Cowboy bikes and catching big fish

A list of thanks to start the day: Sir Randall, Grainger County Keith and Charleston Zach at Express Oil Change; smiling Harvey the dedicated Rehab Tech, Justin, Lucy Barnett, Rachel Ellis, Tasha-Marie Olinger, Courtney Camper and all the other helpful people at Asbury Place; Medicare/Medicaid inspectors; Cherry Murray for her [cough, cough] rational/logical presentation of oil vs. nuclear industrial safety issues to a committee (the Committee will remember you well).

Lottery numbers for the day: 003KLY, 241RTS/Catch22.

How long do I ignore the obvious; that is, that credit rating agencies have stopped serving their purpose as objective rather than politically-motivated organisations beholden to a group of profit-mongering…

I apologise for that outburst. The Committee has reminded me that I can no longer claim to be a man of the people now that they have their clutches on me in the form of the NDA I signed to not be able to tell you more about the unexplainable.

They’ll release information proving I’m just as much a profit mongerer as the best/worst of them if I insist on the preletariat social program re/revolutionary reform movement line of reasoning.

But seriously, who’s watching the people who run the credit agencies and the perks they get in after-hour dinner parties, golfing holidays and casual lunges…err, I mean lunches at fancy restaurants?

Do people buy china in China?

My mother in-law learned to love her daughter in-law even though she almost didn’t bless her son’s engagement to a person without a college degree and/or a hefty dowry to offer (but who ended up being a good intellectual companion).

Now she faces a similar situation with her grandson, not wanting to attend a wedding for a marriage that in good conscience she cannot bless for the same reasons at this time, wondering about college potential, or academic/intellectual curiosity.

I’ve tried to assure her this is a normal social practice of the woman or man seeking to improve his/her social situation through the legal auspices of consensual cohabitation, often assuming a chemical/quantum formula called love.

We sit here – she is napping and I am watching the traffic jam of popular rehab personnel exercising the patients patiently up and down the hall.

Thanks to the City of Kingsport nonpotable water street cleaning crew.

Time to close. Family issues take priority over global economic management concerns. Time for a breathing treatment, lunch and rehab evaluation/summary with Rachel Ellis (goal: return to independent living, reached one occupational step at a time, helped by Jill and others).

The mirror in the mirror is staring back at me

I step away from the Committee and look what happens. They’ll just have to wait.

Yes, this country’s governmental legislative leaders are caught in a vise of shrt-trm visions.

On one hedged bet, revive the economy with government bloat.

On another, restore solvency to prevent disaster.

To whom/what are your leaders most loyal?

In a global economy, any entity can legally line your representative’s retirement account with golden threads.

Does a country really matter to a person like me with investments spread around the world that leech like a parasite the profitable skin off workers’ backs?

If you don’t care to follow your representative around 24 hours a day to see what that person is doing to save your country from going bankrupt, who will?

How secure is my stock portfolio if my country isn’t?

Buy your beer with your interest, not your principal.

What are your principal principles?

To think the way I do requires few friends, unfortunately, because my thoughts are fanned out and filled with impossible-to-resolve contradictory sub/cultural belief structures.

My wife is the only person I trust and with whom I trust myself.

All else is illusion to match my literary output to a global social structure we call reality.

Long ago I grew bored with the interplay of ordinary lives in a social structure we call the workplace.

Another Monday of rehashing weekend sporting events with coworkers. Another joke about Wednesday being hump day. Another comment that Friday gets us two days closer to Monday once again.

How many friends and family members have reminded me that life within our species is essentially the art of small talk?

And so, here I am, the primary caregiver for my mother in-law who needs the comfort food of small talk more than anything else to ease her general starvationlike condition of loneliness.

She’s eating up all the attention she gets at the skilled nursing facility right now, supplemented by visits from her hometown church and neighbourhood friends who are like family to her.

She has commented more than once that she must be boring me.

She is a sophisticated smalltown lady with proper manners and a relatively clear mind for a 93.5 year young person.

