An Apology

We want to apologise to you Earthians.

A friend of ours who used to work in the roadside gem mining tourism business in western North Carolina — where “seeding” buckets with gems is common practice — was responsible for cleaning the scoop on the Mars rover, Curiosity, before it left your planet for the planet of war.

As a practical joke, he “seeded” the scoop on the rover so that when the rover processed the Martian soil, the seeded material would give a hilarious test result for scientists to ponder.

Or so we believe he first said.

Since then, he has retracted his original statement and is seeking psychiatric help in order to avoid jail time which would have been administered by the Inner Solar System Scientific Crime Council in a summary judgement.

We are evaluating other test equipment on board the rover, wondering if the purple haze we see in some images is a result of him covering camera lenses with rubies, sapphires and other gems he collected during his youth.

The Apple computer corporation is cooperating in this investigation.

The U.S. State Department has denied providing consultation to the worker on the ability to backtrack from one’s initial statements and expect to be believed ever again.

More as it develops…

Do Nice Guys, Who Finish, Last?

The countdown shows 13,722 days to go.

I had promised myself not to care, to let my minions, given assignments in 1000-day increments, carry out their tasks, coordinate with each other and find a way to make the dream come true, with or without me.

I keep my head in the game, watching what they do, quietly making suggestions without seeming to insert myself into their conscious thought process.

I visit local establishments, saying thanks to people like Mathew at North Alabama Computer Associates, James at Radio Shack, Ricky at Chili’s, Honey at Best Buy Mobile, John Carroll at Walmart, Dominique at Beauregard’s, Caitlin at Carson’s Grille, and Mock Electronics.

What I find, when I order online, is the absence of connecting with people face-to-face.

Even so, I set up a chatbot to answer the phone for me and talk with “Rachel from Card Services” that (who?) is not related to another robocaller which (who?) says, “Do not hang up the phone!”

My chatbot switches languages word-by-word and phrase-by-phrase to test the intelligence of the chatbot on the other end of the line.

You didn’t know there was a silent chatbot war going on, did you?

You just thought you were receiving annoying calls from telephone solicitors, didn’t you?

Well, it’s like that.

See, I’m a nice guy.  I go with the flow most of the time.

However, and there’s always a however (or ‘owever (or “but…”)), years of refining the exteriour personality, being a nice, easygoing guy, letting my wife blame me for a variety of issues that are of marginal importance to me, but sufficient for me to keep track (dancing skills, yardwork, house repair, etc. — see the comic strip “Dagwood” for further examples), appearances are deceiving.

I’m not always a nice guy.  I can be, am, deceptive, downright mean, ornery, angry.

My job is to slowly replace members of our species with robots, androids, chatbots, cyborgs, etc., to maximise the efficiency of the system that will allow me to achieve the major milestone I only appear to not be reaching 13,722 days from now.

Some of my minions are self-aware enough to realise what they’re being asked to do, make themselves expendable, no sequels in their future.

The rest of you?  I don’t know.  You tell me.

I can put you to work creating new organisms that will establish beachheads on other planetoids, if you wish.

Or, to satisfy some members of the Committee, I can set the chess game of a war in motion, eliminating hundreds of millions of you, causing a setback in my timetable.

I prefer the former — it preserves the option of wars on other planets for our offspring to spring on each other.

While we’re on the subject, are you one of those who, when competing against one another, call each other schoolyard names that are unacceptable in polite company?  I watch Australians make mountains out of molehills with such a scenario and wonder what else we primates are capable of when competing for the highest social positions in the land…

Time for the next set of actions to stir the pot of the national political election season!

An Uncharted Desert Isle!

“Both sides of the political isle (should) signal that they are willing to compromise and that they’re willing to get this done … that could help lower the level of uncertainty that is affecting U.S. investors and consumers,” IMF First Deputy Managing Director David Lipton told Reuters in an interview on Monday.

Arduino and Android – A Match Made in Haven

Today, my scientists gave me a bag of parts to see if I could recreate the discovery they made.

Inside the bag was an Arduino board, a Sylvania Android tablet, a alcohol breathalyser and miscellaneous parts.

Within a couple of hours, I analysed the software installed on the two computer systems and deduced what my illustrious, if not esteemed, colleagues had pieced together for themselves.

Combining a voiceprint system with language dialect detection, the breathalyser signals are broken down by the Arduino, which coordinates with the Android tablet to create a personality profile, including a medical report on the person who breathes into the breathalyser, looks into the webcam and speaks several phrases at a precise rate of speed tailored to the individual test subject.

