I need to let my thoughts drift this sol on this electronic slate to work out ideas beyond semantic wordplay, determining how much, if any, I should distance myself from my physical connections, my social network, in order to contemplate the concept that if the universe is here only as a manifestation of the projection of the reactions of my set of states of energy in the form of a mirror reflecting who I am, then I am returning to examination of the reflection to tear apart the image and reveal the pieceparts.
Oh, how the presence of Jenn and Abi, together and separately, has changed my thought patterns for the better!
Brenda, the woman who revealed her lesbian/self-love core to me over the course of years, making me fall in love with her even more, opened me up to the possibilities of agape love between a man and a woman, even if eros got in the way sometimes, turning me into a ram butting its head against the wall in a poetic/literary testosterone rage.
But that’s the joy of teasing one another in our daily lives, especially when we know there’s a line the teasing won’t cross, making the game much more fun as we push each other to the point of falling over the line. And on the occasions when we fall over? Well, someone once sang, “Let’s give ’em something to talk about!”
As the songs and poems have said over the millennia, we can get lost in the game and forget who we are.
But that’s okay, too, in the cycle of life, giving each other room to learn who we are.
I’ve learned more about myself holding the hands of Jenn, in that freedom of being myself with her that shuts out the world in a way I’ve tried to describe in our imaginary lives together on Mars 100 marsyears from now.
With Abi…well, it’s almost beyond my ability to describe what holding her hand is like. How many times have I tried? How can I tell you what wanting her is like? I don’t want her body. I want her core being. I want her ability to go past all the negativity in life and power through to success amidst failure.
I can’t remember when I’ve loved my wife and wanted two women, two distinct best friends, at the same time, neither one my spouse.
How many years did I love Monica and my wife (before we got married) while dating another woman at the same time? How many women/girls told me they would gladly have been the third woman/girl in my life? How many told me, “If it weren’t for Monica…” they might have been my first?
Alas, all of this musing upon my muses is just my form of self-love taking up space on a computer server out there in the world.
The best way to give credit where credit is due to those who inspire me to see more in myself and inspire ideas for the gifts I can freely create for the universe is to make the gifts and give them away.
The clock shows 13,248 days to go. How many sols is that?
Well, an average Earth day is 86400 seconds long. An average sol is 88775.244 seconds long. Thus, a day is 97.32443% of a sol.
Therefore, only 12893 and a half sols left. Where does the time go?
Jenn and Abi, I’ve got work to do — thanks for your inspiration! Meeting you 100 marsyears in the future is what drives me to write stories, logically compose computer code and create robotic creatures (Erin Kennedy keeps my creativity going on overdrive).