subtitled: Billy clubs, Batman and Barney Fife.

In his continuing effort to take guns off the street, Mayor Bloomberg today announced what the press has dubbed the “Barney Fife” rule — all officers on the street will be issued a single bullet, some getting a silver slug in case of vampires, werewolves, ghouls, zombies or other creatures that the masked crusaders cannot reach in time.

Officers who tend to shoot off at the mouth, if not their weapons, will receive what the press has drubbed the “Bobby sox” tool — a billy club, having their revolvers or other handguns turned in and melted to make a statue of the right, honourable mayor Hisself.

Further, Bloomberg issued an edict that a film, “The Dark Knight Rises,” and other mass media that encourages the large gathering of police officers for the sole purpose of firing on citizens, all of whom are presumed to be innocent until proven guilty, are banned from the bouroughs of New York City.

The NRA and the ACLU have banded together to protest these drastic moves by a man who believes he has the power of God Donald Trump.

The UN General-Secretary canceled the rest of his visit to the future site of the UN, Iran, to address this issue and calm the nerves of diplomats used to having police cover as they violate every law of common decency in the abuse of their diplomatic immunity  throughout Manhattan and other areas of New York, especially its servants’ sectors of New Jersey and commuter bedroom communities of Connecticut.

The Police Benevolence Society has lit up every phone in the country, seeking funds to start a campaign to boot Bloomberg from office and put in a man who likes guns, shooting and dead thugs, necessarily in that order.

The Sicilian Mafia, Chinese Triad, Black Panthers, Real NY IRA and other alleged members of organised crime have called a truce while they consider the effects of these new announcements on their business of bribing corrupt police officers to look the other way as they intimidate and fill victims full of lead — maybe billy clubs and the threat of a single silver bullet are more efficient means of controlling their turf.