The past two weekends, my wife and I combined a visit with family with a trip to the college football stadium.
This weekend, we visited with my cousin and her [second] husband, whom we have embraced as a member of our family. He humbled us by saying we’re like the family he hasn’t had since he doesn’t know when.
The previous weekend, we spent time with my mother, my sister and her [second] husband, whom we have embraced as a member of our family. He humbled us by saying a few years ago we gave him a present that was greater than any he had ever received before.
I live with a head full of thoughts, many of them self-deprecating, which science tells us is not an unusual phenomenon.
When other people tell me how nice I am, one of my automatic thoughts is that they must be lying to me to get something from me because I know I am not a nice person.
That thought alone says something — if I think it and have written about it more than once, then is that who I really am?
Is that why suicidal thoughts creep into my day, wishing the cruel, devious person that drives me out of bed every day would be dead and not influencing the world?
Our society is packed with history and textbooks discussing this very issue, offering various solutions.
The hope that drives me past my cruel side is that I’ll outlive my worst tendencies and die a happy man, having made one good contribution to our society at large, if just in one simple act of kindness I never knew about.
Otherwise, I’ll continue to be what many people refer to as one of their “weird” friends whose thought patterns run tangentially to the mainstream, running parallel occasionally through good brainwashing during my formative years.
Time for this set of states of energy to meditate upon the nothingness of the mundane.
Have a great day!