town:

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And just for the sake of completeness, on the 4th corner (diagonally opposite to the Bench) stands a strange monolith whose story and purpose I can tell you nothing at all about. It appears to contain no holes, no inscription, and no identifying marks of any kind:

Ashleigh-Brilliant-2013-07-13-04

I originally intended to write you only about the stone bench — but you can see how one thing leads to another.

All the best,
Ashleigh Brilliant

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