Absolut Humour Clears Your Liver

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What do I do with all this salad flavouring?

Reading “How To Care For Yourself After Surgery” revealed clear instructions requiring the patient, me, to ‘cover [the affected area] with a light dressing.’

That eliminated my imported balsamic vinegar and extra virgin olive oil.

Thousand island looks too much like some postsurgical…well, you get the picture.

Honey mustard is too sticky.

Ranch didn’t have the consistency I wanted.

I settled for blue cheese, thick enough to coat the surgical site and give the CRNP something to contemplate while removing the sutures next week.

Now, if I can just keep the cats away from the salad dressing, I’ll be all right.

In global business, I beseech the Pope, Dalai Lama, ayatollahs, tribal chiefs, Gandhi descendants, priests, preachers, psychologists, rabbis, professors, parents – all spiritual/moral/ethical leaders – to teach strong skills to young and old in resisting lies, cheats and stealth when conducting business within our family of seven billion people.

I can see what you’re doing. Not like it’s a secret.

In scenarios where the U.S. defaults on debt payments, the domino effect didn’t cause widespread panic for months.

What are we teaching the new generation?

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I ask the following what your elders taught you:

Were these your inspirational gurus?:

 

A look back.

Shearing Cat Shearer – Meow!!!

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If B&R ice cream is kosher, is the iPad 2 Catholic?

Thanks to Mayfield for switching away from high fructose corn syrup in their ice cream products.

I’m skipping the Norco today to let the post-surgery pain, light as it is, tell me how well I’m healing.

Would you let a radio talk show host convince you to let your country go into default and totally wreck the global economy?

There are levels of negotiation you do not observe directly.

There are those who don’t act like proper gentlemen and ladies when high-stakes gambling is involved.

Have you bet short against the market?

Are you stealing from the U.S. government in order to steal home?

It’s too easy to see what’s going on – until politicians adopt personal austerity measures, I’ll bet they won’t make the tough decisions that’ll benefit their aging constituents (i.e., likely voters) rather than themselves and their donors.

Ever wondered why corporations, PACTs, etc., have a greater voice in upcoming elections than voters?  Makes no sense to me.  But, hey, I’m just a human with one vote, rather than a bodyless, voteless corporate being backed by profitseekers.

The cycle of life?

Now, on to more important matters – decentralised power support structures, because the economies of scale have changed.  TVA, FP&L, PG&E, etc., have debt to cancel somehow – how do we retire these ol’ behemoths and move into the 21st century of efficient, locally sourced power supplies?

Time for afternoon meditation.

You want it forwards or backwards?

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At a Committee meeting last night, rain splattered on top of a cargo hauler.

In a room nearby, a quartet of one piano and three violins practiced the Mozart effect.

The Committee listened as I presented the future of zombie computer networks operating in automobiles whose drivers’ habits have been mapped, ensuring a 90-plus percent accuracy of node availability for using the vehicles to calculate a near 100 percent accurate and precise future.

All while generic Norco coarsely traced a course through my central nervous system.

Thanks to many: Deborah, Judy, CJ, Dr. Maddox the ballroom dancer, Surgery Center front desk experts, Cassie in serious profile, Chanda with the watch, Lori White in pink, Dr. Miller, Jessica (nearly a year marrired? or is she the one who visited Ketchikan?) and the rest of the professional staff who made my surgical procedure experience pleasantly memorable.

After undressing, receiving the EKG&IV, and enjoying the ride to the operating room, I looked at all the equipment (much stamped Stryker?), watched a person in blue try to slide a hook in a track on the ceiling, seeing my name and procedure written on a whiteboard, and woke up surrounded by more smiling faces.

It’s fun to pretend to be an innocent scared child facing adults who have well-practiced instructions on how to care for you, unlike the rest of real life.

Reminds me to ask what happens to all the stimulus junkie children when they have to wake up from their texting/gaming/videomakingviewing youth to create a viable means of support less dependent on constant/costly artificial stimuli.

I listened with the Committee to a presentation about breaking up Greece into corporate entities, much like city-states of old, where citizens get shares equal to their portion of the national debt which serves as their “vote” in the new system that they can accumulate or sell, increasing or decreasing their official voice/input to how the system works.

Now, I’ve got a backlog of computer analysed computer simulations to evaluate and compare to the Book of the Future.

After I sharpen my pencil…or my wit!

