The Gilded Ageless Ones

She sighed.

Month after month, she and her mother arranged, managed and attended about four weddings a weekend, on average.

Herethy looked at the current mess.

A drunk bride and groom.

A conservative Baptist church and an even more conservative pastor.

But most importantly, cans of beers everywhere, hidden in nooks and crannies, out of sight of the pastor and the church elders.

Herethy’s mother could see the look of concern in the pastor’s eyes as he performed the marriage ritual.

After the wedding, she pulled the pastor aside before he walked downstairs to the reception about to take place in the basement fellowship hall.

“Pastor, we have a problem.”

“I’ll say.  What’s gotten into those kids?  I’ve never seen such wild looks in eyes of two newlyweds.  Of course, I consider that a good thing.  Most likely means they’re still pure and are really looking forward to their honeymoon.”

“Well, sir, that could be the issue.  But I think the real problem is something else.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, sir.  You see, Pastor, the wedding party has brought cases of beer into the church…”

“Alcohol?!  In the house of the Lord?!  Never!”

“Yes, sir, I agree.”

“Did you put them up to this?”

“No, sir.  I neither condone nor provide alcohol for any of the hundreds of weddings over which I’ve presided.”

“Then how do you know…?”

“It’s my daughter, Pastor.  She went downstairs to prepare the punch and saw cases of beer under the kitchen counter.  Now, I know and you know that alcohol is forbidden so when my daughter told me, I…well, I knew I needed your help.  Is there someone you can trust to help me without the wedding guests finding out?”

“Someone I can trust?”

“Yes, sir.”

“To do what?”

“Well, to get rid of the beer.”

“Hmm…let me see.  This sort of gossip will spread like a hot syrup over my wife’s good pancakes.  I suppose William, one of the senior deacons, will keep this under his belt.”

“Shall I go and fetch him?”

“No, let me.”

Minutes later, while Herethy kept her hand on the fellowship hall door under the pretense of keeping the guests out until the food was ready and the post-wedding photographs had been finished, the pastor, senior deacon and Herethy’s mother filled trash bags with empty cans, full cans and cases of beer, hauling them to Herethy’s mother’s van for later disposal.

After the reception, the pastor thanked Herethy for being a good Christian girl.  He also scolded the bride and groom privately, telling them he hoped they had a child like Herethy one day who would keep someone else’s wedding from becoming a disaster, and sent them on their way.

The marriage lasted three months, less time than the beer had to spoil while packed under garbage in the landfill outside Knoxville.

Herethy says most other weddings were not as memorable, although she remembers a few times when brides, grooms or members of the wedding party would lock their knees and pass out.

The life of a wedding planner’s daughter, although busy, was not all bad in retrospect.  A child like that grows up quickly, learning the secrets of other people’s lives in a hurry and knowing how to keep those family secrets from seeing the light of day.

Important traits and habits for an adult corporate leader, mother, and future politician like Herethy.

Wouldn’t you like to know who she is?