Basically most everything that I am not.

I am a clever suburbanite with contriteness and a fuzzy set of thoughts at almost 49, old in mind if not in body.

She thinks like an aristocrat while I think like a … well, like whatever strikes me as funny.

To hear her break down family/friend backgrounds by social class and economic job category would add great character studies to a Jane Austen novel of the 21st Century.

She needs a home healthcare person from the equivalent of a smalltown upper middle class family of the 1920s and 1930s, if I read her thoughts correctly, or one used to working for such a family. Preferably one who is licensed, bonded, insured and not on the skids.

Definitely not a guy like me who’s willing to sacrifice friends and acquaintances for the sake of barter exchange efficiency and a good joke, hopefully one that is innovative, inventive and funny.

Maybe my mother in-law is right and the desophisticated, unthrifty habits of modern American living is the country’s undoing.

Some people are born into upper/middle class and some wouldn’t know a good classy lifestyle if it was given for them to live frugally but wealthily. Some become academic snobs.

This Ol’ Rocking Chair in An Apparent Intention in the Fate of the Individual

How often do I take the time to sit and rock?

Dulled by too much stimuli sometimes, I forget the pleasures of small/no talk while atop a rounded fulcrum of sorts (not hardly a perpetual motion machine).

Have you ever worked in a pet kennel, zoo, prison, stockyard or institutionalised healthcare facility?

I reckon I haven’t, either. Own an aquarium, though.

You said you have? Sorry, my tinnitus is acting up today, my brain’s nerve endings excited by the musical-like chords of life on this planet.

What’s the difference between caring for our species and caring for other species?

Have you ever written a symphony using solely the sounds of lawn maintenance equipment for percussion and musical notes?

A touch lamp came on in the master bedroom of my mother in-law’s house.

If I don’t believe in apparitions, what do I make of the electrical connection spontaneously heating a wire element in a vacuum tube and getting my attention?

Ghosts, angels, ninjas, thieves or spies?

Faulty wiring or swamp gas?

A dream or optical illusion?

Humourous anecdote.

How many people of Mountain City have never left the political entity (county) or geographical feature in/on which they live? Brenda the patient pill sorter might know.

I observed a person who told me the person’s spouse was an officer of the law. The person has several finger-sized hematomas on one arm. Anecdotally, members of military/law enforcement are more prone than the general population to express their emotions physically on their families.

Conclusion? Not enough information to propose a strong hypothesis.

Watch how a person handles a pen in conversation and you learn a lot nonvebally-speaking.

Cryptic signs for the day: GY8883 and GU4045.

Congrats to Andrew on his new house – welcome to the indebtedness of adulthood!

Thanks to the staff for playing musical patient beds. Thanks to Jimmie for moving clothes and Becka for attention to details of cleanliness; Lucy for processing paperwork and arranging things behind the scenes.

My sister (a school counselor) and my mother in-law (a former teacher) are in awe of the ability of healthcare workers to maintain a positive attitude in their hard jobs.

Watch some workers tiredly walk to their cars after shift change and you’ll see the healthcare superheroes are human like the rest of us humble folk.

I’ve swept the driveway and sidewalks, cleaned out the garage, called the homeowners insurance company about hail damage, eaten lunch, put the newspaper crossword puzzles on the porch for a neighbour (which reminds me to mention my mother in-law misses reading the Wall Street Journal that the family had delivered to the house when she was a child), and arranged housecleaning for the week.

This casually-compensated errand boy is taking a nap – plenty of time to be my harmlessly bold and forward-appearing character later on (exercising my right to arrange my states of energy any way I please, letting others sort out the reality from the fiction on their own time and cultural scale).

Rock a-bye baby, in the treetops…

Besame mucho

Correction: Kacie, not Casey.

A nod to Brian Lamb interviewing Andrew Ferguson, author of “Crazy U.”

Have you ever sat and watched house power meter gears turn?

A best college visit wish to Maggie and her mother, Maggie.

