Moving to the Center

According to dB Meter Pro, the cicada loudness/song cycle rises and falls from 89 to 99 dBA, specifically on 19th May 2011 at 14:40, with approx. ambient temperature of 82 deg F (28 deg C), the iPad reported while being held in the driveway of my wooded lot.

Austria extended a welcome to its prodigal son, Arnold Schwarzenegger, today, sources within the government shared anonymously – descendants of former leaders of the Austro-Hungarian Empire are excited about the news.

The British and Japanese monarchies are expected to give formal recognition to Emperor Arnold I any moment now.

However, contrary to previous reports, the Danish director, Lars von Trier, a man without a film industry to support him, was not welcome to Austria but was being considered as spokesperson for the international Far-Rightists organisation represented by many French, German, Scandinavian and American fascist citizens in hiding.

In addition, the Far-Rightists announced their support of Obama’s decision to restrict Israel’s imperialist land grabs, urging Americans to proclaim the U.S. president an emperor, falling short of supporting Iran’s decision to issue Obama dual citizenship and the Iranian presidency, a step closer to creating the North American/European/Middle East Empire that will absorb Central America and battle the IndoChinese/South American Empire in the First War for Peace and Prosperity, WPPI, with the largest battles in the seas around and on the various landforms and large desert battlefields of Africa and Australia.

We cannot verify that American stealth aircraft are patrolling the skies over Chinese cities, looking for people to kidnap and places to attack while being unknowingly controlled by kids playing videogames in American, European and Japanese homes.

Is it just me or do birds seem disoriented by the cicada mating song sung in unison by multitudes?

In wargame scenario news, it is alleged that Chinese troops are training to kill American troops in videogame simulations.  Longterm strategists have plotted futures that question the economic/environmental value of such a scenario.

As usual, the super rich are getting super richer.  And that’s just in news from thousands of years ago.

Wealth is not the same as intelligence.

Hoarding is not the same as wise investment.

Preserving the past can be the same as securing the future.

Profiteering or orienteering – which would you rather teach Boy Scouts?

Tell me how we’re going to get our species and/or some form of life off this planet – everything else is a waste of my limited time and a source of satire.

Speaking of which, I better go to Walmart and buy my post-apocalypse supplies for life after the events on 21st May 2011.

Good day.

Pizzicato Pluckiness

One good thing about being anonymous…

Feeling out the crowd movements with no desire for fame or fortune.

Only one person to keep fed and mentally occupied.

Do the cats know which way the path of sunlight travels across the chair in the sunroom?

Living in the moment.

Reading books like “Thomas Jefferson’s Scrapbooks,” “Righting the Mother Tongue,” and “When the Mississippi Ran Backwards: Empire, Intrigue, Murder, and the New Madrid Earthquakes,” found at Shaver’s Books in the Railroad Station Antiques and Interiors Store.

Wondering about the effect of Oprah’s announcement of seeking the 2012 VP nod from Obama.  How long can she keep the OWN channel running?

Birds and insects cycle through life under the trees.

EPISODE.

IN THE COLUMBIAD.

[Joel Barlow]

STORY. — Miss McCrea was betrothed to an English Officer, and was on her way, escorted by her lover to be married, when they were overtaken by a part of Savages attached to Burgoyn’s army — Two chiefs dispute for the lady and are proceeding to blows, when an old chief in order to prevent disputes, kills her — The Officer who had been driven off, returns with assistance and finds the lady dead.

