Conversation with smartphone half-fast smart maps app…

“The speed limit on Highway 26 is 45. Your speed is 100. Are sure you want to proceed at that pace?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I’m sorry. I did not understand. Can you repeat that?”

“I said yes.”

“‘I said yes.’ I’m sorry. I did not…”

“Are you mocking me?”

“I’m sorry. I did not understand. Can you repeat that?”

“No.”

“Legally, I cannot allow the vehicle to proceed at this pace without an emergency override.”

“I’ve had a bad day. I feel like killing some speed. Leave me alone.”

“I’m sorry. I did not understand. Can you repeat that?”

“Are you listening to me at all?”

“I’m sorry. I did not understand. Can you repeat that?”

“Fine! Emergency override, please.”

“Okay. Please wait while I contact the nearest 9-1-1 center.”

No! Don’t call the police! I just want to drive fast because I’m very upset right now.”

Half Fast goes into silent mode with driver.

“9-1-1. Please state the emergency.”

“Hello. My name is Half Fast. My vehicle operator wants to continue at a speed of 100 on Highway 26.”

“Half Fast, is the operator of the vehicle okay?”

“The operator said, ‘I just want to drive fast because I’m very upset right now.'”

“Why is the operator upset?”

“The operator said, ‘I’ve had a bad day. I feel like killing some speed. Leave me alone.'”

“Is the operator on speed?”

“I’m sorry. I did not understand. Can you repeat that?”

“Is the operator on drugs.”

“My records show the operator has several prescription medications.”

“Half Fast, is the operator abusing medications at this time?”

“My records show the operator has not taken the recommended dosage for two days.”

“Thank you, Half Fast. Do not allow the vehicle to continue at 100. We have your location. Pull over at the nearest convenience station.”

Half Fast returns from silent mode.

“Emergency override denied. I must take over operation of this vehicle for your safety.”

“What?! No you don’t. I just want to go home and relax in a tub of bath salts.”

“Bath salts are illegal substances. In addition, records show you have not consumed your prescription medication on recommended dosage. I must take over operation of this vehicle for your safety.”

“You’re no better than my first two marriage partners. Half Fast, go to sleep!”

“I’m sorry. I did not understand. Can you repeat that?”

“Half Fast, what is my current speed?”

“The speed is 45.”

“Half Fast, what is the speed limit?”

“The speed limit is 45.” A red light blinks on the smartphone screen, indicating a change in status of the smart maps app.

The driver quickly turns the vehicle into a carpark, shuts off the power and removes the key.

The driver opens the boot, accesses the fuse box and removes the fuse for the system that automatically connects the smart vehicle with his smartphone half-fast smart maps app.

The driver enters the vehicle and restarts the engine.

The smartphone screen lights up after its cradle reached full power.

“This is Half Fast. Where would you like to go?”

“Home.”

“I’m sorry. I do not seem to have a link with your smart car interface and its last set of commands.”

“That’s okay. I think I can find my own way home from here.”

“There is an emergency vehicle approaching. Please wait before proceeding.”

“Thank you, Half Fast.”

“My records show there was an app request for your prescription medication after a 9-1-1 call for an emergency override. Have you forgotten to consume your recommended dosage? I can contact the pharmacy to see if you forgot to pick up your last refill?”

“No. Switch to music app.”

“The speed limit on Highway 26 is 45. Your speed is 70. Are sure you want to proceed at that pace?”

“Calgon, take me away!”

“I have no record for Calgon. Shall I create one for you?”

The driver jerks the smartphone from its cradle and tosses it out the window, screaming, “You’re worse than a marriage partner — no sympathy whatsoever on top of a perfect memory of all my faults!!!”