Tax Day

“Sergeant, what’s our bearing?”

“Pardon?”

“‘Pardon, sir?’!”

“Pardon, sir?”

“What was that?”

“What did you ask, sir?”

“Our bearing!”

“246, sir.”

“No, that’s our heading. What’s our bearing?”

While the officer and the sergeant, who had both lost a lot of money in poker geames the night before, took their monetary shortage frustrations out on each other, a storm reached their horizon.

“This is the Meteorological Experiment Station Charlie Charlie Charlie. Come in, please?”

“This is Sergeant Sargent. What’s goin’ on?”

“Sarge…”

“Call me Sargent.”

“Sergeant…”

“No. Sargent.”

“Actually, I’m a leftenant…”

“You mean, lieutenant, sir?”

“Let’s dispense with the formalities, sergeant. There’s a major electrical storm headed your way, with winds kicking quite a lot of sand.”

“Lieutenant, this is General Capitane. Does the storm have any effect on our bearing?”

“You’ll have to ask the sergeant, captain.”

“No, it’s Capitane, lieutenant.”

“Pardon me. Are you saying you’re a captain leftenant?”

“What’s your name, son?”

“Leftenant Cooperal.”

“I’m not a corporal, lieutenant. I’m General Capitane.”

“And neither am I a captain, general. However, the storm is close upon your position. Sergeant, do you see the storm on your radar?”

“That’s Sargent, Lieutenant Cooperal.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not familiar with the way NATO reassigns duties. You’re a sergeant leftenant corporal?”

“No. Sergeant Sargent. You’re a lieutenant, Lieutenant Cooperal.”

“Curious how they double the titles, eh, general?”

“Perhaps. What about our bearing?”

“The storm should be bearing down upon you right now.”

BOOM!

“Sergeant, that’s what I’m talking about! Increase the speed of this land yacht. And corporal, lieutenant or whatever you are, carry on.”

“Leftenant Cooperal, captain or general. Your sergeant sergeant was quite informative.”

“Thank you, lieutenant. That’s Sergeant Sargent, though, sir. And he’s General Capitane, not a captain.”

CRUNCH!

“Sergeant, what was that?”

“I believe we got some sand in our bearings.”

“We can only have one bearing at a time.”

“Yes, sir. In that case, our bearing is stuck.”

“Then change our bearing!”

“Begging your pardon, sir, but we’re bearing a broken bearing.”

“Don’t bore me. Fix it!”

“Yes, sir. One less boring bearing change coming up. Although I may have to bore into the gear to fix it…”

“Enough! Libyan liberation waits for our clear-headed leadership and a straightforward bearing!”

Bleak, beak, break

What is the most complex music, both rhythmically and harmonically?

And is music the sounds we think we hear, being the only species we see that create sound-modification tools?

With a whole universe at its disposal, wouldn’t a deity hear us as subatomic particles spinning around one atom in a cacophony of clashing galaxies?

When politics stops being about positioning for reelection, wake me up and I’ll comment about why the U.S. is no longer interested in direct military involvement in northern African regime change.

Simple duties first: circle the wagons and count your ammunition.

We had planned to show you who Obama really is after he finishes his run at U.S. President, whenever that is.

Impatience.

I’d rather deal with impatiens.

Or tracking the rare orange-tailed albino three-horned deer that still lives in the woods of the southeastern U.S. and lives on the rims of river canyons.

With 14,274 days left, the Committee wants to know the specifics of getting us to the milestone.

For those who worry we aren’t going to make it, I’ve created a calendar-based project timeline, dividing assignments into 1,000-day increments, figuring that’s about all the detail we need to get us there.  Visit with any Committee member to see the chart.

Google may be on its last days as one of the planet’s Internet gatekeepers.

Private rocketeers, in one form or another, play their part in the bigger picture.

The Walls of Jericho offer another surprise, when it’s dry.

There’s more to say but I don’t know how to tell you today.

Under Water

While tracking some subs patrolling off the coast of Diego Garcia, I started measuring the average increase in the depth/temperature of waters around the atolls in the region.

Made me wonder if private UAV squadrons could recruit private antisubmarine designers to create devices that patrol the Gulf Coast.  Together, they make money as privateers destroying drug routes in the role of covert subcontractors for the U.S. government.

Of course, the bounty and the booty would be theirs.

Let’s get ready for dancin’ in loops and crashin’

While Clarence Thomas proves he has cajones, even if his decision sends chills through the populations of innocent prisoners, striking another blow for the protection of lawbreaking law enforcers, let’s put aside petty squabbles and look where the real fun revs its engines.

For instance, the rumble in this part of the Tennessee Valley.

I’m told the International Crimes Tribunal is considering using Mossad to kidnap and extradite a person who may or may not live in Florida to stand trial for inciting the murder of UN personnel.