The software determines the approximate location of the person’s upbringing, compares the person’s speech patterns against a database of people observed in public CCTV/private webcam situations from the same subculture, analyses minute mouth/tongue/throat movement and breath contents to produce a health profile.

As a byproduct, the software guesstimates the type of childhood education the subject received and its effectiveness, using the audiovisual techniques given during the speech pattern testing portion of the software’s mini-exam.

Government-approved public education systems have already requested multiple copies of this “Arduinoidalyser,” in hopes that the software test results can be used in place of standardised classroom testing to predict a child’s future place in society without stigmatising the child’s testtaking abilities in comparison to other children.

Teachers who like the “tip the bottle,” as the saying goes, have asked that the breathalyser portion be turned off should the teachers have to submit themselves to the Arduinoidalyser for benchmarking.

= = = = =

Meanwhile, the Chinese government today demanded that all retailers carrying authentic/counterfeit footwear designed/manufactured by/for Wolverine Worldwide are officially banned because the Wolverine corporation makes footwear for the U.S. military and thus must be a covert spy operating on Chinese soil.

The U.S. government denied any direct covert surveillance connection to Wolverine.

After seeing the Wolverine Worldwide press release, Marvel Comics has decided to sue the Wolverine corporation for the use of the name of one of their most popular cartoon characters.

Wolverine Worldwide immediately countersued, saying they’ll grind their boots in the face of an comic book hero that never really served in the military.

The University of Michigan, in order to avoid controversy, has changed its mascot to the Persian Rugs in recognition of the changing democratics demographics in the Great Lakes state.

A Battle in the Trenches

To finish recording events surrounding the death of my next-door neighbour…

A few days ago, my wife and I met Alice Battle and her daughter, Wendy.

Alice repeated what the building contractor had told us, that she planned to use the house and grounds, after major house foundation refortification, as a weekend retreat.

Without provocation, she stated, “I have nothing to hide,” adding more conversation to verbalise a defense of unspoken thoughts against her.

I seem to remember a few people in my past making that statement and later finding out for myself that if a person cannot sense a situation of unethical behaviour, that person will engage in activities that are unintentionally unethical, assuming it’s normal, until that person is called out by another.

Ignorance of the law, ignorance of other persons’ perception of your ethical lapses — ignorance is ignorance, plain and simple.

I’ll leave this up to our neighbour on down the street to pursue the matter further, if she so chooses.

For now, I accept what our new neighbour says, and let her actions speak louder than words.

After all, I am a businessman myself, and know many a time when closing a deal meant leaving myself open to interpretation of ethical behaviour by others.

I know many a business person in our neighbourhood who could be accused of ethical misconduct.

At the end of the day, a few of us are responsible for creating a society where we can manage the lives of others, staying within the spirit of ethicality (or theatricality, according to the spellchecker), whilst we give the majority a belief that a whole socioeconomic system can operate fully under the law and within business ethics, when we know better.

My business associates/colleagues understand what I’m saying.  We know that many of us are born without a conscience, having no moral compass, and cannot be trained to believe otherwise.  Who are we to deny them their right to live the way they choose?

Instead, let us hold to the belief that everyone is important and has a place in our society, even when that place contradicts our own beliefs and actions.

Plan ahead, that’s our motto.

You already know our new slogan: “Business. Science. Competition.”

Create a law that stealing is a crime.  Then use those who steal to accomplish business and science goals for you, arresting and convicting them later on, giving those who believe in prison rehabilitation methods the opportunity to experiment on the conscience-less, keeping them both occupied and feeling wanted, one way or another.

Never underestimate the power of those who believe in magic that doesn’t exist, whatever labels they use to describe magical powers.

Parents Shocked By New Trend

In light of the fact that a social networking website pats itself on the back for having 1 billion fake friends (not to mention all the paid “like” button presses), this latest bit of news fell into the shadows.

Parents all over the world are shocked and upset that their children, whom they loved and cared for selflessly, are creating criminal “mug shot” photos of themselves for the social media profile pictures.

The children are also adding fake arrest records to go with the photos.

The photos are works of art, with makeup jobs created by amateur FX painters/sculptors who turn the children into bruised, scraped, bloody, drunk, high versions of their normally-behaved faces.

Pretty soon, the line between real criminals and fake criminals will be as blurry as the line between real friends and fake friends on your social network.

Feel free to add an authentic robo-like to that one!

Sick to my stomach

Politicians will be politicians, protecting their jobs by not requiring companies to give 60-day layoff notices right before general elections, the OMB offering to reimburse companies for violating the WARN Act instead of raising the possibility that the general public would notice that their government representatives are pulling the wool over the eyes.