A friend, Floyd, living with his mother as a part-time assistant, not cost-free handyman, because his mother’s mobility is much decreased in the second half of her life, said, in relation to dating women, “Mom, I’m going out tonight and will be late. If I’m lucky, I’ll be home really late.”

We adult men parental caretakers are still men, after all.

My mother in-law hit rock-bottom this afternoon while I sat at my parents’ house.

She couldn’t bend over to pick an item up off the floor and had the worried thought that maybe she was permanently weakened, panicked we had put her in a nursing home without letting her know, because she had heard us say she was only there for physical therapy but no therapist had shown up yet.

Minutes later, Justin the therapist arrived, sent by God in answer to prayers/thoughts, my mother in-law surmises.

Her spirits are lifted.

So are mine.

The role of patient, loving mother/father is not one this hermit cherishes.

“You mean I really am only here for physical therapy?”

Yes, I reply for the decadozenth time as gently and kindly as if for the very first time.

“I won’t have to pay $42,000 a month for nursing home care?”

No, I reply once again, explaining in as simple a detail as I can without shouting too loud to her deaf ears that she keeps substituting 42,000 for either 2,400 or 4,200 we mentioned a long time ago after we checked prices when she asked us if we’d be okay IF SHE chose to enter a nursing home and that her finances are fine no matter what because of her Social Security benefits and Medicare insurance with supplemental coverage.

As the therapist told her, she’s being too hard on herself -she’s a great lady with a beautiful smile, sweet disposition and inner desire to heal.

Meanwhile, she troubles herself about her post-therapy future.

I’ve asked her to focus on improving her strength so she will have the ability to make the choice she wants as opposed to what any of us will have to choose for her if she remains weak.

As always, I am humbled by daily experience.

Healthcare workers – floor nurses, home health workers, etc. – you have my biggest respect.

We may write history books about business, military and government leaders but the people in the fiel such as nurses, LPNs, CNAs, nurse practitioners and physician assistants deserve the greatest kudos for keeping us well and helping heal the sick.

Is Eleven Years In One Place A Childhood Home?

Sipping/chugging a dark wheat lager brewed with winter spices after picking up tree limbs off my parents’ yard…

Could be watchin’ NASCAR motorised vehicles in a circular bang ’em up ballet.

Could be neighbourly, spreading the message that a Christiane Armed-n-poor led round/oblong table projected, or the message that the Pepsi CEO’s facial expressions/twitches implied.

Blue skies and breezy day call my name.

A rabbit eats dandelion blooms in the backyard while contemplating Richard Adams and Watership Down.

I can speedread text but not video. Dragging the progress bar or fastforwarding is not the same.

Sitting by myself in the church sanctuary, safe from UV rays and whatever else faces me in the great outdoors, I felt alone and helpless this morning, unable to sing hymns with my usual joyous man/boyish booming voice of enthusiasm because I didn’t have my wife there to entertain with octave changes and hold her hand during congregational prayers. I miss her deeply/dearly.

Going solo at my in-laws’ and wife’s hometown church on Palm Sunday, I had no role to fill except messenger, quickly completed.

And then I was invisible again.

The prism.

The funhouse mirror with no persons peering at me to see their distorted image reflected back for comic relief.

If I cannot or do not reflect, what am I?

What is a social being without a social connection?

Best line I heard, emanating from a dementia patient in a bathroom: “Oh my God! What is coming out of my butt?!”

I want to be that person one day, forgetting what a BM is and entertaining random passersby with insightful age/scatological humour.

What if I already am and don’t know it?

If so, would someone please let me know by magically turning on a lamp next to me in this instant?

Oh well, no magic lanterns and no voices in my head telling me what to do after I lose an argument with myself.

Stuck with sanity and reality one more day, it appears.

Thanks to Jeremy at Fatz; Lynda, Tina and Christina at Dollar Tree; the soldier walking into the west Kingsport Walmart; Pam and Casey at Baysmont/Asbury Place, if I haven’t thanked them already.

