An economic miracle united against what, exactly?
And, when exiting a living room inside a studio, où est la cuisine?
Using forums for humour-based blogs
Where do comedians get their source material?
Do you work the comedy club circuit and walk the local city’s streets during the day, read the city’s newspaper and pick up rumours from local noon talk shows?
I, for one, use online forums and user comments to poke fun at the anonymous angry poster.
You know the ones I’m talking about, who always have problems with problems but never offer solutions or insightful questions about current events, often repeating phrases they heard from popular radio/TV show hosts.
I wonder what these people look like.
Do they have regular lives?
Were they ever in management or owned their own [successful] companies?
Do they know how to lighten up, lay off, cool down or get a life?
Me, I like to have fun, get a laugh, blow off steam, be great at pretending to be great.
Do something off-the-wall like walk into a jewellery story, buy a $500 gold necklace, hand it to someone who returns to the store and finds out how much the store will buy back the necklace at current gold prices. $45? Wow! Does that mean jewellery store merchandise is overpriced or what?
A barrel full of fermented punchlines.
It’s all about the level of service.
A word to the world of complainers, nitpickers and naysayers. Yes, some of us are listening. And yes, we’re going to make fun of you because you don’t have one original innovative suggestion in your thoughts to make the world better.
Is the world better without you?
Oh, I won’t go that far. You probably have a loving lizard or pet turtle that can’t live without you.
That’s all for now.
Time to figure out what to do for dinner.
They tell me the person known as Elizabeth Taylor died today. I never met her so I assume that means I won’t see any more new cinematic presentations with her embodiment in them. The list of films in which she starred is more than ample to supply my interest in remembering her acting skills. “Taming of the Shrew” or “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?” but probably not “Cleopatra,” though it seems like it was entertaining enough when I saw it years ago.
Reminds me to watch “Where Eagles Dare” or “Anne of the Thousand Days” with Richard Burton. Or better yet, “The Lion in Winter” with Peter O’Toole.
I Want To Live
I’ve decided to take off the clothes that represented the thought “I don’t want to die” and put on the clothes that represent the thought “I want to live.”
Saying “I don’t want to die” was, to me, as much about saying nothing as it was about saying I didn’t want offspring to carry on part of my genetic structure.
Saying “I want to live” is, to me, as much about saying nothing as it is about saying I want offspring to carry on part of my genetic structure.
Am I parroting parody or parodying parody?
Is my tie-dye fit to be tied?
Am I tired of hiding in suburban housing estates?
Does what I have in these thoughts that find their way past the physical barrier of skin stretched across the end of my fingers have any value that could/would/should support progeny in their unprotected infancy/youth?
Do I have the patience to put up with others’ ignorance?
I’m certainly tired of the life of the desk jockey crammed in with a bunch of other self-absorbed cubists.
What other hobbies/occupations provide a way for me to support myself?
After all, playing the stock market is about as exciting as filing my nails.
I simply have no burning desire for hordes of cash or cash equivalents.
My habit is live/observe/write.
Where does a habit like that fit in with the rest of the random socioeconomic interactions?
How do I wrap the pretend bow of ORIGINALITY around something that profits me and others in a future-enhancing method?
How do I maintain an interest in any one subject for very long?
Watch my alma mater go up and down the court…
…then…
watch the weather for a while.
Life goes on.
In related news…
Five Nines
To what standard do you uphold the aspects of your life?
Do you know what Six Sigma is all about?
I maintain that I can speak in my local dialect and get the same point across as someone speaking the “pure” instance of the language, if such exists.
I also expect the service providers in my life to give me 100% of what I pay for.
I don’t expect a brand-new six-cylinder automobile I purchase to have 5.99 cylinders and only sometimes achieve maximum efficiency because of unexpected circumstances (I mean, don’t automobile companies claim they spend thousands of hours testing their vehicles in a variety of road/weather conditions?).
By the same argument, I expect my landline/mobile phone service to be available 100% of the time.
And my high-speed Internet service for which I pay to be what I paid for, including maximum throughput and 100% uptime.
Otherwise, like automobile companies that have to reimburse customers for faulty construction and/or fix the problems, my phone/Internet service company will have to reimburse and/or fix the problems associated with the “five nines.”
If you want to argue about un/scheduled downtime associated with high availability, then I’ll equally argue that your problems are not mine.