Wait, there’s an update.  The International Crimes Tribunal convened, using emergency measures to hand down a quick ruling because the tribunal has no need to follow any parliamentary procedure or protect the individual’s right to a fair trial – the person in question has been convicted in absentia of heinous crimes against humanity.  The ICT will announce the extent of punishment at a later date.  Remember, there’s only a reward for delivering a live specimen to ICT for meting out Clarence Thomas’ style beatings when asking for an immunity form.  How does the saying go, “the hospital, not the morgue”?

Bounty hunters are now competing with Mossad and the Revolutionary Guard to get the most bang for the buck.

As opposed to deer hunters, who’re always trying to get the most buck for the bang!

I’m told that Salman Rushdie is celebrating, now that his literature’s effect on the Muslim world is nothing in comparison to the latest news.  Julian Assange feels like he’s off the hook for now, too.

What is a long-form birth certificate and does it have anything to do with a person’s ability to get reelected?

Do you have the ability to move the human population in a direction that serves no one and everyone at the same time?

If you did, would you destroy tens of thousands of dollars’ worth of trees in order to pay a simple $50 in court?

If laws have no meaning, why are you pretending that morals and ethics exist?

If morals and ethics don’t exist, why do states of energy naturally attract each other into specific formations?

My network is older than me and will outlast me.  It’s not me you have to concern yourself with; it’s the members of my network who have no qualms about imaginary ideas like morals/ethics and make things go bump in the night that legends and myths have taught you to fear.

Most importantly, when we’re through with them, you are the ones who have to deal with de/reprogramming the brainwashing we perfected in order to achieve our megagoals for your sake as a species, not as individuals.

You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!

Do we live lives worth eulogising?

In this alternate universe of a blog, Oliver North is a major arms dealer, busily negotiating the final deal for supplying citizens who want to create a new political entity within the borders of Libya.

A political entity devoted to freedom of expression.

Free from suppression and oppression.

Free of gender-based denigration.

North is convincing female leaders to feel as emboldened and empowered as their male equivalents.

He is telling them that the U.S. Supreme Court will rule in favour of the women who feel discriminated in their retail jobs.

He coordinates with NATO and UN commanders in laying down lines of fire, offering food and safety to citizens in the warzone if they give up allegiance to a dying regime.

Meanwhile, other alliances are figuring out if they can erase the old political boundaries in order to create a larger, unified land mass dedicated to their cause.

Would you sacrifice your life in the duty of a nuclear plant samurai, your body ravaged by the quiet-but-beastly fire of radiation like an invisible Godzilla you cannot see but will attempt to vanquish for the sake of your people?

If you fight for a cause that history does not favour, to whom are you a hero?

If weapons suppliers like the looks of a skirmish that won’t end anytime soon, will you and your family keep on dying to maintain a warring stalemate?

How will corporations keep their employees motivated in the future?

Should every product have a dual use (if not more uses)?

A hatchet is also a hammer.

A bullet or a missile is just a projectile.

More than a deterrent, how do you put weapons to use in times of [relative] peace?

Western diets may be unhealthy but they make a lot of people wealthy.

Remove the wealth or the diet, what does the resulting vacuum suck into its place?

Guns, butter, diamonds…

Nature and nurture lead us to our choices.

Know your enemy.

Better yet, know your enema, ’cause when war is on your doorstep, some of you are gonna pucker up and get constipated.  ;P

Steppin’ Razor

Dripping gutter drumming out a reggae beat.

Wondering why it takes so long to train one species to see clearly.

‘Tis what is – no need to worry.  Everything is gonna be all right.

A word of remembrance to Don Hill, pillar of his community and of his time.

Do we know the impact our outreach makes on those we never meet again?

In Gettysburg, “the enemy was defeated here.”  Defunct golf courses are put to rest.

Do you see strange bumps and places on your body/face that happen to coincide with tiny particles of radioactive material blowing across the globe?

What if we produced for you a conservative, compassionate, female U.S. presidential candidate who is one-third European*, one-third Native American* and one third Hispanic*?

[*Exact location of genetic heritage to be decided by polling and popular vote]

Would you accept a genetically-arranged test tube baby trained to understand all aspects of life, from haute couture to subsistence farming, who exhibits the perfect traits of a humble yet politically-savvy candidacy and will ensure that 7+ billion of us are given equal opportunities to succeed, however we wish to define the pinnacle of success for our capabilities, without taking from the selfish haves to feed the selfish have-nots?

What if we figured out a way to turn every member of the species into a caring, socially-aware, fully-assimilated being?

Well, let’s wake up from that dreamy scenario and look at real life.

Let’s look into vehicles with blacked-out windows.  Let’s examine the contents of rental trucks.

Let’s see what’s really going on.

And have fun in the process.

This blog entry brought to you by members of the Subcommittee On Compliance, Kickbacks, Irrigation, Toxicity, Terraforming, Oncology, Mememaking and Entertainment (SOCKITTOME).  “Iliad Dusk” just didn’t sound right.

Now, back to the game currently in progress.

How do I pray/meditate?

Are you a generalist and say, “([Favourite] Deity), provide loving support for the person(s) toward whom I direct your blessings right now.”?