Would a sitcom based in a skilled nursing facility generate enough episodes for TV syndication? Or would an Internet video series find a profitable ausience…sorry, audience?

Brain is slipping. Best sign off before it falls. Adios.

Time to contemplate the role of a comic preacher-in-residence proselytising to patients in a nursing home with a mixture of dementia and physically frail archetypes aided by witty nurses, therapists and CNAs battling with budget-challenged administrative types.

Weekend ATC on the ATV

The wobble of our atmosphere, like the liquid and air bubbles wiggling in the space between an inner and outer ball/sphere, condenses nearby, compressed, seeking equilibrium, I think anthropomorphically?

To continue a thought process:::=>

If reading is no longer enjoyable – a combination of uninteresting/alarmist/uninformative news articles and poor eyesight – and television/DVD viewing is just about as difficult because of tiny/inoperable remote control buttons, one is left more frequently to one’s neurochemical activities (thoughts, for the most part).

How many decades can a person stay self-entertained and able to pick up/maintain an ordinary superficial social conversation at the drop of a hat or knock/ring at the door?

We may be states of energy and nothing more but we understand concepts of inner and outer worlds.

The tree of knowledge may provide my primary source of nutrition, as caustic and spicy as the fruit may be, but most have developed lifelong habits on the foodstuff of the simple sugars/salts of ordinary ignorance.

My species is a neverending game of multidimensional chess because I can still comfortably read, write, and press miniature gizmo control buttons.

In my 10th decade, should I live so long, will I willingly play games with my species when so little of the cultural habits of my formative years, or even my early adult years, exists?

The living heroes of 19th Century headlines are largely dead and forgotten (why never smallly? Clumsylooking spelling, perhaps?).

A nurse born and raised in Donegal, with three wonderful redheaded children, lives and works in east Tennessee.

Will the interconnected thoughts of the last two paragraphs (triggering both memories of working/playing in Ireland and the book about the fiery Chicago redhead from Ireland) have more importance on anyone besides me in 50 years?

Tonight I could be dancing to bluegrass at a venue in east Tennessee, southwest Virginia, western North Carolina or southeastern Kentucky.

Instead, I sit, read and write, missing a chance to re/immerse myself in the culture of my childhood.

I clearly see the thought process of my mother in-law and where she thinks she can go to live out her remaining years that most closely match the years of her life she fondly calls the culture of her childhood and early adulthood.

She’s a gentle persuader (trait of an ideal teacher/mother), not a coercer. Will she get what she wants in the midst of whateverybody else wants for her/them?

Glad I’m just the humble messenger/errand boy in this slice of life, far from any knowledgeable boughs, ignorantly following my bliss in joyful participation in the sorrows of the world.

This invisible hermit bows and thanks you for his future silence…humour clouds his common courtesy and pride causes him to write jokes that uncourteously offend others in their blissful duties.

Silence is my friend. Let all = all.

In other words, I have forgotten how seriously others take their social interactions in Life while I laugh in/at the face of Death, which has no/its grip on me.

Netherland Inn Road River Bridge

A nod to the Hart family singers of Wise, Virginia. Your fight for souls is a lifelong battle and worth the eternal cost.

Thanks to healthcare workers everywhere – I envy the moments when your customers/clients/patients look at you and smile with an inner beauty of infinite love and understanding beyond words.

In the near future my wife’s family faces the decision of who lives where and/or with whom.

The recurring thematic element around which decisions revolve: loneliness.

Other issues, too personal for worldwide broadcast, produce gravitational effects.

I can imagine where the likely spot the roundhouse will likely stop but courtesy and the fact I am not the primary decisionmaker on this one prevent my scoring the discord here.

You can’t say that on television.

Real life prevails.

I put myself in other’s shoes.

I see routines involving both familiar and unfamiliar faces.

As energy and activity decrease, larger gaps develop between routines as they decline in number.

The gaps become more and more difficult to ignore.

Hours feel like days.

Houses turn into echo chambers returning one’s solo voice to oneself.

And then?

How much time is left?