If you can’t provide reliable backup systems that support me during your system maintenance, scheduled or not, then how I can trust that your service will ever be reliable enough to use on a longterm basis?
It is just as easy to promote the investment value of a company’s stock as it is to point out reasons for dumping the stock before the company’s delisted from important stock exchanges.
Power in the hands of the individual is one of the side effects of freedom of information.
Life fiends a way.
A word to the wise is efficient.
Smart shoppers can always find true value with a company that really wants their business.
I believe in a free market, you can see, where transparency exposes monopolistic arrogancy.
Mammals outlived dinosaurs, didn’t they?
For instance, if I pay for 100% uptime for 3Mbps throughput and the company states that it cannot guarantee uptime, and throughput will be somewhere between 1.56 and 3 Mbps, does that mean I can offer to pay in return for that wide gap in service somewhere between 50 and 100% of the monthly charge?
You make the call!
Mediocrity is no excuse for meeting profitability expectations of stockholders.
Meanwhile, in the lab we call Earth
The Committee gave me permission to reveal part of the grand plan for our planetary ecosystem.
As you know, many of the so-called species exhibit a style of behaviour we call socialism (the social kind, not the political kind, and not necessarily social kindness, either).
In order to complete the assignment, the only true function, of the Committee – its raison d’être and joie de vivre wrapped up into one, if you will – we have decided to show what should be perfectly obvious to you by now.
Throughout history, we have attempted to turn the planet into a superhuman.
Civilisation after civilisation, we have encouraged the development of roads and speedy communications systems to emulate a superset of thoughts flowing over the set of thoughts of individuals like you and me.
With time, we will succeed.
Regardless of the success of the current version of a global village, we are learning much.
For instance, we have very nearly completed the construction of the electrical wiring and automatic functions that serve as a virtual brain stem.
Some rudimentary memory and emotional systems are in the works.
However, based on projections for environmental reconfiguration* that our neutral scientists on retainer provided for a lifetime supply of sponge cakes, we aren’t positively sure that we’ll complete the planet-as-superhuman-model in the next few hundred years before we run of the resources we’ve dedicated to the latest version (in other words, we let you determine the construction method while we provide a general guiding hand).
[*we highly recommend that you refrain from thinking in terms of “global warming” or “climate change,” because it’s much more complicated than a few soundbites or catchphrases; speaking of which, is the APstylebook even necessary anymore? Doesn’t anything go in this multicultural symphony of phonemes, phonies and mobl fon txtrs?]
Now, can you see how important you are as a node within a node within a node?
One friend of mine still thinks that it’s aliens that are controlling us like little robots doing their bidding. He has built up a whole series of theories that constitute a personal religion to him.
I give him his freedom to believe what he wishes, as long as he doesn’t decide to dissect me to look for the microcontroller that’s embedded in my brain and has tentacles than run throughout my body (yes, you can see how he’s influenced by movies (“MIB,” “ID4,” etc.) to believe that the brain and nervous system are actual parts of an alien-based controlling subsystem).
My job, while exposing the fraudulent detractors, is to keep you focused on the big picture. The NDA prevents me from shouting out everything I know but don’t know how to describe all at once (or simply don’t know how to describe).
I’ll keep trying.
I’ve shown you how easy it is to rile some of you up, throw out the bait and set the hook to capture your undivided attention.
Let’s get busy. We have the opportunity to do this right (even if there’s no right answer).
Billions of us will die before it’s all said and done but that’s the way it’s always been – don’t know why I get upset knowing so few of us will live to complete the current assignment, which may still take several iterations of global civilisation re/construction.
I have my specific assignment to complete, also, putting many of you to use without your knowledge. Don’t worry – you’ll get credit.
Just like LaTonya at the main Red Cross office who arranged my apheresis appointment so I can save lives of people I’ll probably never know or meet.
Or Jennifer Garner, who hired a band to entertain behind-the-scenes workers like my former schoolmate, Toby Sells, FX artiste.
Or Brett Frasier, who is supporting the global war on terrorism from “behind the fence,” as they say.
Or the people on both sides of the major line of disagreement in Libya – you have families to raise and tell your reasons for resisting the other side – your arguments are valid but only one major storyline will be written in the history books about your sacrifice.
To whom are you related?
The Committee Of UAV Replicant Trackers (COURT) argued its case in court today that UAV technology has advanced to the conscious AI stage.
The judges listening to the arguments asked for clarification of consciousness.