That, my friends, is what is wrong with our country right now.

It is time to look at the emperour’s new clothes once again and reveal what is right in front of your eyes but you’re too numb to notice.

Has the government of the United States become so brazen as to pull a stunt like this, the citizens unaware of how they’re being treated unfairly for the sake of a few votes?

If we don’t stand up for ourselves, who will?

Who are the people?

What happened to belief in the phrase, “that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth”?

I just don’t know.

I have hesitated to repeat a popular word like sheeple but it sure seems to apply here.

No matter whether Bush, Clinton, Bush or Obama was/is in office, the middle class keeps getting squeezed smaller and smaller.

If the middle class cannot see what’s going to happen to them, what IS happening to them, should I care?

Are we going to ignore an important piece of legislation so candidates can look good, especially the incumbents?

Do young people know what’s happening to their future?

Sigh…the storyline is going the way it wanted to go, showing that governments have no power, losing to the reality that corporate governance is the new norm.

Why bother to vote?

You tell me…

I saw a native American leaning against a wall when I drove out of the Publix parking lot today.  He was wearing a shirt that stated, “The Original Founding Fathers”:

design includes Chief Joseph, Sitting Bull, Geronimo and Red Cloud

Enuf sed.

The Children of Peenemünde

In our rush to judgement about the acts of others, we sometimes forget the children.

Where I spent most of my youth, the primary employer in our little town was a chemical manufacturing plant — the workers’ children were encouraged to be line workers, supervisors, engineers, scientists and/or managers for the plant.  Some worked in HR, janitorial/maintenance services department, or marketing, too.  Support companies provided auxiliary services and jobs.

Sure, we had a few fish kills in our town, increasing our catch-n-release program.

And at least one other factory belched out its share of microscopic malodorous miasma.

Rumours circulated about increased rates of cancer and mental disease due to our industrial base.

However, the employees had a high expectation that their children would follow the trail to the carpark and the factory gates, after secondary school/university, to make/design chemicals.

To an enlightened soul, it might seem to be a Sisyphean effort, children repeating their parents’ work.

With that, let us turn to other parental choices.

In a time of war, young men and women are sent to a secret location to develop a special weapon.

Young men and women, being young men and women, seek closer relationships.

Eventually, children are born.

Leading us here, to a graveside service, where, for one of the last times, the children born in Peenemünde during WWII gather to say goodbye to their parents or their parents’ friends.

Tonight, my wife and I sat down to eat dinner at Cafe Berlin, a local German restaurant open for over 20 years.

Toward the end of our meal, a man and woman sat at an adjoining table.

I recognised them from the graveside service because my college friend, David, had introduced me to the man, Klaus, and his wife, telling them about our college days.

Klaus, along with Dieter and others, are the children of Peenemünde, a group rarely discussed in history.

Klaus was going to follow his father and work for NASA but, rejected by another German scientist who thought hiring Klaus, a child of a fellow German NASA scientist, was showing favoritism, ended up in a career for Owens Corning, instead.

[On a side note, I write this from an Owens Cross Roads zip code — similar sounding name, n’est pas?  But no useful correlation.]

I rejected working toward a chemical engineering career and moved away from my hometown; Klaus was rejected from working toward a NASA career, moving away from Huntsville and “all the Germans” with whom his life, from the very beginning, had been closely associated.

These are important discoveries for me as I plot our species’ history back 1000 years from now.

You see, we conjure up our own images when a word like Nazi is spoken but there never was a universal person who represented the word itself.

It was a symbol toward which a large number of people were directed, as all symbols, just like these letters and words, direct us toward certain thought patterns and sets of actions.

The German scientists, engineers, and secretaries who worked at Peenemünde were part of the nationalistic efforts led by a few who espoused Nazi ideals.

History has already spoken for what made people part of Nazi Germany so I will not dwell on the subject here.

We are swept up by historical movements, some of which we see as we participate and some we only see in hindsight.

In Huntsville, just like other parts of the world, military R&D is both a technological and economic leader.

Innovation in military R&D spinoffs and dual-use projects find their way into chemical plants and fiberglass insulation plants, just like the children of Oak Ridge and Peenemünde become employees of them.

Today, I stood at the crossroads of history in a cemetery and wanted to cry out that we live not only in one of the most free countries in the world but the most habitable world within reasonable travel distance, also.

If only you could see what I see 1000 years from now, you’d want to cry out, too, at the nearsighted vanity and selfishness that has substituted for cooperative competition lately.

Do you know what it’s like to remodel your genetic code to make yourself into a whole new species?