One’s remaining days of relatively easy mobility is a primary concern.

If one’s hometown friends and church family cannot fill the gaps occupied by loneliness, questions arise:

What are one’s options and are former dismissed possibilities more palatable and maybe preferred?

Could the biweekly housekeeper/friend be convinced to stay as a daily companion/homecare worker?

If not, who in the out-of-town family could provide the best care to one while one is also not being a burden financially and emotionally?

How does one insist that access to every family member at any time is of utmost importance?

Who has the best mothering instinct without being smothering and overprotective?

Whoever has legal precedence makes the final decision, no matter how the emotions will proceed.

What is loneliness without celebrity like?

When everybody wants you, what person(s) do you want to be with, all things not being equal?

I don’t have kids so how can I say what I would say if I did?

Help, help, help, help, help…

Act III

Scene 0

Deliberatus: Oratorio, where art thou eloquent speech upon which you entertain us with so fully a misunderstanding of the news which is falsely misleading?

Oratorio: Deliberatus, the way you mince words is much like your sword play, intending to inflict injury but thrusting not.

Inconflictum: Rather, you two, ’tis nobler still to be still contemplating the fermentation form from one’s still while sharpening the saw blade of the Stihl machination.

Oratorio: Ever in conflict, eh, Inconflictum?

Deliberatus: Ahoy, what fair maiden approaches? Why, it is Baysmountaneous.

Baysmountaneous: The Idlers Three. What philosophical lint are you microscoping to infinite nothingness whilst your peers make hay ‘neath solar arrays?

Inconflictum: Noise. Bother. Pooh. Bah humbug. Our positive attitude vexes thee, does it not?

Oratorio: Indeed! She has not the smiling attribute of one such as Michelle, Pauline, Myra, Sally, Susie or Becka.

Baysmountaneous: And you do not understand that namedropping creates rivals of whom I know not, perplexing my mood and disturbing my complexion. I cannot compete with shadows, ghosts or heavenly images floating in your thoughts.

Deliberatus: A fine speech, milady. I will complex ye further still…

Inconflictum: Still! The still echoes of stillness! My life is complete, but not so complicated as all that.

Deliberatus: Inconflictum, your name is Interruptus, if I be granted time to turn back the clock to thy birthday. Baysmountaneous, consider these: Robin, Sonya, Jessica, Andrea, Dianne, Sheila, Jennifer, Brenda the clock lady with the Snoopy mask…

Oratorio: Ahh..the speechless canine who waxes words like, wise, likewise, of course.

Deliberatus: “I think I’m allergic to mornings.” Shall I continue?

Baysmountaneous: Your point, though dull, made its mark. Methinks, when I trouble the deep well of my thoughts, to stir the sediment and discover ancient treasures, long-lost themes in names like Carla and Barb.

Oratorio: Well, I am reminded of my time in the Senate, when, while Philly and Buster wanted to take the floor, I spoke upon themes of well-taxed citizens, denizens, city sins and country dens where one finds names like Natasha, who handled her first patient from beginning to end..

Baysmountaneous: You don’t mean the High Sheriff made his final cardiac arrest?!

Oratorio: No, not that end. The patient, though ill, is quite well, if not quite well, well-living or living well. The end is comparative, not argumentative or final. In this managed case, under the watchful eye of Serioso Cirrelli.

Deliberatus: Cirelli, you mean?

Oratorio: One letter, more or less, does not alter one’s title, although an anagrammatic acronym suffers the loss more so than gains.

Inconflictum: Final answer: Carla or Ashley on the floor?

Baysmountaneous: Floor is a conflicted word. Shall we table the motion and submit a suggestion to the Committee for complete, though never thorough, discussion?

Deliberatus: Ma’am, you have the floor. I concede defeat; da feet carry me away, philosophically. I shall nurse my wounds alone.

Inconflictum: And I shall return to the spineless spiny padded pillow room we call Life, fed by Brittany and Brandi, team manager trainee, under the sign of the tortilla shell gong.