Her eyes, that stream’d and fill’d again with tears
Like gushing founts, which many a riv’let pour
And yet are full; she throws on either chief
Alternate, suppliant, while her sad laments
Plaintive and loud the sorrowing Champaigne fill.
Beauty so sad, so woeful, but enflam’d
The savage chieftains to possess her, more —
They interchange fierce glances, which denote
Bloody intentions, fix’d and deadly hate;
Thus, when desire enflames the horrid rage
Of two fierce lions on the burning tops
Of Atlas; or parch’d banks of Senegal;
They pace the Female round, growing in wrath;
A short and sullen roar; their jaws distent
By rage, their horrid teeth and tongues display’d;
Their tawny flanks lash’d by their sounding tails;
Their mains on end, the earth with fury paw’d,
Are dreadful preludes to their lordly strife.
At once the Indians loose their weeping prey:
Their angry eyeballs glare and in their hands
Two missile Tomahawks shone; then had been sought
A combat, which if action bodily,
If physical exertion ought to gain
Warlike repute; had rais’d the victor’s name
High as Achilles, or the fabled strength
of Hercules: the fame of which had liv’d
Long as tradition oral, and perhaps,
Search’d from oblivion by the genial care
Of polish’d climes, whose records more exact
Written exist; had down the stream of time
Sail’d proud, immortal in the sacred arks
Of history and of song; had not the chiefs,
The Elders interpos’d, but chiefest, ONE —
Deep skill’d in savage politics, named OMAI:
He fearing that the interests of the tribe
Would suffer by this contest of the chiefs,
Snatches a Tomahawk and with savage zeal,
Seizes the lovely, trembling, guiltless cause
Of this disunion: and inhuman strikes
The iron deep, into her panting breast.
Her beauteous limbs relax’d, she falls alone
Like [t]o a Roe, whose comely side the spear
Of hunter pierces: Wonder seiz’d the tribe,
The rival chiefs resign their rage to weep.
And even the prudent ruffian felt his soul
Assail’d by pity. On her ivory breast,
The gash appears, as if a stream of blood
Had thaw’d a wound upon the virgin snow.

..<..<..<+>..>..>..

Extract from the “Mirror for Magistrates”

Wrote about two hundred years ago [sic]

What doth avail to have a princely place,
A name of honour, and a high degree;
To come by kindred of a noble race,
Except we princely, worthy, noble be!
The fruit declares the goodness of the tree.
Do brag no more of birth, or lineage then;
For virtue, grace and manners make the man.

..<..<..<+>..>..>..

ON A LONG NOSE

[Anonymous]

Heavens! what a nose! Forbear to look,
Whene’r you drink, in fount or brook;
For, as the fair Narcissus died
When hanging o’er a fountain’s side,
You too the limpid water quaffing;
May die, my worthy sir, with laughing.

..<..<..<+>..>..>..

Euphemisms and innuendos. Good topics for poetic, rhythmic musings.  I watch mothers send their sons and daughters off to war, many a parent hoping children returning home heroes and warriors.

I have nothing against the old ways of warrioring.  Too bad we have to keep thinking it’s our own species against which we ply our metal to prove our mettle.

In a thousand years hence, when we’ve conquered foes more deadly – cancer, viruses, drivers of large metal boxes – will we still sling our children’s bodies against one another to feed our innate bloodlust?

We’ll debate the entropy of language, no matter which most popular rules of tongue twisting we’ll use for common speech.

Does it matter to me where the future lies or where people lie about the future?

I know not.  Meditation is not far removed from happy, relaxing, lazy sleep.

Dreams of a cicada-filled forest call my name.

Minipearls of wisdom

How-dee!

I was a tellin’ a friend about how my feller Hezzie is so thoughtful and so generous. “Why he gave me a mink outfit the other day,” I told her. She said, “What was it? A mink cape and a muff?” I told her, “No. It was two traps and a gun.”

A man went to the dotor for a checkup. After the examination, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with you. All you need is a little sun and air.” The patient answered, “Gee Doctor, I just got married. We can’t affor a son and heir yet.”

Somebody once asked me if they heard right that I was gonna be a cover girl. I told them, “Yes, I am.” I got the idea right after I heard a feller say, “If I had a face like Minnie Pearl, I’d cover it!”

Brother, he tried to console me. He said, “Minnie, don’t you worry. Don’t worry at all. You know there’s other things that attract men, like charm, or poise, or brains.” I told Brother, “I ain’t never yet caught a feller whistlin’ at a girl’s brains!”

Brother said, ” I’m not tryin’ to say nothin’ mean about your figure. You oughta trat your figure like it was in a battle!” I said to him, “Treat my figure like it was in a battle?” And he said, “Yeah. You oughta regroup and bring up reinforcements!”

A fellow was telling his friend about his wife. “She’s an angel!” His friend replied, “You’re lucky. Mine’s still alive.”

That’s all the news from Grinder’s Switch, courtesy of a book by Kevin Kenworthy.

Jacob West/Wiest of Yeast

“I’m 5 ft, 3 and a half.”

“I’m taller than my dad.”

“That’s huge!”

