Little did I know, a lonely bear that yells in the woods and no one hears it so I must not be making a sound, would see such a sight.

The governor-turned-CEO today announced he was deputizing all homegrown militia in order to enforce the “detain, deport or shoot ’em if you hafta” rider attached to the first legislation issued by the Semi-U.S.A., nicknamed the Swear Allegiance to the Semi-U.S.A. or You’re an Illegal Immigrant Act.

What is the Semi-U.S.A., you ask?

Well, after New Hampshire and Oregon joined Montana, Arizona and Alabama in seceding from the U.S., they formed the Semi-U.S.A., a corporate conglomerate that did away with government altogether.

All together now, sing “We… shall… overcome… the errors of our past.”

By bringing the militia into the corporate fold, the Semi-U.S.A. was able to bypass the issue of using their state-based military units, euphemistically called the “National Guard,” to defend themselves against the states remaining in the old U.S. of A.

It also keeps them from looking over their backs for rogue members of phantom militia.

Negotiations are ongoing between the Reaganite faction and the Arnold Schwarzenegger faction over who will lead the new country of “Conservative NoCalifornia.”

CEO-for-life Al Franken was replaced by Adam Sandler and Garrison Keillor as co-presidents of the Liberalist Minnesota Corporation.

Today, the value of the euro to U.S. dollar reached infinity, making a gold tooth filling more valuable than the average luxury sports car.