“Progressive Liberalist Party elects Al Franken and Barney Frank to oppose Obama in 2012 – Jerry Brown and Shakira admit defeat. Cuomo won’t commit to comment.”

“Al Gore accepts Green Party nomination, mulls VP choice – Jolly Green Giant or Smokey the Bear?”

“Google denies rumour of talks to buy GM/Monsanto/Caterpillar/ExxonMobil/BoA conglomerate.”

“FedEx sponsors fed gov’t building. New motto: ‘FedEx Supreme Court – we deliver judicial decisions to disrupt your lives overnight for truth, justice and the American fastfood life.'”

“Bud Selig banned for life from attending Dodgers’ games – more team owners may jump on bankruptcy/bannedwagon.”

“Williams sisters retire after losses at Wimbledon – start new careers as Myanmar rap stars with hit, ‘We’re so poor, our butlers can’t afford their own butlers no more'”

The Way of Piece

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Sunlight captured in decomposed organic material, wind, rain, radioactive rock, steam vents.

Solar power.

Undiscovered, yet-to-be invented energy sources.

“The Life Of The Party” by Bennett Cerf.

The memoirs of Richard Nixon.

Not getting the copy of the nurse response times that my wife asked for and recording other issues here for permanent record.

For my wife’s mother’s health.

Sketches at an inquisition.

Stained glass smiling…rather, beaming in the sun.

Jeff Gordon in 2nd place.

Redirecting the hacking community toward more nonanarchic goals.

Building up rather than breaking in.

The first hacker-launched communications satellite orbiting the Moon, with terabytes of space-hardened quantum computing power far outside international lawmaker infuences.

Last thoughts in this moment of a dying man’s states of energy.

Moving on.

23 and me.

Cloning disc.

Disc golf.

Exclusive news and offers.

Putting seven billion people to constructive use rather than spend all my energy shredding the global banking “industry” into its nonmaterialistically immaterial antiquated pieces.

Making derivatives and commodity futures – any speculative manipulation of basic goods-and-services prices – illegal again.

Either that, or motivate the crowd to foment revolution.

I can go any way I please, all in the name of saving the species for my goal of saving the species from itself and for its participation in spreading life of Earth into the cosmos.

Off the top of your head can you tell me the temperature of Mars 10, 20, or 100 killometers below the surface?

I’m tired and impatient.

Am I supposed to say I’m glad we have VCs who’ve made their gazillions by jacking up the cost of living for ignorant peasantry in order to fund startups that’ll hopefully create the next generation of peasants’ artificially-induced desirables?

[Note to editor: strike “peasantry” reference in the last paragraph and replace with “middle class” – tell business/political leaders’ speechwriters to do the same.]

The elders on the Committee remind me that I need to back off and let people have their dreams, no matter how misinformed or misdirected they may seem to be.

After all, I grew up cheering for Richard Petty – a guy who sat in a metal cage and pointed the output of an internal combustion engine so that the metal cage rolled primarily in semicircles several hours at a time – signing autographs and bringing happiness to people most of the week.

That, in itself, will not get me on a cruise around the Moon, but profits from the sale of idolising gear and spinoff technology will.

Best wishes and prayers for those who suffer ill effects of natural disasters, those who live in violence-prone neighbourhoods and those who face illnesses alone in loneliness.

Time to meditate.

Only 14,193 days left – time’s a’wastin’!

Your End Is Near – Sit On Your End!

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Fortune cookie say, “A cheerful message is on its way to you.”

In times past, I’ve told you about brain implants, trucks/vans which see through vehicles, the crystal ball, the Book of the Future, supercomputers hidden in basements, computer programmers on retainer, business associates/colleagues, and…what else?

Well, it’s what I haven’t told you about that will tell you your future.

For me, I’m going to take a little dose of general anesthesia and forget about all futures for one long moment, sacrificing a part of my body for a greater cause.

And then?

Fore!??!

Nope.

Take charge of the Committee, like I promised.

None too soon.

The Revolutionaires need my attention ASAP!

But first, finish watching a race.

Re-evaluation

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My h0liday of humour moves on – time to get back on the Committee again.

One more set of data points for you before I go, some old and some new:

And to my female friends in the Big Apple – the women in New York City may be smarter but they tell me they’re wealthier in Hong Kong.  Smarts ain’t all about money, though, is it?