“Ladies and gentlemen, and those of you who prefer no labels at all, welcome to the Nouveau Historic District of the UN-IMF Club.

“As you can see, this is the area of the world we used to call Italy.  We will visit here for a few days and then continue on to the Nouveau Original District of the UN-IMF Club, what we used to call Greece.

“Those of you who paid for the extra excursions will get free train passes to visit possible candidates for a district of the UN-IMF Club, including Portugal, Spain and Ireland.  After your visit, don’t forget to place your vote for which country you next want to join the Club.

“As Club members, you have equal access to government buildings, secret hideaways of the formerly rich-and-powerful, casinos, limousines, yachts and other playtoys that the UN-IMF Club acquired during the bankruptcy sales of those who ruled and/or bankrupted Italy and Greece.

“For souvenirs, take anything you like…furs, diamonds, rare paintings, sculptures or rugs…we will tell you the value of the goods before you leave and collect a reasonable export tax.

“Some of you have inquired about the main Ferrari factory.  We are sorry to announce that previous guests stripped the factory clean.  However, we can proudly say we made several hundred million pseudoEuros in export taxes.  Don’t forget, there are plenty of Fiats and a few Lamborghinis left!

“Is everyone ready?  Good!  Let us skip around the large refugee camp that surrounds the Vatican.  The beggars will only slow us down and prevent us from seeing many good souvenir-picking sites today.”