Have you seen Homo genius sapiens reproduce itself in sufficient quantity to outpace the reproduction rate of our species?

Do you have a completely reprogrammable organic subsystem that you can swap in and out of your body like a car engine or computer module?

Can you imagine two or three people walking up to each other and melding to become one new person for the sake of the whole rather than the reduced ability of the separate parts?

When the definition of life is so volatile, so interchangeable, we will not care to bother with symbols that held us back in historic measures.

The children of Peenemünde, the children of Oak Ridge, the children of places like Semipalatinsk — they are the true experiments, the offspring who inspired the events occurring right now in front of you, setting us on a path toward a milestone in 13730 days, which leads us closer to our lives, our reconstituted sets of states of energy, 1000 years from now.

But I’m getting ahead of myself again, aren’t I?

I knew I shouldn’t have written another blog entry but storylines like these have a life of their own, finding their way out of the deepest, most secure locations, especially one’s thought sets.

In public, I am a neophyte, a N00B, pretending to barely understand how a smartphone works.

In private, the hidden laboratory churns on, giving me new ideas to share with you here or in the barely-audible whispers we give to a select few on whom we experiment in broad daylight.

Admittedly, this Doctor Heckle/Mr. Jibe persona gets the best of me sometimes, but it is a price I’m willing to pay in my sacrifice to feed the storyline, which feeds upon me, an entity riding my back, weighing me down one moment, and lifting me weightless into the air the next.

Until next time, dear readers, whether it be here or an escapee from my smartphone…

Before we part, let us look ahead a little bit, see where some of my millionaire and billionaire friends have stopped wasting their money on plastic surgery, focusing on more important biological research, growing new versions of themselves, starting with body parts made from personalised stem cells, until they can no longer distinguish their “original” bodies from their newly [re]constituted ones.

Then, one day, their stem cell “children” see where they came from and create whole new lines, new species, that take the concept of sentience to a level never imagined — from interchangeable parts to interchangeable individuals to interchangeable species, and then…?

That’s all for now.  My stem cell child is crying for attention.  No reason to deny it a well-deserved nurturing moment before asking it to volunteer for an experiment we have yet to dream up together, being of one thought set but different levels of experience with the known universe.

Am I alive?

While I wait for my new LCD monitor with HDMI connection to arrive, thus turning my smartphone into my desktop/laptop PC at home and Internet phablet on the road, I shall write here once more.

That, and the overwhelming reader response to ending this blog, as usual.

This afternoon, I attended the funeral of a 98-year old man, met his widow, and am friends with two of his children, one who is a girlfriend of a longtime friend of mine from our college days in Knoxville.

I also saw some familiar faces from my time here in this community — 27 years or thereabouts — people like Peggy Sammon and Butch Damson.

Ninety-eight years young…

I cannot imagine living so long.

Meanwhile, a house wren hops up and down the window screen, looking for food, digging through the debris in the old, broken, rusted gutter hanging off the rotting eave.

I did not know the man who was buried today.

I felt like a fifth wheel, a stranger inserting myself into the graveside mourning of others.

So, to hide my face from the crowd, I stood behind a pocket camera snapping pics for the daughter and friends in Germany who could not be there while we who were gathered recited prayers together for the deceased.

I am of the walking dead myself, but my friends say Jesus loves me, this I [should] know…

Sorry, that last bit slipped out, a verse from a children’s song.

I did not know the man who was buried today but I was able to join his family and a group of strangers, sharing a subculture full of familiar songs, poems, prayers and rituals.

It was a window opening up the sounds and sights of my childhood.

It was a window of opportunity, listening to the stories about Rudi Schlidt from his closest friends and relatives.

Of course, I can’t hear so well so I’m not sure what anybody said, using their body language and voice inflection to tell me when I was supposed to smile, laugh, cry or do nothing but listen attentively.

Rudi was nearly twice my age when he died.

He made important contributions to the advances of rocket science.  He, like many in this town, could easily say, “As a matter of fact, I am a rocket scientist/engineer.”

His wife was secretary to Wernher von Braun, who may or may not be familiar to you.  Today, her face still shines with beauty at 91 years of age.

There is more and less than meets the eye, to be sure, but today I simply let the sights suffice to register my presence on this planet another day, amidst those who registered the absence of a friend, [(great)grand]father, coworker and fellow member of the community.

Am I alive?  I don’t know.  I explore the universe from atop this tiny planet of ours and wonder.  That’s all I care to know.  The rest is none of my business.  Gott behüte.

Auf wiedersehen, Herr Schlidt.  From the crowd at your graveside service today, know that you are/were loved.  Gott liebt dich.  Gott segne.