The government explained that a clear definition of conscious does not exists; therefore, a remote operator of a UAV is no more conscious than an autonomous UAV seeking out targets.
Lawyers for COURT brought in expert witnesses who pointed out the intelligence level of roaches with augmented reality saddles that are able to carry out covert assignments and had already been given Level 0 Consciousness designation by the World Court; therefore, UAVs should be given at least a Level 0 designation.
Upon cross-examination, the expert witnesses were unable to say whether the kamikaze UAVs sent into battle felt pain when they crashed into enemy locations or were accidentally involved in friendly fire situations.
A final judgment will be issued in the next five years about whether members of the COURT are actually conscious.
Snaggletooth
Patterns in computer monitor dust
Analysing a thought pattern: “This is a great feeling. I want more. I want more. I want more. I can’t have more? You mean I have to get it for myself, the self which has no inherent value? Then I’ll just sit here and virtually beat myself over the head, inducing thought-based sets of pain.”
Self examination is a curious tale.
Is it really situational depression?
Why feel the need to punish myself for pure, unadulterated pleasure, which can be as simple as eating a second cookie, when one was sufficient to fill my need?
What kind of self-control mechanism is that?
At what age did I start fully understanding the thoughts of adult-level aged people?
When did I learn to pretend to be a child with some adults and an adult-like person with other adults?
As an adult now, do I see the young people who are more grownup in thought than most adults around me?
Do philosophers understand particlewave theory/practice?
Do I?
Do you understand the path of least resistance that the intersection of electromagnetic oscillations and neurochemical firings represents?
Have you studied the detriments and benefits of crosstalk?
Have you ever built a lab that contained both shielded and unshielded cable to induce the scientists and lead engineers around you to explain their understanding of theories they themselves do not know they’re talking about?
Is it my destiny to be an average writer stuck in the body of a misunderstanding person?
Are questions the best I can come up with?
Do I truly believe I am just a repeating parrot?
Will something occur 14,290 days from now or have I deceived myself (or myself been deceived)?
Does it matter what these symbols – a, b, c, etc. – originally represented?
Which parts of the fables/myths that we call history are important, if any of them?
William Shatner turns 80 today – in the trailer for Transcendent Man, he said he wants to live as long as he can.
We are the product of our times. Our bodies and thought sets are programmed for mortality.
We are incapable of seeing the big picture, innovatively turning omnipotence and omniscience into anthropomorphised characters.
Does it make sense to you that Ray Kurzweil would embrace the writings of Ted Kaczynski, just as I have embraced the thought sets of Jared Lee Loughner and Amy Bishop?
To understand what the moment will morph into, one must erase all thoughts of bias/prejudice and try to avoid the temptation to interpret the actions/motivations of others.
It is not easy, let me tell you.
I am opposed to killing, simply because I myself do not want to die.
But there is a difference between not wanting to die and wanting to live.
2011 is the year in which I want to know what the difference is.
I want to live while I wait to die.
What if I discover that the tenets of my moral/ethical training are in conflict with my desire to live?
How do I resolve the conflict?
If I have to choose between wanting to live and not wanting to die, which one will I pick?
The future does not exist so I already have within me an answer to that question, even if I can’t see it or don’t want to admit I know what it is.
I’m glad I’m here by myself because I certainly wouldn’t be having these virtual conversations with myself in public. It’s almost too embarrassing to admit that I don’t know everything.
The journey of one person is the only journey I know how to take.
I repeat the patterns of those around me because I found it was a safe way to divert their attention so I can focus on the self-journey to which I alone belong.
Despite the fact that I don’t exist.
Giving a voice to the many layers of social interaction available to my thoughts and against which I physically encounter, knowing some of them represent age/maturity levels I encountered as a child and continue to encounter as an adult, is really all I am.
The superficiality attached to the intersection of electromagnetic oscillations and neurochemical firings within a bigger system of electromagnetic oscillations interacting with the particlewave universe we call our own.
If I ever tell myself more than that, I’m lying.
This is today’s mantra. Rinse and repeat as necessary.
It all comes out in the wash cycle.
Or so they promise in logically misleading adverts.
I don’t want to pretend I know what I’m talking about.
This alternate universe of a blog is as close to reality as I’ll ever get.
What is personhood and where can I find it?
10 FOR I = 1 TO 20
20 PRINT “hello, cruel world!”
30 NEXT I
RUN
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
hello, cruel world!
treetrunkdings 