Here it is, I have to coordinate the Committee contracts with newly “elected” leaders like Putin and Hollande to ensure we keep our species moving in the direction on which we secretly agreed out in the open, using adverts on billboards and popular websites to describe the project plan, and then, family issues appear, like aliens from another planet, forcing me to bring forth my colleagues to measure certain people for cement shoes.
Either that, or manage their lives through closer surveillance, as usual.
For instance, I get a message like this:
Before I go into addressing your concern, I’d like to first apologize for the delay in my responding to your inquiry. Yahoo! Customer Care is committed to answering your questions as quickly and accurately as possible. However, we are currently receiving unusually high volumes which caused the delayed response.
Regards,
What am I expected to say in an electronic paper trail? What else, of course?:
Dalton,
Thanks for taking the time to respond and explain Yahoo! policy regarding personal accounts. I had discussed this with my mother — we talked with a lawyer who said that we could pursue a court order to gain access to Dad’s Yahoo! account but it doesn’t necessarily guarantee that Yahoo! will comply with the court order. Therefore, we’ve resigned ourselves to losing my father’s correspondence with friends and family through the years. We hope we’ve figured out the financial transactions that were unresolved and closed them.
I completely understand the strict policies that email providers like Yahoo! have put in place to protect their customers. However, I hope that in the future, we as a civilized society can accommodate digital wills and powers of attorney that give families and associates access to online accounts (especially as cloud services become prevalent) when critical health issues and/or deaths occur unexpectedly.
Regards,
Rick
Shall I complete the takedown of a CEO or two? After all, Walmart and Yahoo! leadership positions look a little shaky right now, don’t they? Maybe I should add a few email provider policy creators to the CEO guests on my version of Who’s Still Standing?!
Talk about alien encounters!
While we’re on the subject, I accepted PegLegs request to join the Committee.
See, as a marathon runner, PegLegs offers us a unique perspective.
Just the other day, she completed a 50 marathons in 50 days quest.
As a cover, that is…
She was sent to investigate a rash of reports that tractor-trailer rigs (a/k/a lorries) are spewing more than their usual black smoke trails into the air vents of overly sensitive minicaravan drivers and their spoiled brats vegetatively watching cotton candy viddies in the backseats.
Which can mean only one thing: we’ve reached critical mass in owner-operators hitting rock-bottom, no longer able to afford to maintain their over-the-road vehicles.
One step closer to the global strike by transportation workers…
PegLegs, while pounding her feet on pavement, discovered a new algorithm that tracks those who don’t want to be tracked simply by using crowd identification software to eliminate the trails of people who freely share their geolocation data, making those who don’t want to share their personal lives stand out like a hot dog stand on the last piece of Arctic ice going down the throat of a polar bear burning up in the steaming waters of a global warming sea current changing directions because there aren’t enough whales to release natural gas after eating giant Pacific squids looking for something to eat ever since Cameron’s deep sea dive poisoned the frigid depths with his hot air.
And now we return you to life 1000 years later…
Thanks to Chasity at Perkins; John, Jeremy, Peggy, Dr, Bokor, Stephanie and Brad at VA ICU; Robert at the Rave; Thomas at Chick fil A; Julie and Carla at Tuesday Morning; Esther at Hobby Lobby; Mapco.