“That’s average for a girl.”

“What took you so long?”

“I only come here about once a month.”

“I can’t believe I came all the way up here!”

“She’s always putting on a lot of makeup.”

“Listen to me…I’m a turkey.”

“That’s totally you.”

“I love you!”

“Bye!”

Jessica smiled, looking past the group of teenagers while she walked to the food manufacturing line and boxed a dozen hot, fresh, sugar-coated, fried Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Meanwhile, around the corner at the Roller Time skating rink, after singing the Star Spangled Banner, couples learned to dance under the glow of coloured light bulbs that hung from the ceiling in the formation of a multi-armed galaxy.

Traditions flow through the Rocket City like dark matter.

Pam’s birthday is 2nd June, for those who want to help her celebrate.

Kim was probably wrapping up her server duties at Po’ Boy.

Life moves on…

Who stands to lose when you use your debit card?

Ever made up a good conspiracy story to pretend life is more complicated than it really is?

In that case, let’s pretend that credit card companies would stand to gain more money than a few “skimmers” making short change on some debit cards at Michael’s stores.

Could you then stretch your imagination to think that credit card companies would have paid someone to slip a few skimmers into a store and promote headlines that scream, “DEBIT CARDS ARE BAD FOR YOU, JUST LIKE FLORESCENT BULBS IN OFFICES AND RUSTY NAILS SUPERGLUED TO THE INSIDE OF SHOES TOSSED ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!”

Republicans quit U.S. 2012 presidential race and Schwarzenegger reveals “maid to order” baby all because it’s an international conspiracy that placed a sexually-attacked woman in the IMF chief’s hotel room!

U.S. intentionally withdraws support funds for Pakistan because China has secretly agreed to pickup Pak’s bills!

Queen Elizabeth abandons the royal throne after seeing what a lovely wee place Ireland is and decides to make Limerick her permanent home, apologising for 800 years of oppression while taking up residence in the ol’ king’s castle!

YAWN!  Wake me up when the whole population has outgrown ignorant attitudes and operates on facts, not supposition.

It’s one thing to have a healthy dose of doubt in one’s noggin and quite another to believe everything you hear and make up more when it’s not believable enough because the facts are too simple to accept.

Can You Smell The Future?

Sheer curtains.  Shearing scissors.  Sheer numbers.

The number of Chinese on the Internet exceeded the total populations of the U.S., Australia and New Zealand.

Next, it will exceed the population of the US and EU combined.

Then, it will exceed the the population of the US, EU and Russia combined.

What about India, Africa, the Middle East and Central/South America?

Shearing sheep for clothing.

Should there be an international curriculum for all students who will join the electronically-connected social life?

A global code of online ethics?

A course in detecting false logic, Internet scams and the natural growth/death cycle of emailed/texted/tweeted urban legends and fear mongering?

Sure, an educated populace sees through the thinly-veiled subcultural policies of selfish, hoarding rulers, but the educated populace can also better live and prepare itself for a continually successful future.

What if all videogames had to show some social value other than teaching kids how to build hand-eye coordination through basic reading skills, social values including: 1) the ability to drain testosterone in virtual wargames rather in bullying, 2) a sense of meaning for lonely, awkwardly social lives, 3) measurable tension relievers and 4) separating great civilisation builders from the lucky mediocre ones?

Money makes the world go around but let’s be wise and put our profitmaking talents to longterm use rather than shorttermshortsightedness.  Our grandchildren might remember to thank us one day.

Is today real? If so, then why am I not?

Today, I think I should find a subject or industry, surround myself with the “facts” about it (i.e., hypnotise myself into believing the universe revolves around it), and share with you its future.

But I can’t or won’t.

Some soft, fuzzy substance blocks my path, instead.

I assume it’s my pillow.

Naptime!

Carry on the conversation without me while I dream about the future of your life which you will read about in tomorrow’s news, as usual.

Perhaps it’s time to show all the jokes we played making Kurzweil believe he had predicted the future.

Hypnotising futurists is one of the best games the Committee likes to play.

Repetition is repetition. Plane and cymbal.

Time for thoughts unencumbered by current stimuli.

