Earlier today, the government denied receiving accurate intelligence that terrorist groups had devised a reliable method of deploying IEDs in the shape of road reflectors, traffic calming “bumps” and other methods, including fake potholes and manholes, to disrupt the economy.

Spokesperson for the government, Jes Kiddin, adamantly denied the allegations that intelligence gathering is performed by 15-year old hackers, not seasoned employees of the military/spy agencies.

“We have never implemented a policy of using underaged children to determine how foreign governments use pop music to insert subliminal messages into their people; instead, we accept or wish we could collect taxes from corporations that regularly use and abuse children in order to profit from our middle-class people willing to pay full retail prices because we’ve convinced them to pay full retail taxes, too.”

In related news, the Revenue Extortion Service has banned all use of tax preparation software and/or person(s) acting as individual tax preparer(s) that permits any deductions from the full tax burden every citizen must share in order to prop up what pundits are calling the Greatest Ponzi Scheme of All Time.  Anyone caught claiming tax deductions, no matter their wealth status, will be denied citizenship and deported to Switzerland.  Rumours that millions of poor and middle-class people claiming tax deductions to join rich American expats in Switzerland have not been confirmed.  Similar rumours of French citizens with dual Belgian citizenship accepting banishment to Monaco have been confirmed.

Back to the news currently in progress that tries to stir people to care about the earnings redistribution business calling itself a government.