A friend of mine told me that miracles occur because a group of his church friends got together and prayed heavily for a person serving in a war zone.  The person survived an IED “attack,” which destroyed the vehicle and killed at least one other in the convoy, proving that prayers work because the person being prayed for was unscathed.

I don’t have evidence that others in the convoy received more or less praying for their safety and well-being but, even if I did have the evidence, I will let my friend keep his belief that prayer works.

Do your friends and family who do not own businesses understand the ramifications of their rumours and innuendos about people and/or their businesses?

How do I pray/meditate?

I look at the Great Unknown – God, Lord, He/She/It, Them – as a source of infinite wisdom that I can tap within my thoughts or from talking with friends/family about problems I want to resolve.

Dogma or ritual/ceremony that serve vain purposes cloud my solution-seeking.

In other words, everything is up for grabs.

If I cannot stop the adults around me from spreading rumours or complaining without caring about finding a viable solution, then I can at least prevent their attitudes and habits from affecting young people, hoping they won’t adopt the same unhelpful attitudes and habits, while, at the same time, I work with programmers to turn rumours and complaints into a source of data from which trends can be extracted and solutions provided.

It is, you see, a life of constant prayer/meditation for me.

Frequently, I find myself chasing my tail but if I’m happy in the moment, let it be so.

Life is not fair – how much do politicians owe their electorate to spread the wealth of those who have successfully built fortunes on predatory business practices?

Is it my responsibility to protect the rights of the easily manipulated, impulsive buyer?

In constant prayer/meditation, I ask myself, “If I don’t protect the species from itself, who will?”

How do I give strength to wanting to live without inflating the artificial sense of self?

What are the eternal/ perpetual/ unanswerable/ philosophical questions that need no further consideration?

Meanwhile, in the lab we call Earth

The Committee gave me permission to reveal part of the grand plan for our planetary ecosystem.

As you know, many of the so-called species exhibit a style of behaviour we call socialism (the social kind, not the political kind, and not necessarily social kindness, either).

In order to complete the assignment, the only true function, of the Committee – its raison d’être and joie de vivre wrapped up into one,  if you will – we have decided to show what should be perfectly obvious to you by now.

Throughout history, we have attempted to turn the planet into a superhuman.

Civilisation after civilisation, we have encouraged the development of roads and speedy communications systems to emulate a superset of thoughts flowing over the set of thoughts of individuals like you and me.

With time, we will succeed.

Regardless of the success of the current version of a global village, we are learning much.

For instance, we have very nearly completed the construction of the electrical wiring and automatic functions that serve as a virtual brain stem.

Some rudimentary memory and emotional systems are in the works.

However, based on projections for environmental reconfiguration* that our neutral scientists on retainer provided for a lifetime supply of sponge cakes, we aren’t positively sure that we’ll complete the planet-as-superhuman-model in the next few hundred years before we run of the resources we’ve dedicated to the latest version (in other words, we let you determine the construction method while we provide a general guiding hand).

[*we highly recommend that you refrain from thinking in terms of “global warming” or “climate change,” because it’s much more complicated than a few soundbites or catchphrases; speaking of which, is the APstylebook even necessary anymore?  Doesn’t anything go in this multicultural symphony of phonemes, phonies and mobl fon txtrs?]

Now, can you see how important you are as a node within a node within a node?

One friend of mine still thinks that it’s aliens that are controlling us like little robots doing their bidding.  He has built up a whole series of theories that constitute a personal religion to him.

I give him his freedom to believe what he wishes, as long as he doesn’t decide to dissect me to look for the microcontroller that’s embedded in my brain and has tentacles than run throughout my body (yes, you can see how he’s influenced by movies (“MIB,” “ID4,” etc.) to believe that the brain and nervous system are actual parts of an alien-based controlling subsystem).

My job, while exposing the fraudulent detractors, is to keep you focused on the big picture.  The NDA prevents me from shouting out everything I know but don’t know how to describe all at once (or simply don’t know how to describe).

I’ll keep trying.

I’ve shown you how easy it is to rile some of you up, throw out the bait and set the hook to capture your undivided attention.

Let’s get busy.  We have the opportunity to do this right (even if there’s no right answer).

Billions of us will die before it’s all said and done but that’s the way it’s always been – don’t know why I get upset knowing so few of us will live to complete the current assignment, which may still take several iterations of global civilisation re/construction.

I have my specific assignment to complete, also, putting many of you to use without your knowledge.  Don’t worry – you’ll get credit.

Just like LaTonya at the main Red Cross office who arranged my apheresis appointment so I can save lives of people I’ll probably never know or meet.

Or Jennifer Garner, who hired a band to entertain behind-the-scenes workers like my former schoolmate, Toby Sells, FX artiste.

Or Brett Frasier, who is supporting the global war on terrorism from “behind the fence,” as they say.

Or the people on both sides of the major line of disagreement in Libya – you have families to raise and tell your reasons for resisting the other side – your arguments are valid but only one major storyline will be written in the history books about your sacrifice.