The center of the Milky Way is a bar? Moloko, please, comrade, with a splash of vodka! These astronomer “bottle cap” analogies are hard to swallow…zzzzz…

Maximum Displacement Pressure, Captain

In shocking news, a band of Somali pirates, secretly trained at a high-tech development center, intercepted and hijacked the Space Shuttle Endeavour.

Richard Branson and the producers of the new Pirates franchise flick deny they funded this illegal venture.

Rumours that the Somalis were trained by former Blackwater mercenaries in the UAE are unverified at this time.

Now, back to “Bring Nature Indoors!,” Chef DuJour’s infomercial about using Placenta Helper with cicada grub shells and lightly battered and winged cicada bodies to delight a family of four at dinner tonight.

Wait! More breaking news!

In a rush to create a new Irish saint ahead of the nonCatholic British queen’s visit to the Emerald Isle, the Pope accidentally beatified Osama bin Laden, the Papacy assuming the international terrorist was a martyr named O’say Ma Been Laudin, a young boy known for praisin’ and carryin’ on 24 hours a day about the miracles of the modern Celtic Tiger economy until an angry mob of unemployed Irish workers tossed the lad in front of the Irish PM’s motorcade in protest over proposed austerity measures. “Keep the pubs open!” they were heard shouting as garda led them away in paddywagons.

Iran denounced the Roman Catholic leader immediately and then recanted, saying the Pope, a fellow Muslim, is allowed to give thanks and the blessing of a martyr who nipped at the heels of Satan, destroying his twin dens of sin in Manhattan until the Devil finally ate bin Laden like a lowly prisoner, thanks be to Allah.

In unrelated news, seventy virgins were rescued from the Hotel Sofitel in New York. Authorities would not confirm if it had to do with the IMF chief’s recent alleged conversion to a new Catholic-Islamic hybrid faith based on the Kama Sutra and the Song of Solomon.

Wrldwid txt litrcy rt rizs -n3wz @11.

Another Career Careening Another

Dexterity.

Mental sets blown away by multitasking.

Scissors.

Chirping phone.

Forest.

Finetuning the filter in realtime to let information in and keep noise out.

While you pretend to know what it’s all about, operations continue.

Deprogramming the nurtured labels – vocabularies, images, sensation memories – to forget one’s place.

Drifting past caring.

Observing without reasoning.

More than intelligence.

Less catchy than synergy.

Not mind control.

Unable to model the indescribable states of energylike conditions that barely interact between this universe and the ones that intertwine fully and partially with it.

The benefactor.

The patron.

We know only death.

The rest is faith in conjecture.

To lose oneself in a relationship with one/many or in death.

The self is faith in conjecture.

Running on with no interruption of the joy of self.

Trudging along with no relief of the burden of self.

Neither the left hand nor the right hand can think for the other.

But they can feel.

Finding chinks in international armour.

NatGeo making one feel inadequate in one’s less adventurous, more careful middle age, one’s awkward youth gone.

How do people gathered at the Lowe Mill tornado relief concert make a living?

When will the first firefly appear?

The slow pace of change excruciatingly boring as one eventually achieves a tiny subtask of a billions years-old goal.

Would you give your all to plant a virtual flag in the form of a slime mold on an intergalactic asteroid thousands of years after you’re gone, hoping it will thrive in the name of Earth?

Could you conceive a goal millions of years to accomplish?

What body temperature does a cicada need to fly/sing? Is it old enough to drive?

The Committee breeds subcultures for variety, letting chaos and randomness add flavour to the game of civilisation building, no one subculture better than the rest.

Putting them to the test.

Which one increases the chance of expanding Earth’s influence?

Which ones lose their way and have to be destroyed, causing temporary setbacks in the deadline dates we’d set?

Would you willingly turn your cruise around the Moon into a working vacation?

Unfortunately, we’ll have to sacrifice millions upon millions of us soon in the mass production/consumption cycle of perpetuating selfish subcultures.

Our species is our species, frequently generating lost individuals and groups after passing the survival stage.

Our last goal was to reach the global youth and inspire a species-wide appreciation for our shared future, respecting the best of our subcultures while helping each other clear out the worst.

Not easy but it’s been happening for a long time now.

Next is getting the youth to convince their elders that some traditions are incompatible with a globally-connected life.

We want to promote the subcultures that’ve thrived without resorting to making up false denigrating lies about other subcultures, but we leave the exact methods up to you, knowing competitiveness brings out the best cooperation.