Oratorio: I shall call Luke and Justin to start therapy for Scene I, Plaza D’Asbury. A hearty hello to Brandy and Jessica – scene stealers, they are. A welcome change from smug, inside-the-Beltway snobbishness of analysts like David of Brooks. Long live the Donald!

ALL: We bid L’Hopital Memoriale adieu and fare thee well. Dr. Powell, noisy music, please.

Tax Day

“Sergeant, what’s our bearing?”

“Pardon?”

“‘Pardon, sir?’!”

“Pardon, sir?”

“What was that?”

“What did you ask, sir?”

“Our bearing!”

“246, sir.”

“No, that’s our heading. What’s our bearing?”

While the officer and the sergeant, who had both lost a lot of money in poker geames the night before, took their monetary shortage frustrations out on each other, a storm reached their horizon.

“This is the Meteorological Experiment Station Charlie Charlie Charlie. Come in, please?”

“This is Sergeant Sargent. What’s goin’ on?”

“Sarge…”

“Call me Sargent.”

“Sergeant…”

“No. Sargent.”

“Actually, I’m a leftenant…”

“You mean, lieutenant, sir?”

“Let’s dispense with the formalities, sergeant. There’s a major electrical storm headed your way, with winds kicking quite a lot of sand.”

“Lieutenant, this is General Capitane. Does the storm have any effect on our bearing?”

“You’ll have to ask the sergeant, captain.”

“No, it’s Capitane, lieutenant.”

“Pardon me. Are you saying you’re a captain leftenant?”

“What’s your name, son?”

“Leftenant Cooperal.”

“I’m not a corporal, lieutenant. I’m General Capitane.”

“And neither am I a captain, general. However, the storm is close upon your position. Sergeant, do you see the storm on your radar?”

“That’s Sargent, Lieutenant Cooperal.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not familiar with the way NATO reassigns duties. You’re a sergeant leftenant corporal?”

“No. Sergeant Sargent. You’re a lieutenant, Lieutenant Cooperal.”

“Curious how they double the titles, eh, general?”

“Perhaps. What about our bearing?”

“The storm should be bearing down upon you right now.”

BOOM!

“Sergeant, that’s what I’m talking about! Increase the speed of this land yacht. And corporal, lieutenant or whatever you are, carry on.”

“Leftenant Cooperal, captain or general. Your sergeant sergeant was quite informative.”

“Thank you, lieutenant. That’s Sergeant Sargent, though, sir. And he’s General Capitane, not a captain.”

CRUNCH!

“Sergeant, what was that?”

“I believe we got some sand in our bearings.”

“We can only have one bearing at a time.”

“Yes, sir. In that case, our bearing is stuck.”

“Then change our bearing!”

“Begging your pardon, sir, but we’re bearing a broken bearing.”

“Don’t bore me. Fix it!”

“Yes, sir. One less boring bearing change coming up. Although I may have to bore into the gear to fix it…”

“Enough! Libyan liberation waits for our clear-headed leadership and a straightforward bearing!”

Ode to a Pillow

Pillow, sweet pillow,
How you bend like a willow;
Your polyester stuffing,
Your tender, loving fluffing,
Comfort me like nobody can.

I ask for a companion,
I get a bouncy canyon,
Cradling,
Hugging,
Holding me tight
Like the roots of a banyan.

You never complain,
Stay dry in the rain,
Wait for me without pain,
Lay in bed for my mane.

Does any mate treat you less kindly?
Does your silence mean you mind me?

How shall I count the ways I love you?
The way you look in a fresh pillow case?
The way you give every bed a complement?
The way others admire you when we’re together?

A few rhymes cannot suffice,
Never once, twice or thrice,
A throw of the dice,
To describe how you entice
One such as me, among mice,
To say you’re more than nice.

To you I bow my head,
At a loss for words,
Because you tempt me to sleep
Like an air traffic controller
With only a radar screen
To dream, drool and snore upon.

Sweet dreams, pillow!
I dare say “I love you!”?