Author Archives: treetrunkrick

Real women wear lab coats

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Real women wear lab coats.

Thanks to Lynn and hygienists at the office of Dr. Pugh, D.M.D.; Cindy, Dori, and Dr. Kostrzewa, M.D. (general otolaryngology) at North Alabama ENT Associates; Anita Giles, M.S., CCC-A, at Physicians Hearing Center.

My teeth and gums get a full bill of health.

HOWEVER, MY HEARING NEEDS ASSISTANCE!

On this new adventure, with the (re)discovery of a “cookie bite” inherited hearing loss (see chart below for example) and, after age 50, almost deaf in some frequencies (moderate hearing loss 50-60 dB in 500-4000 Hz range), I am investigating the possibility of amplifying the sounds around me with hearing aids.

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I am familiar with tinnitus from personal experience, which tells me my brain is probably interpreting lack of audio input as random noise.

I am familiar with the brands Beltone, Miracle Ear, and Siemens from experience in my family with hearing aids.

Now, I get to choose not only the level of technology I want but also the exteriour colour choice.

I familiarize myself with new brands such as Phonak and Oticon.

I read material online from “neutral” sources such as Consumer Reports and Hearing Loss Association.

Now that I’m a member, I peruse the AARP website for advice on hearing aids.

All while the spectre of the medical procedure called colonoscopy raises its snakelike camera head over me.

Happiness is hearing a pin drop.

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I don’t think colonoscopies cure situational depression/anxiety. What about hearing aids?

Driving the Home Digital

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During this morning’s nap, I dreamt I was inside a giant lawnmower, the blades of the lawnmower swirling around me.

I awoke as the sounds of the lawnmower receded (a helicopter flying past?).

In the leftover grass clippings of the dream, I heard the last bit of a talk show host and his guest discussing a pet theory of the guest — the prevalence of tattoo/ink reality TV shows was to increase a desire in the public for tattoos and thus hide the real tattooed criminal gangs from the police, gangs who had funneled money to film production studios for the express purpose of making the reality TV shows.

I enjoy my dreams for, without them, what goofy ideas in reality would I find to entertain me any better?

In the post-dream silence, the hum of an aquarium filter and the snoring of cats/raccoons serenade me.

The bright reflection of water droplets evaporating from tree leaves leaves me happy, content that blue skies fill the frame of my visions of a planet that bears me no ill will, knowing my existence is but one miniscule drop of life on this orb.

For that is all I am, all I need.

Planetary exploration is for the rest of you, if you desire your species a chance of surviving the random clanging of metal spheres hanging from a mobile attached to the ceiling of a museum containing meaningless money-laundered investments “works of art.”

Humour me.

Give me comedies and tragedies in your haste to go nowhere fast on the same planet that thousands of generations of your species have crawled and walked upon.

I will look for patterns that do not exist, patterns given to me by my grandfather and others before him who knew that repetition is frequent and originality a trick of the eye.

Alakazam!  Alakazoom!  إفتح يا سمسم!  Let the mischievous spirits walk the earth and provide me seeds for the next serialised tall tale!

Regulatory news

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The government announced new plans today to ban all home/office cleaning products — disinfectants, toilet bowl cleaners, insecticides, herbicides, dishwashing detergent, clothes washing soap/powder, floor waxes, fly/wasp traps, facial/skin cleansers, baby wipes and more on a list of over 1 million products — in an attempt to eliminate autism within one generation.

Businesses across a wide range of industries have threatened to sue the government.

People with no incidences of autism in their families have filed complaints, saying they have used cleaning products judiciously and will continue to do so.

Religious leaders have praised the government’s general intent and offered holy water as a safe alternative to concerned parents.

Survival of the fittest…

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…or the most economically viable, whichever is most interesting.

A young man in his mid-30s told me that getting tattoos is addictive.  Yes, it hurts but that’s part of the attraction.

A bus driver who takes a bus down a neighbourhood lane at 45-50 MPH in a posted 25 MPH zone is attracted to keeping a job and delivering students on time.

Both are risk takers.

Sitting here and typing sentences is risk-free.  How the words and sentences are arranged, then posted onto the Internet for reading on the World Wide Web of interfaces has a higher risk.

Hypertext transfer protocol.

How many of us pay attention to our methods of communication?

Are they pain-free? Risk-free?

  • Shouting across the street to a neighbour.
  • Tapping a code on a downspout to a friend in a flat three floors up.
  • Spray-painting a message on a freeway bridge.
  • Sending a letter in the mail.
  • Satellite signals.
  • Words “carved” in the foam of a head of beer.
  • Written in ink on the back of a bus seat.
  • Missiles launched across geopolitical borders.

Should the risks you take cost you more to participate in a society with low risk takers?

Fast/bad bus drivers, for instance — how many buses have recording devices that monitor not only the behaviour of the students but also the driving habits of the person behind the wheel, matching GPS data to posted speed limits to the speed of the bus at the time, stopping distance/slowing speed to intersections, how many times the driver has to take eyes off the road, etc.?

Do people with tattoos have a higher rate of communicable disease infection than non-tattooed people?  Higher rate of addiction to destructive behaviour?

Do bloggers take more or less risk than people who do not blog?

Is there a correlation between being a team player and survival of the fittest?

Can you be one and not the other, yet the most economically viable person on the planet?