Talk about it some more. We’d like to hear how you’ve accomplished this task already.

Great ideas often rise out of the ashes of an extinct subculture, no matter how abhorrent it might have been.

More Headlines

“Band Manager for The New Pornographers Admits Bribing US SEAL Team with Bin Laden Porn Stash”

“Obama Spied Secretly Negotiating 2012 VP Deal with Palin in Exchange for Alaska Oil Deal”

“Brazilian Scientist Creates Anaerobic Carbon-Capturing Artifical Photosyntheis ‘Tree’; Brazilian Officials Rejoice, Pave Over Amazon Rainforest for Massive Supercity”

“Saudi Government Converts Peninsula Into Giant Solar FauxPalm-Lined Beach, Using Faux-Grass Solar Panel Suburban Lawns to Fuel Modern Civilisation, Becoming First Nonoil-Dependent Nation”

“Technical College Opens New Landscape Engineering Department, Sponsored by the Intel-Huawei-Sony Corporation”

“Colbert Declares Himself Emperour, Forms New Global Government In Exile, Devoted to Dry, Acerbic Humour for the Ham-On-Wry Masses”

“Hillary Clinton Defeats Colbert in Thumb Wrestling Match, Reveals Billary Husband/Wife Coemperourship Rocketing to Mars Headquarters Soon”

“Union for the Preservation of Unions Dissolves all Worker Unions into Website for Chronic Employee Complaints titled ‘That’s Why They Call It A Job'”

“British Monarchy Funds New Comedy Troupe Shoppe for Exclusive Rights to Officially Make Funne of Thugs with Crowns”

“India Caught Drilling Gargantuan Water Tap into Himalayan Glacier Network, Consents to Relocate Bangladesh to Hidden Indian Gov’t Officials’ Private Holiday ‘Shangri-La’ Resort”

“George W. Bush Contracts Reagan-Thatcher Disease, Can’t Remember Details of US Presidency”

“China Finishes Plans of Tibetan Amusement Park, ‘Retrains’ Monks for Park Guide/Mascot Duty”

“Guinness Book of Records Annoints Panama Canal as World’s Largest Water Slide”

“Food is Shown to be Both Fatally Cancerous and Good for You at the Same Time – Anorexic and Obesity Support Groups Cry ‘Foul Fowl, Fools! Dig in, if you Dare!'”

Stop Print Shop Lexicographers Delete Punctuation From All Languages Stop Use Stop Instead Stop Stop Please Stop Stop Stop

“World Court Rules Trees are International Treasure, Allowed to Fall and Rot in Place; Roads Become Obstacle Courses; Cotton Prices Soar on Toilet/Facial Tissue Industry Conversion News, Surpassing Oil and Gold; Lumberjacks Protest, Invent Miniature Cotton Plant Chainsaw”

“Pope Blesses Islam as Catholic Sect, Sees Protestants and Jews as Wandering Catholic Children, Hints Buddhists and Hindus are Probably Catholic, too; Vatican City PayPal Donations Clog Internet More Effectively than Spam, Offline Bible Reading Explodes in Proportion”

“Research Shows Headlines are Subliminal Messages from Aliens, Nostradamus Predicted”

“Supermarket Rag Mags Receive Lifetime Achievement Award for Most Insightful/Entertaining News, ‘Legitimate’ Journalism Finally Dies A Merciful Death”

“The Committee Makes Satire the One True Religion, Outlaws Seriousness; Punishments will Include Reading Bad Jokes in Front of Drunk, Tomato-Wielding Comedy Circuit Crowds Night-after-Night, No Rewrites Allowed”

“SETI Discovers Radiowave Radiation Attack from Extraterrestrial War Accidentally Created Life on Earth, Intercepted Galactic ‘Wikileaks’ Communications Details”

“Life Started A Moment Ago, Ends In The Next Moment, Guru Proves with Lack of Evidence”

“Germany Will Only Approve Doctoral Theses with the Best Use of Plagiarism From Now On, the Government Precisely Copying GrecoRoman Law, Itself A Copy, for this Proclamation”

Thus endeth today’s satirically sacred meditative lesson. Bless you, Satire. Thanks for your confession – five hearty laughs and ten raucous guffaws every day until your next confession.